"Stop spinning me! Please. Please! Stop! Stop!"

I wake up with the very distinct feeling that I was spinning. So I just lay in bed as I watch the ceiling above spin in non exsistent circles. At first I panic and sit up, only to be bed ridden again by the spinning of my brain. I want to get out of bed, but I'm not ready yet. "It's time for school... oh wait, it's not." I mutter to myself as I lean over to peer at the too dark clock. It's not good for your eyes to read in the dark, but who's keeping track about my eyesight? My Father isn't. I just lay with my hands interlocked on my chest as I continue to stare at the ceiling. Making out only dandilions in the textured pattern. Maybe I'm just uncreative, or maybe it's because it's too dark to see anything else. But I don't ponder on that long. I close my eyes only to be met with yesterday. Damn yesterday.

I can't stop my tears from coming out again. Yet again I try to, even though I know it's usless. You can't run away from yesterday if you're going to see her again today. I can't lie for the life of me, so I have to go back to school. Unless. Unless I get out of this bed right now and never turn back. "But your dad would miss you." wispers the voice in my head. I hate that voice. That was the voice that got me here. The one that tells me what to do, when I'm about to shut myself from the world yet again. I'd still have my friend if it wasn't for that voice. I wouldn't be stared at and laughed at because of that voice. Damn Voices.

The only way for me to not continue on this tredmill of distaster, is to change my path. "This is what you need to do" I tell myself, building up my courage. I'm not listening to the nay-sayers again. I'm not listening to my feelings ever again. I want to fade my colors until I become gray. Gray doesn't get hurt. Gray is the colors of the walls of the school. I could of just blended into those walls if I had been gray. But I'm too bright. I'm too colorful. Too much of a rainbow. I get out of bed and head into the bathroom, creeping, heel first. Slowly the door opens. I stand in front of the mirror and cringe at the sight of my beaten face. I try to finger my hair into something. Hah, I don't know why though. I pull whatever little hair I do have and test the shaver for the noise. Tensing when it first starts, the noise annoyingly loud in the middle of the night. Damn shaver.

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I stare at the little me that I see in the sink fauset. "What the hell am I doing?" I mutter, "You're running from your problems instead of solving them" replys the voice. I grit my teeth together, I'm not crying. I'm not. I finally take that shaver in my hand and take it to my head. I watch my blonde hair drift to the sink. My head crooked over it as to make sure not to make a mess. For I moment I stop, like a deer in the headlights at the sound of a door. I stop everything, my hair in a half reverse mohake. Again, heal walking to the door as softly as I can, I peer out. "Nothing, it must of just been this door" I think to myself this time instead of the muttering. In case it wasn't just a nothing. I head back to the sink now clogged with my hair like a cat was sitting there. I rub my face as I know I don't have that much time and I've already started. I turn on that insanely loud shaver and there it goes. It's gone. I watch it swirl down the sink like how I watched the ceiling suposedly spin. I get back to the living room and get my backpack and stuff my shoes in it. "Man, is my father going to be pissed with me." I mutter. Damn Father.

I get outside and walk with my socks on to my Father's car. The car keys in my hand. "Bet he didn't think his own fucking step-son would take his car huh?" I chuckle to myself. I'm leaving. I'm leaving. The chuckle snowballs to a half hysterical laugh. I'm gone. There's only a slight bit of regret, but I push it down like I do that discusting cafeteria food. Every single day I ate that food. "Now I won't" I say to myself. "I'm gone" I continue, to myself. I glance at my phones clock, it's nearly 4 and I'm already a mile away by now. "Imagine if I actually slept through the night" I say to myself. Because I never, never sleep through any night. Only when I was able to steal kisses from my forbidden lover, that I was happy. Content enough to stay asleep and let the what-if's shut the hell up. But he's not here now, is he? Damn Henry.

My hands grip the steering wheel so hard that my knuckles are white. I'm not crying. I'm not. "Who needs me?" runs laps again and again in my head. "N-Nobody" I trip on the lie. This is my dad's fault. I didn't want to be this way. I've always watched my dad kiss other guys. Who knew it wasn't normal? Who knew it would get you hurt? Fuck my dad. Fuck my stepdad. I don't need them-"But they need you." the voice says. I shake my head and focus on the red lights of the car infront of me. I stop. It's already light out. I don't even know where the heck I actually am. I decide to take the highway out. Turning up the radio to that song I like. I hum along the words. A half smile plays across my lips. "Fucking kiss you both at the same time" I mutter to myself to the song. I'm gone.