The last thing I remember is deep, deep water extending endlessly above me. And then I stumble onto a dirt pathway, into some sort of town. The pale moon hangs bright in the night sky, and on the streets below, lamps crackle with a soft white light. I walk and stare at the only living things I see.

Small horses, all sorts of colors, some with wings, some with horns, others so bundled up in clothes that I can't see any part of their body. For their part, they seem to be staring at me too, murmuring to each other. Looking more carefully, I can see some... ponies? Ponies with dull coats just slumped against walls, staring blankly with eyes as dull as their coat. Sometimes a passerby will look at them and sigh, shaking their head.

"Welcome to Ponyville! I'm Pinkie Pie, who are you?"

I take a startled step back at the pink pony grinning at me, inches away from my face. I swallow my surprised yelp

"I'm, uh..."

I know this. I should know this, right?

"I'm not sure…."

Pinkie Pie gives me a comforting smile.

"Don't worry about it! That's how it is sometimes, just let me know when you figure out what you want your name to be. Until then, how about I show you around town?"

Grateful for the distraction, I nod.

"That'd be great."

She beams at me and starts hopping.

"Come on, I have so much to show you and so little time to do it!"

I jog to keep up with her as she leads me on. I hear a rising murmur, and not just from the ponies glancing at me. Pinkie Pie gestures grandly to the right, indicating the bustling center of activity.

"Here's the central market! You can get most anything here, for a price. Do you have anything to trade?"

I blink and pat my pockets.

"Uh, a couple of pens, some pennies..."

And my phone, but I absolutely will not be trading that. She frowns, then beckons me over to a wooden crate by a brick wall. And then she… twists without moving and suddenly has a small canvas pouch in her hoof. Pinkie unties the drawstring, reaches in, and pulls out a gold coin.

"This is a bit. Pretty much everypony already has a bunch, but you're new in town, so you might get some pity trades with it."

I nod, wondering how common gold has to be for that to be the case. She drops the coin back in the pouch, then upends it over the crate. A handful of coins clatter onto the wood.

"Try counting them."

I raise an eyebrow but do as she says.

"Twelve bits."

Pinkie Pie scoops up the bits and puts them in the pouch again. She holds it out to me.

"Start taking bits out of the bag one at a time and count out loud."

"One."

The coin is cool and pleasantly weighty.

"Two. Three. Four."

This is getting tedious.

"Five. Six."

And, in time,

"Eleven. Twelve. Now what-"

"Keep going!"

What. I shrug and reach my hand into the pouch, expecting to touch canvas, but no.

"Thirteen. Is this magic?"

"Maybe! Look inside!"

I look into the pouch. Somehow there are still plenty of gold coins in there. I look up at Pinkie Pie.

"Is the pouch magic or is it the bits?"

She grins.

"Neither! You can do this with pretty much anything that isn't alive, it's called Pulling."

I furrow my brow.

"How does it work?"

Pinkie shrugs.

"Dunno! But anytime you have enough of something that taking one out doesn't really change the pile that much, you get Pulling. But there's a limit, you shouldn't try to get more than one and a half of what you had. See?"

She dumps out the pouch once more onto the crate, letting go of the pouch. Immediately, the pouch crumples, then folds in on itself over and over and over until it vanishes with a tearing sound that makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up straight. I stare at Pinkie Pie, wide eyed.

"What was that? That's..."

I shiver. She nods.

"It's the Doctor, snipping away an Overpulled area. So I wouldn't recommend Pulling from anywhere you want to keep, like your pockets, your favorite bag, or the outside world!"

My blood runs cold.

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"What happens when you Overpull from the outside?"

She looks at me, her expression deadly serious.

"Then you get snipped along with everything around you, and you don't come back as yourself, if you do at all."

I swallow thickly.

"I'll remember that."

She beams at me.

"Good! I don't want to lose anypony else! Let's keep going!"

She scoops up the bits she dumped and shakes her head when I try to give the ones in my hand back to her. Pinkie Pie leads me through the bustling market, trading three deflated balloons for two pouches, one for me and one for her. Still feeling uneasy from the demonstration, I nevertheless dump the bits into the pouch and tie it to a belt loop. The next stop is a market stall guarded by two normal mares, each armed with a shovel. The one on the right has piercing green eyes that almost seem to glow. The yellow filly with the red mane smiles brightly.

"Well, if it ain't Pinkie Pie! Good to see you again, giving the tour?"

Pinkie Pie grins back.

"Yupper puppers! Applebloom, meet Mister To Be Determined, he's new in town!"

I smile hesitantly.

"Nice to meet you."

She looks me up and down and grins.

"Likewise. What can I do you for?"

I glance at Pinkie Pie, who rolls her eyes and shakes her head.

"Take it easy on him, no flirting until he's settled."

The filly huffs.

"Ah'm forty years old, Ah can do what Ah like."

I blink.

"Really?"

She scowls at me.

"You doubting my word?"

I raise my hands in surrender.

"You just look... young."

Applebloom sighs.

"That's just how it is, since the sun set. At any rate, come by anytime you like, we got free grape juice if you're thirsty, corn, carrots, and apples if you ever go exploring."

I nod.

"I'll keep that in mind."

Free grape juice? I wonder how that is even profitable. Pinkie frowns as she leads me on.

"She doesn't usually snap at customers or stallions, I wonder if she's alright..."

I shrug.

"Maybe we caught her on a bad day."

She sighs.

"Maybe."

As the two of us leave the market, the relative quiet is relaxing. But I start noticing something.

"Why are there apples everywhere?"

On ledges, roof corners, window sills, never more than one or two per building, but it's still weird. Pinkie looks up.

"Oh those? Apples anchor the area, making it less Drifty. That's why we call them anchor apples."

I feel like Solid Snake.

"Drifty?"

Pinkie gestures vaguely.

"The mists outside of town, and the twisty ways they conceal. Don't worry, you won't have to worry about that any time soon!"

That doesn't make me feel any better.

"I'm just surprised no one eats them."

Pinkie Pie gives me another serious look, though perhaps not quite as severe as before.

"You don't want to eat them, then you'd be clannap and part blind!"

I wish I could take notes.

"Clannap?"

She nods.

"Part of the Apple Clan, by adoption. They take in anypony who gets apple-eyed."

I frown.

"Then, the green-eyed pony at the apple stall..."

"Uh huh! They gave her a job as part of the apple core now!"

I’m just... not even going to ask. This is all a little much. Pinkie Pie stops by what looks like a bar.

"And here's the Dulce de Lethe, for when you want to forget something!"

I raise my eyebrows.

"Is that more literal than drinking alcohol to drown your sorrows?"

She grins.

"Catching on, good. Yep, don't drink the water, it makes you forgetful. That's why grape juice is free."

"I... see."

The next stop of the tour is a glittering carousel of horse mannequins in various poses and states of dress. It spins lazily while the central column extends four stories high, glimmering and glittering strands radiating from ornate windows to the surrounding buildings and ground. I see something move in my peripheral vision and turn to look at it. A spindly spider, almost completely transparent with a quartz crystal for an abdomen, crawls up a nearby strand. Now that I look closer, the strand itself is transparent and faceted, reflecting the white light of the street lamps.

"Pinkie, what is that?"

She looks where I am pointing.

"Oh! That's one of Rarity's spinners. She needs a lot of thread to keep up with the latest trends in fashion!"

I glance at the other ponies on the street, maybe half of whom are clothed head to hoof. And now that I know what I am seeing, what I thought were brooches and lockets are actually more crystal spiders!

"Wait, are all these clothed ponies just spider golems or something?"

Pinkie laughs.

"So you heard that rumor too! No, I'm pretty sure most of them just really like veils and scarves and being comfy-cozy fashionable! Speaking of which, you like clothes, right?"

I eye her warily.

"In moderation."

She giggles.

"It's fine, you don't have to follow that trend. But if you want more clothes, you'll definitely want to see Rarity. She'll be thrilled to see new designs. I'd introduce you, but that would take way too long! Come on, one last stop on the tour."

As the pink mare leads me on, I notice more and more of the dull ponies slumped in the alleys. I frown.

"What's with those ponies?"

Pinkie sighs.

"I wish I knew. They just got... worn down by the Drifts or something. It happens a lot with ponies who go hunting and exploring. I try to help them see the fun in life, but..."

She shrugs.

"There's only so much you can do."

Ahead, I see a great crowd of them gathered around a wide, circular mirror in the ground. One by one, they dip their snouts in, and the mirror ripples, but does nothing else. The dull ponies lift their muzzles placidly, not even wet or shiny from whatever that is. Pinkie follows my gaze.

"Yeah, you don't need to worry about that. I'm doing what I can for them."

Before I can ask, she stops in the street.

"Here we are! Sugarcube Corner, my old workplace! Mr. and Mrs. Cake will take care of you until you get the hang of living here."

I look at the gingerbread-roofed building that smells enticingly of cinnamon rolls.

"I'm not going to get eaten, right?"

She rolls her eyes.

"They're married. It's the perfect place for a lone stallion to live. Now, before I forget, here's your invitation!"

She hands me a heavily embossed card that simply reads, "Soon."

"Normally, I'd give you a welcoming party, but I have to go! Give her a headpat when I'm gone, alright?"

I stare at her in confusion.

"Who?"

Pinkie merely winks. Then she shimmers like a mirage and fades away. In her place is a mare with a dull purple coat and red mane. Hesitantly, I pat her head. The pony closes her eyes and gives me a faint smile, then turns and shuffles over to join the crowd around the mirror in the ground. What…?

Just… okay. I take a deep breath and head towards the bakery. I’m clearly in some sort of Alice in Wonderland sort of weirdness, but there is a distinct lack of beheading, so I’m probably safe for now. Walking inside, I am greeted by even more delicious scents and a chubby blue mare with a pink, swirly mane.

"Welcome to Sugarcube Corner! New in town?"

I rub my neck.

"Yeah, Pinkie just gave me the tour."

The mare smiles.

"She's such a sweetie. Well, I'm Mrs. Cake, and a friend of Pinkie is a friend of mine."

I get the hint.

"I'm..."

What do I even say? I know this. I should know this. I say the first thing that comes to mind.

"I'm Anonymous, or Anon for short."

It's not my name, I know that much. But it's not not my name, in some sense.

It's good enough for now. Mrs. Cake beams.

"Nice to meet you Anon, let me show you to Pinkie's old room, you can stay there as long as you like."

She walks out from behind the counter and I follow her upstairs. Taking a left at the top, she opens a door to reveal a veritable wall of balloons. She turns and smiles at me.

"Just keep going straight, dear, and you'll find a bed soon enough. If you need any help, just yell and me or my husband will be by before you can say gingersnap."

I eye the balloons.

"Thanks, I'll keep that in mind."

With nothing else to do, I brace myself and start wading through the balloons. There is a great deal of squeaking and rubbing, but sure enough, I make it to a bed. I gingerly lay down and are pleasantly surprised at how soft the mattress is. My mind whirls with all that I have seen today. It's all so unsettling, doubly so since I can't recall what I was doing before I got here.

I stare up at the balloons, but they give no answer. What feels like hours pass, but I don't feel the slightest bit tired. Come to think of it, I’m not hungry either, nor thirsty, even after all that walking. Something odd is going on here, and I intend to find out what it is.