Should an immortal choose to retire and pull away from the world at large and the society of the heavens it was entirely their choice to do so. After all in the heavens money was nothing. Most things, the things that mattered could only be gained in barter.
So long as one had other ways to pursue one’s pleasures, and enough celestial power to supply the necessities then keeping employment was just another way to kill time. Thus it was that as each member of the BTC saw their nine thousandth year in the heavens, one by one, they began to withdraw.
The heavenly branch of the company’s trade operations being only portion of their main plot to stay operational by the time year nine thousand and one came around. Save for one exception.
*****
A Thirty foot tall broad shouldered man with the head of kraken and the eyes of a dragon-shark entered the kitchen of a certain heavenly overlord. Dressed in the crisp white frock coat of a master chef stood at a counter.
Chopping up a root vegetable that understandably enough, struggled a fair bit while it was being reduced into perfect uniform slices. After the work was done the be-tentacled chef slid the vegetable slices off the cutting board and into a bubbling pot, that briefly glowed and began to hum with the addition of the new ingredient.
With the broth halfway finished the che chef turned his attentions to the slab of pulsating flesh that had previously been marinating in a tub, now sat on the counter behind him. Brought out by invisible assistants. The same assistants also left an electrified rod that would shock the meat into rigor and make it easier to slice.
After carefully pan frying the slices of meat, the chef dropped them onto plate and ladled out a generous dollop of thick sauce over them. Placing the plate next to a bowl of chilled noodles that was soon filled with the vegetable broth from before.
Which was followed by the chef’s placement of a crystal chalice that he quickly filled with iced rabbits blood, flavored with just a little passion fruit. Three such plates, bowls and glasses were prepared before the meal was finished and the chef’s work was done.
Once the chef was finished preparing the meal it came time to actually serve it. Naturally such a task would not be left to the Master. Instead an attendant was called in and they were the ones who carried the tray. With the immortal chef only trailing along for the sake of explaining the meal to his hungry client.
“Ladies and Gentleman, I present to you, Pan-fried Shoggoth with Mermaid tears demi-glace.. Served along noodles, steeped in broth of twelve Eyed Mandragora.” said the chef.
The clients simply nodded smiling, after a few bites two of them even lightly applauded.
“Shui Kai, old boy, you’ve done it again. Superb work as usual.”
The chef merely nodded, looking gruff and unimpressed, his tentacle laden lips kept stiff, though he was privately pleased that his work was appreciated.
Having explained his work he turned and headed off, the Overlord’s kitchen staff would deal with the clean up. Instead Shui Kai headed to his quarters to meditate and wind down a bit before preparing to head to his next venue.
He did just that, idly meditating for a day’s time before getting up and beginning to pack. He was mid-way through the process of putting away all of his tools when he realized that he was no longer alone.
“....Might I ask why you’re doing this, old friend?”
Shui Kai turned and opened the door of the guest quarters to properly face the Overlord, who stood with a small army of guards, his arms crossed, his look grave.
“It’s nothing personal. It’s for the greater good you see. At this stage of things, you’re one of the few people with ties to both sides. One of the few who could move back and forth across the lines. We need you, the twelve thrones needed you…. but you’ve made already made it very clear that you want no part of this war….thus you’ve left us no choice.”
Shui Kai sighed, his expression as hard and harsh as it had always been. He no longer bore his true form, instead he stood looking like the old man he was.
“...How….disappointing.”
He’d barely said these two words before the overlord and his men stormed the room. Seeking to lay hold on the old chef.
The next five minutes was a blur of fast fists and faster feet. No weapons, no powers, no spells, just martial know-how backed up by celestial force. Bodies flew, and the men and women who’d pledged themselves to the overlord’s cause found themselves dying like ants in a sand storm. Tossed about with no care for where they landed.
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Each time the overlord through a punch the very fabric of space and time would shake. Each time Shui Kai threw a punch reality would fracture. The heavenly plane would grow just thin enough for one to see the myriad worlds below.
At the end of the five minutes only two figures were standing. Arms still raised, fists still clenched. They stood in an empty with nothing around them for miles. The castle was gone, the castle town was gone as well. It was as if nothing had ever been built there. Desolate, empty.
Finally one of the figures keeled over, falling back onto a heap of rubble. A great blood hole opening up in the center of his torso. His body shattering like it was made out of glass.
Now there was only one figure standing. Old Shui Kai, roared. The sound echoing for forever as he gazed up at the endless blue and lazy white.
After recovering his calm, and catching his breath Shui Kai sighed. Shivering violently, the thorny old man became a voluptuous young woman.
*****
It was slow going but Alessa finally figured out how to protect the old man at the eight thousand year mark. It would take five hundred years more for the old man himself to actually agree to it and for her to convince him that her skills in both combat and cooking were passable enough. However the years that followed bad been fairly rewarding. At least as far as the mission went.
The common knowledge, of the Heavenly Plane was that an immortal’s true form was the one part of themselves that they couldn’t. While sex, gender, age, species, race, and organic and or inorganic nature were all quite mutable, one’s true form was a expression of one’s soul, one’s innate essence. And thus could not be meddled with.
The only exceptions to this rule were those with mutable souls. Those for whom mutability and flexibility was inherent in their nature. A little known fact that the higher echelons of the heavenly plane kept in their back pocket for the discovery and recruitment of potential spies.
A breeze blew through the empty ruin and Alessa found herself staring at a newcomer who’d seemed to appear from nowhere. A mature woman, with blue-green hair and eyes and copper skin. Tall, stately and serene, with a bust that looked slightly more impressive, read burdensome, than her own, the newcomer bore very distinct barbarian features.
“Granny Alma.”
Flexibility and mutability were two qualities that the wise women of the Aria clan had all needed to have to save their way ward tribe through various calamitous. The only reason that the Green Granny herself, whose true form was hidden within an eerie glowing breeze, couldn’t do the same, thus doubling their results was that she couldn’t cook.
Instead the Green Granny chose to simply trail after her grand child, keeping herself within reach just in case the girl needed help. Growing quietly proud, as she found that the child rarely ever needed her assistance.
Quickly and cleanly handling most of her excursions on her own. Through their efforts and the old chef’s continued wandering, they brought the downfall of many of the two factions’ most ardent and desperate supporters.
*****
Elsewhere in the Heavenly plane, two immortal women stood in a darkened hallway. One was crouched by a door, using celestial energy to fiddle with a spatial barrier. The other stood closer to the mouth of the hallway. Her profile just barely lit by a flickering bulb, its light dimmed by oppressive aura she was putting out.
Further down the hallway, hidden in total gloom was a small heap of bodies. Six elite divine warriors who’d been hired on to watch their master’s house. A seventh guard was pinned to the wall. Held in place by three of the evil woman’s six arms. A fourth arm sat atop the man’s head. Veiny and swollen. Growing larger and heavier with each whispered threat she spoke.
“Come on, Johnny-Boy. This ain’t even your house. And you really don’t want to die for something so stupid.” said the woman. Her voice light and sure, unaffected by the stench of blood and sick that permeated the hallway.
There was fear in the man’s face, then came rage mingled, with determination. He spat at her, or last tried to, though her suppressive aura and the pressure that she was place on his sternum and throat made it hard properly to do so. Allowing him only just enough freedom to messily dribble red over his lips.
“F-..Fuck you. I live and die for the Eight Million.”
The woman frowned, her look sharp. Equal parts remorse and annoyance. Then she shrugged.
“Hey, you’re call, right?”
The man broke just a fraction of a second too late, she saw him break but didn’t stop. This was usually the point where people either tried to lie to save themselves, or worse they got stubborn again, once one gave in. Mistakenly believing that the lest attempt to kill them was just a bluff.
Besides, she doubted that a common guard would know much about his master's secondary security measures. The guard captain had been more likely to know that and he’d been a true die-hard. His determination never wavering, even as the weight on his head repeatedly multiplied and that fourth arm ballooned in size.
“No, wait I-...~!”
It was like a child tearing the top off a daisy Except, with arterial spray and a brief bit of screaming. Which for some odd bits of the heavenly plane, and a few of the weirder worlds below, was exactly how tearing the top off a daisy would go.
The woman looked to the heap of bodies and then she looked a little further, towards the rest of the empty house and then turned towards her compatriot who was still trying to break through the barrier bound door.
“Hey Ed, how’s it going over there?” said Elena. Frowning as she watched Edna as she assaulted the barrier with a mass of coiling incandescent tendrils.
“It goes slow, Ell. It goes fucking slow.” said Edna. Speaking through grit teeth.
Elena nodded, swallowing a comment that she’d been intending to make because she sensed that incensing the girl now, might well get her shot at.
It had been three days since they’d killed the master of the house and taken over and after eight thousand years of doing it for a living, Edna had grown used to being able break such barriers in two.
“Um, okay. In that case I’m gonna go see what Lord whatsit had in his fridge. Do you want something?”
“Nope...I’m good.” said Edna. Looking like she almost no longer cared about the secret files that lay beyond the door. Looking like she was just a hair away from simply stepping outside and flattening the house and everything in it with a salvo of star destroying missiles.
“Righty-o...in that case I’ll uh...be around if you need me. Just gonna go grab a snack and make sure there are no more assholes taking naps in glass closets waiting to jump out and get in our way.”
“You do that.”said Edna. Licking her lips as she switched to a different tactic and tried a different sets of energy encryptions on the barrier.
The “Retirement” of the BTC’s agents from the outside world didn’t mean that they were now all inactive. They all still had a little work to do, if they wanted to save their planet from the warring gods.