Tayen had asked Hyde to take a walk with her. They wandered through Corburn. Hyde looked around, this time with a nostalgic feeling instead of the anxiety and fear he had felt before. The small buildings and messy, stone paths gave him comfort now.

He compared Corburn to Enath. It was clear they were made for different environments. The buildings here had thin walls and lots of windows to let the air in. The paths were crooked and slanted to let the heavy rains flow away to the sea nearby. Enath, on the other hand, had straight, smooth, stone paths so snow could easily be shovelled off. Their walls were thicker, the windows couldn’t open as wide.

Enath had fireplaces and a dozen blankets per household, Corburn had big backyards with kiddy pools and lots of outdoor taps.

Hyde snapped out of his thoughts when he heard Tayen say something. “Huh?”

Tayen huffed with a smile. “Will you stay here again?”

“Oh, uh.” Hyde looked down. “Probably not.”

“Why not?”

“It wouldn’t be fair to Rune. We stayed with his family for only two weeks, because we wanted to come here, too. It would feel like a bit of a slap in the face if I got to stay indefinitely and he didn’t.”

“I mean, you don’t have to stay in the same place. He could go home on his own.”

Hyde frowned. He felt that unpleasant tingle in his gut again. “I guess he could.”

“But you don’t want him to, do you?”

Hyde looked up at her and was met with a grin. He shrugged. “I—I like having him around me.”

“Yeah, we all noticed that. But it makes me wonder.”

“What?”

“You love having him close to you, he seems to calm you down somehow. Hell, he’s the one that gave you the courage to come home.”

“Yeah? What’s your question?”

“How do you truly feel about him?”

Hyde raised his eyebrow. “He’s my friend.”

Tayen squinted. “Just your friend?”

Hyde squinted back at her, confused about what she was getting at. “Yes?”

“Really?”

He shrugged. “What did you expect me to say?”

“You’ve never felt anything other than platonic feelings for him?”

Hyde stared at her, his face warmed. “Uh.”

Tayen snickered. “The fact that you don’t say no right away says a lot, you know?”

“Wha- Why do you think I feel more for him?”

“You’re touchy and comfortable with each other in a way that’s—I guess friends can be that close too, but I’ve never seen you like it with anyone. Like you said, you like having him around you, but surely you’d get sick of someone eventually. But it doesn’t seem like you two get sick of each other. Even when you’re separated for only an hour or so, the first thing you do when you come back is look for him.”

Hyde examined the ground, his cheeks burning. “I…”

He considered it all. He guessed he did do those things. When he came back from the pack meeting that evening, his first instinct wasn’t to talk to his parents about what he thought of it; the people that it would interest the most. No, he went upstairs to Rune sitting in his bedroom again to tell him about it, instead. And his parents afterwards.

And he was very comfortable with him, he could talk to him about anything. And physically too. It had never felt so easy to lean against someone or grab their hand or hug them or sleep next to him or fix his hair—

His attention went back to his smug, older sister. He sighed deeply. “Maybe there’s a bit of truth to it.”

Tayen chuckled. “Good. Then my job is done, here.”

“Huh?”

She shrugged. “I wanted to see if you knew about these feelings yourself, and if not, make you see them. Cause, it’s pretty obvious. I’m sure Mom and Dad have seen it already, too.” She tilted her head. “Well, at least Mom.”

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Hyde glared at her.

“You’re not very subtle.”

“Yeah, I got that.”

“If Rune hasn’t noticed yet, he’s an idiot.” She put her hand on his shoulder and pushed him away. “Now go home and confess your love!” she cheered him on.

“What? No!”

Tayen groaned. “Please don’t drag it out for an eternity. You adore each other, get on with it.”

Hyde huffed. “I’ll do it at my own pace, if you don’t mind.”

“I do if it’s a snail’s pace.”

“Fine, I’m going home.” Hyde turned to leave with a grunt.

“To confess?” Tayen called after him.

He snapped back around, his face red. “No!”

She laughed and waved him off. “Alright, alright. I’ll see you later.” She went on her way home, too.

Hyde sat on his bed. He had his knee pulled up to his chest and hugged it with one arm while he stared at nothing and chewed on a toothpick.

Rune hadn’t been home when he came back from his walk with Tayen. He had walked into the living room, looking for him. Only his parents were there. “Where’s Rune?” he asked.

“Oh.” Dione shrugged. “He’s doing some shopping for me, he’ll be back soon.”

Hyde raised his eyebrow. “Oh, okay?”

Dione had taken a good look at his face. “Something wrong?”

“No, why?”

“Your face is all red. Did Tayen do something?”

Hyde turned away. “Kinda.” He fled upstairs before she could answer again.

Perhaps it was a good thing Rune wasn’t here yet, Hyde wouldn’t know how to explain his red face.

Why had it taken him so long to realise he felt this way? Thinking back, it was so obvious. How easily he grew attached to him, how quickly Rune could calm him down, how comfortable he was with him. When he held him after his night terror, when they slept next to each other in Enath, when they played piano together, when they spent a day in the shopping streets. How had he not seen it before?

Fuck, he was dumb.

So many people had seen it before him, too. Tayen, his dad, probably his mom, Night, Selene—hell, even Raven. Ah, that must be why she had been so mad at him lately. Oh, well.

The door to his bedroom opened, Hyde flinched. Rune walked in, he smiled at him. “Hey.”

“Hey,” Hyde quietly greeted.

“Are you chewing on a toothpick?”

Hyde took the toothpick out of his mouth. “Seems like it.”

Rune sat on the bed next to him. “Why?”

Hyde put it back between his teeth and shrugged.

Rune frowned. “Are you okay?”

“I guess I’m kinda nervous.”

“Why?”

You. But Hyde couldn’t tell him that, yet. Hyde glanced at him, his cheeks warming, then looked away again. “Don’t know.”

Rune smiled a little. He leaned against the headboard of the bed. He wrapped his arm around Hyde’s shoulders and pulled him against his side, making Hyde yelp. He left his arm around Hyde’s waist.

He pulled the toothpick out of Hyde’s mouth. “Stop that, you’ll get splinters in your gums.” He left it on the nightstand.

Hyde sighed, trying to relax. This would’ve relaxed him before, but now, his heart only sped up more. He still felt the need to chew on something, but had nothing to bite now. He twitched a little.

“Do you need something to chew on?” Rune asked, concerned.

Hyde hummed. “Maybe?” He shifted to sit more comfortably against him. “Can you distract me?”

“Of course. How?”

“Uhh, why did my mom send you shopping?”

“Oh,” Rune chuckled. “While you were away, I said I was going to get some cans of blood for myself, I only had one left. So then she decided, since I was going to the store anyway, I should take some other stuff with me. And then she handed me an entire shopping list. I don’t know if I got everything right, I never go shopping for normal people food. But I don’t think she can complain, she’s the one that sent a vampire to buy her food.”

Hyde chuckled. He looked at Rune’s face with a fond smile. He let himself lean on him more as Rune continued to talk. Hyde enjoyed listening to his voice. It didn’t help slow down his heartbeat, but these were positive nerves. More like excitement. He liked spending time with him. He always had, that’s why these feelings were there in the first place.

Hyde laid awake at night. He couldn’t stop thinking and worrying about Rune and their relationship. He needed to get these thoughts out of his head somehow. Lately, he always told Rune his thoughts, but he couldn’t do that with this. So, he decided to go back to his old method.

He rolled over to his nightstand and grabbed his notebook and pen. He propped himself up on his elbows and laid his notebook on his pillow. He chewed on his pen as he thought of how to start. He began with doodling a twig pattern at the top of the page to ease his nerves.

It’s been a while since I’ve written in here. I haven’t felt the need to, lately. Telling Rune whatever is on my mind has the same effect. And it can prompt discussion.

But I can’t tell him this. Not yet.

I’ve realised I have feelings for him. And now I’m worrying about the implications and consequences of that.

How does he feel about me? Is there a chance he feels the same? Has he given me hints yet? If so, I haven’t seen them. But then again, it took me this long to notice my own feelings, yet alone his.

He’s really close to me. He grabs my hand all the time, he let’s me fix his hair, he leans on me a lot, especially when he’s upset. He left his family again to join me with my family. He went out shopping for my mom. I don’t know if I’m reading into things with that one, but it could mean that he’s trying to get her to like him or something. She already does, though.

Would a relationship work between us? I can’t think of a reason why not, but I don’t know. Maybe the distance between our homes and families.

If I told him about my feelings, would it make things weird? Ruin our friendship? I guess that’s the biggest thing I’m afraid of. Not necessarily rejection, but losing the closest friend I’ve ever had. Although, rejection would also make me sad.

I wanna hold his hand. I wanna hug him. I wanna cuddle with him. I wanna hold him. I want him to hold me. I wanna kiss him. I wanna hold his hips. I wanna pull him against me. I wanna make out with him. I wanna…

Do I wanna fuck him?

Do I want him to fuck me?

I’ve never thought of that before.

Despite me questioning for years, I’m still new to this whole gay thing. He’s more experienced than me.

It’s lonely at night now that we’re not sharing a bed anymore. Could I walk into his room and sleep in his bed instead? Would that be weird? Depends on how he feels about me, I guess.

I shouldn’t. I shouldn’t take that risk.

I should go to sleep.

He closed his notebook and laid it back on the nightstand along with the pen. He let his head fall on his pillow with a deep sigh.