Allisse made her way through dining hall. The room was decorated with an elegant mural that traced the history of the city through the ages as various adventuring parties founded it, caused it to thrive, brought it to the brink of collapse, or saved it from destruction, ending with the group of heroes who had overthrown the city’s corrupt monarchy and replaced it with a democratic council. Opposite the mural was a warm hearth, stoked low but still giving light to the room to augment the many candles. The center of the room was dominated by a long table that stretched the length of the room, with room for dozens of people along the cushioned benches on the side nearest the meal, though only a handful were currently there. In the center of the table, at the seat of highest importance, were the count and countess whose luggage Allisse had helped bring in. Their servants sat on the far ends, at the horns of the table. The adventurers whose grubwumps Allisse had lost and recovered sat off to themselves. And the merchants who had been part of that embarrassing sales presentation were being escorted in by Lupin and seated at the middle of the table. There was another person Allisse hadn’t met yet. For a second she almost mistook him for a child, but he was a halfling. He finished joking with the servants and then exchanged a few pleasantries with the merchants as they walked in before taking his seat next to the count and countess.
The table was already set with trenchers, knives, and spoons, plus a bucket full of ice water in which several bottles rested. Thinneus finished laying out a few plates of bread on the table and then came over to Allisse. “Elizabeth said to bring you back as soon as you got here. You probably don’t want to keep her waiting.” That suddenly seemed like exactly what Allisse wanted to do but she let him take her by the hand back to the kitchen anyway.
They pushed through the heavy swinging door to reveal a tower of fire reaching to the ceiling and another halfing, Elizabeth, methodically fighting it with a saucepan lid. The other cook in the kitchen was just focused on the food and ignoring this disaster. And somewhere a dog was barking in panic.
“I’ve got this,” said Allisse, dashing toward a pitcher of water. Elizabeth’s short arm lashed out like a viper’s. “If you want to be useful, get the pies out of the oven.” She continued stamping out the fire bit by bit while pointing to the oven with her other hand. Allisse did as she was told. Couldn’t they see this was an emergency? After several seconds that seemed to take hours, the fire was out and the panic left Allisse. The elf who had been ignoring the fire opened some windows and the wind blew out the smoke. Elizabeth looked at the scorched remnants of what she’d been cooking. “Well, the seabass strips are ruined. We’re going to have to break out the charcuterie board again.”
“Shame.” the elf replied. “Well, we keep that as a backup for a reason.”
As the air cleared, Allisse was overwhelmed by the smells of various amazing dishes all competing for her attention. Elizabeth was standing on a stool next to the range, minding the simmering pots and tasting and tweaking their contents. She wore the traditional black and white livery of the Alabaster Inn, plus a white apron and chef’s hat. On the opposite side of the kitchen from the halfling worked a pudgy high elf Allisse didn’t recognize. He also wore livery and an apron, but a silk cap rather than a chef’s hat. He was working on decorating a series of pastries and, when he spotted a burnt section, he waved his hand over it and made it whole again. Meanwhile, the dog Thinneus had been hunting grubwumps with was on a treadmill above and to the side of the oven, slowly turning a giant spitted boar so it roast evenly. So, Pixiepaws McSparkles was a turnspit dog; Thinneus had gotten it from the kitchen.
Thinneus himself was chopping up sausages. Elizabeth moved over and stood on another stool to look at what he was doing. “That’ll have to do,” she said, then scooped the sausage into her stew with one efficient motion.
She turned to Allisse and Thinneus. “I know this is your first day, so I thought I’d go over the basics. Each day, before sixth and twelfth bells, I need you in the kitchen, ready to assist with feasts. The first step is setting the table and laying out any bread and appetizers, which Thinneus has already done for lunch,” she gave him a small but respectful nod. “Then you’ll be helping to bring everything I’ve been working on all day out to the patrons, and you’ll be relaying any feedback or requests they have back to me. While the patrons eat, you take care of everything they need just like you would normally. And after they finish feasting, you clear the table. I always make enough food so that even after the guests have had their fill, there’s plenty left over for us on the staff. After you’ve cleared the table, that’s when you take your meal. But don’t eat the trenchers!” She pointed with her ladle at the stack of hard, flat bread plates. “We uphold the tradition of giving those to the poor. You don’t disgrace Marcaveus’ generosity to his employees by making it look like we’re reduced to eating trenchers ourselves.”
Allisse nodded. “Of course.” She’d eaten a lot of trenchers in her life to get by. A glance at the ones this inn used showed her were more than just the simple flour crusts that most places used as a plate to hold the food people wanted to eat. They had herbs baked in, and showed no burn marks. Curious that the Alabaster Inn would show such care even with what was a throwaway item.
Something struck out as odd in Allisse’s mind. “The guards said begging is outlawed in Castle Square.”
“That may be, but Marceveus is the sovereign lord of the small patch of land this inn sits on, so his word is law here. If the city council doesn’t want us feeding hungry people, they can take that up with Marcaveus.” Elizabeth grinned slightly at the thought of that. “In the meantime, don’t think you have an excuse to just break any law you want; Marcaveus wouldn’t like that.”
Elizabeth paused and without turning said, “Remon, are you feeding the dog chicken scraps again?”
“Of course not,” said her elf assistant sheepishly, washing the chicken grease and dog saliva off his fingers before returning to work.
“Because we’ve been training the dog that he only gets fed after he’s done with his work.” She focused her attention back on the two pages. “Now, Lupin acts as the host for the feast, seating guests, announcing dishes, and providing entertainment. One of you will need to tend his station at the front door while he is away.”
Thinneus perked up. “I think that might be my thing.”
Elizabeth sized him up for a moment, “It just might. One moment.” She stirred the stew, tasted it, and added some herbs, then turned back to face them. “Do you have any questions?”
Allisse thought for a second. “I just wanted to thank you for getting me this job.”
“You’re welcome,” Elizabeth said.
Remon walked past with a tray of hot cupcakes. “And thank you for taking it. It’s been almost a week since we lost all our pages, and all of the rest of the staff have been working like crazy to pitch in. We’re glad to have you.”
“Oh,” said Allisse. “What happened to the last group of pages?”
Remon and Elizabeth both glanced at each other, avoiding Allisse’s eyes, their mouths drawn into tight expressions that gave little away. Elizabeth broke the silence first, “It’s time to start bringing out the food.” She let out a sigh. “Allisse, why don’t you start with the stew there. Thinneus, you can watch the front desk. You’re charming enough to represent the Inn, but don’t get caught up in how clever you are just to forget that it’s your first day and you don’t actually know anything yet. If a patron comes in asking questions, you greet them nicely and bring them to someone who can answer correctly.”
Thinneus shook his head, “I don’t-”
Elizabeth cut him off. “I know your type.”
Thinneus walked off, and Allisse slipped her hands into a pair of oven mitts and then hoisted the stewpot of its hooks in the oven and began carrying it out to the door. There was an ivory plaque on it with penciled writing on that, which Lupin removed, and glanced at slightly before announcing to the room, “Lords and ladies, men and women, the Alabaster Inn begins our lunch with our take on the classic Andurian stew incorporating cheese dumplings, imported ibex sausage, and a secret herb mixture known only to our head chef.”
Allise had already set the pot on the table and was back to the kitchen door, and Elizabeth was there with a tray of hot rolls. “Our patrons are hungry; you’ll need to move faster.” Again there was an attached ivory plaque and again Lupin plucked it with one deft movement, read it with a glance, and then announced. “Our next dish is a set of dinner rolls which you can accentuate with our selection of five berry compote, vegetable and ricotta spread, anchovy ketchup, or-” he snuck another glance at the plaque “freshly-made garlic butter as befits your taste today.”
Allisse was already out the door with what Remon had told her was the last dish of the course. This tray held a pair of beautiful pies, one tinted red and the other blue, that looked to be some sort of meringue or gelatin. An ivory plaque was attached, and instead of Elizabeth’s brief notes it held line after line of Remon’s elaborate, finely-written instructions. Lupin had to actually pause and think while reading it all, if only for a handful of seconds. “Our next feature has our cook Remon challenging the greatest dessert maker this world has ever seen: himself. It’s a contest of fire against ice and he’s created a cream cake to embody each theme. The first features mint, frozen blueberries, chilled pomegranate, and just a hint of winter wine. The second has cinnamon, dried cherries, allspice, and perhaps more brandy than some of you might dare to chance this early in the day. Eat whichever strikes your fancy, or sample both and judge the winner. I know these cakes might look too beautiful to let a spoon disrupt their perfection. But they are also too delicious to let go to waste. So let’s take one last look at their fleeting beauty and say our goodbyes before we enjoy.”
By now, the various patrons at the feast had already filled their trenchers from the food Allisse had set out. Allisse refilled a few customers’ glasses from the water, wines, and other beverages in the central ice bucket on the table while Lupin walked up and down the length of the table, exchanging small talk and banter with various patrons. Something seemed to shift in the mood of the room, and he whistled and said “All right, we’ll start the day’s festivities with a challenge of riddles. The prizes today are these wreaths.” With a flourish, he produced three small pine wreaths with, each intricately decorated with beads and woven through with vines. “If you want one of these treasures, answer well and answer quickly.”
He paused for effect. “Let’s begin: What is the sister of the sun, though made for the night? The fire causes her tears to fall, and when she is near dying, they cut off her head.”
That was a bit gruesome. Allisse thought about it as she refilled a few customers’ drinks but got nowhere. The elf who’d earlier bought all those weapons guessed “the moon,” but all that got a polite shake of Lupin’s head. Aeriav smiled and said “It’s a candle.”
“It is indeed,” said Lupin. He bowed dramatically and passed the wreath to her outstretched hand. He then began the next riddle:
“What is greater than the gods yet less than a man?
The rich lack it, the poor have it in abundance, and if you eat it you die.”
Allisse thought about that one. She’d had a bit of a brush with death earlier today just from not eating anything. That was it! “Nothing!” she exclaimed.
“Correct,” said Lupin, “But unfortunately, nothing is also your prize. Staff are not allowed to participate.”
Allisse felt heat rise in her cheeks, and she nodded demurely.
Lupin continued. “Welby is also not allowed to participate, because if he did so, he would quickly sweep the prizes and leave no sport for the rest of the table.”
The halfling laughed. “I think you just need some new material. I’ve heard that one about the candle, what, five times now?”
“True, true,” said Lupin. “Well, you have called and I must answer. For I have been devising just such a riddle, and it seems the goddess of fate has marked today for its release.” He began to recite:
“The most common gem you could own,
Found in no jewelry, scepter, or crown.
If you render me in sunlight or fire,
I become the dying wanderer’s desire.”
Welby thought for a second, chuckled, and clinking came from his drink as he stirred it. He smiled confidently. Allisse saw Lupin subtly pass the halfling a wreath under the table, while distracting the room with some elaborate gestures with his other hand. So Welby had figured it out that quickly? Maybe the riddle had something to do with the glass? That would fit the first two lines, but she couldn’t figure how it meshed with the second two. The patrons had various guesses, including “water” and “tallow” but none was correct. The dwarf merchant repeatedly insisted the answer was “quarrrtz” but Lupin managed to evade awarding the prize. Finally, one of the patron’s servants said “ice” and was rewarded with the final wreath. Allisse remembered how, when Welby was stirring his cup, he’d been clinking the ice. He may not look it, but he was sharp.
This narrative has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. If you see it on Amazon, please report it.
Lupin hummed a note and Allise heard in her mind
Elizabeth and Remon were cooperating on placing various dried and preserved foods onto an intricately-decorated tray when she came in. “What do I bring out now?”
“The guests can wait a few minutes,” said Elizabeth. “Take the chance to get a few bites in while you’re here. You never know when you’ll get the chance again.”
Allisse wasn’t going to say “no” to that. She pulled a roll off the tray and dipped it in the garlic butter. “Oh. This is delicious!” she said between bites.
Elizabeth nodded, slicing off portions of some sort of cured meat. Allisse tried the anchovy ketchup with some degree of hesitation, but the savory, salty sweetness rolled over her tongue and danced on her taste buds. She dumped the remainder on her roll and finished both, then sampled the five berry compote with another. It was surprisingly tart, but that somehow made it more delightful than pure sweetness would have.
Remon set down some pink fruit leather. “The rolls were just there to be an appetizer. Make sure you leave room for the rest of the feast.” He winked and handed her a tray of small pies with another ivory plaque on it. She took the chance to read it before exiting the door. It read simply “pot pie: albis. mushrms”. Lupin announced to the room “Our chef has taken the humble pot pie and elevated it to a true work of art by the inclusion of Albistrean mushrooms. Those of you who know that ingredient, but not the unimpeachable reputation of our chef, might think the toadstool’s flavor-enhancing magics wasted on such a seemingly humble dish. But I assure you, our chef chose this particular dish for good reason, and one taste of the culinary masterwork in front of you will remove all doubts from your mind.”
Before he had finished, Allisse had already cleared off the stewpot and returned with the next dish, this one on a special tray that was inlaid with a map of the world. It didn’t bear a plaque, but Lupin apparently didn’t require one. “And here we have a classic at the Alabaster Inn, the land’s tour charcuterie board. It features a selection of meats, cheeses, dried fruits and vegetables, and other preserved foods that are unique to the place on the map where that particular delicacy is laid. If you’re feeling homesick, or want to explore an exotic land, simply pick up a victual, take a bite, and you’ll be teleported there in taste if not in body.”
Remon took the pies Allisse was carrying and handed her the tray of cupcakes he’d been decorating saying “last tray.” She brought it out and Lupin chuckled as soon as he saw it. He didn’t even bother looking for a plaque before announcing this one. “The time is nigh for some mystery cupcakes. For those of you who have not had the, call it ‘unique’ experience of encountering this Alabaster Inn tradition, allow me to introduce you to it. Remon has put a distinct filling into each and every one of these cupcakes, and decorated the top with a clue as to its contents. Might it contain fruit filling, delicious frosting, fermented yak butter? You’ll have to trust your wits and luck if you hope to find out. I am instructed to tell you that your first bite must be large, your chewing thorough, committed to swallowing no matter the taste; for this boldness pleases the gods.” He said this with mock severity. “But those who timidly nibble the outsides to peek at the filling bring upon themselves the curse of ill-timed flatulence. So, will you take the challenge? Do you risk your culinary experience on what could become disaster? Or will you resign yourself to timid passivity, always wondering what could have been? As for me, I choose a life of adventure!” And with that he plucked a cupcake off the plate Allisse had put down and bit into it with a show of heroic bravado. “Mmmm…” he said, and held up his cupcake to show that it held an even smaller cupcake inside it.
Welby tugged her sleeve lightly as she passed him and she paused. He said, “I know Marcaveus has a bottle of Old Shauggner’s Special somewhere in that cellar. If you wouldn’t mind bringing it out I’d be extremely grateful.” She went to retrieve the bottle as Lupin began a joke. A raucous peal of laughter came from above, accompanied by foot-stomping as she looked in the dark for the bottle. But she found it and was already headed up the stairs by the time the audience burst into laughter a second time. She handed it to Welby.
The halfling uncorked the bottle and Allisse tried and failed to conceal her reaction to the overpowering odor. Welby poured half the bottle into his empty cup and took a large swallow. “This brings back memories. Anyway, where was I? Ah, yes. I should introduce myself. My name is Welby Tealeaf, and I have my permanent residence here at the Inn.” Allisse thought back to the cost of rooms and wondered how someone could live here year round. But she pushed the thought away. “It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance,” she said.
The halfling smiled. “You may have guessed from my surname that I come from a long line of tea brewers. I taught the kitchen staff the perfect method for brewing tea and they’ve managed to turn out quite the cup.” He fished something out of his pocket. “Here’s a tip for the lunch service,” he said, handing her a copper coin, “and I have another like it for you if you bring me my tea at tenth bell. My quarters are on the top floor. Also, I don’t care what Lupin said, you earned that wreath fair and square.”
Allisse went to put the copper in her pocket only to find the wreath Welby had won earlier was already there. “Well, thank you,” she said. “I’ll make sure to have your tea in time.”
She looked at the table; people were starting to be done eating. So she picked up the charcuterie board and took it back to the kitchen.
When she opened the door, she was surprised to see it nearly full of Inn staff. Ardryll was sitting on a stool, pipes at her side, talking contentedly. But her eyes went wide when she saw the delicacies Allisse was carrying. Wren meanwhile hovering next to a slice of cream cake that looked to be half as big as she was. Elizabeth was pouring water out of a crystal decanter to wash dishes while Remon put away the food and various supplies.
Ardryll looked at the plate. “There’s still honey petals left!” She ate a few and then started on medallions of some sort of meat.
Allisse picked up some small fragments of what looked like bits of jerky and popped a few in her mouth. “This is good! What is it?”
Elizabeth glanced over. “Dried Escavian locust.”
Bugs? She chewed a bit more. It still tasted good. She went back out the door, grabbed the mystery cupcakes, and returned.
Ardryll took a cupcake that was decorated with a butterfly whose wings looked like apple slices. “Hmm… Apple butter?” she asked.
Remon merely smiled. “You’ll have to taste it and find out.”
Ardryll bit boldly into the cupcake and smiled. “I knew it!”
Allisse looked at the cupcakes. One was decorated with what looked like a flaming tree and the other had a ripped piece of calendar laid on top. She chose the first one and bit, then coughed as a burning sensation hit her throat. “What is this?”
“Cinnamon,” Remon said. “I put several heaping spoonfuls in the middle.”
“It’s too much,” said Allisse. She found a decanter of water and drank deeply.
Remon smirked. “You were warned that not all mystery cupcakes are safe. But, to make up for my trickery, please hand me that ribbon of yours and I’ll do you a favor. She handed it to him skeptically, and he took it and tied it in a knot over and over again in a matter of seconds, then pulled the ends and somehow instead of being caught in a giant knot, it unfurled into an intricately-decorated version of itself woven with gold and silver threads. Remon handed it back to her.
“Thank you,” said Allisse.
“It’s a trifle,” said Remon. “And it will wear off at midnight, but until then, wear it with pride.” Allisse tied it back into her hair and then dished herself up a bowl of stew and began eating it.
Lupin walked in, carrying the remainder of the trays. He seemed tired for just a second but he perked up again. “Another feast finely executed. I retrieved the last of our precious comestibles.”
Adryll and Remon both took a pot pie and began eating it. Elizabeth set a clean pan on the counter. “How are things so far, Allisse?”
Allisse tried to think of a way to avoid saying they were going terribly, without actually lying. “I’m having a bit of trouble. There’s just so much to wrap my head around. Do any of you have any tips?”
Lupin was the first to speak. “People come to the Alabaster Inn for the beautiful luxury, but what draws them back is how the staff makes them feel. Keep a smile on your face, help our guests feel more welcome here than in their own homes, and you won’t have room in your pockets for all the tips you’ll earn.”
As Allisse considered his words, he took the opportunity to grab a pot pie and the remaining cupcake. He removed the paper and bit into it. “Do I taste dates? Well played Remon,” he said. “By the way, your fiery cream cake was the victor, but only by a single vote.”
Elizabeth set down the pot she was scrubbing. “I’ve cooked soufflés that had more substance than Lupin’s advice. Our patrons are busy people; they’re looking for someone to help lighten their workload. Be efficient. Be excellent. Anticipate what the patron will need rather than waiting to be told what to do. Lupin just doesn’t understand hard work.”
Ardryll swallowed a bite of roll. “I don’t think that’s right. Lupin pours himself out every performance. He hides the strain because he doesn’t want to bring anyone else down. But if you pay attention, you can see how much it takes out of him to summon all that joy and energy to pass on to other people. It’s only the calm times at the front desk that allow him to keep going.”
Elizabeth scoffed, but Ardryll kept going. “You work hard in this kitchen, harder than any of us. But would you honestly say you’d trade working in the back for a position where you have to be friendly and smiling all day every day, even on the days when you’re heartbroken or miserable?”
Elizabeth stopped mid-scrub. “No. No I wouldn’t.”
Allisse hadn’t thought of it like that. Elizabeth said, “So, Ardryll, what advice would you give Allise?”
Ardryll finished her roll while she considered. “I was never a page and I’m happy to be dealing more with animals than guests. I don’t know what to say other than a little kindness never hurts.”
Remon wiped the pot pie off his face. “You’re all taking this too seriously. You’re still young, Allisse. Remember to have some fun while you’re here. I’ve seen so many kids take this job too seriously, only to get squeezed harder than Elizabeth is wringing out that rag there.”
Elizabeth hung up the rag and turned to face him. “We do serious work here.”
Remon nodded. “All the more reason to crack a smile every now and again. Otherwise, how can we bear it? Right, Wren?”
The pixie looked like she had eaten a third of her body weight in cream cake. “Never let patrons catch you having fun because that seems to really offend them for some reason. As for advice I’d say you can’t do this job on an empty stomach so eat up.”
“I hear that,” said Thinneus, walking into the kitchen. He grabbed a pot pie.
Ardryll asked Thinneus, “Do you have any advice for Allisse?”
Thinneus thought carefully over bites of pot pie. “Not really. She’s been doing great as far as I’ve seen.”
Allisse finished her stew. She hadn’t realized how hungry she’d been all day until she’d had a full meal. Her stomach gurgled as it neared bursting, and she had to struggle to stand up. She hadn’t eaten like this since three months ago when she’d put together a meal of gruel, trenchers, and fruit for the Feast of Eventide. That reminded her of something. She asked Elizabeth, “You mentioned the trenchers are given to the poor?”
“Yes,” said the chef. “As you’re clearing the tables, you can bring the trenchers out the back door to whoever is waiting. But if you see a man with orange hair and a mark on his chin, tell him he’s not welcome back until the end of the week. He knows what he did. If there’s any trouble, come get me.”
Allisse went back to the dining room to see only a couple of patrons there. Welby and that dwarven merchant were chatting about the merchant’s various weapons sales. Allisse went back and forth a few times, clearing the table. Eventually, everything was in the kitchen and she took the stack of trenchers out the back door.
The alleyway was dim even in the noonday sun, though cleaner than the alleys where Allisse was from. Assembled there were eight beggars, one of whom was helping a woman with her crying infant. Everyone began to crowd around her, and she handed each a trencher, one by one.
“You’re new,” said one of them.
“Yes. I just started today,” said Allisse, getting a bit uncomfortable with being surrounded like this.
“I heard Marcaveus got hungry and ate the last team of pages,” said another beggar.
Was that true? Allissed hoped not. “Don’t be ridiculous,” said the first. “Marcaveus isn’t like that.” Allisse felt reassured, then he continued. “I heard they stole from him, and that’s why he killed them all. They’re now just skeletons on the night crew.” Allisse felt less assured.
Another beggar took her trencher. “I heard they all got shrunk to as small as lice, and they’re scurrying around the inn somewhere.” She looked Allisse in the eye. “Take care where you step.”
The assembled crowd had dwindled down to the last few: the woman, her infant, and someone she recognized. “Giselle!” said Allisse, “What are you doing here?”
“Allie!” said Giselle. “I’m here for something to eat. How about you? You don’t look like you’re begging.”
“No,” laughed Allisse. “I’m working here, Zelle. I just started today.” She handed the mother a pair of trenchers.
Giselle took hers and ate a bite. “Mmm.. I never thought I’d see you here. People from Skinner’s Row don’t come to this part of town unless they’re begging or hustling.”
“And which are you up to today?”
“A bit of both.” Giselle chuckled. “I got a rich miss convinced my husband is beating me every day I don't bring home enough money. I get a few silver off of her each day. Sometimes a full gold piece.”
“You’re married now?” Allisse said, teasing. “Did you finally give in to Drake’s wiles?”
Giselle mimed barfing. “No! Of course I haven’t found the one yet. Thought it was Ben, but that didn’t work out. But the rich miss doesn’t need to know that. Besides, my dad wallopped me again last night, so I’ve got all the evidence I need anyway.”
“I’m sorry,” said Allisse.
Giselle shrugged. “It’s life, you know?” She nibbled on her trencher. “Say, if this inn thing doesn’t work out, you should come with me. I could introduce you to a few of the more gullible people around this area. I’m sure you could spin a tale about the horrible vampire you’re on the run from.”
“I’ll think about it,” said Allisse.
“That means ‘no’ doesn’t it? You never join in on my hustles. You’re missing out.”
“It’s not my thing,” said Allisse.
“And this is?” said Giselle between bites. “Come on, Allie, this is a fancy place for fancy people, with money and titles. They don’t put up with gutter scrapers like us for long, not here.”
“I—” Allisse started. But she couldn’t argue.
“Well, I’ve gotta go. Have fun kissing a nobleman’s boots or something. If you’re still here tomorrow, I’ll be back for lunch.”
Allisse waved goodbye and headed back into the Inn.