Dearest Adrian,

I love you. No matter what’s happened, I want you to know that. Carry it with you, and remember it forever. If everything went right, I’ll tell you every day and make sure it sticks. If it didn’t, you’ll need to remember it for me. Maybe this letter can help with that. You are my favorite person. You helped me to stand when it was hardest. You always treated me with kindness, even when I didn’t think I deserved it. No matter what’s happened, that won’t change. I love you.

If everything worked out okay, then here are some promises from me to you. I will always be there for you, just like you were for me. I will do everything I can to make you smile. To give you even a fraction of the happiness you’ve given me. I will show you all the things that gave me joy, that kept me going, and hopefully some of them will give you joy too. I’ll stay by your side for as long as you’re willing to have me. I’ll love you every day for the rest of my life.

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If something happened and we can’t be together, then I need you to read this next part. It’s probably hard to read this letter at all, but this is important. I want you to be happy. I want you to live your life, and I want you to enjoy every second of it. Maybe that’s what it means for me to love you. Even if it can’t be with me, no matter what happened, please live a good life. If you have to be sad about whatever has happened, do it as quickly as possible. Then, be happy. If you can, do it for me.

Writing this letter is what I wanted to do. I wanted to write it and give it to you before anything happened, so that you could know how much I love you. I’m sorry I had to keep it secret from you, but I hope it gives you comfort to know that even when you didn’t know what I needed to do, you still helped me do it. I’m so excited to be able to share this with you. No matter what happens, no matter where we end up, I mean every word of it, and I always will.

Say hi to Penny for me, Adrian. Be happy, Adrian. I love you, Adrian.

Always yours,

Zhuli