The decapitated unicorn head screamed at me. At the same time, someone’s bowl had slipped from their hands and fallen to the carpeted floor next to me. The echoing thud resonated through the soles of my feet and up through my body. His look was intense and one of pain and agony, but all I could think was, how are you screaming?
In response to the screaming unicorn, the rest of the room fell into a state of panic. Tami May began to cry, Linda fainted, and Marlean began to laugh hysterically. The goblins just stood there, though the pregnant one had hidden herself away behind the much older one.
“You! What have you done?” The unicorn screamed again.
He attempted to move, lashing out, his dingy teeth snapping at me just inches from my face. I dropped the plywood base he was stuck to. He tumbled to the floor with an audible oof. The old goblin who had remained silent the whole time walked past Kakatoo-Brappap the goblin, giving him a look I had given my grandchildren plenty of times when they had insisted on doing something I knew wouldn’t end well. She stopped just before the unicorn who was still screaming and smiled down at him before giving him a big kick to the snout.
“Yeah, didn’t think yah would wind up mounted on a wall did yah!” She looked from the beast back to me and her face took on a loose grimace as she rummaged around in the deep pockets of her dingy skirt. “Eha, we made this for yah,” she said looking from the unicorn to me.
From out of her pocket a long pearlescent knitting needle emerged. It glowed in the florescent light of the sitting room, and I realized that it was what was left of the unicorn’s missing horn. I could feel the power coming from it and I reached for it only to have it pulled from me by the old lady goblin.
“We wish to live here with yah. We will fulfill our duties as minions, but we will be allowed to leave when we wish. Also, we will be compensated in some way. Food, and shelter for now, but in the future, we will expect to be paid. We will also help yeah navigate this nightmare of your world System.” She tisked and shook her head before locking eyes with me once again.
“Okay…” Was all I could manage to say.
And without a second of hesitation, she slapped the knitting needle into my waiting hand. The world around me dimmed and then new words appeared over the heads of the goblins. They were no longer just goblins they were-
[Goblins. Minions of Frances the Hero]
“You vile traitorous fiends. When I… find a way to get you I will tear you apart. I will bring havoc to your bloodline. You signed a contract!” The unicorn wailed.
The old goblin rolled her eyes and kicked the unicorn once again.
“That contract was as sketchy as the virginity of you beloved riders after they been with yah for a while. And bring havoc you say? Well, here yah go.” She moved with a flash of motion, grabbing the young pregnant goblin and pulling her closer. “She’s the last one, and yah know as well as I do what happens when the babies come. If I had known how you would twist things I would have just killed myself and trapped you in the—"
The unicorn began to scream again, and then the doorbell rang.
The room fell silent. In unison, we all looked towards the door and then back to each other. The goblins just shrugged and looked back toward the door. Tami May huffed, wiping her hands down her sides, and made her way toward the door. Her hand lingered on the handle for a moment as she sucked at her dentures and then with one good yank, she pulled the door open.
Stolen novel; please report.
What stood before her was a nightmare. It was only about two feet tall and had what I could only describe as tentacles for legs and arms. These tentacles made squelching sucking sounds as they gripped and ungripped the pavement of the front door. A small round cap sat on its head that read mail in sloppy black ink that still looked fresh. The creature blurbuld before holding out four tentacled arms; each tendril grasping a brown paper-wrapped parcel.
“Oh… AH. Thanks?” Tami May reached out and grabbed one of the packages.
She tucked her parcel under her arm and reached to take the others. The mailcreature screeched and pulled the other parcels back from Tami May; a puddle of black ink slowly spreading out from under it.
“What are you doing?” Tami May reached out again to take the other parcels.
The mailcreature's face shifted, and an orange beak appeared from just below its egg white eyes. It hissed at her with a gargle reminiscent of an unclogged drain. Tami May pulled her hand back and sucked in her cheeks her teeth making a loud clack as she did so.
“Fine, they can get their own mail then.”
She left the door open as she walked away from it grumbling to herself as she came to the couch and took the cushion next to me. The brown parcel clutched in her hand was left unopened as she waited for the rest of us to retrieve our own. No doubt so that she would not be the first to open it.
Marlean looked over all of us and then marched over to the mailcreature grabbing the parcel it offered her and ripping it open. A wide smile spread across her face as she raised the book high over her head.
“I told you there would be a rule book,” she laughed a dry laugh and left the room, disappearing out of sight as her laughter echoed down the hallway.
The goblins chatted amongst themselves and then Kakatoo-Brappap, who had given me the garbage bag full of unicorn hurried towards the mailcreature. The mailcreature handed over the package without a hint of ink or hiss. Kakatoo-Brappap thanked him in a language of guttural ticks and sucking noises I obviously did not understand and hurried back to me.
Meanwhile. Taking advantage of our distraction the unicorn was attempting to escape. His long pink tongue jutted out of his mouth, rolling around the carpet as he attempted to gain perches and inch toward the open door. The older goblin looked down at it and then back at me, shaking her head in disdain. She walked back over to him and kicked a corner of the plywood. With a yelp and a snarl, the unicorn now found himself flipped over, once again staring up at the ceiling. The screaming began anew.
“That’s enough of that,” she said with one final kick, this time in the side of his neck.
He stopped screaming. And instead began to sob. large wet tears streamed down his white fur, but the old goblin just rolled her eyes. I shifted on the couch uncomfortable with… everything. Part of me wanted to stop or reprimand the older goblin but then again, this unicorn was evil.
“He just looking for sympathy. You need to be careful he still has teeth… Though I could remove them if you would like,” she said as if reading my mind.
“Ahh, no, that’s ok… But maybe later?”
A scream of utter shock and dismay rang out. It was a scream I had heard a few times usually when one of the care staff dropped silverware on the floor and then stuck it back in its caddy without washing it.
“What is an NPC? It says that I’m an NPC and that I am to give out quests, and… and help move the story the System has chosen for this world along! Did you all get this nonsense!”
Linda slammed down a thick booklet. It looked to say Welcome to the system, you are an NPC. A sticky note had been attached to the cover that simply stated in probably the worst handwriting I had ever seen in my life; the basics of what Linda had just stated.
You are an NPC…
…You give out quests to heroes
You are integral to the story, stop whining…
Linda sunk to the floor and began to sob.
Tami May gripped her package still unopened and looked at me in apprehensive terror before looking back at her parcel. She opened it letting out a sigh of relief, and then I heard the distinct clatter of her dentures as her tung worried at them once again. She was a hero just like me. I didn’t even need to look at mine to know that I was right. The goblins had said as much already. But just like Tami May was realizing, I did not know if that was a good thing or a really bad thing.