Interlude #1: Annie Makes a Friend, Briefly

A sublime stillness had come upon her master, the telltale sign that his mind was consumed by the martial arts. He sat in a deep horse stance, focused entirely on her phone set up on a tripod, watching the forms they’d developed so far on repeat. Without a physical challenge to distract him, James was forever listless and bored – pleasant and friendly, but not entirely present. It was probably why he could come across as such a himbo; his brain was only half on most of the time.

But you only had to take one glance at him now, submerged in the task of inventing a new form, to realize he was a rare genius. Annie could see his mind picking apart the footage, isolating their movements by action and intention, and weaving them into a new cohesive whole, all at a level and pace that defied belief. That was James’ true talent, and what set him apart from the rest: the ability to intuit kinesthetics at a glance. She was taking it on faith that she’d be able to replicate it at all, because she currently had no idea where to begin, and she’d never seen anyone in her long life of semi-professional athletics come close to matching the man. But James was confident she could do it, and she believed in him more than any coach she’d ever had.

Annie shook herself out of her stupor, she’d frozen mid sip of water at the sight of her man. If she stared any longer at him, all shirtless and serious like that, she’d spend the rest of the day unfathomably horny. They’d already dual cultivated before this, so she had no easy excuse with which to seduce him.

You’re burning daylight, Shine! She yelled at herself in her mind. Now’s the time to put in the work!

She nodded. That was right, she might not be able to seduce him today, but that was no reason to give up on the long game. It was time to impress James with some good old-fashioned, down-home, country cooking!

Annie had been brushing up on her recipes lately. She’d called her mother for some tips, and had even pushed past an hour of answering questions about James, to actually get them. The older woman had sussed out the reason for the call immediately, having already seen their videos together.

Her parents had been big fans of Damon and their relationship; ‘linebacker dates cheerleader’ was a Middle America Dream come true, and the big lug was a country-boy through and through. After the breakup, they had been polite, but had clearly disapproved, and agreed with Damon on the dangers of ‘the big city’ for a young woman.

They definitely did not approve of James, nor did they believe her when she said it was all platonic. She didn’t know who sent them the video of James fighting the Tiger Gang member, but they’d both seen it, and had “concerns”. A lot of the questions she was asked had clearly been the ‘mom-ified’ versions of her father’s angry complaints, made to be less openly hostile, but no less offensive.

It felt like James was the only man who really believed in her these days. Well, Kas too, but the old actor made her believe that she could find success as a stunt woman. James made her feel like she could accomplish anything; he practically took it as a given that she would. That was an indescribable level of support and respect that she would forever be grateful for.

Which was why she had to lock him down! There were hot guys aplenty in this world, but a hot guy who also respected you as a woman, was a man worth fighting for. Too bad she wasn’t competing with other women.

Frankly, other women had to compete with her. Annie was confident she could be the better baddie. No, unfortunately for her, Annie was competing with the concept of martial arts as a whole. She wanted to occupy the same space in his mind, for him to love her, like he loved fighting.

It was a grand ambition, but she might have come upon the answer: fried cheese curds. With considerably more protein than fat, and a modest amount of carbs from the breading and batter, the snack was perfect for their macro requirements. Micronutrient wise, it was obviously terrible, but that was why she’d pre-seasoned some vegetables for steaming alongside some salmon. Finally, she’d finish him with a fruit parfait for dessert, creating a meal that would have him dreaming about her for days after.

Hopeful, and feeling exceptionally proud of herself, she paused on the welcome mat just inside the apartment and thought, Hey, maybe today’s the day I figure this out!

Annie stared down intensely at her shoelaces. She imagined as vividly as possible bending down and pulling them undone. Her master could pick her up and twirl her around with invisible rivers of force, so surely, she could manage to untie her shoes.

Nothing was happening, but she didn’t let that dissuade her. She could do this, she knew it. Maybe another tactic was required. Annie closed her eyes and thought of little tendrils of energy shooting down her legs, through the top of her feet, and into her shoes. She pictured the energy tugging the laces free on its way out, and breathed the way that James had taught her. As she repeated the image in her mind with each breath, it grew more and more vivid, until she could feel a warmth in her core.

It was happening! She was doing it! Annie continued her meditation, putting her entire will and mind towards moving the warmth downwards. And it was working! Yes!

She opened her eyes, and then opened them wider. Her shoelaces were on fire.

“Shit, shit, shit!” she shouted, slapping the tiny flames out. Thankfully, only the tips had started to burn.

Annie sighed; her expensive, white martial arts sneakers, designed for a combination of grip and speed, weren’t ruined, but they had been marred by conspicuous burn marks. Huh, actually, that was kind of cool. It was like a little character design flare, all puns intended, that gave a hint of her style and current vibe – something for the fans on the forums.

Plus, she couldn’t afford to replace the sneakers at the moment. Using her entire paycheck to buy and fix up a van had been a reasonable choice, up until she remembered that she had to pay to get it inspected and registered. Then she’d had to pay for the borough parking permit, and the neighborhood parking permit; both of which had required her to have a New Jersey license, and all of which cost an unreasonable amount of money. Stupid New Jersey, who would have ever thought she’d long for the joys of Pennsylvania, the nation’s strangest state.

She already felt at home in James’ kitchen, though it and the rest of the apartment were definitely in a transitionary phase, half way between a stark early-20’s bachelor pad and a thoughtful adult’s home. Annie liked to take credit for the change, deserved or not. Some men needed pussy to motivate them towards doing the bare minimum of interior design.

Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon.

Once the salmon and the veggies were steaming in the crock pot, she began washing the fruit for the parfait. The cheese curds had already been dried and battered at home, ready to drop into oil once it was time for lunch. She’d woken up an hour earlier just to get everything prepped; she wanted it to appear effortless to James. It was funny, she’d never tried even half as hard to seduce Damon, but then their relationship had been born out of convenience more than desire.

Annie paused, as she put a washed strawberry down onto a paper towel. That was odd, she could have sworn that she’d already done five berries before this one. Perhaps she’d been distracted by thoughts of romance.

Nope, after rinsing the next berry, there was still only four on the towel. She started to check the floor to see if one had rolled off the counter, but as she had the thought, a veil was lifted from her perception, allowing her to see a patch in front of her that had seemed empty before.

An enormously fat rat, rolls spilling over his tiny little arms, was on his back. He had the strawberry she’d just cleaned in his paws, eating it with rapid little nibbles, and stopping every once in a while, to shake his head back and forth and shiver with rapturous pleasure.

She gasped, causing the rat to notice his illusion had failed. He froze with terror mid bite. Then, very slowly, as though that would stop her from noticing, he began to shove the remainder of the berry into his mouth, making his cheek bulge outwards.

“Eeeeeeeeeeee! Sooooooooo CUTE!”

Annie began to shake with repressed excitement before snatching the rat off the counter and spinning the both of them around. She clutched the rodent to her chest and bounced up and down on her heels.

“Oh my God, oh my God, oh MY GOD! You are too much! I can’t believe James hates you!”

The rat, for his part, was extremely confused. He chittered anxiously, his nerves rapidly fraying as he squirmed in the woman’s grasp, and stared at the fingers holding him in shocked disbelief.

Annie, spotting that the strangely emotive creature was contemplating an escape, hurriedly grabbed a strawberry and shoved it in his face. That did the trick; the rat started to slowly chew on the fruit, though continued to watch her with suspicion.

“Om, nom, nom,” said Annie, narrating the animal’s bites. “Yay! It’s delicious, right? Locally grown,” she bragged.

It only took one more hand-fed strawberry for the porcine rodent to relax and go limp in her grasp. She giggled as she squished him delicately, enjoying the way his soft body felt in her hand. He was almost as soft as the Hammo plush on her keychain.

Annie placed the rat down in the sink, scratching him behind the ears when he glanced up at her questioningly. It was a shame him and her master had gotten off to such a bad start, but she was sure she could find a way to bury the hatchet between them.

“It’s okay, Mr. Squishy,” she said to the freshly named rat. “Once I give you a little shower, and tie a ribbon around your neck, there’s no way James will still be upset with you.”

Mr. Squishy looked up at her skeptically, seemingly capable of understanding her words, but didn’t move. He let her put a few drops of dish detergent onto his back and continued eating while she lathered him up. She was gentle with him, especially as she rubbed each of the tiny digits on his paws between her thumb and forefinger. They felt so delicate that it was hard to believe this was supposedly a dangerous ninjutsu practitioner.

It was somewhat distressing to see how much dirt and filth had built up on the rat’s fur. The entire bottom of the sink looked like mud when the water hit him. Before she’d begun bathing him, he had appeared to be a dark, almost black, brown, but with each rinse and re-lather, the fur grew closer to a grey. His face, once she could get him to let her wash it between bites, even had silvery strands around his nose and eyes, a sign of his advanced age.

Once he was all clean, save the strawberry red around his mouth – a losing battle, she’d determined – she wrapped and bundled him in a hand towel, tucking it around him like a blanket. James unfortunately had her phone with him, otherwise she’d have immediately posted the little critter on all of her socials. The world had to see him.

Her high quality, professional camera was also still outside, and she didn’t want to give the game away to James until she had his nemesis looking properly presentable. Luckily, her Osmo ActionCam mostly lived in her exercise bag. It had a fisheye lens, which would make the video look like she was shooting skate tricks, but it was better than nothing.

Annie opened her bag and did a double take. It was a charnel house of sorts, with bits of stuffing strewn about, paper shredded to bits, and plastic shavings littering the bottom. There was little inside that hadn’t been chewed upon, with more than a third of her credit card destroyed, and a large hole made through the side, but she had eyes for only one thing.

Annie picked up her Hammo keychain plush, or what was left of it, at least. Half of its anime-hamster head had been eaten. Her eyes were wide and watering as she gave it a squeeze, causing a chunk of stuffing to fall out.

“Nooooo, Hammo! Who would do this to such a noble hero?”

The answer was, of course, obvious. She turned to look at the little rat who froze under her weepy and accusatory look. Despite appearing for all the world like an ordinary animal, it seemed to radiate guilt. Annie turned from the rat to where all her prepped food was in a stack – apart from the berries she’d been washing, they had been left untouched.

“But, but, why?” she asked, voice shaking. “There’s so much real food. Why eat Hammo?”

The rat squeaked and scratched its nose, eyes shifting side to side. It pulled the towel over its face, and then vanished, the cloth falling inwards on where it had just been.

Fool! She’d been such an absolute, naïve fool. James had told her what a villain the little monster was, and she hadn’t even hesitated to ignore his words completely. Hammo hadn’t deserved to meet such a fate, but she deserved to see the grim sight. Could she even call herself the senior student of Black City Kung Fu anymore? She had just hand washed their greatest enemy. Thank god, she hadn’t been able to post any pictures of the monster, she never would have lived that one down.

James – James could never know she’d done this. She would just have to swallow this shame for the rest of her life, clean up the kitchen, and pretend like nothing had happened. But she wouldn’t forget. She would never forget.

Annie clenched her fist and held it to the sky, her other hand holding Hammo tight to her bosom. “I’ll never forgive this, Mr. Squishy! I will avenge Hammo! I’ll wash off this shame with your blood, traitor!”