The dream came again leaving Ashea in a cold sweat as she woke. After eleven years, the nightmare of her father’s death still had the power to make her feel like a child again, forcing her to relive the horrible moment in excruciating detail. Part of her wished she hadn’t watched her father die, that he had been found on the side of the road somewhere like so many others. Yet a small part of her was grateful; she had the opportunity to see him one last time, to know for certain what his fate was. There were plenty of other children who couldn’t say the same.
Shoving the sheets away, she rose from her bed to stand by the window, the cool breeze settling the frayed edges of her nerves. The sky, now painted a warm pink and purple, served as the cruel reminder of what today was: her twenty second birthday.
She thought she should be happy. Weren’t people supposed to be happy on their birthday? She didn’t really know. Kade never seemed too thrilled about his. Then again, he didn’t have any real friends or family left to celebrate with. Other people around the compound would say she was like family to him. She supposed that would be the assumption since Kade had raised her. Sometimes she could pretend they were like siblings; he was a big enough pain in the ass for it. But Kade tried to be more of a father than a brother, even though that had never been an area of expertise for him; both of his parents died when he was ten. He would say her father tried to be a parent figure for him, which didn’t surprise her. That only made his reaction to Alran’s death puzzling for her.
The day Alran died Kade rode out for Dacia for revenge, she had assumed. Most thought he would declare war on King Ari, maybe even take his life. But Kade didn’t. He had stormed the castle and made his way to King Ari’s throne room. In front of the entire royal family he had held a blade to the man’s throat, and instead of killing him, Kade made a promise: the Paladai would still protect the innocent Dacians, those of lower birth who did nothing more than try to make an honest day’s living, but no mercy would be shown to any nobility, any who had a hand in their government. If they were attacked, they would be left alone. If a Paladai happened to cross paths with them, their lives were at the Paladai’s discretion. Kade might as well have declared open war.
Despite the fact he had been merciful to the wretched man, King Ari was furious. The first thing he did was attack the Paladai compound in Misteval, the capital of Dacia. In preparation for his wrath, Kade sent orders for every public compound in both Dacia and Avar to be abandoned. Though the Paladai had no quarrel with Avar, Ari still knew the locations of those compounds. If he wanted to kill them, he could, which would only endanger Avar. The Paladai were strong but nowhere near able to take on his armies in a direct assault. They still had plenty of hiding places, though. Most of them were spread out and hidden in the Lurraren, an expanse of forest separating the two kingdoms. She couldn’t say she missed living in the capital of Avar; she was too young to have any feelings for it. Besides, the quiet of the Lurraren was peaceful, soothing.
Knowing she wouldn’t get any more sleep, she opted instead for a walk around the perimeter wall. Ashea quickly dressed in a wrapped top that showed off her Paladai tattoo across her back – drak heads on both shoulders whose neck intertwined into a sword that ran down her spine and ended just above her hips – and a loose skirt that allowed free movement. As she moved absent mindedly down the halls she turned a corner and collided into another body.
“I’m sorry I didn’t – ” Ashea stopped her apology when she realized it was Talana. Aside from being one of Kade’s higher ranking commanders, she was also deaf. She wasn’t fluent, but Kade had taught her some of the hand sign language Talana used to communicate.
“Sorry, didn’t see you,” Ashea signed.
Talana looked her up and down. She cocked a brow and began signing, “You look like shit. Why are you up so early?”
“Bad dreams,” she said, not knowing the proper signs.
Talana could read lips and had even learned to verbalize quite well if absolutely necessary, but she preferred not to. She was plenty capable of getting a point across her way. She tapped Ashea’s arm and motioned for her to follow. Ashea considered arguing, but decided whatever chore or errand Talana had in mind would be just as distracting as any walk.
She led the way out into the training courtyard and grabbed a training sword before tossing it to Ashea. She caught it as Talana picked up another sword and took up a position in the sparring ring outlined in the dirt.
“Fight me,” Talana signed.
Ashea stepped into the ring as she began, “This wasn’t what I had in mind when-” Talana struck first. Ashea barely got her sword up in time to parry the attack and counter.
“You’re distracted,” Talana signed.
“I told you, I didn’t sleep well,” Ashea said as she pressed forward. Talana easily countered and managed to land a hit on her backside.
“Now you’re dead. There’s no excuse.”
Ashea tightened her grip on her sword and charged. Talana tried to use her momentum against her to flip her to the ground. Ashea rolled out of it and managed to trip Talana, her blade pressing up against her throat.
“And now you’re dead. Are we finished here?”
Talana gave her an approving stare as she smirked and then made the name sign for Kade. Ashea turned to see Kade watching them from the edge of the courtyard. She hadn’t noticed him there before and wondered how long he had been watching.
Talana picked herself up and started signing faster than Ashea could keep up with. Whatever she was signing about didn’t seem to bother him as he replied almost nonchalantly. That seemed to irritate her as she huffed and started signing more sharply, her hands slamming angrily together with some of the motions. Kade’s features hardened as he replied again in the same calm manner, but there was more of a quiet anger to his signing compared to Talana’s. She made a frustrated growl of a sound as she gave a curt reply and stomped off after throwing the sword to Kade.
“Do I want to know what that was about?” Ashea finally asked as he approached the ring.
“More of a commentary on your recent performance. What has you so preoccupied?”
Ashea rolled her eyes. “It was a bad night. Can you claim you’ve never had a poor night’s rest before?”
He considered as he examined the training blade. “You’re having the nightmares again?” he asked disinterestedly. Ashea didn’t bother answering since he already knew the truth. “You shouldn’t be so ashamed to remember your father.”
“I’m not ashamed of him,” she muttered.
“That isn’t what I meant,” he said gently. “You feel shame for the emotions his memory stirs. Embrace them. The more you fret about it, the more likely you are to have them cloud your judgment and get you killed.”
“You’re being absurd, Kade. I’m not—”
“Enough!” Kade attacked with three fluid, powerful strokes. She parried each blow well enough before countering. Satisfied for the moment, Kade pulled back.
“I have no patience for games today, Kade. What do you want?”
“To prove a point,” he answered. “Why does his death frighten you?”
“It doesn’t.” He struck out again, his blade expertly looking for her weak areas. But she was no longer a pathetic child, and she knew where his own weaknesses were. Parrying his blows she aimed for his own vulnerabilities until he yielded again.
“No? Then why continue dreaming about it as you do? If not fear, perhaps guilt. You hold yourself to blame for his death?” he challenged as he circled about like a predator.
“I was a child, Kade,” she ground out. “There was nothing I could do.”
“Is that so? The day your father left you in my care you made not one plea for him to stay. Little Ashea wanted to play at being a Paladai, even though your father left explicit instructions otherwise. He expected an obedient daughter, yet the day he died you were doing the one thing he forbade.”
The little voice in her mind said not to listen, that he was goading her. Well, it was working. She thrust blindly at him, which he dodged with little effort. Trying to recover, she turned and brought her sword down with as much strength as she could. He blocked it and sidestepped, shoving her away.
“Or perhaps it is your own inadequacies hindering you. You failed to bring his killer to justice. In essence, you failed your father.”
“No, I didn’t!” She lunged for him. He blocked her, their blades locked as she pressed for advantage. “I was not to blame.” He pushed her back. In three moves he had her disarmed and pinned to the ground, the length of his blade pressed to her neck.
“I don’t care if you blame the Dacian royals and their assassins for twisting the knife or me for sending him on the mission. Hate who you must, but do not repeat my mistake of letting it make your choices for you. Control it or let it go, or you will get yourself killed as you have just now. Have I made myself clear?”
She shut her eyes, biting back a retort. He was right. Arguing at this point was useless. “Yes, Kade.” With that, he removed his blade and turned to replace his weapon. Unwilling to accept defeat, she gripped her blade and rushed him from behind. He barely turned in time to parry the attack. Their blades locked again for a moment, but a moment was all she needed. She bashed her skull against his, which left him dazed long enough for her knee to come up hard between his legs. Her head was throbbing, but to see the mighty Kade on his knees was worth it. She lowered her blade to his neck triumphantly. “Your turn to be dead,” she gloated.
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“And that was for?” he strained as he clutched himself.
“Testing your response to a surprise attack,” she said smartly. “Unfortunately, you failed, Kade.”
“The purpose of practice is to show some restraint.”
“Treat practice as reality. You’re less likely to die. You taught me that.”
He gave a weak chuckle. “Actually, it was your father who taught me that. But you must stop using that particular tactic. Any hopes I had of siring children seems to be dwindling.”
“Maybe you should learn to block.” If it were any other person, Kade most likely would have had them punished, but between them there was a certain leniency. They knew where the line was, flirted with it on more than one occasion, but they had yet to cross it.
“Lady Ashea, Lady Ashea,” a young voice called out. She looked up to see Kail, one of the youngest initiates. His mother worked as a scullery maid in the compound, and he had wanted nothing more than to join the Paladai. Given another year, she was sure he would abandon that dream. He was too sweet, too kind hearted. He couldn’t even shoot a bird for food, he was so timid. He was still adorable, though, with a round face, big brown eyes, and dimpled smile. Now if only he’d stop calling her Lady…
“What is it, Kail?” she asked.
“Luken is here. He says he needs to see you urgently,” he said quickly.
“Go tell him I’ll meet him at the gate,” she said with a smile and shooed him off.
“I will never understand what you see in that little snipe,” Kade groaned as he finally got to his feet. He and Luken had never gotten along. Then again, Kade never got along well with anyone.
“You annoy me, and he annoys you. I think that’s reason enough,” she said.
“I am not annoying. I’m endearing,” he said with a smirk.
“As endearing as a drak with a belly ache.”
“At least I don’t tend to bite,” he said, snapping his jaws at her.
“Thank the gods for that,” she chuckled.
He grinned wickedly as he picked up his sword. “Go tend to that fool you call friend. I have business to attend to. Come find me after; there is much to discuss.”
She nodded and tossed her sword to him to return before sprinting off to the main gate. Outsiders were strictly forbidden in the compounds with the only exception being mortal danger. Only once had she ever seen one in the compound: the day she had met Luken. However, it was hardly surprising, given their isolation. It was odd Luken was there, though. They had their birthday tradition, but they never met at the compound. It was always the glade just several hours north. Nevertheless, he was always a welcome sight.
“Luken, you scoundrel, what are you doing here?” she greeted with a grin as the portcullis rose.
He stood there with a wide smile, his long auburn hair tied back in a tight plait down his back. Once an initiate of the Order, Luken had left when he turned eighteen. He had been doing well in his hand-to-hand training, but when it came to other weapons, he was fairly useless. Despite his departure, they had remained friends. Most people would consider him a drifter, primarily living off the land, making spare coin by trapping in the Lurraren. “I was going to wish you happy birthday and bring you an early present. However, since you’re going to call me rude names, I will just have to take it back.”
“You’ll do no such thing. Give me my hug.” He did as told with a hearty laugh, easily lifting her with his brawny frame and spun her around in the air to her continued displeasure. She always felt like he was going to throw her around by accident someday. “Why are you here so early?” she asked when he finally put her back on her feet.
“Do I need a reason to see my only friend?”
“No, never. It’s just a bit early for you to be socializing.”
“I was passing by on my way to trade some furs. I found a new buyer willing to pay more, but it’s nearer to the Dacian border than I care for.”
Luken was not a welcome person to most Dacians. He had a bad history with the Dacian guards as a child before he started training with the Paladai. That history led to more than a few unsavory incidents involving attacks on Dacian caravans. Kade had never punished him since they were all associated with the nobility, but he never fully approved of it, considering it gave Luken more notoriety than Kade felt appropriate.
“You’re going alone?” With his Paladai training he was capable of handling himself, but she didn’t like him taking unnecessary risk.
“With any luck, I will be finished and be able to meet you at the glade this afternoon. Just in case, I brought this for you,” he said and pulled what appeared to be a leather wrapped, crescent shaped rod from the side of his saddle. She didn’t appreciate him side stepping the question, but she let it pass for the moment.
When she unwrapped the leather she could hardly believe what she saw. It was a bow. But this was more than a simple bow. It curved and recurved at each end providing more power in a smaller draw. What was more, the belly was covered in the best quality bone, the back with sinew, and the core made of the finest osage wood. The details etched on the grip were that of a master artisan. A weapon of this quality would have taken months to craft.
“Luken, it’s gorgeous. But how did you—”
“If you have to ask, it isn’t a gift.”
She couldn’t believe it. The bow had to have cost him a great deal, more than she could ever ask of him. If it weren’t for the fact it would make her seem ungrateful, she would have forced him to return it. Her own bow was beyond repair from its last skirmish, and her bowyer abilities were far from adequate.
“Thank you, my friend. I will not forget this.” She pulled him in for another hug. “Are you sure you don’t want an escort?” she offered.
“I can handle myself, Ashea,” he assured her.
She still wasn’t comfortable with the idea, but she wouldn’t argue with him.
“You had better be at the glade this afternoon, or I will come looking for you. Clear?”
“Get back inside before Kade comes to bite my head off. The gods know he hates me,” he said with a grin.
“If you could learn to hold a weapon properly, or stop teasing him so relentlessly, he might not hate you so much.”
“He started it,” he replied childishly as he remounted his russet stallion.
She gave him a droll stare, to which he smiled. Shaking her head in defeat, Ashea shooed him off to his errand. It would take him some time to get to the edge of the Dacian Empire, and he didn’t need to waste any more time.
Deciding Kade could wait several minutes more, she took the bow toward the small target range in the main courtyard. Bracing it, she bent the limbs until the string could be pulled over the notch, which was no easy feat. The thick limbs and short length made them difficult enough, but the reflex of the limbs was greater than her old recurve bow, making it significantly harder for her to string on her own. This was going to take time to get used to. Once it was strung, nocking an arrow and drawing back did not seem quite so difficult, though it certainly had a stronger pull than she was accustomed to. It would take several more weeks of training with it to truly become proficient with it, but for now, the two shots she managed to plant in the straw mannequin’s chest were well enough for her.
Slinging the bow over her shoulder she proceeded to the Great Hall where Kade had the tendency to spend his time. Coordinating the Paladai’s movements in the secrecy they now required took more time from him than it used to. Charts and reports were spread out on several stone tables around the room. Ashea never knew how he kept everything in order, considering the disheveled appearance of the papers and scrolls.
“So, what was so urgent?” he asked blandly as he read one of his letters.
“A gift,” she said, showing him the bow. He took it in one hand, his other running across its smooth surfaces. He tried to keep his expression indifferent, but it was hard not to see the appreciative gleam in his eyes.
“How did he come by it?” he asked as he drew back on the bow.
“I didn’t ask, and he didn’t say.” With a final glance, he gave the bow back. “So, what did you want see me about?”
Kade gave a heavy sigh as he surveyed the reports before him. “I’ve been putting much thought into this. It’s something I should have done long ago, but my own pride and hubris blinded me.” He turned to her and handed her one of the parchments from the table. “This does not leave this room.”
She took it warily and scanned the words. She had to read it at least twice before the reality sunk in. “You want the Paladai to evacuate?”
“It’s not an evacuation. We are not fleeing for our lives. Our order has outstayed its welcome. It will be done slowly to arouse less suspicion, but it’s time for us to leave.”
She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “And where would we go? These lands have been our home.”
“That’s why I am giving them a choice no other Paladai have ever received. Those who wish to stay may, but they will no longer be Paladai warriors. Even you will have that choice, Ashea.” She dropped the parchment. “Your father never wished for you to be a Paladai. While I value your service, it would be a dishonor to his memory to not give you the choice."
Ashea tightened her grip on the bow as she tried to process what Kade was suggesting. The Paladai Order was the only life she had ever known. Without that, what else was she?
“Is that what you were arguing about with Talana?”
“To an extent. I don’t expect an answer from you in this moment. I want you to take the day, leave the compound, get your mind focused, and consider what I’ve said.” She gave a somber nod as she turned to leave. “But first, I have your birthday gift.” He moved to the end of one of the tables and produced what appeared to be a sword and scabbard. At first she did not recognize it, but when she saw the pommel, she knew it to be her father’s sword.
“Kade…how?” When Alran died, his sword was taken from his body to be stored for safekeeping until she was old enough. When they were forced to evacuate, she had heard the sword had been lost. She almost didn’t care where it had been. He had found it, and that was all that mattered.
“With great difficulty. I’m only sorry it wasn’t given to you when you received your tattoo, as it should have been. Wear it with pride, little Ashea,” he said, handing it over to her. She set down Luken’s bow to take her father’s sword.
She held it as if at any moment it would fade away, like a dream she would wake from and find it still lost to the ravages of time. She ran a thumb over the pommel, a garnet the length and width of a man’s thumb with a drak head etched into the stone. There truly was no other weapon like it. “You know, calling me ‘little’ was cute when I was eleven. Now, not so much.”
“Leave an old man his small pleasures,” he said with a smirk. He was, she supposed, an old man. By Paladai standards, at least. Many Paladai were lucky to make it to their twentieth year. Too many were arrogant and got themselves killed in battle or simply didn’t survive initiation. Her father was the rare exception for having made it to forty two years.
“Thank you, Kade,” she said, wrapping her arms around him. He returned the embrace warmly, a rare thing between them.
“Happy birthday, little Ashea.”