The blue-eyed boy clicked his tongue when he realized what he was looking for wasn't there. He spent a few moments trying to remember where else he could be looking but gave up eventually.

It was disappointing.

All the memories that he cherished and luckily stored in written form were nowhere to be found now. His memories of those times were still there, it had only been 4 years since then, but he doubted it would be the same for his future self.

The books he was looking for were from his 9th grade, paged filled with written conversations between him and his friends. The now grown boy was less interested in the content itself. He would cringe even thinking about what it would be like reading them. But those were good ways to reminisce about the… times. Not good, not bad, just memories devoid of feeling.

In retrospect, that’s how he felt for a while in those times too, a hollow shell that hadn't yet acquired a personality.  Coupled with the stressful school life, it wasn't the best of times. But these were the same times when he met his friends. The egoistic (kind of deserved to be) stoic kid and the eccentric bearded entity.

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Blue-eyes pretty much lost his connection with the bearded boy as time passed, rarely chatting on social media once in a blue moon. The opposite was true when it came to the stoic kid. They chatted almost every day and blue eyes knew a lot about the stoic kid and vice versa. Both understood each other better than before, but know that there's is still a lot more to learn about the other. There were only a meager number of times when they physically met, but that didn't stop them from calling each other their 'best friend'.

Blue eyes dropped into his chair and clacked his tongue again, annoyed at his utter failure to preserve the books. He run his hand through his hair and closed his eyes, slowly getting lost in his thoughts. One of the many predominant thoughts that he ventured deep into was how he had changed since the times of those books.

Physically, he was at least twice as tall now. He lost quite a lot of weight and in general looks quite attractive. While he knew it shouldn't be considered an achievement, he also had a few people who had a crush on him!

And as for his mental state… he was a mess. And even that, in his words, is an understatement. He wasn't getting anywhere and his college education felt pointless. His passion, he didn't make effort to follow. His love life is almost non-existent because of his dilemma of whether it is more advantageous with or without a partner. He didn't feel like he fit right into his current friends. Although they were nice and close to him, he just didn't see them as simply put- friends. He didn't know what to do about that either.

All this constant confusion was why he remembered the simpler times. It was why he was searching for those books now. He wanted an escape to the past when he didn't know about the scale of real-world problems. He wanted to go back to when he believed the problems he then had were weighing him down. He really wanted to re-experience what he then perceived as crippling depression and social anxieties, just so his current self could know how much he had grown.

But most importantly, he wanted to go back to those simpler days of mindless and carefree Dungeons and Dragons sessions.