“The Empire, your parents, the Resistance, the Sith, the Jedi... let the past die. Kill it, if you have to. That's the only way to become what you are meant to be.”

His words lingered her clouded mind as she was cursed to hear them on repeat. Almost like an obsession and there was no cure to stop them. He was right, she should of listened to him. What am I even meant to be?

“But not to me.” These four words followed her train of thought as if he were there in her mind, listening to her worries and comforting her. But the bond was never to return again, it was never real. No, it was just a memory and somehow standing in the exact same spot that she did before, when they first touched each other’s hands on Ahch-To, made her feel emptier than after her parents abandoned her on Jakku.

Rey tried to meditate for what felt like weeks in the exact same spot that she had her first vision of him, but to no result, no answer to her prayers. I am alone. Again.

That day was like any other day before. Her feelings were running wild and the Force felt non existent, far away from her reach. She opened her journal and started writing, without any idea what her thought would take form of on paper. It was everything she had left that helped to keep somehow her sanity.

‘’Jakku: my home since I have memories of myself.

My parents: traitors.

Me: a nobody.’’

She felt tears filling up her eyes and had to wipe them up fast enough so they don’t fall on the notebook. The words hit harder than ever before as an insidious thought crept up slowly at her mind, covering it in darkness and despair: to end it all. To give up on everything and stop fighting a battle that doesn’t belong to her, that brings her no benefit.

‘’A thought just crossed my mind…’’ she began writing while telling out loud what she was going to write next: ‘’I am done battling.’’ But instead, she wrote ‘’I am done battling the wrong side of the story’’ without realizing it. As if her thoughts and actions were completely dissociated and her unconscious had different ideas from her own consciousness. She suddenly stopped. Something felt wrong, as if she weren’t in the control when she wrote those words. She read them again. I am done battling the wrong side of the story… What does that even mean? Her heart started feeling lighter and her emotions were slowly fading away, leaving only serenity behind, maybe even happiness. As if she made contact with The Force all over again. What is happening with me? Why do I feel this way out of a sudden? But her train of thoughts had to stop because her mind was slowly emptying, leaving only peace behind. She closed her eyes. The warm rays of the sunset were bathing her body as well as her soul so she laid down, on the cold stone that once was Ben’s meditating spot. She felt an intimate connection with him since she had those visions of the past, she had tried reaching him before, but there was no response, not even the slightest feeling of it.

But now… now she felt him again, maybe his presence, maybe a memory, maybe just her own imagination, but he was there, dressed in his black robes, looking at her. She knew he wasn’t real, but in her vision, they were standing by the entrance of the Dark Cave.

‘’Ben… Kylo…’’ she started, waiting for a response from him. Everything was so vivid, she could feel the cold breeze of the ocean, the humid atmosphere, the waves that were crashing against the shore…

‘’You shouldn’t have entered this cave. Not only you saw through my soul, but you corrupted yours as well. You bind yourself willingly to me when you chose to see the truth. To have knowledge more than you were allowed to.’’ His face was serious, but somehow calm. And instead of being scared, Rey took a few steps towards him until she faced him a few inches distance. She could feel already his breath on her face as she looked up to him. He felt so real.

‘’I…’’ but her words refused to come. She opened her mouth again trying to say something, but failed. She was mesmerized by him, by his presence, by his eyes. She never felt that way before for any man.

He just stood silent there, as if he had the whole patience in the world to wait for her to finish her excuse.

‘’You’re not really here… maybe I’m just imagining everything.’’ She suddenly said those words out loud and her stomach dropped at the realization that everything is a lie and he’s not really there. She stopped looking in his eyes, it felt too intimate to be real. But suddenly she felt a warm finger caressing her cheek with touches that were barely there as if not to scare her away. Rey didn’t resist. Instead, a warm tear greeted his finger as a response back to his touch.

‘’Look at me, Rey.’’ Kylo’s voice was warm, familiar, never in a way that spoke with her before. She complied to his request.

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‘’Why did you want to find out the truth? Why about me? You could of gotten your information about your parents only.’’ His voice was low, close to a whisper, he didn’t want to scare her away.

‘’Because… I was curious… I felt like something is being kept away from me, I felt I needed to know the truth. I took a risk at breaking my own heart but I prefer it than to be kept in darkness, in the unknown.’’ The final words escaped her with a broken voice. It was too much for her to feel all over again everything she experienced in that cave.

‘’When you go as far as reliving the past through someone else’s eyes and feelings, it doesn’t leave without a mark. You are bound to me now, you’ve attached your heart to mine and there is no turning back. Nothing, no evil or good force in this entire Universe can ever break it again. It’s a rule that you broke, knowingly or unknowingly. But what is done is done and now your soul is slowly fading away from sadness, from grief, from the longing feeling that you’ve been feeling for your entire life. To know that you belong to someone, that there is someone out there looking up for you without them being conditioned by a mission that needs to be taken care of... Yes, I have seen your past as well, your emotions, everything. We both know each other now without any walls left to hide even the slightest secret. What are you going to do about it?’’

Rey was in shock. As much as she felt so short of breath, she was thinking that she was close to fainting. It all was feeling way too real to be just a figment of her imagination.

‘’But if you say we are one now…’’ she almost whispered ‘’…why didn’t you answer my calls when I searched for you? Why did you say in my vision in the cave that you will never want to have anything to do with me anymore?’’ She was close to crying but tried fighting back the tears.

‘’Rey, those visions were not me. I am real. I am here. It is true, they were a representation of my thoughts that I kept having because I was mad at you when I felt you in mind, in my memories. I wanted to make you forget about me, to push you away because I was ashamed at how vulnerable you’ve seen me. But I failed. I am here. Because I cannot stay away. Not anymore.’’

‘’When…how did you come on Ahch-To without me sensing your presence before?’’

‘’Because I am not here physically. I am in my chambers, on the main spaceship. I cannot yet visit you without endangering your safe whereabouts. Snoke may be dead, but his acolytes are ready to tear you apart and me as well if they catch you in my presence yet. I am one, they are many, I may have the Sith Knowledge, but I am outnumbered and my training was never complete, as you have seen for yourself. And neither yours was. I may have more knowledge than you at this point and I can be your teacher, but if you accept my offer, you must do exactly as I say, no objections, no questions, no nothing. I need to protect you and the perfect way to do that is by teaching you how to protect yourself the right way. Not the nonsense Luke tried on you before. He hid many things from you and he didn’t want to give you access to the true knowledge of both of the factions because he feared you will follow my path. He didn’t manage to strike me down that night, but he did it willingly to you when he chose to leave out the essentials of a fight against the real danger of this galaxy.’’

He stopped, waiting for a reaction from her. She was pale and most likely in shock, but he waited for her to process everything he said until she finally spoke:

‘’How can you train me when you’re not here? And who am I to fight against? The resistance? The only ones I called my family in my life? Against your mother?’’ Emotions of sudden anger made her burst out at him without any intention.

‘’No.’’ he simply answered with a long pause, but the he followed: ‘’The enemy may be common even, but never trust people that have no discipline and lack loyalty. One of you regularly informed us of the Resistance’s whereabouts, the army that is being built, the weapons used, everything. Information that not even you, who were among them this whole time, could of known. Yet, information leaks continuously. Always.’’ His eyes were burning from hatred as he spoke. They were the only ones that betrayed his calm façade.

Rey noticed it and knew he was saying the truth. She didn’t think twice and wrapped her arms around him, hugging him. He felt so real, like his body was truly there. He was warm and his heart was beating fast, with emotions flowing through his veins. She felt his arms wrapping up around her in an embrace so tight that showed how much he felt for her and how much he needed her with him. But Kylo knew better that her safety was above everything for him. So he chose to wear himself out of spiritual energy by projecting himself where she was, no matter how much he would suffer afterwards. He knew the risks and the immediate implications, yet he chose to sacrifice himself. For her. For Rey. She was his. Finally.

‘’Rey, I cannot stay anymore with you for now. But I will come back, I promise.’’ He didn’t want to scare her by telling her how much he was in pain. He was wearing himself faster than anticipated because he was still a novice at it. I will get better at it, I promise he said to himself.

She looked up at him and felt tears running down her cheeks at the realization that he will be gone again from her for who knows how long this time. She wanted to stay there forever, embraced with him, to feel him.

‘’Please don’t go. Stay.. a few more minutes.. I beg you.’’ Rey’s crying voice was taking over her.

‘’I cannot, believe me, I would stay here more than just a few minutes, but I am soon to be left without any energy and I don’t want to go without a good bye from you and a promise to give you that I will come back soon. Just wait me.’’ He knew it was time to leave so in a last desperate gesture, he grabbed her face with his hands and lowered his head to hers, pressing his lips against her in a desperate, longing kiss before vanishing back in the unknown.

And with him gone, Rey was dragged back out of her vision. The warm rays of the sunset were bathing her body as well as her soul once again while laying on the cold ground. But something was different and when she woke up, she saw that he was right all along. She wasn’t anymore on the cliff, at his meditation spot. She was on the cold sand, by the entrance of the cave, with the waves crashing at the shore and the humid familiar feeling. Only two sharp words crossed her mind in those moments while she was trying to regain her breathing:

Teach me.