If I really use my imagination, I can almost imagine going to the desert like going to the beach.

The most glaring difference is that there's no ocean here. Or any water, to be exact. It's a welcome relief from the nonstop downpour that's constantly drenching Route 215, but only temporarily. Pretty soon, I'm wishing for some rain to cool me down, considering there's no shade to be found. There's not a tree on the ground, or a cloud in the sky.

The heat isn't all due to the weather, though. The desert is a really good place to train a Fire-type, considering they don't mind the heat, and I can have Charmeleon, who's been a bit stir crazy from me not using him at all while we've been trudging through the rain, go crazy and let off some steam.

There's nothing really here to burn other than sand, and Lucas and Ursula decided to head straight to Veilstone. So I have Charmeleon blast sand dunes with Flamethrower, and then go punch and slash at them with Fire Punch and Metal Claw for an hour or so. I make sure his Dragon Dance is still practiced, and then we try and make some progress on Dragon Claw afterwards.

It's a very good training session, except for one issue. There's no one to challenge. This isn't exactly a destination where you'd find other people. I thought we might run into some other trainers with the same idea as us, but clearly I was wrong, because I haven't seen anyone else. That includes Pokémon, because I think the desert dwellers are probably avoiding the heat of the day, and prefer to come out at night.

Charmeleon's not quite satisfied when we're finished, and he definitely lets me know about it on the way back, grumbling and looking around for someone to fight, as the trail slowly changes from sand to regular dirt, with every step that we take towards Veilstone.

I'm able to ignore him for the most part, but eventually I get annoyed enough that I put my hands on my hips and glare at him. "I'm not a magician, Charmeleon," I scold him. "I can't snap my fingers," as I demonstrate, "and manufacture an opponent for you out of thin air. You're just gonna have to wait until the gym."

"So, let's get there as soon as we can," I continue. "Hopefully, that means we won't have to wait in line-"

The ground under my foot crumbles away on my next step, and I tumble into a rapidly expanding hole with a surprised scream.

"Waaaaaaaahhh! Oof!" I land heavily, and I rub my sore bottom. "That one really hurt my tailbone. Are you alright, Charmeleon?" I ask, checking my pockets for all of my Pokéballs, and opening my bag to ensure that nothing has happened to my Pokémon egg.

It's still smooth and uncracked, and mostly unmoving. Charmeleon gives me a thumbs up, indicating that he's also okay.

"There's a Pokémon called Trapinch, native to deserts, that makes holes like this one. It waits at the bottom for food to fall in, but I didn't expect to fall into a hole outside of the desert." I don't see the tell tale sign of its jaws at the bottom, either. This pit is taller than me, but I can touch the ground with my arms, at least. It's random as hell. "Why is there a hole in the middle of the road, anyways?"

"Heeheehahaha!"

A mechanical arm with a giant red hand shoots into the hole, and plucks Charmeleon straight out of our hole.

"Is that the sound of disbelief I hear?" a woman's voice asks.

"Believe what you like, while your friends disappear!" a man adds.

…I just had to ask. Why is this happening to me?

"On the wind!"

"Past the stars!"

"In your ear!"

"Bringing chaos at a breakneck pace!"

"Dashing all hope, putting fear in its place!"

"A rose by any other name is just as sweet!"

"When everything's worse, our work is complete!"

"Iiiiiit's Jessie!

"And James!"

"Meowth, now that's a name!"

"Putting do gooder's in their place!"

"We're Team Rocket!"

"And we're in your face!"

"Wobbuffet!"

"Mime, Mime!"

Luckily, the fact they insist on doing their motto instead of hightailing it out of here like half-decent criminals would, gives me a chance to pull myself out of the hole and confront them. It's not exactly a high tech setup Team Rocket's got going on here. Charmeleon doesn't look very scared. He's already started to melt through the arm grabber thing James is holding him in with his tail flame.

Let me stall for some time. It shouldn't be hard. "What are you three doing here?"

"We're out for revenge!" Jessie tells me aggressively, waving a clenched fist. "You made me look bad at the contest! And no one makes me look bad and gets away with it!"

Every single episode of the anime would beg to disagree with that statement, considering Ash and friends always get away with making Team Rocket look like fools. "So, we thought we'd drop in and pay you a little visit! Ain't you'se glad to see us?" Meowth leers at me.

I ignore him in favor of watching Charmeleon's progress. One good attack should shatter the metal arm holding him, warped as it is. He's a little too eager for this, no doubt recalling my words.

"Honestly, though, I was telling the truth," I address Charmeleon. "This is nothing but an unlucky coincidence. Pure chance."

James glances around like someone is going to pop out from behind a rock or something. "Who are you talking to, exactly?"

I give an answer and an order at the same time. "Charmeleon. Metal Claw."

He twists around enough to slash through the weakened metal, and bounds over to my side. Team Rocket isn't about to let us get away that easily.

Jessie flings a Pokéball at us. "Go, Seviper! Teach that twerp a lesson!"

James copies his partner's action. "You too, Carnivine!"

Seviper bares its massive fangs at us, but James has to literally peel his affectionate Carnivine off of him. "Chomp those chumps!" he shouts, flinging his Pokémon at us as well.

"Well, I suppose you've been waiting for this," I tell Charmeleon, who's fire is raging. "Try to hurt them too badly, okay?"

He looks surprised that I'm giving him free reign to do as he pleases, but Charmeleon quickly flashes me a fanged grin before leaping into action.

"Poison Tail attack!"

"Bullet Seed!"

Jessie's Seviper winds up and lashes its tail out, while Carnivine lays down the cover fire. Charmeleon ignores the latter, blocking Poison Tail with Metal Claw like we've done before While Seviper's still surprised, he rushes forward and grabs the snake and throws it into its partner.

The two get tangled with each other, and Charmeleon is right there to punish, bashing their heads into the ground with Fire Punch. While they lay on the ground, groaning, I make a hand gesture to Team Rocket.

"Come on! I know you have some more Pokémon. Let's see 'em!"

Jessie and James look at each other, and after a quick silent conversation, toss out their next two Pokémon.

"Go, Golett!"

"Go, Dustox!"

Charmeleon waits for them to make their move. "Poison Sting!" Jessie shouts, making a sideways finger gun with her thumb and index finger., while James decides to hang back for this round.

My Fire-type shoots all the poisonous needles out of the air with Ember, mindful of what I said, but a Whirlwind from Dustox prevents the attack from reaching its target. Charmeleon glances back at me.

"Yeah, go for Flamethrower."

This time, when Jessie yells for Psybeam, Flamethrower smashes right through their attack, leaving Dustox charred and crisp. Even though moths like flame, they sure don't stand up to it well.

"Shadow Punch!" James calls, finally finished deliberating. I don't know why he didn't call for a Ground-type move, but I'm sure he's thought of the worst case scenario, like Charmeleon evolving randomly, rendering his Bulldoze or whatever useless.

In any case, Golett has some decent power behind its punches, but Charmeleon is more than happy to go blow for blow with Fire Punch. Or so Golett thinks.

The little clay automaton doesn't realize that Charmeleon's got one more weapon up his sleeve. He chomps down on Golett's shoulder with Fire Fang with explosive force, sending his opponent stumbling backwards. Charmeleon's more than happy to help it on its way with a Flamethrower that puts Golett on its back, slightly smoking.

Team Rocket still has more Pokémon for us to deal with. Charmeleon snorts when he sees James's Mime Jr step forward, but then his eyes narrow when he hears the command.

"Teeter Dance!" Having been on the receiving end of Bellossom's Teeter Dance more than a few times, he knows what to do, without hurting a baby, to boot. Charmeleon blows a puff of Smokescreen to obscure Mime Jr, so he doesn't get charmed into copying its Teeter Dance. It's not long before the coughing Psychic-type is running back to James, with tears in its eyes from the smoke.

"I've had enough of this!" Jessie fumes. She shoves Wobbuffet in front of Charmeleon, and now I actually need to get involved in the battle.

"Hold up!" I call out, and Charmeleon screeches to a halt as he is surging forward with Fire Punch. "Use Dragon Dance."

He glances at Wobbuffet, but the Patient Pokémon is living up to its name, and patiently waiting for us to strike first. Charmeleon starts using Dragon Dance instead, which Jessie is not pleased about.

"What are you doing?! You're supposed to be attacking us!"

"Well," James says aloud, with Mime Jr in his arms, "In theory, one could use Dragon Dance as many times as they want versus a Wobbuffet, considering that there's no way to punish a Pokémon with Counter or Mirror Coat if they aren't attacking."

"Why don't you tell her about how Wobbuffet does against Dark and Ghost-types too," I suggest to James. Jessie turns to her partner, and he flinches.

"What is she talking about!"

"I may have never mentioned this," James hedges, but Counter doesn't work on Ghost-types, and Mirror Coat doesn't work on Dark-types. That may have been the reason we've lost a couple of times in the past, actually."

"Wow," Meowth says snarkily. "It's a miracle that Pokémon actually listen to clowns like you two in the foist place."

It's hilarious that Meowth thinks himself above all other Pokémon because he walks and talks and acts like a human. "You stay out of this, Meowth!" his partners tell him angrily.

I think we're pretty much done here. With Charmeleon's power sky high, he vaults forward and blasts Wobbuffet back with one super powerful Fire Punch. "Anything else?" I challenge them, staring at Meowth. "No giant robots you've been saving?"

"Our budget for this month is drier than dat desert," Meowth grumbles. "I ain't got nothing decent up my sleeve to take on some twoirps."

In that case… I reach into my bag and toss over a few potions. Jessie catches hers, but James juggles his before getting a hold of it. "What's this?" Jessie asks, confusion superseding her anger.

"Medicine for your Pokemon," I answer simply. James is as confused as his partner.

"You're helping us? Aren't you worried we're going to attack you again?"

"Don't make me laugh," I tell them. "Do you three really think we were trying hard there?" I look at Charmeleon. "What speed were you going? Half? A Third?" Charmeleon does laugh out loud, and nods at the final question. "We were using one-third of our power. If we really wanted to, Charmeleon and I could kick your asses all the way back to Kanto! So, no, I'm not really worried."

Team Rocket doesn't have anything to say to that, and they get busy healing up their Pokémon. "If you try this again, we might actually do it," I warn them. "Nice to see you three, I guess, but we're going now."

"Hold it, twerp!" Jessie shouts from behind me, as I start to turn around. Now what?

"You still owe us a favor," she tells me confidently, despite the beatdown we had put on them.

"Since when?" I ask, curiously.

"Remember?" she says. "At the Hearthome tag competition? You made a deal with us that we'd keep our noses clean? In a way, we're responsible for you winning that competition!"

I have no words. Only Jessie would find a way to credit herself for something she had nothing to do with. "... Right. I do seem to recall that, so what would you have me do?"

"It's simple," James explains, pointing an accusing finger at me. "We stayed out of your business, and that means you have to stay out of ours!"

"We gots a big capture planned here in dis desert, and we don't need any goody twoip shoes interference! You hear me?" Meowth threatens, bringing out his claws to make his point.

"He's all talk and no bite, Charmeleon, don't worry about him," I say, before my Pokémon takes Meowth's tough talk as another battle challenge. "And why would I interfere? If it's a wild Pokémon out here in the desert, you have as much right to it as anyone."

They all look at each other, surprised. "I guess we're used to twerps getting in the way," James eventually responds thoughtfully.

"It wouldn't really matter," I taunt them. "Not like you could catch anything in the first place."

"You take that back!" Jessie shrieks, thrusting an accusing finger at me.

"Watch us!" Meowth adds. "Da Pokémon we're bringing back will make us the pride of all Team Rocket!"

As opposed to the laughingstock they are now, I suppose. In any case… "Is that an offer? Because I'd love to see this for myself."

I know Charmeleon isn't worried about Team Rocket pulling a fast one; he's more concerned that I'm going to waste the rest of the day following these stooges on an adventure. But unfortunately for him, I think taking a day off won't hurt anyone. Plus, laughter is great for the soul, and Team Rocket is, in my opinion, super hilarious.

----------------------------------------

"Rocket one to rocket three. Do we have a visual on the target?"

"Roger, rocket one. That lump in the sand is it. Seems like we're the foist ones to spot it."

"Rocket two here. Is that really what you've been bragging about capturing for the boss, rocket three?"

"Why are you guys talking like that?" I ask. "We're all in this same tree." Why Team Rocket decided to climb in this leafless tree instead of scanning the whole desert from their balloon, I don't know. But I followed them up here, so I guess that makes me the fool for following them.

"It's official Team Rocket lingo," Jessie informs me snidely, still with her binoculars plastered to her face. "You wouldn't understand."

If I didn't know better, I'd have never thought that these three jokers are actually members of Team Rocket. "Alrighty then. What is the target that you're going to try to capture?"

James passes his binoculars to me. "It isn't all that impressive," he warns me. I see a large black figure half-buried in the sand, which is what I assume they're talking about.

"What Pokémon is that?" I ask, trying to turn the knobs on the side of the binoculars for a better image.

"He's a Hippowdon," Jessie informs me. "And a humongous hulking hunk of a Pokémon like that will be sure to have us in the boss's good graces in no time flat. Copy that?" she asks, though Meowth shakes his head.

"Not if you keep foigetting the most basic details!" he complains. "That isn't a male Hippowdon! It's female!"

"Well, excuse me for not knowing. I'm not a Pokémon! I can't tell these things!" Jessie breaks off a branch and waves it at Meowth.

"You ain't got to be a Pokémon to have basic brain power," Meowth grumbles. "If the Hippowdon is all grayish, then it's female. If it's brown and black, it's male. Isn't that right, James? You're able to tell, and you're not a Pokémon!"

"Yes, that's right, but that isn't why I knew," James says. "The main reason that I could tell was because this Hippowdon reminds me of someone. It has a striking resemblance to my ex-fiance!"

I choke on my spit and nearly fall out of the tree at that comparison. Meowth has to whack me several times on the back before I can breathe again. No way he compared his ex-fiance to a Hippowdon. That was one of the best insults I've ever heard.

"Even if it does," Meowth says, after he's done saving my life. "Imagine how the boss will reward us when we bring that Hippowdon back to him!"

James puts a finger to his chin. "I'm trying to, but I can't picture anything. Surely, the boss has better taste in women than big and ugly ones, right?"

"Da boss only surrounds himself with the finest of women!" Meowth seems super offended. "I would know, because he took me to one of his fancy parties. Once."

This train has really gone off the tracks, hasn't it? Jessie is determined to steer it back on. "The boss doesn't need more hanger-ons!'' she yells at them both. "The reason he'll be impressed is because, you know, he likes Pokémon with Hippowdon's, uh, other characteristics." She keeps glancing my way, as she tries to avoid telling me that Giovanni's preference is for Ground-types.

Of course, I already know that, but I let her off the hook. "You three still have to catch it first," I challenge, which Team Rocket is more than happy to accept.

"Watch and learn, kid!" Meowth jumps and lands gracefully from the tree, while his two partners tale their time getting down. He and James grab the net and tiptoe over, while Jessie pulls a Staraptor feather from her boot and starts tickling the inside of Hippowdon's exposed nose.

"Wakey, wakey, Hippowdon!" she cooes girlishly. "It's time for you to become a Team Rocket Pokémon!"

I'm more than a bit worried for Team Rocket, because if Hippowdon is anything like the hippos we have back on Earth, then it could be very dangerous. For now, Jessie backs away in a hurry as Hippowdon sneezes, and starts lifting itself from the earth, probably assuming it buried itself too deep and got sand in its nose.

"Haha!" James and Meowth shout, throwing the net over it. I come over for a closer look, as their success is short-lived. First of all, they can't actually budge Hippowdon an inch, even though Jessie yells at them to put their muscles to work. And secondly, it isn't even trapped.

The wild Pokémon grumbles sleepily, and starts digging into the sand. Pretty soon even its giant body has vanished, leaving a stunned Team Rocket behind.

All the sand flying everywhere from Hippowdon's hasty exit means I can cover my face to disguise how hard I'm laughing. "It was a nice try," I finally manage.

"Well, if that blubbering beast thinks we'll give up so easily, it doesn't know a thing about Team Rocket!" Meowth boasts. "As soon as that megamound is above ground, we'll make sure we're around!"

"What's lost can be found!" Jessie and James agree, but not a moment too soon, because the end of their statement is punctuated with the ground under us starting to rumble. They cling on to each other in a hurry.

"Is that Hippowdon coming back for round two?" Jessie asks, with a hint of nervousness.

"It feels like it's bringing a friend along!" Meowth says in dismay, hands on his head.

I point to where the sand is starting to part to make way for something. "I'm pretty sure Hippowdon don't have horns. And they aren't made of metal." I glare at Team Rocket when the thing comes into full view. "You told me you didn't have anything like this up your sleeve!"

"I swear, twoip, dat thing isn't one of ours!"

"He's right, we're dead broke!" James agrees, pulling out his pockets and letting some lint and a bottle cap fall out, though he quickly picks up the latter.

The thing in question is a giant gleaming Rhyhorn-mecha, with a bright red R stamped on the front. And they're trying to convince me it doesn't belong to them?! "Then whose is it?" I question aloud.

We hear a sound like a hatch being opened, and two figures emerge from the head of the Rhyhorn, with their backs to us, a woman with orange hair and a man with green. Jessie's eyes bulge, and she seems ready to explode at the sight of them. I think I know why…

"A shrieking whine, a blast from the past!"

"Spinning like a Gyro Ball and moving fast!"

They turn around, and their identities are confirmed. Of course, they still need to introduce themselves. No way am I actually hearing two mottos in the same day. At least it's different. I still like Jessie and James's better. Flows much easier off the tongue.

"To the moon!"

"And beyond!"

"What a blast!"

"Administering justice with lightning speed!"

"Bashing the good guys, when we feel the need!"

"So, here's a news flash from across the wire!"

"The real Team Rocket is now on fire!"

"Cassidy!"

"And it's Butch!"

"Teaching the losers a thing or two!"

"The true Team Rocket,"

"Us, not you!"

Nice of them to tell us their names. Now that Butch has introduced himself, I can proceed with one of the funniest parts of the anime and call him everything else but what his mother actually named him.

"Cassidy," Jessie growls. She looks like a Persian trapped in a cage, ready to leap on Cassidy and tear her to shreds if given the chance.

"And Botch!"

"Biff!"

"Billy!"

Me, James and Meowth all call Cassidy's partner a different, wrong name. He waves a fist at us. "The name is Butch! James, you haven't changed a bit!"

"What are you doing here, Cassidy?" Jessie questions her rival angrily.

"I was about to ask you the same thing," Cassidy titters, bringing her hand up to cover her mouth, acting coy. "The boss told Batch and I that we're his two and only Sinnoh agents. Which is why we were so surprised when we saw your balloon floating around."

James seems distraught, as Butch tells his partner, with a resigned tone like he's done this before, that his name isn't Batch. "But we've been hitting the dusty Sinnoh trails since day one! How can the boss appoint someone like Clutch to take my place! And with a shiny new machine to shove in our face!"

"It's not Clutch, it's Buuuuuutch!" the green-haired rocket yells. He takes a deep breath and puts on a cocky grin. "Were you impressed with our machine? It was a present from the boss, specially designed by Professor Kimba-"

He cuts off as his phone rings. "Uh, hold on one minute." He brings it up to his ear. "Hello?"

"It's Namba!"

Butch jerks the phone away from as year as Cassidy picks up where he left off. "Tell me, Jessie. Has the boss ever sent anything to you, for all of your supposed hard work?"

A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.

"The boss doesn't need to," Jessie sniffs, turning up her nose. "He knows that we're self-sufficient, that we can build our own equipment. We don't need to rely on the likes of Professor Lambda!"

This time, Cassidy's phone rings. I watch in fascination as she answers it, and then tosses it to Jessie. "It's for you."

Jessie holds it to her ear. "Jessie speaking-"

"It's still Namba!"

She winces and hurls the phone back to her rival. "I don't care why you're here or how high-tech your machine is. We spotted Hippowdon first!"

"Well, we're going to capture Hippowdon first, as a present for the boss for his continued support," Cassidy shoots back. "And to test out Professor Bamba's mecha, of course." She leaves out that it would also one-up Jessie and James, but we all already know that. Cassidy does get yelled at by Professor Namba again, which only adds to the hilarity of this whole situation.

"If you think we're going to let a brat named Belch barge his way into our Hippowdon heist, you're sadly mistaken!" James says aggressively, which is a bit out of character. I think Jessie's rivalry with Cassidy is rubbing off on him. Could be the constant belittling, too.

Butch can't even correct him, because Cassidy is already talking over her partner. "Come on, Hooch! Let's show these morons how a real Team Rocket duo operates!"

"That didn't even rhyme!" he yells at her, as they descend into their mecha. As the engine revs up, the original Team Rocket takes off running, and after a moment of hesitation, I follow them. I want to see this play out. I'm having too much fun not to.

Meowth is rather easy to catch up to in the sand, despite his momentary head start. "Tell me the truth," I say to Meowth. "Have you three ever beaten Cassidy and Bobby?"

"I'm telling you, we have!" Meowth insists. "I wouldn't be standin' in front of you as a Team Rocket member if it weren't true. Ain't no way I'm letting a couple of punks like them onto my Sinnoh domain. I'll throw down with my Fury Swipes if I have to, to get rid of them."

I like the confidence, but I don't like the plan. Jessie and James leap into the basket of their hot air balloon, and start getting it fired up. Meowth quickie follows them, but I know the crash rate of this thing, and I'm not eager to get inside.

"Are you really going to look for a Pokémon that's underground in that?" I ask.

"We told you already, I don't have any fancy machines like they have right now!" Meowth complains.

"You'd be surprised at how many Pokémon we find in this," James tells me. As if that's my biggest issue with riding in the Meowth balloon. I'm more concerned with its ludicrously high rate of crashing.

"Right." I'm stalling for time, because I'm really searching for reasons now. "That being said, I still think we should-"

"Scared of flying, twerp?" Jessie challenges, cutting straight to the point. "You were fine on Hunter J's airship."

"No," I defend myself heatedly. "I just don't like seeing the ground when I'm high up, that's all. It freaks me out."

"Well, too bad." The balloon starts to lift off. "Get in or we'll smell you later. I'm not going to let Cassidy get to a Hippowdon before we've presented one to the boss."

With an ultimatum issued, I'm forced to come to a decision, and I vault the front of the basket to scramble inside. It's very clear from all the plastic wrappers, crumbs, cards, and assorted mechanical junk inside that Team Rocket sure spends a lot of time here. There's even what looks like a TV remote, though I don't see a TV in here.

"What's this for?" Meowth scrambles over to me and snatches it.

"That's very important," the talking Pokémon says, not giving me a straight answer. "So, no touching!"

"Hey, twerp," James calls over. "If you're going to ride in here, you need to work. Your extra weight means we have to use extra fuel."

I shuffle to them as James tends to the balloon and Jessie and James scan the ground with their binoculars. I know I can't do that job, at least. "What am I supposed to do then?" Help you keep this fire going with Charmeleon?"

James winces. "That's not the best idea. Pokémon that aren't used to being in here don't understand how delicate this operation needs to be." I wonder if his Cacnea ever punched a few holes in this balloon with its spiny arms. Almost certainly.

"Have your Flying-type help us search," Jessie suggests without turning around. "Since you hurt my dear Dustox."

You know, that is a pretty good idea. Not that I'm going to give her credit, because she tried to attack me! Also, because I have questions to ask Vivillon, and I finally have a translator so I can get a reply.

I bring him out, but I gesture Meowth over. "One quick question. Vivillon, I know you've been going out on your own for a while. Can you tell Meowth why, so he can tell me? I promise I won't get mad."

He hesitates, but then has a quick conversation with Meowth, whose face goes from confused to something much softer, and sympathetic. "Vivillon here says he's visiting a close friend of his, making sure they're okay, that's all."

That isn't as comforting as I'd hoped it would be. Why'd Meowth say it in such a soft and mushy voice? I thought he grew up on the mean streets!

Now I don't want any more information, so I accept that explanation and pick up a Hippowdon card on the floor that I noticed, and show it to Vivillon so he knows what he's looking for.

After I instruct him to use Flash if he spots one, Vivillon takes to the air, and I sit on the floor, playing the waiting game.

----------------------------------------

It takes plenty of searching, but eventually Vivillon lights up like a Christmas tree, signaling that he's found a Hippowdon for us. This one is a male, but like its female counterpart, it's sleeping partially submerged in the sand. I pull Vivillon back into his Pokéball in case this gets ugly.

We hover over it at a height that I can tolerate to look at the ground. "Watch and be impressed," Meowth brags, flicking one of the many switches on his extremely complicated control panel. Down below, I can see a plunger-like suction cup attached to a cable fly out and smack Hippowdon on the back.

James cranks up the gas, and Meowth deploys two propulsion fans that face downwards to help us go up. Painstakingly, inch by inch, Hippowdon rises from the sand, still sleeping, in Team Rocket's sticky clutches.

This Team Rocket, anyways. The other one has something to say about it, considering I'm seeing the sand part to make way for their Rhyhorn-mecha. I wouldn't be surprised if this thing had a periscope like a submarine, and that Cassidy and Butch have been following us this whole time.

After all, there's no point in defeating your sworn enemy if you can't rub it in their faces afterwards.

"You should hurry this up," I suggest raising my voice loudly. "Cassidy and Buffy are here!"

Jessie asks me why I'm talking so loud, and I raise one finger, indicating that we need to wait a second.

"It's not Buffy! It's Butch, Butch , Butch, Butch!"

I am not a nice person, bullying this man over his name when he's so sensitive. I feel kinda bad, but butchering his name constantly is so damn funny that I can't help myself.

Apparently, Professor Namba has designed this thing with very loud speakers, because we can clearly hear everything Cassidy and Butch are saying. "Biff! They're going to get away with Hippowdon! Use the Horn Drill attack!"

"It's Butch!"

Well, that doesn't sound good. The Rhyhorn-mecha shoots out its horn, and it spins in the air as it flies, for maximum destructive power. "You guys still carry around that protect bubble creator device, right?"

"Of course," James replies, looking over at me. His eyes widen when he sees the incoming projectile. "I'm going to get it out now." He starts rummaging through all the mess on the floor of the balloon basket. "Um, has anyone seen it recently?"

Jessie and Meowth pat themselves down, not that Meowth has anywhere to hide it. They both shake their heads.

Oh, you have to be kidding me! I dive in and start looking with James, to the point here I miss the moment that the Horn Drill pierces through the balloon. All I know is that we're losing altitude fast.

The balloon popping also has us all thrown to the side, because of the rush of air expelled in the opposite direction. James gets thrown on his back, and while he should have grimaced in pain, his face actually lights up.

"Look! It was in my pocket the whole time!"

I swear, these guys get off on near death experiences. I'm not as keen to start my third life, considering how much more I want to do here. Meowth snatches the device from him and powers it on, not a moment too soon.

Sand makes for a decently soft landing, but I'm still glad we had the bubble to protect us. Smashing into the control panel, for instance, would be extremely painful. Cassidy's gloating voice floats over us as we groan and get our bearings.

"I'd say it was a nice try, but it wasn't really, right Jessie? Don't worry, honey, I'll take that Hippowdon back to the boss for you. Who knows? If I remember, I might even mention that you're in Sinnoh and found it!"

Jessie pounds the sand underneath us several times. "If Cassidy thinks I'm going to let her deliver that Hippowdon back to headquarters instead of me, she's even stupider than she looks! And as for Mulch… Meowth, initiate Plan B!" She runs as fast as she can into the desert.

What the heck is Plan B? "Roger that!" Meowth says, grabbing his precious remote and taking off after her.

James spares a second to glance at me. "Don't touch anything!" he orders, before he too leaves, so I'm alone in the wreckage of the balloon.

Cassidy and Butch are wasting no time. The mouth of their Rhyhorn-mecha opens up and a claw like one in those machines where you can try and grab prizes comes out, picking up Hippowdon gingerly and bringing it towards them. I don't stop them because I'm not well versed in fighting giant robot Pokémon. Where's Ash when you need him?!

Whether they have some sort of compartment to store this sleeping giant, or if they're going to carry it all the way back to Viridian City like this, I don't actually know. What I do know is that there's something in the distance rumbling behind me. I turn and realize this is Plan B when it smashes into the claw and frees Hippowdon from its grasp.

"What is that?" Cassidy asks from inside her machine. "It's so ugly! And pink! And big!"

The thing in question is a parody of a Slowbro, if Slowbro could be found inside scrapyards. It's a mishmash of all odds and ends, with buckets of pink paint dumped over the top to give it the appearance of a Pokémon. The tail is a cone of compressed metal, much of it rusted, which makes me not want to get hit by it.

Not that I'm the target here. The Slowbro's mouth opens, revealing Team Rocket at the steering wheel and controls. "And it wasn't built by some stupid professor! We made this all by ourselves!" Jessie brags.

I can hear Cassidy's smirk in the challenge she issues. "Wanna fight?"

"Let's rumble!" Jessie agrees.

It's like something straight out of Transformers, because the two Team Rockets start smashing their robots into each other with zero regard for safety. Based on the words they exchange, I'd assume it's because this is pretty personal.

"That ugly, fat hunk of junk is a perfect match for you!"

"You'll pay for that, you shriveled old hag!"

"I don't pay for things, dumb loser girl!"

"Well, today's a fine day to start!"

"AAAAAAAAGH!"

Honestly, I'm most surprised about this Hippowdon, and the fact that it's still sleeping, even with Jessie and Cassidy screeching at each other at the top of their lungs, and the massive racket their robots are creating by smashing into each other. I thought I was a deep sleeper, but this thing might give Slaking and Snorlax a run for their money.

Eventually, it cracks open an eye, and starts lumbering away from all this noise, so it can sleep in peace. Unfortunately for Hippowdon, it's not going to be so easy.

Cassidy quickly notices her target starting to make itself scarce. "Ugh, Hippowdon is getting away! Move it or lose it, big pink! Mitch! Another Horn Drill attack!"

"It's…oh whatever!" Rhyhorn grows a new horn, and it starts spinning again, while the whole mecha charges forward instead of launching the horn.

"James, Tail Slap attack!" The junkyard Slowbro does not spin its tail, instead turning around and going in reverse to slam into the other giant machine.

Jessie and James and Meowth's creation has been holding its own for now, but the extra power afforded by the spinning horn means that Rhyhorn is able to drill through the other robot this time. All the lights on the mecha go out as it's disabled, and Team Rocket unceremoniously eject themselves from their robot before it topples over and turns back into scrap, moaning once they land on the sand.

"Told ya!" Cassidy gloats. "Now, Biff, let's get that Hippowdon for the boss!"

"How many times have I told you! It's Butch!" He takes his anger out on Hippowdon, firing what seems to be a Rock Blast attack at the backside of the Ground-type by spitting boulders out of the Rhyhorn-mecha's mouth.

They smash into Hippowdon, and while they don't really hurt it, they do something else. It turns around, and I can see red in its eyes as the narrows on its attacker, and it starts moving toward Cassidy and Butch.

"That's it, you big ugly lug," Butch says, blissfully unaware of what he has unleashed. "Come to papa!"

Hippowdon does, but not peacefully. They don't realize that it's picking up speed and glowing white, in what appears to be a Double-Edge attack. There's a reason that cars aren't very popular in the Pokémon world, because car versus angry wild Pokémon almost always ends with the wild Pokémon winning. The force of Hippowdon's attack literally knocks the Rhyhorn mech onto its back.

The Ground-type isn't done mauling them yet. Hippowdon doesn't notice as the glass window of the robot pops open and Cassidy and Butch crawl out of there, instead rearing up with energy and slamming its front two legs onto the mecha over and over in a move I can't name, turning it into a metallic mess.

It's certainly powerful, but it's not exactly smart, since it's only attacking the robot, but I'm not complaining. Once Hippowdon is thoroughly satisfied that the Rhyhorn has been completely destroyed, it expels a huge wave of sand from its body, along with all sorts of other stuff that had been caught in its body, like feathers, bones, dried pieces of cactus, and even a wiggling snake Pokémon, that immediately burrows itself into the sand.

By the time we're done covering our eyes, a rapidly closing hole makes me think that Hippowdon used Dig to leave us behind, since it's nowhere to be seen.

So, no there's no Hippowdon, and there's no way for anyone to track down another one, since all the transportation is in tatters. But if you think that's the end of this, you're gravely mistaken.

Cassidy's normally pretty features look pretty odd with her face all red. It's not a nice contrast with her bright orange hair. "No one messes up our Hippowdon heist! I'll have to teach you a lesson with a Pokémon battle!" She looks at her partner. "Let's do it, Butch!"

Words can not describe how happy this man is to be called the right name. "Right! Go, Golem!"

"Go Perrserker!" Cassidy adds, throwing out her own Pokémon to stand to Butch's living boulder. It appears to be another Meowth regional form, this one covered in metal armor. These guys really were prepared for going to the desert and possibly fighting in a sandstorm, huh? Shame Vivillon matches up terribly against these two. I really need to get him some more fighting experience if I'm going to use him in the gym battle.

That get's Team Rocket's Meowth going. "I'm tired of these imposter voisions of me! You're gonna get a taste of my Fury Swipes today!" He's quickly joined by Seviper after a few choice words from Jessie, and Carnivine after some hesitation from James.

I make my way next to them as Jessie yells for Poison Tail, and Meowth makes good on his promise to give Perrserker a taste of his claws. Unfortunately, James doesn't say anything, and both attacks clang off the Steel-type's body, and they both get sent flying back by an Iron Head.

"Why did you not speak up?" I ask him, over Cassidy's cackling. "We both know that's a Steel-type."

He orders a Bullet Seed that does nothing to stop Golem's Rollout on Carnivine and then replies. "I wasn't sure," he defends himself weakly.

"You don't have a better Grass-type attack than Bullet Seed?" I question.

"No," James says miserably. "There's Power Whip, but that won't help much against all of Golem's armor, either. I struggle to each my Pokémon any moves they don't already know." Is that why he gave his Cacnea away? Maybe now's not the time to tell him that Cacnea is learning a bunch of moves as a gym Pokémon.

Team Rocket is so bad. Once again, I need to step in to save their behinds. "Get out of the way," I tell Jessie and Meowth. "I'm not losing to some clowns named Cassidy and Conch."

"C-C-C-Conch?! Listen up twerp, I don't know who you are, but you'll know my name before this is over!" Butch promises.

"Right," I say. "I'll do my best not to butcher it, then."

"Why you little-"

I ignore him and send out my Pokémon. "Go, Glaceon and Bellossom!"

Cassidy and Butch look at each other, having a mental conversation. I'm sure they're wanting to keep Perrserker in front to take the brunt of any super-effective attacks, so Golem doesn't suffer a quick knockout.

We can't have that! "Sunny Day!" I shout. Bellossom sends a ball of light to thy sky and the desert sun intensifies.

"Iron Head!" Cassidy counters. Her Pokémon charges forward at Glaceon, head lowered, as Golem hangs back for now.

"Weather Ball!" I say with glee. Glaceon's attack ignites with the power of the sun and she sends at the oncoming Steel-type.

My opponent's eyes widen. "Dig!" Cassidy calls hastily. Perrserker stops its attack to dive into the sand, which means Weather Ball whizzes over where it was, heading to Golem instead.

Hmm. Well, this is fine. "Magical Leaf!" I tell Bellossom, who sends a volley of leaves at high speed at the super weak to grass Pokémon.

"Fire Blast!" Butch orders. He takes advantage of the weather to send a massive kanji of fire to cut through our attack like butter. Glaceon and Bellossom dodge, but Perrserker shoots up from the sand to slam Glaceon in the jaw with its metal encased head.

I reevaluate my opponents as Meowth makes a snide comment behind me and Glaceon opens and closes her mouth gingerly. Better than Jessie and James, are we?

It seems that I need to try a little harder, then. As Butch calls for another sun boosted Fire Blast, I flip the weather on him. "Rain Dance!" Glaceon summons a dark cloud that douses the attack, as well as forcing Golem's head and limbs back into its boulder shell, as it cowers from the rain. Of course, it dumps a deluge on all of our heads too, but it's worth it to see Cassidy get mad as she gets soaked.

"Iron Head!" Cassidy calls angrily, as Glaceon is still focused on using Rain Dance, targeting her because she's weak to steel.

"Weather Ball again," I order. Cassidy is a bit too slow in realizing that the attack isn't coming from Glaceon this time, but from Bellossom instead, and as result, Perrserker gets stopped cold.

"Both of your Pokémon can use Weather Ball?" she asks incredulously, to which I respond with a cheeky grin.

"Let's show her again, shall we?" Glaceon and Bellossom pound Perrserker with an onslaught of rainy Weather Balls until the Steel-type is facedown in the sand.

Predictably, Cassidy blames her partner. "A little rain means you can't battle any more? Are you serious? Why do you always have to panic, Hutch?!"

"My name's not Hutch!"

I cut into their conversation so we can end this battle quickly, calling Butch one name I've been saving. "Come on, Bitch. Don't you want a piece of me?"

That really gets him worked up. "You asked for it! Golem, Rollout!"

As Golem rolls towards us on the soaked sand, I give the final command to both my Pokémon. "Weather Ball!"

The rain boosted attacks easily put Golem down as well, and that has Cassidy and Butch running for the wreckage of their robot. They disappear in there for a few minutes before emerging with jetpacks strapped to their backs.

As they recall their fainted Pokémon, Cassidy makes sure we know what's going on. "We are not blasting off," she insists. "This is a tactical retreat."

"Call it what you like," Jessie mocks her. "But when you go back to the boss empty handed, be sure to tell him that if he has any business in Sinnoh, to call us instead of sending posers like you!"

We wave goodbye to the rocket duo as they take to the air. "See you later, Bucky!" James calls.

I'm not sure if it's my head supplementing the words, or Butch actually yelling at us, but I can hear his voice correcting us as they fly off. I take a second and look around, to make sure there are no other wild Hippowdon or giant robots around, because it's been that sort of day, but it seems like everything has calmed down.

In fact, with the deluge of rain that we summoned, some plants and flowers that had been waiting for who knows how long for some rain to come around have started sprouting. A couple more Rain Dances and we might paint this place green for a couple of days.

A few Pokémon have poked their heads out of the sand to see what's up, though they go straight back down when they see the carnage left from the raging robot rumble. Except for one, who's not quick enough. It's that snake from earlier. Even though it has fangs, Jessie grabs it by the neck expertly, rendering it mostly defenseless, and stares it in the face wordlessly.

"You want to give that to da boss instead of Hippowdon?" Meowth asks her after a second. "It's kinda wimpy looking, no?"

When Jessie remains silent, James waves a hand holding some of his Pokémon cards that he uses to identify them. "Yoohoo? Jessie?" He calls nervously. "That Pokémon you're holding is called a Silicobra? We don't have to give it to the boss if you don't want to."

By the way she takes out a Pokéball, bops the snake on the head, and pockets it after Silicobra is captured, I think she wants it for herself. As for me, it hasn't been the most productive of days, but it sure as hell has been one of the most fun.

"Use Rain Dance again," I direct Glaceon. "I want to really see this place bloom."

It's perfectly fine to waste a day having fun, in my opinion. After all, to quote one of my favorite movies, life moves pretty fast. Sometimes, you need to stop and smell the desert roses.