All I know is,

if there's rejoicing in my heart, I didn't put it there. Yes, I thanked You for a few things - I was careful to do that (today) - but You were the one who made me mean it. Besides giving good things in the first place.

I've been an ungrateful recipient so many times. (Recently.)

I've been in pain so many times. (Less

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recently.)

What should I do?

Times change.

But what should I do?

Even before I knew how sick I was, I wanted to touch the hem of Your garment. I wanted You to make it okay.

Could I even have known how sick I was? My sanity would have splin

tered

like a glass pie plate.

I suppose that's why I can never know how sinful I am until I'm getting better.

Pain did teach me things.

It taught me Helplessness. It taught me Being Helped.

I suppose sin is teaching me the same.

And even though I know You hate my sin, I'm learning that You love me drawing closer.

Help me hate and love like You, Lord.