The happiness faded away when I realized what a double-edged sword this new ability was. The more I chip away from myself to move, the less mass I had to use for anything else. I distinctly remember that message at the start of all this which made me piss myself. “Warning: If users total mass reaches 1, the user will be terminated”. My mass is essentially my health points.

The system is a little bitch. Being snarky and saying to enjoy my time in the end before abandoning me. Fuck off mate, if I was a blimmen’ huge planet this may have been more of a laugh. But nah, you decided to fuck me straight over. If I ever see the mad scientist who created the system, I’m going to asteroid-slap them so hard that team rocket would struggle to bounce back from it.

However … I could finally explore the universe if I wanted too now.

'Who knows what could be out there?'

Alien life?

The milky way galaxy and Earth?

Someone who will love me and my potato body?

The possibilities are endless… Apart from maybe the last one.

I needed to start growing and become Earth 2.0. Otherwise, I could be chipped away by random space debris to the size of an actual pebble, which would end up just being frankly embarrassing. Since I can move now, finding lunch is the next step. I started to notice I was enjoying myself a little bit now. After the initial shock, a combination of starting to get used to this body and adapting to the game aspects excited me a tiny bit.

I started to scout around myself to see if there were any close asteroids which I could propel myself towards. I saw a tasty morsel not too far away which I estimated to be almost 1/10th the size of me. It may be tricky for my first use of consume but I needed to go big or go home. I had a pretty good plan regardless.

My plan for using consume was much more logical than my previous actions thankfully. Let’s skip all the superhero command calling bullshit again. I needed to act in a way that a body would consume something. Human beings ate by obviously putting a piece of food into their mouth, chewing on it and then swallowing. I do not have a mouth though, or a throat or anything. So, in that case, I needed to create a mouth or at least an opening for the “food” to go into.

I proceeded bore out a massive hole onto one side of my body, planning to get the asteroid to fall into this hole. This hole would effectively act as a “mouth” for me to eat something. Once inside, I would close the opening the asteroid came into. Effectively trapping the asteroid inside of me, where I would crush the asteroid, Star Wars garbage compactor style. Which in theory should incorporate the asteroid to my own mass as if I digested it. I had no other ideas that made any sense, so this was my best shot.

[Terraform has increased to level 3]

Good, good. The additional level made it easier to shift higher volumes of mass quicker, without as much mental strain. My body may feel like it aches a bit, but primarily the mental strain limits my progress. It was akin to working for several hours straight without a break. Just tiring.

After a significant amount of time, I was done. Remember those craft or cooking shows that shows you how to make something? But instead of showing you the glue drying or the cake baking, they just pull out “one I made earlier” from behind them. That’s what it was like here. My mouth was complete. Ta-da!

If someone saw a side on view of me, they may see something that vaguely resembled Pac-man who was on way too many growth hormones. Well, at least no one will think I am a normal asteroid now. Within my mouths structure, I cleverly put in some support struts to keep the hole open. So, in the case something went wrong, I could easily destroy these to make sure the hole closes faster than me manually using terraform. With all the preparation now done, it was time to start my adventure!

Manoeuvring myself over to my little snack was going to be harder than originally anticipated. The asteroid I was planning to consume was very far away, but I wasn’t going to pussy out now.

I prepared by creating a large slab of rock for my initial propulsion. I needed a big boost towards the asteroid if I wanted to get there before the star started to expand into a red-giant. I had no way of precisely calculating what angles and forces were required, so I needed to eyeball as it goes. I took a final estimate for my first thrust and propelled the slab of rock away from me, boosting myself towards the asteroid.

[Rock Mass -23.43dr]

Woah, Woah, Woah, hold up a minute.

To think in all this time, I did not bring up a status screen. I was tired of calling myself stupid.

I mentally thought of "status", eager to see what information I could now uncover. I took a glance at how far away I was from the asteroid, but I was still ages away so there was no rush to look at all the information.

Status

Name DB2-334-5BH-235-KA3 Type Asteroid Location Solar system B-45FD-234G-3243

Mass

Rock 2322.67dr            

If you spot this tale on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

Yes, I wondered what my name was. Some meaningless characters on the screen. Lovely.

The type of asteroid didn’t help me much either unsurprisingly.

My location, nice to know but again useless.

The mass, however, ho-ho. This is where the real money is at. Something finally useful instead of what sector of candy land I’m in. I can see how much “health” I had. Good to see I was in the thousands. I did not recognize what dr was though. It must be their version for kg giving my best guess, as I sure as hell know I ain’t 2300kg.

Why did I not get notified before though, when I released that tiny rock before? Perhaps, when I cut out the previous chunk it was too small to be noticed by the system? On second thought, it’s probably so I don’t get spammed with messages every single time a dust particle flies off or something. You did something good for once System. Bravo to you, ya cheeky fuck.

‘But where’s the rest of the information?’

‘This can’t be it!’

I mentally clawed the status screen, trying to excavate the lost information like I was Indiana Jones.

‘The sacred Jedi texts? They’re not here.’

...

Fat lot good you are, I’ll take that bravo back System. There were so many blank spots in the table below. My only guess why it was playing up was because I wasn’t a planet, where I was originally supposed to be. New types of mass, and perhaps additional status effects have yet to be unlocked so I could have had a much easier time. I have so many handicaps it’s unreal.

I closed the menus and checked the progress towards the smaller asteroid. I feel as if calling it an asteroid is somewhat rude, considering I am an asteroid too. #EqualRightsForAllAsteroids. Let’s call my meal little Timmy. They say you shouldn’t give a name to something you are going to eat, but who gives a fuck. I will sure appreciate it when I watch my mass rocket up.

[Rock Mass -12.23dr]

I inched closer to Little Timmy, ejecting some more mass periodically to adjust my angle and speed.

[Rock Mass -5.44dr]

[Rock Mass -2.34dr]

Level 3 terraform, was the best thing that happened all day. It allows me to adjust my velocity more, without using a fuckton of mass. Making myself look resemble a chain chomp didn’t help with the spinning though. My centre of mass was now near the surface instead of my core, causing me to turn faster than the time when having an exam.

[Rock Mass -1.29dr]

I made one final adjustment, ejecting a small rock at the speed of sonic away from the right of my mouth. My spinning slowed down enough so Little Timmy should go straight into my mouth. That sounded wrong... Too late now, it’s going to happen. Look, Mum. I'm going to become a cannibal! Are you proud?

...

Almost there...

...

Almost got it...

...

Now for the moment, I have been waiting for. I was a Venus flytrap, prepared for my next meaty meal.

Little Timmy let’s just say... had other ideas.

Instead of him going straight into my mouth he instead smashed into the side of it. I tried to collapse my mouth with terraform, smashing the support columns. to trap Little Timmy, but I was slightly too late. As I bathed in agony, a list of notifications flashed onto my screen.

[Rock Mass -57.78dr]

[Rock Mass -223.12dr]

[Rock Mass -32.65dr]

[Rock Mass -93.43dr]

[Rock Mass +52.29dr]

[Rock Mass -174.21dr]

I don’t think, “this plan went completely tits up” covers it. I screamed as the feeling of getting a football booted into your jaw enthralled my mind. Fragments of me and Little Timmy flew everywhere in all directions. This shit show was beyond saving now.

I shouted ‘Fuck that hurts’, more times than I could count before I finally assessed what was happening. It was like I took a nuke to the face. I underestimated how fast I was still spinning. So, when Little Timmy entered, he just smashed one side of my “face” right off. Damn who would have seen the plot twist of Little Timmy being Negan with Lucille in disguise.

The pain in my mind slowly wore off as I tumbled and spun. I slowly skimmed through all the notifications, internally wincing at each message. I lost so much.

I really wanted to try to laugh it off, think of it as a learning experience. Say how much of an idiot I was. Promising to myself to be more careful in the future. To move on from it.

But I couldn’t.

My heart immediately became heavy with the guilt of my overconfidence. My mind reeled at the setback I just encountered. The clouds of sadness and regret quickly washed over me, as I could not fully comprehend how fucked I was.