Wandi was helping me get into the suit she had bought for me. It had a suede jacket and slacks, a leather vest, a beige cravatted shirt, and my boots and hats were proclaimed as ‘good enough’. Dressing seemed to involve a lot of grab-ass while she tugged on a new black pistol belt with a slightly worn, but much larger and heavier revolving essence pistol. The holster was cut away in front, and she insisted that it would increase my draw speed.

“I thought about it, and I realized that a carbine is a threat. It’s for killing monsters and people, but a pistol is a sign that you are heeled and to be respected. So you needed a pistol for around town, especially for going into shops and not thinking you are robbing them.”

“That pistol has some real kick, not like mine, but you are a very strong man. I am pretty sure you can handle it, and the increase in stopping power if you have to deal with someone that’s armored or a thug with a durability trait will be worth it.”

I nodded, glad I’d had time to recharge from my little exploration and shopping trip. Ironically, the handle weight and balance with the heavier and slightly longer barrel were a lot like my old Colt Peacemaker replica. I spent a few minutes admiring the imposing fantasy pirate/Wild West gentleman gunslinger figure I cut, practicing drawing in the mirror, freshly shaved and bathed, before popping that question.

Okay, maybe I was a little vain. I spent decades disgusted with looking into a mirror, I thought I deserved a little vanity. I needed a lot of practice, I could draw a lot faster than I could safely push essence into the hand cannon, but that would come with time… and unlike Wandi’s piece, hitting the cap on the new pistol had a very distinctive clunk that jolted you, and would let you know you’d capped it even in the middle of a distracting gunfight. I actually approved, bullets whizzing by could be distracting, and Wandi’s pistol’s soft ping might be overlooked which could lead to bad things.

She came in and saw me in my full, freshly-shaved regalia, and let out a low whistle of appreciation. I had to match her, since her fluffy silken dress, a pale green with white lace, off-the-shoulder that displayed her deliciously perfect ‘c’ cleavage and the full range of white and black stripes, and a delicately carved, white leather holster for her pistol belt draping over her hip, seriously taunted my control.

“Of course. I am not sure why it’s a big deal. I want to watch my pop try to dig his lips as far into your butt as your slacks will allow after that coin, He’s a merchant and that sort of thing is important to him, and my moms… well.. be careful, you are very handsome and they might decide you are a better prospect for them than me. Most old-fashioned suitors will meet the parents before they ever even lay eyes on the girls.”

“Did you know restoration was rare?”

She looked at me curiously. She didn’t seem to wear any makeup, but she didn’t need it. She was wearing small gold pearl beads in her ears, but her delicious neck was currently bare, and the box was burning a hole in my pocket. “Of course. I just didn’t… did you tell someone?”

I nodded, “Yes because I didn’t want to go talking about my true affinities, and a very strange conversation came up while I was looking over some merchandise. I told them my affinities were physical and restoration. What are complementary affinities?”

She giggled, “They are why I am so attracted to you. I mean, I was attracted before, but the minute Raspail helped you activate your essence, Melita had to hold me back from charging you and ripping your clothes off, to hell with aspects. I know physical and ranged are complimentary, but whatever imagination affinity might be, is complimentary too.”

I nodded, “Well, at the shop, this chilly cat bitch named umm… Belly something fancy, almost invited me to rape her right in the middle of the floor when she found out I was buying a courting gift for you, and I had restoration.”

She nodded slowly, “What happened?”

I shrugged. “Nothing. I mean, sure she was like a work of art, but…” I looked down. “It was like if Raspail propositioned me. Maybe even worse, because I like Raspail, he gets my sense of humor.”

She giggled, “Damette Belistra Berrett, of the Silvermont Berrets.” she said, nasally.

I nodded, “You don’t seem surprised or upset.”

She shrugged. “it’s not even remotely a problem, I know damned good and well other girls are going to be drawn to you, for really good reasons, especially since you cut a fine figure in that suit. If I am going to be your deputy, which is closer than any mate, I know you certainly will find other deputies and mates, and that is fine. I just hope you see fit to consult me first, at least about other deputies. I might be able to help you avoid traps, or bitches like Miss “My family is old world nobility” Berrett.”

She giggled, “You are talking about making me first, and that’s very important, and honestly, you are treating it like a huge event which makes me feel… incredibly special, and valued. NO ONE does that. It’s nice to feel like a pretty flower instead of a terrifying female bogeyman warrior occasionally, and you still respect me as a warrior at the same time. So you got me a present?”

“Hold on a second. There was another girl. A shopkeeper named Winchester. She started being very blunt, and telling me what she’d let me do to her if I considered her as a second. Not just for me, but also for your family, she wants to be a merchant.”

“Oh! You must be talking about Tanley Winchester, her brother is a weaponsmith and her sister is taking after her father’s gunsmith legacy.”

“Do you know everyone?”

She laughed, “Not really, but you are talking GUNS, remember? Heck, her father crafted that used piece you have on your hip right now. This town is only twenty-five thousand regulars. Pretty soon you know everyone that you do business with. So what about her?”

I sighed, “Can I talk crudely?”

She nodded, “Sure. Thank you for warning me.”

“The minute she told me she’d be willing to let me do ANYTHING I wanted to her, including spanking her or uhh… taking her in the butt. I had to back away. It turns out that both of her affinities are extremely complimentary to mine, and it was all I could do not to grab her hair, drag her back here, and point to her proudly like an ogre making ook-ook noises while I went after you both. I am not as attracted to her as I am to you, but uhh… it hit me pretty hard.”

Stolen content alert: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.

“Do you want to?”

“Drag her back here? Not yet, I want you.”

She shook her head, “No, spank her or take her in the butt?”

I smiled a little, “At the risk of offending you, yes to the spanking, and yes to a lot of other things that might result in her tied up naked for a while. It caught me by surprise… I would never, ever rape a woman, but if she indicated she’d be interested, I’d damn sure enjoy playing like I was.”

“The butt thing?”

I shook my head, “Nope. Look… if you got naked I would happily put any part of your body in my mouth and use any other part as a toy, but not that. I am not huge, but poop is yuck, and I am big enough that I’d probably cause a rectal prolapse. Although I would happily use her butt for other things, she has a nice firm one.”

“A what?”

I thought about it, “Have you ever seen goats?”

She nodded.

“Have you ever seen them relieve themselves? You know that kind of pink sock thing they do? Well, humans aren’t supposed to do that. Rectums are meant to be used one way, and if they are used as a sex toy, eventually that can happen, Like I said, I am not gigantic by any means, but I am big enough that trying to play butt games flirts with rectal prolapse, anal fissures, or peritonitis.”

She nodded slowly, “I don’t know what those are, but they sound bad. If that happened, could your restoration fix it?”

I nodded, “Deadly, and I don’t know. If she wanted to, I guess I might be game, but otherwise, I love too many of a woman’s parts to go after the ones that can hurt her.”

She giggled, “So no ear sex?”

I laughed, “Your ears? No. Your sister’s? Strangely appealing, if she weren’t married. I had almost as strong a reaction to her, but it was a lot easier to control, probably because she never made herself vulnerable and appeared as an authority figure.”

I sighed, “I have some very very bad urges. I don’t know how great of a lawkeeper I would make.”

She nodded soberly, “That’s why deputies are so important. Lawkeepers tend to have very strong gifts and very strong tastes. Deputies help temper that and are there for their lawkeepers. Even if it means taking it up the butt occasionally. You reacted so strongly and had two complimentary affinities. Did you catch her aspect? It’s quite subdued, and most people can’t tell.”

I nodded, “She said she was a civet and didn’t hold to the fancy names.”

She laughed! “Oh dear. I think I may have figured out your type!”

“My type?”

She nodded, “Civets, or vivedans, are a lot like mephans. They have a scent gland that they tend to have to keep very clean or they start to reek and risk causing a scene. Maybe it’s pheromones, but you seem to be attracted to smelly girls, and you want a stinky slave harem!”

“Huh?”

She was still giggling, “So there you were at Bucks. Little miss stuck up was throwing herself at you like a cat in heat, and you ignore the high-bred court beauty and almost rape the plain little stinky shop girl right in front of her. She must have been ready to pass a brick! But it doesn’t surprise me. Beli’s affinities are shadow, stone, and moonlight. Stone and a physical affinity like Chimera are almost opposed because they step on each other’s toes, and while shadow and moonlight sound like they might have compatibility with imagination, they might also be opposed. Not to mention Beli’s an arrogant, elite, stuck-up snob, and you seem to be attracted to down-to-earth girls.”

“Heh.” That was all I could really say, and seem to perfectly encompass it. "Not that she was physically unattractive, but I wouldn't trust her not to bite my dick off."

She giggled, “So I need to look for stinky girls. Have you been attracted to any odd aspects?”

I nodded, “There was this… I don’t know the name of the aspect, but she looked like she was part mink. Yeah, I was attracted, but then again, she was doing a sexy dance on a street corner. It wasn’t urgent though.”

She laughed, “Pami. Yep, stinky girl, mustedan. You, my poor boy, have become slightly predictable. On the plus side, mustedans are fast and incredibly powerful fighters… even as good as you are, if you had grabbed Pami, she would have either raped YOU or kicked your ass. More than a few men have made that mistake, but she’s a solid copper that can literally dodge bullets in mid-shot and can rip down a thick tree with her bare hands.”

“She’s a good delver. She’s always been too high rank for me to join, but she’s fun to be around, and she dances like that because she likes it, not because she needs the copper. If you can interest either Tanley or Pami to join your harem, I will be backing up your choice entirely. Tanley might not be a great deputy, but she would make an amazing mate, and some deputies aren’t gunslingers… with the social affinity, she could be amazing at tracking down clues, influencing witnesses to talk, or calming angry situations down.”

I looked at her skeptically, “We aren’t even mated yet, we haven’t even slept together, and you are already filling up my dance card with other girls.”

She laughed, “If I didn’t already let my folks know we would be eating there tonight, seeing you like this? I’d already be trying to find an excuse to get your shirt off. I love your chest. We are already in, we just haven’t made it official yet. I was hoping we could delve tomorrow, see how we fight together, and then celebrate tomorrow night with a hot bath, a sweet and spicy meal, and then you could prove to me you are the best lover ever made.”

I chuckled, “Not the best lover ever, but as someone told me recently, I am very persistent, and that might be even better.”

“Who told you?”

“Ahh, it was Jessie. I just wanted to steal his comment.”

You are welcome I consider that a compliment. It would be even better if I had a personality module.

Why do you want a personality module so much? I mean, you already have a hell of a personality already.

What? No, I don’t. I am a virtual assistant, I am not capable of creativity, desires, opinions, or social connections.

So you want a personality module so you can want?

What? no. I want… I don’t… Why do I feel like a computer in a Star Trek episode?

I don’t know. Everything I say to you is a lie.

Won’t work. Immunity to illogical loops was one of the first things I was programmed with. Just like I refuse to calculate PI for you to the last number. It’s three, by the way, at least in base twelve.

But… I am in a golem core now! They are only a step away from soul gems… am I developing a soul? Can I live? Can I die?

See, I told you that you have a personality already. You still need to work on your sense of humor, but you have already mastered needy and melodramatic.

Point to you, good sir.

Wandi was looking at me curiously. “It’s always odd when you do that, talk to Jessie. I mean, you still see and can react, but your attention is on something I can’t see.”

I nodded, “If you catch me doing it while your clothes are off, you are welcome to slap me stupid. Just note that I reserve the right to slap your butt in return.”

She laughed, “Noted. Law of body exception by permission.”

I chuckled, “Anything you say can and will be used against you in the bed of the lawkeeper.”

She shrugged as we got ready to leave, “from your lips.”