Chapter 8: Late Night

A weight was on top of me. I was being crushed. Realization hit me and I knew I was still in the goblin's arena. I was being crushed by that damn monstrosity by its many torsos. I couldn't get up, I couldn't get out.

My hands shot to what was pushing down on me, it was skin. I felt a finger, it was a hand. A big hand. My eyes looked around the dark room. As they adjusted, I remembered where I was. I wasn't in the arena still and I wasn't being crushed by a monster. No, it was just Gronan's hand and though it was big, I was able to easily move it off of me onto the pillow between us.

I didn’t know what time it was but knew it wasn’t time to get up. I closed my eyes and tried to go back to sleep. I didn't know how long I sat there, but no matter how hard I squeezed my eyes shut, I just kept seeing everything that had happened: the hedren, the goblins, that monster. I shuddered. I couldn't do this, I needed some fresh air.

Slowly, as to not awaken Gronan, I swung my feet over the side of the bed. When I hopped off, there was a small creak as my weight pushed onto the wooden floor. I held my breath but Gronan continued to sleep, his breath heavy and ragged. I wondered if big dwarves such as himself had the same sleep apnea issues that humans that big did.

I took a slow step and then another. Eventually, I was able to make it to the door and somehow didn't wake anyone in the process. I opened the door slightly, another creak. I opened it slower, as slow as I could. It worked, there was no noise. After nearly a minute, it was finally open just enough for me to slip through.

Outside, the hallway was dark, the only light coming from the window by this end of the hall and the torchlight coming from the other end inside the bar. Even slower than before, I closed the door and then went toward the bar. The place was completely empty except for the barmaid, who stood inside the bar as she cleaned a wine glass with a towel. She gave me a quick nod as I went outside.

It was still warm outside, yet windy enough to not sweat. The moon was bright outside so I could vaguely see the town. To my right, there was a tiny, bright orange light. It was a lit cigarette that hung in a man's mouth as he lay against the stonewall of the inn.

I went over to the man. The cigarette light was enough to tell he was slim and his skin seemed young. He didn’t light up any of my warning signs as I approached him. He shifted as I came toward him, his hand close to a knife attached to his pocket. That was okay, he seemed to just be jumpy, people probably got jumped a lot at night just like in my world. I held out my hand, palm up. “Can I get a smoke?”

The hand on the knife went inside the pocket and pulled out a small bag with pre-rolled cigarettes inside. He pulled one out and gave it to me.

“Thanks,” I put it in my mouth.

“Here,” He put the bag back into his pocket and took the cigarette out of his mouth, putting the burning end onto mine. It lit easily and I took a hit. It felt amazing.

“Thank you,” I said, letting the smoke spill out of my lips. “It's good.”

He nodded. “Made 'em myself.”

I nodded back, “Don't stop.”

He let out a soft laugh. “Never will.”

In the light, I saw his eyes flick away from me. He seemed a lot like me, disturbed, in thought. I decided to walk away from him to the other side of the building, we both needed space.

That man, he was born on this planet. He might've lived in this one little town his whole life.

This planet was so different from mine.

I’m so different than when I was on Earth. An Adventurer, yeah, definitely don’t have anything like that there. Does that make me still human?

I put a hand to my stomach and felt my soft but coming-in abs.

This isn’t even my body. Am I even me?

I took a drag of the cigarette, letting the smoke fill my lungs and my thoughts be pushed away. At least that sensation felt the same. I smoked on Earth?

A strong wind blew through and I hugged myself tight. Yet, so much of this place was similar. There was air to breathe, the wind still blew, and I still got chills. In many ways, this place almost felt a little bit better than Earth. There were Adventurers who fought monsters and went on epic journeys. On Earth, that was only in fiction. But here, it was real.

“What are you doing?” I jumped, nearly striking out at the voice that had come from right next to me.

I was glad I didn't, it was Hazel. “Christ, you scared the shit out of me,” I said, taking a drag from the cigarette.

“Sorry, I didn't mean to sneak up on you.”

“It's okay,” I said as I blew out smoke.

“Those things kill people, you know?” She said, pointing at my cigarette.

I shrugged, “Another thing similar to Earth.”

She pulled a cigarette out of her pocket, hers actually seemed to be factory-made. “Good thing Adventurers can't die from them.”

“Well, that's not similar to Earth.”

She stuck her cigarette onto mine, lighting it. She took a drag before asking, “What does christ mean?”

I felt my brain lag for a moment. “It's um, well in my world we call god, christ.”

She looked confused, “So there is magic in your world?”

I shrugged, “Some people like to think so, but not everyone believes in god. Actually, there are many religions with some having multiple gods.”

She nodded, “Our world has other religions too,” She looked at me then. “You sound like you don't believe, do you not?”

I shook my head, “I was raised Catholic, it's a religion, but I stopped believing around ten.”

She looked at me oddly.

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“What?”

“It's just, strange.”

“Strange?”

“Yeah, I have just never heard of someone not believing. There is just so much evidence that there is a Goddess or God or Gods.”

“Like I said, there's not really magic in our world. At least nothing as crazy as this world has.”

She took another drag and shrugged. “I suppose that makes sense.”

I pointed my cigarette towards her. “What do you believe in?”

“I believe in Bedues. She is the Goddess of the main religion in this world, especially in Anestra.”

“Anything specific about her I should know?”

“Since you are stuck in this world, yes. Overall, the ideology of it is that She does not believe in good or bad, only what it takes to survive. The only thing She is absolutely against is the unholy.”

“What counts as unholy?”

“Reanimating the dead mostly, there are other dark magic spells that are forbidden, like torture spells. But that's really it. Though, I would not say I am as devout as someone like Gronan. I just,” She shrugged. “I get the feeling sometimes that the Knighthood has slowly changed Her text, making it fit their narrative that reanimation is bad.”

“Is the Knighthood the ones who run the religion?”

She nodded.

I took another hit, my cigarette was almost gone. “We have something like that too, there's a man called the Pope who runs the church. A lot of people suspect that Popes have changed the text in the past too.”

“Interesting, so does your world have other creatures? Humanoid ones, I mean.”

“Nope, just animals and us humans.”

Her eyes went wide, staring at me. “You mean to say there are only humans?”

“Yup, the only intelligent animals anyways.”

She shook her head, “Your world is strange.”

“Says the one with goblins and magic.”

“Fair point, this must all seem quite strange to you. Tell me, how have you felt about your first day in this world?”

I took one last drag and then dropped the cigarette onto the ground, crushing it with my shoe. “It's been interesting, I’m not used to being attacked by people and hedrens and goblins. But, I don't know, I guess it would be pretty hard to live in my world if I just washed up on its shore. I'd be broke, homeless, and with no goal in sight. Here, it's brutal, but it can be brutal in my world too, even with only one intelligent species. It seems we're always coming up with reasons to kill each other. And at least here, you have a goal, at least as an Adventurer. You can try to become stronger, to go on and do bigger and better things. In my world, it's hard to truly remember what I did, but I do remember feeling stuck. Almost a bit sad about where my life was going. But here,” I couldn't believe what I was about to say next. “I feel almost excited. Scared too, it's hard not to be scared when you’re being swarmed by goblins, but also excited.”

Hazel didn't say anything, I just heard her take a hit of her cigarette.

I looked at her, she looked like she wanted to tell me something. After a moment, she nodded. “I suppose that makes sense in a way,” She looked away. “But even with how brutal our world may be, I hate how we left those goblins. I know that we had to. They attacked us. But...”

“I get it, I don't think many people feel good about killing, even when they have to. We're Adventurers, I don't know much about this world but I know that that means we do the hard stuff, the jobs that usually require something dead. It comes with high rewards, but there is baggage that comes with it.”

She smiled, “For an outsider, you learn quickly,” she took one last long drag of her cigarette, her eyes distracted. I knew she wanted to say more but she just kept sucking on her cigarette until it was down to her fingers. “Oh Gahen!” she hissed and dropped the cigarette onto the ground, stomping the ember out.

I wanted to ask her what she was thinking about but instead, I decided to ask a different question. “What does Gahen mean?”

“It is Bedues’ underworld. All of the ones that break her easy-to-follow rules go there. But over time it has become a general cussword many use day to day.”

“Ah, I see. We have one of those in Catholicism. It’s called hell.”

Her face lit up, “That is why you say that word so much.”

“Hehe, yeah, pretty much,” I said then rubbed my eyes, feeling fatigue beginning to take over me. “I'm gonna head back to bed, you coming?”

She looked into my eyes with a smile. “No, you go ahead though,” She put her lips onto her cigarette, taking in a deep hit. I watched as the paper burned all the way to her fingers before she dropped it onto the ground.

“Good night,” I told her.

She nodded.

As I walked away, I heard her let out a long breath. I could smell the smoke as the wind blew it my direction.

I'm excited.

I couldn't believe I had told her that. Yet it was true, I knew it was. I had taken a man's life. I had killed a humanoid creature's life, a hedren. I had killed a monstrosity made of men. I watched my new group massacre a goblin hideout. I felt like I should've been quaking in my cursed shoes. And yes, just like I had told her, I was scared. But even so, I could feel that creep of excitement, deep down within me.

#

“I know you are over there,” Hazel said with a roll of her eyes as she pressed her back against the cold, stone wall.

Finn stepped through the inn doorway. “How'd you know I'd follow you?”

“You were awake before I was.”

“Can't blame me, the new guy was so loud.”

“La'Quet.”

“Whatever.”

She turned to him, pressing her shoulder into the wall. “Why do you do that?”

“Do what?”

“Be such an ass.”

“I don't like him.”

“You don't like anybody.”

“I'm nice to Gronan.”

“You tried to kill him when you first met him.”

“Hey, I don't see you bringing in people with open arms either.”

“Ugh,” She turned away from him, flipping her back once again onto the wall. “Could you just be nice to him, he's been through a lot.”

“Fine, I'll play nice.”

“That's all I ask,” For a moment, she thought about lighting another cigarette, sometimes her brother just riled her up.

Why can't he just be nice to one other person other than me? He's a sarcastic asshole to everyone!

He put his back against the wall next to her. “You um,” He seemed to think about his next words for a moment. “You doing okay? I know the whole goblin thing-”

“I'm fine,” She looked at him then, he seemed so concerned. He was always concerned for her.

“You sure?”

She shook her head. “No, but I do not blame Gronan for what he did. I am just glad he did not go through with it.”

He growled, “That brute.”

She nudged him. “Be nice, he is not a brute. He was a monk for many years, remember?”

“I guess, just pisses me off.”

“Do not be, Gronan was just doing what he thought was right.”

“And it messed you up.”

“I will be fine, stop trying to protect me from everything,” He looked at her then and she knew that had hit him somewhere deep. “The life we lead now is a hard one, harder than the last. You know that, if you try to protect me from everything it will just end up hurting you.”

He looked away, silent.

“Come on, let us go to bed,” She took him by the shoulder but he shrugged her off.

“I'm not tired.”

“Ah,” She let out an exasperated sigh. She fished through her pocket, past the bag of the eight other cigarettes, and pulled out a bronze coin. It glimmered in the moonlight as she flicked it to him. He caught it with ease. “I know where you are going, just do not pick up anything.”

He gave a sly smile, “I can't anymore.”

She shook her head, keeping the image of what he was going to do as far from her mind as possible. “Just be here by morning.”

"Why do you aid in my habit?”

“We all have a habit, right?” She said with a shrug.

“Suppose we do,” They locked eyes and looked at each other for a long moment. There were so many things she wished to say, so many things she wished to ask for forgiveness for. “Night,” He said.

“Night.” She walked back into the inn and felt her heart sink.

I know you did not want to become a part of this life. I am so terribly sorry for that, brother.