Chapter 17

Log. 15836.e

Comet Treiny will go by Gaya in a little while, now. Some say that our systems will fail and we will all die because “we disobeyed the natural order of things”.

Well, that's what happens when a giant comet goes by the planet only every 400 years. We’re lucky to be able to see it! And who knows, if all goes well, we’ll be the first generation of humans to see the comet twice!

The forest didn’t seem so scary while Ganen walked around there on purpose. The trees didn’t seem so tall and the sounds were rather pleasant. She could see birds flying, though they were too small to make even a snack — and birds were hard to catch.

However, there were plenty of other critters around the leaves. Trails of small rodents were not so difficult to find, for the trained eye, at least, and the number of large beetles crawling on tree trunks could feed them for days. Ganen took a deep, relieved sigh. She had been worried for nothing.

She got one of the bottles and started shoving beetles into it; she should have brought a box or a net, and that was one more thing she hadn’t thought about. Ganen liked adventures, but she preferred the ordered ones. The ones she planned carefully, thinking of every possible situation. She didn’t like losing control.

She didn’t like not knowing the words on her puzzles or forgetting important things — such as the 5-letter word or looking at the stars to find out where they were. All those things piled up in her brain and she couldn’t even think straight, or come up with new ideas and plans.

Ganen sat on the floor and gazed at the beetles crawling around in the bottle. She got her shoes off and rested her feet on the grass; there were teeny tiny things crawling beneath her toes, and it didn’t take long before a group of ants decided climbing was faster than going around those gigantic feet.

Ganen couldn’t help but smile; they had such a simple life, never worried about forgetting things, always following the same routine, exploring the world around them and following orders. She imagined the queen could have a few worries, like how would the new eggs be, or if the colony needed more workers, or even if the fungus plantation was going well.

— If I had some candy, I’d give it to you, little guys, but we’ve been robbed and I didn’t bring any snacks. You know, I think I should get going. I can catch more beetles on the way back; it sucks I didn’t find water, but I guess I didn’t really look. We still have some and, worst case scenario, I think we can get some from the trees. — She waited until the ants were back on the ground, then wore her shoes and got up. — Bye bye, little buddies.

The trees slowly passed her by, she stopped every now and then to get a fat beetle and put it into the bottle. Ganen kept paying attention to any sound of water, but there was none. The people from Bridge City said they got their water from a river further east, so they would bump into it sooner or later. She decided not to worry about it just yet.

The silence was good for her, the gentle breeze on the trees, the soothing song of birds high above, the tranquillity of it all. She wondered how Bobbie managed to ride her bike on that lousy excuse for a trail, and the idea of the woman carrying her bike on her shoulders made her laugh; Séra could probably do it, but Bobbie had a more delicate frame.

— Séra can carry me, though I think I’m much lighter than a motorcycle! — Ganen smiled; she was a petite person and working out had never been a hobby of hers. She liked climbing, but most trees in Tree City had stairs or manual elevators to get someone to the tree-paths, so it was easier than expected.

She wanted to take her time and stay among the green for longer, however the sun was coming down, and Ganen didn’t want the chance of meeting the forest people who had stolen their things.

At the camp, Séra had finished building the fire and was staring at the flames. The wood cracked under the constant flow of hot energy, and at each crack, the woman flinched. She had never minded that sound before, but now it seemed to awaken long-lost memories.

Her head was resting on top of her crossed fingers, and she couldn't relax. She wasn't afraid of the forest people, she wasn't afraid of someone showing up for a fight. She was afraid of the noise. The cracks. The snaps. The splinters flying from the logs and burning in the fire. She was so terrified she couldn't move.

The smell of blood lingered on her nose, on her hands, on her skin. She could almost hear the screams, the coughs, bones and wood snapping and breaking, crashing against each other in a plea for life. There was no mercy, there was only anger, and all she wanted was to forget all that, forget she killed a person, forget she had blood on her hands, blood she could never wash off.

I need to get it out of my mind, she thought, but still, she couldn’t gather the strength, the will to stand up. And when a large piece of wood cracked in two, she almost screamed. That, however, broke the spell.

Séra got up, almost running to the car, and grabbed the bottle of tequila Tara had given them. Maybe it could help her forget, relax a bit. Or at least, that was what the woman hoped for as she chugged the warm liquid.

It burnt her throat, her stomach, but Séra didn't quite mind. At least it was something else to think about. She put the bottle down and took a deep breath.

— I need to check if the car is working. — she mumbled to herself. — It can't start leaking again.

But as she held the wrench with her shaking hands, she decided to not get even near the car — she'd only make the problem worse and there weren't endless pieces at her disposal as usual.

Stupid child, a voice in her head called.

The wrench fell from her hands and she hid her face, her fingers messing the blond locks of her hair. Séra tried to breath and calm herself down, but the air wasn't filling her lungs, her eyes were burning and she didn't want to be alone, not again, not like that.

— Ganen'll be right back. — she cried. — She'll be right back, and then all this will be well and gone.

However, Séra couldn't believe her own words.

The last rays of sun touched the bottle on the floor, reminding her of the temporary solution. Maybe just that time, she could drink herself to sleep, like her aunt did so many times. Slowly, until Ganen arrived. However, when the woman stepped out of the forest, Séra was barely awake, poking the fire every now and then with the empty bottle.

Log. 11879.m

I'm calmer. Now I’m back to inventing conspiracy theories. I wonder if I’d be welcome to join any society with my ideas. I'm sitting at the door of the caravan, the sunset in front of me. Inorganic bodies saved the environment. Gaya is alive and healthy again. But... I have a bad feeling.

Despite everything, the day is calm. The nights go down slowly, and comet Treiny shines brighter and brighter. I hope to see it going by Gaya at least once.

Tovu was having lunch at the cafeteria for the first time since he had arrived. Normally, he would eat in his room, far away from all the others, but that morning Ryth showed up at his door and asked if they could go together: the boy wanted a ride. So he wore a band over his forever closed eyelids and followed the boy’s instructions.

Over the past few days, he discovered Koira was right about the kid. He was very sweet, but could be a little monster sometimes. Tovu didn’t quite mind, it was good having someone who didn’t judge him or whisper behind his back.

In Sand City, when he wasn’t busy with his tasks, he would always offer to help in the church, with the orphans who were found in the desert, and it made him happy to see there were fewer lost kids than when he was one of them.

That day, Ryth asked him if they could go to the playground, and Tovu didn’t find a reason not to go, so he went along. He thought the boy wanted an adult to be with him, even though the man didn’t know how he could be of any help if something happened. However, the boy had other plans: he had brought a book.

Ryth said it was his favourite story and then asked Tovu to read for him. He held the book in his hand, if it was an easy book in Braille he could give it a try, it would be good training, but to his disappointment, he couldn’t feel the letters.

— I’m sorry, Ryth, I can’t read it to you.

— Were you never taught how to read? — the child asked. — Is that why you always wear a banana over your eyes?

— It’s a ban-da-na, not “banana”. — He smiled. — And I was taught, but now, I, uhm… — He thought for a while, touched the band on his face. He didn’t want to say anything too scary. — Well, I can’t read now. I’m sorry.

— Oh, it’s okay. — Ryth knew he shouldn’t ask, but his curiosity got the best of him: — Are you blind?

— Yes. I, uhm, lost my eyes in an accident.

— Lost, like, they fell from your face?! — Ryth was surprised, his eyes widened as if he could see what was hiding behind the bandana.

— Something like that… — Tovu knew it was a lie, but it was better than explaining they froze and doctors removed them.

— Oh, that’s scary! Well, can I read it for you, then?

— Of course.

The child started reading for him, and it didn’t take long before that became routine. Tovu even started teaching the young boy how to read the Braille alphabet, and he let the child test him every now and then. Tovu’s grades weren’t high. But it was fun practising with someone else.

Tovu hadn’t seen Koira in a while, and he was relieved the talk of prosthetics had vanished, until he heard her voice in one of the administration rooms. She was talking to the hospital director about installing power generators, so that if the energy fluctuated, the hospital wouldn't be affected.

The director sounded happy with the idea, there had been quite a few fluctuations lately — which explained why the air circulation sounded different from time to time — and it could be quite damaging for patients in critical state, those who couldn’t yet breathe on their own, and little babies, for example.

The guards and technicians were still looking for the responsibles, but it was more difficult to find them everyday. Some guards were even stationed by the wells and access stairs to the wind turbines, but no one was ever there to mess with the cables.

The talks of a ghost or a Machine hidden in the city were always around, though no one had ever found any of those. Koira laughed and said that old and defective cables — or even mice — was a more realistic possibility, and maybe some traps could solve the problem.

Tovu wondered if he should stay and listen more, the subject was getting quite dire, and he didn’t want to hear of a robot within the city. He remembered quite well how scary it was being offered to an Immortal, and the thought of one day waking up with cold metallic hands on his skin made him shiver.

Once he decided to keep going, the door opened towards his face and the wheels hit the wood. He stopped quite suddenly and waited; the door would close any second now, and he could continue his path. However, when he tried, he hit something else.

— I’d tell ya to watch where you’re going, but… — Koira let out a nervous laugh. — Is it too soon to joke about this?

— No, I think it’s okay. — He couldn’t help but smile a bit.

— Didn’t think I’d find ya around here.

— I was giving Ryth a ride to his physiotherapy.

— Oh, y’all are becoming good friends, eh?

— He likes reading to me. — His smile grew unnoticed by him. — And he’s been having fun helping me practise my Braille.

— That’s adorable, I must say. Guess ya ain’t so bad, after all.

This time Tovu actually laughed, and it was something Koira had never heard before. It was quite a surprise, but the woman was in a bit of a hurry, so she said something about leaving to work on a project, and her steps took her away. After a few seconds, Tovu propelled his chair towards her and the steps stopped.

The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.

— Everything okay? — Koira asked.

— I… I actually need to talk to you.

— Oh, okay. Spit it out. — She waited.

— Could we, perhaps, talk in private?

— I guess… — There was doubt in her voice, he could almost hear the gears spinning inside her head, but there was also curiosity, and Tovu was sure she would follow him. — Your room?

— Please.

He turned the chair and heard Koira walking beside him. He kept his silence, thinking of what he was about to do and how he would do it. He was going against everything he had ever learnt, against all which had helped him over the years. And it was a strange feeling. Almost as… liberation.

Once they got into his room, he asked the woman to close the door as he lifted himself and sat on the bed. He waited until Koira was sitting too and took a deep breath:

— I’m sorry.

— What? — She expected him to maybe try killing her again, not an apology.

— For trying to kill you. And, well, for also banishing you from Sand City. I’m sorry. I was wrong.

— Oh. — She didn’t quite know what to say. — I…

— You’re actually helping people here, and now I see you were trying to help people back then as well. You never meant to hurt anyone and, well, I think our ignorance kept you from doing it properly.

— I… Damn, Tovu, I… — Tears filled her eyes, Koira never imagined she would hear a Sun Follower say something like that. — Thank you. — she choked on her own words. — Thank you for saying that.

— I still believe the Sun is above us all, with its light and punishment, but I don’t think we’ve been following it right. I don’t think you deserve any kind of punishment. But me… — He lowered his head, the empty gaze landed on what was left of his body. — Not all accidents and tragedies are punishments, but I believe mine is. For all I’ve done, all the lives I’ve taken in the name of the Sun. I was wrong. I don’t want to die, though I know it’s not fair for me to be alive right now.

— Tovu. — Her fingers got close to his hand, then stopped. — May I hold your hand for a second?

He raised it and let her take it. Her fingers were rough, callous, not at all the soft skin he had expected, but they were warm. Alive.

— Tovu, I don’t think you’re a bad person. I don’t think following the Sun is a bad thing. I was in the church for a while, and I learnt good things. I think ya were misguided, and that led ya to horrible places. — She dried a tear going down her eyes, and held his hand tighter. — And this, right here, proves my point. And, ya know, maybe the Sun let ya live for a reason.

— What do you mean?

— Maybe ya can start something new, a kinder way to praise the Sun. A path of love, not punishment. Oi, afterall, the Sun also gives us warmth and light, which are wonderful things.

— I had never thought about that. To be honest, I can’t think about the Sun here. I mean, I can, but I can’t sense its presence. It’s… strange. Scary, even.

— I could take ya up there if ya want to. Ya won’t see it, but ya’d feel it. — Her index finger slowly followed the lines on his right hand. It sent shivers all around his body. — Maybe the Sun can show ya a better way to follow it.

— You’d really do that? For me?

— Yah. If it helps ya recover, I can. Your injuries are all healed and you’re walking up and down, I don’t see why not.

— I would appreciate it a lot.

— Go back to your chair, then. — She stood up, still holding his hand. — The sun’s still in the sky.

With a smile and a runny nose, Tovu put himself back on the chair and let Koira push him out of the hospital. The floor was mostly levelled, but he could feel the little bumps from the streets outside.

Koira told him about the greenhouses and factories, and described how the oldest residences had been carved from the walls of the cave. She said they could visit the Singing Passageways some other day, and how he might enjoy the hidden waterfall, a few hours from the city.

As she pushed him up the ramp to the surface, Tovu thought that she was indeed a good person. Whatever her intentions were, she was honest and always willing to help. He imagined all the good she could still be doing in Sand City had people been less afraid. Less ignorant.

And while they waited for the heavy door to open, he thought he wouldn’t even mind if she left him up there to die. At least he had apologised, and his conscience felt quite lighter than before.

Log. 11843.b.b

How many are out there just like him? How many artificial humans who also fight against the virus to save humanity? I was created in a womb, he was created in a computer, but both of us were programmed by humans. So what’s the difference between us?

The morning didn’t come gently to Séra. In her dreams, there was a man resting his calloused hand on her shoulder, a metal mug on the other hand, and he would say, Ya stupid child, look at the mess ya made. On the floor, a distorted and broken body struggled to breathe, though the head was too destroyed for it to be alive.

The body opened its mouth and a soft feminine voice would say it was okay, it was just an accident, Mummy will be fine, baby, and then it would scream in a hoarse man’s voice that he would be back, he would kill her, make her suffer just like she made him.

And Séra looked at her hands, covered in blood. She looked at the man by her side, Stupid child, ya’ll end just like me now. Hurting everyone ya love. The more she tried to run away, the more she hit the body on the floor.

Tears flowed down her face, drenched her clothes, choked her breath, but she couldn’t stop moving the wooden pole up and down, breaking the chair on her hands in pieces, scattering the splinters everywhere. Her hands were hurting, she was hurting, but the man would say she had to keep going.

There was a child in the corner, hidden behind the bed, crying non-stop, and Séra was getting angrier and angrier with her. She walked to the child and screamed, told her to stop, but it only made her cry louder. Then she hit the child. Again and again and again, until there was only silence. Until the chair was broken on her hands and left splinters in her fingers.

Only then Séra saw the black curls on the child's smashed head and leaves on her broken arms.

She screamed herself awake, drenched in cold sweat; Ganen startled beside her, the leaves on her arms glistening in the gentle morning sun.

— Honey, are you okay? It was just a bad dream, take a deep breath.

Séra sat on the blanket, shaking, and looked around, not sure if that was real or not. She hugged Ganen and started apologising, the other woman couldn’t be more confused.

— I didn’t wanna do it, but I couldn’t stop, I’m so sorry! — she kept crying.

— Honey, baby, it’s okay, it was just a dream, you’re awake now. You didn’t do anything bad. — Ganen hugged Séra back and kept her on her chest until the hiccups stopped and she wasn’t choking on her tears anymore. — Hey, it’s okay, my love, you’re safe, I’m here with you.

— I’m sorry… — she whimpered one last time.

— There’s nothing to be sorry about. — Ganen offered her the most gentle of smiles, and gave her a kiss on the forehead. — Do you wanna tell me what happened in the dream?

Séra would always tell her, especially the bad ones, just to be sure they never happened, but she couldn’t tell her lover she had killed her in a dream. She couldn’t do it. So she shook her head and stayed between those warm arms for a little longer.

— Are ya afraid of me? — Séra suddenly whispered.

— Why would I? — Ganen caressed the blond hair between her fingers. — You have done nothing but love me and protect me all this time.

Séra took a deep, ragged breath, and sat straight. She cleaned her face and looked around, trying to understand where they were. She remembered Ganen telling her to drink a whole bottle of water, so she wouldn’t feel like shit the next day, and that was it.

— I caught a lot of beetles yesterday. — Ganen thought it would be best to change the subject. — I could have set some traps, but as I thought we were leaving today, I didn’t set any.

— Ah… yah, it’s fine. I think leaving today is better too.

— Wanna help me make the beetles? You make them better than I do. — Ganen was encouraging, and it was good to hear she wanted to be helped.

— Yah, we can do that. — Séra finally opened up a smile and nodded. Eating something tasty always bettered her mood.

Ganen got up first and helped Séra, then both of them folded the blankets, put them back in the car, and started making the food. If made properly, the beetles would last for a while, and Ganen had gotten a lot of them!

They got their legs off and put all of them in a pot; it wasn't the best for roasting, but it would have to do. They could always cook them afterwards, or simply eat them like that. At least beetles were versatile, so their meals wouldn't be boring.

In the meantime, Ganen made some coffee and talked about the stars. According to their map it would be best to go south for a day or two, then continue east. If her calculations were correct — which were supposed to be, since she did them on the datapad — that would get them somewhere near Mini Forest.

— We can check on Ennath, they said we were welcome. Maybe we can help around the farm and get some of the resources we're missing.

— Sounds good, love. — Séra sounded calmer than before, but she was still weirdly quiet.

— So… coffee is done, brekkie is eaten. Let's pack and go?

— Yah, let's go. If ya hadn't been awake all night, I could try and teach ya how to drive. — Being honest, Séra was still shaken by the nightmare.

— Shame. These last days were tough! — Ganen laughed at their small disgrace. It would be a fun story to tell.

— Some nasty days, eh.

— Wait. — She stopped, got her datapad and opened the crossword. — I said these days were tough, and you said they were what?

— Nasty?

— OH MY GOSH!! Séra, it fits!!

— What? — Séra wasn't understanding why Ganen was almost jumping with her datapad. — What fits?

— Nasty. The 5-letter word for “tough as nails”. Holy shit, it's finally done!

She left the datapad on the floor and hugged Séra so tight the woman lost her breath. Ganen's smile was so honest and happy, relieved, as if that could solve all wolrd's problems.

— Okay, I've never seen someone so happy because of a word puzzle. — Séra couldn't help but laugh and hug her back.

— Well, you know me. — Ganen laughed along, a bit embarrassed. — I'm not that hard to please, am I? — And the way she bit her lip made her lover’s face burn bright red.

Séra touched her cheeks gently, almost as if asking if she could have a kiss. Ganen stared at her for a few seconds, then pulled her closer. The mechanic relaxed for the first time since last night; it was impossible not to.

But they didn't want to spend another night near that place, so it didn't take long before they hit the road once more. Ganen was excited at first, happy with the word puzzle, glad Séra was able to help her and blabbering how that wouldn't plague her mind anymore.

It was a weight lifted off her shoulders and even her mind, which had been stressed and overthinking for the past few days, felt back to her old rational self. They still needed food, but she was sure it would be easier to hunt as they travelled south.

Once she plugged in her music device on the car, it didn't take longer than half an hour for her to be asleep.

Séra took a glance at her, and promised herself she would never hurt Ganen. Even if that meant hurting herself.

Log. 11843.b.a

What sets me apart from the Programmer? He was raised as a child, then as a teenager. He went to school, made friends. He changed bodies. He has an inorganic body, like mine. There is metal beneath the synthetic skin, like me. His hair is not natural, it’s a collection of very fine and long-lasting fibres, just like mine. His memories made him what he is today, in the same way that mine made me what I am.

But still… he didn’t receive an inorganic body for free. He had to buy one. He can’t walk around without his documents having the name of the ones responsible for him, like me. My ID has the names of my mother and father, not those responsible for me.

So he forged his documents.

As Tovu felt the warmth on his skin, he almost started crying. It had been who-knows how many days, weeks, months? He cleaned his nose and stretched his limbs, like a plant in need of photosynthesis.

Koira didn't say a word. She let the man enjoy the warmth, the wind, the outside sounds. She knew how it felt, she had also missed all of those when she first arrived.

— Koira, do you think… Do you think you can help me sit on the ground?

— Yah. Will ya put your arm around my shoulder or…?

— Yes, that'd work. — He smiled.

With his arm around her shoulder, Tovu slid to the ground and felt the grass on his skin. He sank his fingers into the earth and sighed. He heard Koira sitting by his side; she held her knees and rested her head on them.

— So… what do ya wanna do? — she asked out of the blue.

— Sorry?

— Yah, like, ya're good now. As healthy as it gets, I mean. So, would ya rather stay here or go back to Sand City?

— They'll probably kill me if I go back. I failed my mission, and now I'd be mostly useless. Although I think I could teach Braille. I don't think people would be afraid of that.

— By they, ya mean the church?

— Yes. It's not unheard of. I did this kind of job a few times.

— Oh. That sounds…

— Horrible? It was. I thought I was doing the right thing, for the greater good. I don't think I could go back. And I don't really have a place to stay. — He turned his face to Koira. — Do you think I could stay until I figure it out?

— Yah, I think so. I mean… — She decided to take the risk. — I'm in need of an assistant. Though it would be easier to work with me if you had the prosthetics.

— It took you long enough to mention them. — He laughed. — Could I see them? I mean, touch them? I'm still uncomfortable with the idea, but I'll say that getting to know Ryth earned you some points.

— I'm glad he helped! — Koira laughed out loud, she had never imagined the little beast would have such an impact. — And of course ya can touch them. And I know I'm kinda pushing the idea since ya first woke up, but ya can deny and such.

— I guess I want to give them a chance.

— Ya have no idea how happy that makes me.

— Uhm… by your voice, I can imagine. But can we stay here a little longer?

— As long as ya want.