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You told me to write some things down and I’ve been pretty negligent until I got laid off this past Monday. My minds racing with the future and that’s good right? The one dominating worry for my life is just confusing, I’ve spent 3 years at a job that’s slowly pulled my sanity back and left my brain to moisten and bloat in our lovely rain clouds, but I feel as if nothing but good words, less than a pat on my back and a packet with next to useless information has transpired. I met some nice people and some less than friendly folk but if I’m being honest, none of these people will text me or call me without my own effort, and we’ve already talked about that haven’t we? The only accomplishment I’ve had in the last 3 years was literally just staying alive, eating, sleeping, fucking and trying to have as many good laughs as I can while I slowly ebb and weave through the notion and selfish thought process of driving off the highway bridge damn near every drive home (the ride home was too short when I lived in —— for 2020). Regardless, I think I still want to live. This.. what you keep referring to as my depression is just the nastiest ugliest bitch of a pit of despair I will personally never have the mind to climb out of. I’ve been, what I call surviving since I was 6 and that’s still the only thing that rattles my brain the only reason I get up just to starve myself until about 2-3 in the morning when I’m dizzy and sick from under eating on the worst weeks.

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