Welcome to The fUTURE, where its beginning had some add-ons. Let there be light was stretched to lightning and there was thunder, a sound that obliterated noise punk from the face of the East. Rest in Peace Otokobe Beaver. You truly were Punk AF.

Welcome to the fUTuRe, where God has become a motherfvka because His kids don’t acknowledge him as a dad.

Welcome to The fUTuRe, where Whole Lotta Red is the new Kind of Blue. Kind of blew the Vampire Christmas Gate open on the 25th of December 2020. Like King Vamp did on that fateful day, Nosferatu did so exactly four years later to terrify the public. Then there was 25 December 2028…

Welcome to the fUTure, where Yeezus was crucified by the Modern Vampires of the City for being a werewolf. It was done in the countryside.

Welcome to the fUTuRe, where John did not write his own Gospel. Coltrane did. Did it at Mach speed and if in disbelief, Look at Matthew and observe it…after he collects some takes from you.

Welcome to the fUTuRe, where Germany, “that germ any temperature wanted to kill” was finally done in by 100 million degrees Celsius from “A Satellite gone Fahrenheit 451” (allegedly)

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Welcome to the fUTuRe, where Oldies Flee Titania, Teens Experience Dandadan & Kids See Ghosts. Speaking of ghosts, every ghost in the machine is, at a certain time, wrenched out and shoved into the shell for some shell-shock therapy, with Therapeutic grade X rating earning a ghost a trip to the MACHINE ELF where an elf-locked hare (no Herr) awaits.

Welcome to the fUTuRe, where what doesn’t kill you no longer makes you stronger, but Killua. That’s the first stage of becoming a ghost, the white hair.

Welcome to the fUTure, where Paranoid Android is a Eraserhead, keen to e-raze the u that does not top ia.

Welcome to the fUTuRe, where rock paper scissors is outlawed for every worker. Only The Rock, Peppa Pig and SZA songs get the hand treatment. That or you blow your job, blowjob to The Great Unemployment Beast that never ends.

Welcome to The fUTuRe where the East is the Shakespearian play [Much Ado About Nothing] with Ado, Japan’s Faceless Singing Prodigy having much to do with nothing in the East being anything other than ZUTOMAYO, that rock group that wishes it was midnight all the time but has to make do with mead every night without a knight to drink it with.

Welcome to The fUTuRe, where the Jinn of the Middle East have gone full East, a decision whose reward was a modern makeover from djinns to jeans with access to free tickets to every NewJeans show. Show up then, NewJeans, show up!!