Voices floated around him.

“Nar!”

“It’s over…

“We need to…”

Nar groaned and opened his eyes.

His shoulder screamed and a whimper escaped his lips.

“Nar?” a voice asked. “Nar’s awake!”

Nar…

Nar’s…

Awake…

The words rattled around his brain, like loose shards of aetherium, and he squinted hard against the raging pain.

“He doesn’t look good,” the voice said.

“It’s a good sign he’s awake though, right?”

“I hope so. May the Crystal have mercy on us.”

“I hear them coming again!”

“Cen!”

The world disappeared in a bright gray flash.

*********

The man’s breath stank. He tried to get away, to escape from the vice-like grip he had on his collar. All he managed was to wriggle pathetically.

The man laughed and pulled him by the hair, forcing him to look up into those searing eyes…

Nar gasped awake.

“Nar!”

A hand landed on his shoulder, and he flinched.

“Shhh. It’s just me,” Cen said. “Calm down. Everything’s okay.”

The remnants of his nightmare blurred Cen’s face. He could still smell the man’s breath on his face.

“Cen?”

His heartbeat pounded in his chest, loud in the silence that surrounded him. Her name had come to the fore of the labyrinthine, shattered haziness that was his mind, but he still saw another face over hers.

… you know what you gotta do.

“Cen?” he asked again.

A line of warmth ran down his cheek.

Small, tender arms closed around his head. She made a gentle hushing that gently enveloped his scattered thoughts. She rocked him back and forth, combing his hair. Slowly, the nightmare that still clung to his consciousness faded to the back of his mind, and he pieced together the sense of who he was. And where.

“I’m okay, Cen,” he whispered.

She let go of him slowly. Carefully.

“That was some nightmare,” she said. “Nightmares. You’ve been having them non-stop.”

“Yeah…”

“And you always talk, but I can’t really understand any of it.”

Thank the Crystal…

“Do you… Want to talk about it?” she asked him.

Nar closed his eyes and shook his head.

Never.

“That’s okay. I’m here if you ever want to, you know, talk.”

Nar looked at her, and his throat tightened. How could he allow her to sacrifice herself for him? For his dad? It didn’t feel right. Debt or not debt, Clean or Unclean, it just didn’t feel right.

She smiled at him, not knowing the thoughts running rampant through his mind, nor the guilt tightening around his heart.

“How are you feeling? Do you remember what happened?” she asked him.

Nar looked away.

“Bits. I remember the poisoned bolts, and then I got hit. I tried to dodge, but it was too late.”

“Yeah. That was horrible to see,” she said, her eyes glistening. “I thought you were dead.”

Nar nodded.

“And then… You used your skill, didn’t you?”

“I had too,” she whispered.

“Was it bad?”

“We almost got wiped,” she said. “Tuk stayed down. Viy was hit on her stomach and passed out. Kur tried to take her place as DPS, and told me to charge my skill. But he was hit before he even made it there, and that same volley got Gad too. It was only a scratch, but it was enough to get the poison in her… It made her slower, and the big guardian whacked her on the face. Then, it got to you. By then, it was only me, Mul and Jul left. I just… I had to end it.”

Nar groaned and closed his eyes.

“I’m sorry. It was my fault. They were so fast…” he said. “I was starting to get somewhere in the end, but… I failed. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry you had to use it!”

She touched a hand to his cheek.

“Don’t be,” she said. “We always ask the impossible of you, and you always get it done. I need to contribute something as well.”

“I didn’t do shit! And Cen, you have to stop! You can’t keep using your [Aura] like that! Your magic…”

“Shhh. That’s my choice.”

“No! You’re sacrificing everything for us! It’s not right!”

She covered his mouth with a tiny hand, silencing him.

“Nar, it’s my choice,” she said. “Mine, and mine alone. It’s not for you to decide what I do. And I am doing this for myself, not for you guys. You don’t need to feel bad about it.”

This story is posted elsewhere by the author. Help them out by reading the authentic version.

Tears shone in his eyes. “But I do…”

“Don’t. I’m doing this for myself.”

“But why? Why are you risking your magic?”

She pursed her lips. “I can’t tell you yet. I hope I can soon. Just don’t worry about it, okay?”

Nar took a deep shaky breath.

“I’ll try again. I’ll get better,” he whispered. “I won’t rely on you. I won’t force you to use it.”

She smiled. “I know you can do it. And don’t beat yourself over it either. It was your first time, and to be fair, it sounds like something impossible to even attempt. But if anyone can do it, I know you can.”

“I won’t let you down again.”

“Oh, Nar! You never did. And let go of your guilt. Using [Aura] is my choice, alright?” she said.

Nar looked away.

His mind swirled in chaos. He didn’t know what was happening anymore, what he was feeling or saying anymore. He just felt like a failure, and he couldn’t let Cen sacrifice herself anymore.

“Nar, I’m doing this for myself,” she said. “It might help you. In fact, I really hope it will, but it's for myself that I’m doing this, okay? So don’t feel bad.”

Nar nodded slowly. His thoughts were blown to bits. He didn’t know what to think anymore.

“Come on, you should sleep some more. I don’t think you’re fully healed yet.”

He allowed her to gently lay him back down, and she rearranged the bundle of clothes under his head.

“What happened to the others?” he suddenly remembered. For some reason, he didn’t remember seeing anything of their surroundings.

The floor underneath him swayed, and Cen’s head blurred above him.

“Everyone’s fine. Don’t worry. I won’t let anything happen to any of you.”

“But Cen…”

“Shhhhh.”

She passed a hand over his hair, and soon, despite his best effort, the Nexus spiraled back into oblivion.

********

When next he came too, it was peacefully, without any nightmares chasing after him.

Cen’s head poked above his, and she smiled at him.

“You look better,” she said.

Nar nodded, breathing deeply. “I feel better. Thank you, for everything. I remember…”

She nodded. “It’s okay.”

Nar tightened his hands into fists, then let go.

“Do you really want to do it? Is it really for yourself?”

She smiled. “I do. And yes, it is.”

Nar sighed.

“Okay… I won’t say anything then.”

“Thank you.”

And that was that. He had said his piece. Now, it was up to her and her own decision. He could not force her hand, nor build her path for her. All he could do was not hide behind her, and do his best so that she would not be forced to use her [Aura] due to his failings.

Nar passed a hand over his hair, and looked around him.

There were no corpses in sight, which meant that the party had moved, dragging him along with them. But as for their surroundings, it looked like it was still the same corridor.

“How’s everyone?” he asked.

“Getting there, I think,” Cen said.

Tuk was asleep next to him, and past him, Mul stood watch over Kur. Their leader shifted in an uneasy slumber, moaning and muttering, and his brown glistened in the soft glow of the yellow arrows.

“Glad to have you back,” Mul said. “How’s the shoulder?”

Nar raised his right arm gently, and gave it a few rotations.

“Sore. Stiff. Kinda numb. But it's still there,” he said with a grimace. “How is he?”

“As well as he can be, after getting a hole stabbed through his chest,” Mul said.

“Damn…”

And all because he hadn’t stopped those bolts.

“You can see it’s closed off. But that fucker was an inch thick! Crystal knows how much damage is still under there…” Mul said.

Above his shoulder, Nar saw Gad’s back. Viy’s legs poked out from behind Mul, and Jul's hair was just visible past Gad’s shoulder.

He could hear Gad whispering something, probably to Viy, but he couldn’t see how the spear wielder was doing.

“Am I the first one up?”

Mul nodded. “No surprise there. You got whacked hard, but it’s not the same as being stabbed with whatever this stuff is.”

“Mul!”

“What? I didn’t mean anything by it! I was just saying it was not as bad!”

“It’s okay,” Nar said, patting Cen’s back. “He’s right.”

“I know I am! Plus, you got that tank [Constitution]! How much is it by now?” Mul asked him.

Nar grimaced. “16.”

“16?” Mul shouted. “I got 8. 8!”

“I only have 6,” Cen whispered.

“Maybe that blow was harder than I thought,” Mul said, eyeing Nar. “How’s your HP doing?”

“Oh, I haven’t checked.”

Nar pulled up his UI.

“46. But my stamina… It’s at 15?”

“Still? From healing you?” Mul asked. “You’ve been sleeping for three days already.”

“Three days? And we didn’t get attacked?”

“We did,” Cen said.

Mul squeezed her shoulder. “Cen took care of it.”

Nar pursed his lips.

“It’s okay. The party needs me, now. And I need to survive too, anyways, you know?” Cen told him.

Nar nodded. It was hard to take, no matter how right she was.

He noticed his notifications icon flashing.

“Did we level up?” he asked.

Mul shook his head. “Still nothing.”

“So that wasn’t it?”

“There’s been more of those armored guardians. They’re soldiers, like the ones we fought before, but these are rank 2. And the ones that shoot the poisoned bolts are called poisoners. They show up every day, in different combinations. But there’s always at least one soldier and one poisoner.”

“Damn…” Nar breathed. “Every day? Shit. Oh! What about the Pressure?”

“It’s gone,” Mul said with a shrug. “It hasn’t happened ever since that first fight.”

Nar sagged. “Oh… That’s… That’s good.”

He didn’t want to imagine what would have happened to them, injured as they were, if the Pressure had continued to happen. More than likely, it would have killed them.

“Go on, rest for now,” Cen said. “Eat. We’re on the lookout, and you won’t have to fight for now. We decided that I would deal with it until everyone is back on their feet. No use in risking our lives.”

Nar clenched his jaw, and nodded. “Thank you.”

The two of them left him be, and Nar checked his notifications.

As expected, most of them were just detailing his experience gains, and he learned that there had been a third type of guardians, called attendants.

Are those the ones that ran away? he mused. What even is an attendant?

Like Mul had told him, there were no level ups. However, the last notification froze his breath in his throat.

Warning!

You have accrued critical damage!

Your HP is at 0!

You are not covered!

Exit combat immediately!

Any further damage may lead to death!

Prioritizing HP recovery.

Re-routing all stamina into HP.

Re-routing all stamina recovery into HP.

“Crystal!” he couldn’t help muttering.

“Something wrong?” Mul asked.

“My HP… It went down to zero!”

Mul dropped his jaw.

“It what? How much was it at? Do you remember?” Mul asked.

“It was at more than half!”

“More than… Are-are you sure? That’s-that’s…”

The brawler looked shocked.

“That would’ve killed me,” he whispered. “I-I… I couldn’t have taken a hit like that…”

Nar passed a hand over his hair, looking just as shocked as the lengos.

Zero?

He had almost died. He hadn’t been covered. If that thing had hit him again… That would’ve been the end.

And all because he had failed to stop those bolts.

He couldn’t blame Kur for choosing not to let Cen use her skill. It wasn’t fair on her, and they couldn’t just Climb like that, hiding behind her.

No. It had been his fault.

Once again, he had been central to the party’s strategy and fight, and he had let them down.

It was pathetic.

He had done nothing but been shot at and hit.

He’d been absolutely outdone by the guardians this time.

Helpless and powerless, he had been rendered vulnerable to death. Anything could have happened! The Pressure could’ve killed him. Cen could’ve been too late. The attendants, whatever they were, could have rushed him when he was down. Or the poisoner could have shot him.

Beyond that, anything could’ve happened while he was passed out for three whole days!

The others had protected him, but it was luck that had saved him.

It was pathetic.

He had been completely outclassed.

Had he made a mistake after all? He had no shield, but was expected to tank as if he had. He didn’t have enough [Strength], but was expected to deal damage as if he did.

No. No… Stop.

He shook his head and took a deep breath.

Not this again. Not this. I made this choice. Me. For a reason, for my dad, and knowing it would be hard.

The Climb was not for the weak. And wallowing in self-pity and doubting his decision wasn’t going to make him stronger. The decision was done, and he stood behind it.

It had worked well. Many times, in fact. He couldn’t keep doubting himself and backtracking every time he suffered a setback.

No.

His performance had been pathetic, but he could change. He could work on it. He could figure something out.

Cen believed in him, and he wasn’t about to let her sacrifice everything to carry them up, no matter what her decision was.

There has to be a way. I’m sure I’m not the only one, throughout the entirety of the Infinite Nexus, that has tried to build a hybrid path before. And I’m sure that someone must have made it work. This can’t be impossible!

Tank and DPS, there had to be a way.

He needed to figure out both halves of his path, but for now, figuring out the tanking side of things was the most pressing. He would focus on that first, so he could do something about those bolts and protect the party from them.

There has to be a way! There has to!

He just had to find it.