As a girl, I had dreamed of seeing a unicorn. I would stare out the window on road trips and imagine one galloping next to us. Once when I was driving back from the beach as a teen with a car full of friends, weed smoke filling the cab as we laughed at each other's stupid jokes, I had seen one. It had run right up next to the car. Its hooves beating at the ground outside a steady thrum of bum, bump, much like a heartbeat. Unfortunately, I was the only one who had seen it at the time.
I know that in reality, it probably wasn't a unicorn. There was an equestrian camping facility just a mile through the trees, and most likely a horse had broken free from the barely maintained camp stables. It was just a coincidence that it was pure white and gleamed in the fog like magic. However, the creature that stood before me was most definitely a creature of myth.
“No master!” cried the green person as the unicorn reared up and struck them in the head.
They crumbled to the ground, a rivulet of purple blood trickling down their forehead. A small pack that it had slung over its shoulder fell alongside them spilling its contents. Tupperware containers full of last night's dinner, and bags of multi-grain bread rolls toppled out. The creature… person made no move to retrieve them.
A realization dawned on me at that moment. This was a goblin; I don’t know why that thought popped into my head, but the moment I had it was as sure a thing as I was breathing air. And this goblin had been stealing food from the kitchen.
The cooks tended to save the leftovers for a few days, for snacks, or sometimes if they were feeling adventurous a leftover third option for a meal. I looked back at the body of Rachel Yates, and the hole in her chest. Had the little creature been stealing and Rachel caught them, chased them, only to be… but unicorns were good guys— I shook my head, no, the blood-stained horn told me all I needed to know.
The unicorn, the murderer of Rachel hadn't noticed me yet and slowly walked to the prone form of the small green person. I looked down at the yarn ball in my hands, halfway spent from my trip out here. I could go back, I could run, but what then? If I made it back before it could skewer me like it had pore Rachel, what would I do? It would be the four of us also in a big house with a murderous unicorn on the loose. And sure enough, either Marlean or Tami May wouldn’t believe me and want to see for themselves the beast. But if I stayed and they found the yarn tied to the door, they would think the worst and lock themselves away until help came. Or if I was just tripping out on someone else's drugs they would just find me wandering around in the back yard.
“Well, shit!” Unfortunately, my outburst had made the choice for me.
The unicorn turned to face me forgetting all about its previous prey. It smacked the ground with its hoof, that unforgettable bum, bump, reverberating through the soil as it glared at me. Then the music began to play. Musick that instantly made my skin crawl.
[Boss Battle] Boomed an ethereal voice from the surrounding mist.
Oh, I'm strolling in the sunshine… but it's not just the weather… I've got the lord in my heart, and we're strutting together.
“What the hell?” I said.
“Vial unclean harlot! I have finally found you! What luck the System is giving me this day that it is you that my traitorous slave has lured out to me and now prepare to bask in the flames of hell—”
The scene froze. The unicorn, stuck in the middle of its speech, its lips flailing, its yellowed teeth sneering in my general direction. The words tutorial appeared, floating in the air in front of me. Unfortunately, the music continued.
Every step is praise, every move is a dance… I have the Holy Spirit in me, and I'm taking the chance. Hallelujah, hallelujah, I'm pure and I’m singing out loud… Got that unbroken joy, and I'm feeling so proud… With my horn lifted high, and my spirit so bright… I'm a beacon of His love, and you I will smite!
“Ok, so either I got someone’s really good drugs, or something more is going on here than messed up meds.” Though by this point, this should have gone without saying but I was still trying to convince myself it was a possible medication malpractice situation.
The music began again from the beginning, but I did my best to ignore it as I realized the magical words in front of me were telling me how to play the game of Pig. “Yeah, yeah I already know how to play—” I stopped mid-sentence as I realized that the rules here were different than even our altered way of playing.
How to play Pig the Apocalypse version: And just next to it, in tiny, just barely visible print, was Marlene’s name and game contributor.
I narrowed my eyes at this. Remembering Marlean’s smiling face as she cooed about winning her first game in a while just a few moments ago.
1. Each opponent will take turns rolling the die until they pass or roll a one.
2. If a one is rolled, the opponent who rolled the one will be exposed to an attack. The defender will, in turn, be healed for the points the attacker lost. (curse exceptions)
3. Once the attack is completed and if there are still players left standing, then proceed this way until one of you gets to one hundred, or just one is left standing.
WARNING! This is a tutorial fight; therefore, damage from your opponent will be halved. Potions and bonus items can still be used.
This game and its rules are still in open beta and may change in the future.
For health and safety purposes your emotional output will be dulled to a sufficient level during tutorials for your own good.
My head swam as I tried to comprehend what the hell was going on. This was the strangest form of Pig I had ever seen in my life, and what the heck did the floating words mean by open beta, and dampening my emotions? I looked between the unconscious green thing and the body of Rachel Yates realizing quickly just what they had meant by dampen. My mind had gone numb, the worry, the fear that I had tried to push down and rationalize was gone. Nothing felt strange or out of place. I had only felt this way a handful of times in my life.
“Well, maybe it is the meds, and maybe it's some mythical fantasy, game, apocalypse.” I was really hoping it was the meds, but as I had learned from taking other people's meds in the past, not that I made a habit of that, you just had to go with the flow.
The words and the unicorn remained as the music began again. I stared around the clearing as the fog swirled.
“Am I supposed to do something…”
A strange sigh emanated from the fog. One I distinctly recognized as angsty annoyance; I had heard it plenty when my children were teens. A second later more words popped up below the warning.
[Say, begin the battle. Or some other fraise meaning the same thing.]
“Well, all you had to do was tell me,” I said to the mist surrounding us. “It's not like I wander into weirdo apocalypses every day.”
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The words in front of me disintegrated and the unicorn was back to spouting its gibberish once again.
“Now I shall teach you the lesson you rightfully deserved. The lesson I was going to teach you, and your friends, all those years ago. Prepare yourself for my penetration.”
My skin crawled at his words, apparently the emotional numbing didn’t apply to my body's natural reaction to creepiness. If I could have felt concerned at that moment, I would have been concerned that this creature was obviously out to get me specifically, but why?
“Okay, no need for any of that. So you were… are real, and you’re a bit of a dick. Honestly, I don’t even know what I expected from a unicorn, but a religious fanatic murderer was not in my top ten guesses. And what did I ever do to you?”
The horned horse stared at me and stomped at the ground. Out of nowhere a large die popped into existence in between us and fell to the blood-matted grass. It rolled a bit and landed on one. Nothing happened.
“I invoke Double my Pleasure Trippel your Pain.”
A life-size playing card flashed in the air, a depiction of a man, enjoying… punishment, splayed across its surface. The card swirled and shrank to proper card size and flew towards the unicorn where it spun around its glittery horn like a constellation. A red skull flashed between us, and a set of three zeros appeared in the bottom left corner of my vision followed by what looked to be a blue bar that went from one to one hundred. I vagally recognized it as a health bar. Thank the gods I play those god-awful zombie computer games with my grand sun every Sunday.
The dice reset itself between us.
The words ‘your turn’ blinked across my vision, and with a shaky hand, I reached out and tapped the dice. It stopped spinning and fell to the ground with a wet thunk.
[6] A six appeared at the end of the three zeroes at the bottom of my vision.
The dice reset themselves again and the words your turn reappeared. Now here is the thing with Pig, you need to know when to pass. Normally, I would have passed on a first six roll, but this was a strange day.
[0]
The unicorn dashed out and lanced me with its horn. Pain seared through my shoulder where he had struck. But before I could mumble a word, the bastard danced back to his original position. My six went back to zero and my blue health bar ticked down nine spots.
I cried out in pain, my non-injured arm reaching up to cover the new hole. The warm blood of my body soaked my shirt, but the pain ebbed quickly, and just as quickly the blood stopped flowing. But the gaping horn hole remained.
The unicorn whinnied loudly its hooves tapping at the ground in glee as the blood, my blood that covered its horn dripped down its face. The creature's long pink tongue lashed out, longer and with more control than I think real horses have. It probed at its face, licking clean my blood and leaving long pink trails of saliva in its wake. With a sigh, its red eyes rolled into the back of its head, a concerning grown of satisfaction rumbling from deep within its body.
“Why are you doing this?”
“You were to be my prize. The veil grows thin on prospective worlds, and I have watched you from childhood. That night I planned to consume your friends and take you, but it was already too late. Harlot—blasphemer!”
My skin crawled even with my artificial lack of emotions.
“Prize? Why would I have been your prize?”
The unicorn ignored me and reared up to smack the dice that were once again spinning in the air.
[6] + 6 [12]
[6] + 6 [12]
[6] + 6 [12]
The unicorn rolled three times in a row neighing in delight every roll. His score quickly reaching thirty-six.
“Give in now blasphemer I have the mighty on my side. Let me consume you, and then I shall move on to your granddaughter. She is not as fine a prize as you would have been but with the gifts you still hold, she will do.”
“My granddaughter, you—” I shut my mouth and glared at the beast. “Nice try weirdo but you're not going to bait me that easily.”
I hit the dice ignoring the beast, I needed to concentrate. Thankfully this System was helping me with that. If it hadn't somehow numbed my emotions, I don’t think I would even be standing let alone not falling for his distraction tactics. Though mentioning my granddaughter was concerning.
[3]
[2]
“This is ridiculous!” I was never going to get to a hundred before this horse if I kept rolling so low. “Hay, weirdo, how did you get that card thing and why don’t I have one?”
“Because you insolent heathen, I am a boss. I was prepared and I claimed this plot, I couldn’t let anything else gobble you up. Then all my work would be for nothing. Your gifts would be found by someone else, or worse yet would be left to decay on the dirty ground next to your desiccated corpse. No, I needed to be here, and bosses get special skills.”
This was the second time he had mentioned gifts, but I couldn’t figure out what he had meant. I was not talented in any particular thing. My parents hadn't seen the benefit in hobbies, or at least with us having them. And my education, well, it was there but I had enjoyed a life of relative leisure thanks to my husband Thomas. But none of that would decay next to me… I shook my head, the thought of my abandoned body next to some mystery gifts was not something I needed to be focusing on. I hit the dice.
The game raged on, or crept on if I’m being honest. The dice were not on my side, and I had lost more than I had ever lost in the game of pig, while the horned freak was only one point away from winning. I was still wondering what he had meant by gifts, but every time I had tried to steer him to explain he would just laugh and say how my granddaughter would learn soon enough how to use them. My granddaughter, I had failed her, and now soon enough this monster would be after her. But then he started to monologue.
“You fullish woman. How easily you were played. If only you knew what I knew. I could have shown you worlds, we could have conquered whole planes of lesser beings before the System started. And then, and then we would have been unstoppable. You could have been more powerful than your ancestor, only this time I would have consumed you before you were able to betray me and steal weapons. But now it's too late and the knitting needles of Far Toon will be mine again.”
He kept talking but I had stopped listening. Instead, I opened my knitting bag and reached inside. Quickly my hands grasped the needles; the rosewood was smooth and cool just as it always was. They had been passed down to me by my mother, though she had never used them herself, her mother and her mother before her had apparently been legendary knitters.
As I pulled the needles from the bag the world around me stilled. A red glow emanated from them and the distinct words I knew as stat points popped up in front of me as I looked at them.
The Knitting Needles of Far Toon:
A wicked weapon for those who like to craft. The Knitting Needles of Far Toon were crafted by the goblin slaves of Far Toon under the steely red gaze of their unicorn overlords. A custom gift given to the chosen maiden riders of the unicorn overlords.
+5 to all physical attacks
+1 to luck while wheeled
-All wounds healed with the needles will grant the stitch wearer temporary immunity to all fight prompts (cannot be used on self)
-Garments woven with the needles of Far Toon, will be imbued with magical traits and will bear the mark of the pure. Any creature that is pure of mind, body, and soul may freely walk the mist (Wearer not immune to battle prompts).
(Blood curse. The oath given to receive this item has been broken incurring the blood curse of the lost maiden. Using this weapon on a foe will inflict damage equivalent to your negative health. Warning! The equivalent damage will be inflicted on you.)
I frowned at the needles as the pieces fell into place. One of my ancestors had been his rider, or at least a rider. How long did unicorns live? But none of that mattered I only had a few points left before this bastard killed me and moved on to my… I couldn’t let that happen. But I would need him to lose, and there wasn't much chance at that.
“Now shall we finish this?” The unicorn slowly walked up to the dice and stopped. “Oh, how tempting it is to pass and watch you struggle more. But time is a fickle beast, and I can't let anyone else get to my new rider. So I shall take pity on you and finish this.”
He tapped the dice with his horn and a brilliant light flashed through the clearing.
[0] +0 [0]
A timer popped up in front of me with a ten-second countdown. Without a second thought, I dashed with all my strength towards the beast, one knitting needle in each hand. I would die, my points were low enough that the blood curse would make sure of that, but if I understood the stats right, then he should die too.
I stabbed the needles into the sides of his neck pushing them as far into the tens muscle as I could. He jerked away with a laugh, one needle going with him. The other was still firm in my hand.
“I hope you had your fun because—” But the rest of the words never came as he looked down to see what weapon I had used. He opened his mouth his horsy lips flapping hungrily and then he exploded.
His head tore free from his body. The gleaming white horn rocketed straight for me, hitting me hard and impaling me through my chest. The force knocked me down and pinned me to the ground. The rest of him dispersed in chunks to rain down on me, a mixture of glitter and sinew, and blood. The rest disappeared into the mist.
The words ‘WINNER’ flashed above me like a neon sign, its light catching the red glitter as it drifted through the air.
“Ha ha, I won,” I said in a state of delirium as my emotions flowed back into me. “I guess it wasn't the drugs after all.” I laughed a wet bloody laugh, but I wasn't scared, I was excited.
Just as the darkness of death began to encroach two shiny items fell from the sky to land just out of reach of my hands. The words Dr. Nantes peppermint candies good for all that ails you, were printed on their wrapper. I laughed again, happy that this system at least had a sense of humor, and then the world went dark.