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Path of the Stars
Chapter 20 - Sad Memories

Chapter 20 - Sad Memories

Salim took another quick look at the grave, which was now completely covered with earth. Fine, yet ever-increasing rain was dripping onto the ground and the lynx knew that it would soon be filled with water. Perhaps Akuma would have to be buried again, but he hoped that wouldn't happen. He couldn't bear to see his lifeless body again.

"Come", he croaked in a shaky voice and cleared his throat briefly before continuing more firmly. "Come on, Valja. Let's retire to the cave." He was reluctant to look at his daughter as she lay there under that tree, a heap of misery, her eyes closed. Her tail twitched slightly back and forth as she shook herself from time to time out of sadness. But none of this would do her any good to get the sorrow out of her thoughts. The rain that tried to wash her didn't help either.

Salim trotted closer to the lynxess and gave her a quick comforting lick on the forehead. Without wasting another word, he picked her up by the scruff of her neck, but Valja didn't resist. No indignant cry, no wriggling of her legs, not even opening her eyes to give him a devastating look. The lynx could understand her, even if he was a little worried about her.

"Valja?", he mumbled through her wet fur, which didn't leave a particularly pleasant taste in his mouth. "Everything's alright with you, isn't it?" Except that Akuma was no longer among the living, he added in his mind, but didn't say it because the mere thought of it hurt. Valja nodded slightly, but that was the only sign she gave him.

Salim understood the lynxess. So much so that his legs almost gave way beneath him. He quickly started to move as his daughter's heavy body banged against his legs. Like Akuma, she was far too heavy to be carried. She was old enough to walk herself, but grief was too happy to take this vital skill away from her at that moment.

Salim tried desperately not to let his head fall to the ground and inflict any wounds on Valja's legs. The concern for his remaining child took away some of the pain in his heart. Even if Akuma was dead, he had to keep Valja alive at all costs. He couldn't lose her too.

He quickened his pace a little as the rain became heavier and he kept catching new drops of water in his already soaked fur. Not much of the moisture had penetrated his skin yet and so he was hardly freezing, but he knew that Valja's fur was much thinner than his and that her constant shivering was now mixed with the reason for the cold.

The lynx circled the field of thorny brushes that opened up in the forest at this point. Normally he would have stormed through it to escape the rain as quickly as possible, but this time he was unable to do so. He involuntarily remembered the games the two siblings had played here. He glanced briefly at a bramble bush and saw in his mind's eye how Akuma climbed through the vines, how Valja rolled around on the ground so as not to touch anything sharp.

He sighed deeply. It was all behind them now and nothing could bring her lost brother back.

Salim turned around quickly to escape the old memories. He didn't want to think about Akuma anymore, wanted to heal the pain and the wounds left behind that had been torn open by his death. But he knew that this was not possible so quickly. Not even for him.

He spotted a beetle looking for a dry spot, just clinging to the bark of a tree. He would hardly have paid any attention to it, but he recognized the species. It had been one of those beetles that Akuma had let crawl into Valja's ear as revenge for the wolf howl she had caused. The lynx stopped for a few heartbeats and looked at the forest dung beetle. He would have liked to sweep it off the tree and stomp on it until it had completely disappeared underground. He wanted to bury his sorrow with it. But the realization that the dark, shimmering blue beetle couldn't help the fact that Akuma was no longer here with them stopped him.

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When he started walking towards his cave again, he began to run. Everything in this forest suddenly seemed to remind him of Akuma, the leaves he had been playing with, the air that smelled so familiar and even the sounds of the forest sang a song in his honor. Salim couldn't stand it, and even when Valja let out a growl when her hind legs hit a sharp stone, he didn't stop.

Once in his cave, he laid his daughter down on his bed of moss and caught his breath. He stood there with his legs apart and hung his head so that it almost touched the floor of the cave. He wanted Akuma back so badly, wanted to undo the fight. But unfortunately, he couldn't turn back time. Even though he had given it his all.

He joined Valja, who was curled up shivering and whimpering from time to time when staying still became too much for her.

"Get some sleep, little one. The sun will shine again tomorrow”, he whispered in her ear and licked the wetness from her fur as best he could.

"I don't want the sun”, Valja sobbed hoarsely and opened her eyes a crack. "I want Akuma. Only him. Why... Why did..." She couldn't finish her sentence, but Salim knew what she had wanted to say.

"I know", he interrupted her and closed her eyelids with a quick movement. He simply couldn't bear the darkness and emptiness that had spread inside. "Please go to sleep now. You can visit him in your dreams, Valja. He'll always be there for you." The lynxess let out another sob before she hugged herself close to him and actually tried to fall asleep. A dream might not bring her brother back, but it was better than having to face the cruel reality.

It was a long time before he could hear Valja's quiet breathing and she finally fell asleep, but even there nightmares seemed to plague her. Salim tried to soothe her by brushing her fur, pulling her close and stroking her pelt with his whiskers.

Perhaps he could have helped her better if he had heard what she was saying in her sleep, but his ear was still bent against his head. And, here in his den, the physical pain returned to his limbs.

Slowly, he felt the spot again that had once been a well-functioning ear, heard instead the resumed throbbing in its place. The wound on his flank, caused by the wolf's claws, was not deep, but it still stung. And the cramped posture was now slowly slipping away from him. An oppressive tiredness took over him completely, even if he didn't want to sleep.

He knew he had to stay awake, for Valja, to protect her. For Akuma, to mourn for him, to give him the honor he so richly deserved. He had to stay awake for their mother, whose name he didn't even know and yet whom he loved for her children. And of course he couldn't fall asleep for Alicia. The one who had died when she was the same age as Akuma. But he had carried enough grief for her for long enough. Everything had been too much for him then, he had screamed that he had scared away all prey, roared like a lion did and fought with himself as if he were his enemy. No, she had found peace, no matter how agonizing her death had been. All that remained were good memories of her.

That would never be the case with Akuma. Salim would always see the wolf's face in front of him, smell his stinking breath. And had to think about how little he had done to save him. How little he had fought for his beloved son. He should have prevented it, just as he should have prevented so many things. But Akuma was dead. And Salim knew it was his fault. If he had killed the wolf, none of this would have happened.

And with all the thoughts and guilt in his head, tiredness drew him into a liberating sleep.