She yearned for the stage.

She had always craved the opportunity to bask in the limelight, to be showered with praise by adoring audiences. She envisioned herself donning exquisite outfit, capturing the attention of all beneath the radiant spotlight.

From the moment she witnessed the cheers surrounding a pop-song artist on TV during her childhood, she made up her mind to become a superstar someday. Discovering a choir club in her primary school, she eagerly joined and became an active member, never missing a single practice. Singing became an integral part of her daily routine, and she even enrolled in piano class to master the musical skills she deemed essential for achieving greatness as a super-idol.

However, little did she know that one day, stepping onto the stage would transform into a haunting nightmare.

*****

[Auditions

The Bunkasai (Culture Festival) is coming up soon! As always, we’ll be hosting a four-hour afternoon performance in our main hall on the third day, which also happens to be the event’s grand finale. Any club or individuals who are interested in showcasing their talent on stage, please submit your applications to Student Union office on the second floor of Block A.

Here are the details…]

“Rika, did you see the notice in the corridor?” Anya’s voice brimmed with excitement, “The auditions for Bunkasai! It’s an opportunity to perform in front of the entire student body, parents and even guests!”

Rika paused for a moment upon hearing Anya’s words, but she continued making notes based on the chemistry reference book she had purchased. The hint of hesitation was subtle enough that Anya, caught up in her enthusiasm, didn’t notice at all, “I bet the Choir club and the Drama club will be taking the stage. Let’s see who else will be vying for the spotlight…”

“You could apply if you wanted to,” Rika’s eyes hid behind her glasses and hair bangs, “You do have a beautiful voice, don’t you?”

“Nah, I know I’m terrible at singing.” Anya dismissed the fleeting vision of herself commanding the stage, “I couldn’t hit a single note when I tried Karaoke. Why subject others to my ear-torturing performance? Plus, I doubt the Student Union would approve my audition if I even bothered to try.”

“But I know someone who has an amazing voice~” Anya nudged Rika. “Hey, this is our last year in high school. Don’t you want to create a lasting memory? It’s our only chance to be free from the unspoken rules of adulthood that await us in college.”

Rika’s grip tightened on the pencil. Only now did she notice that she had been pursing her lips. Releasing a tense breath she had held momentarily, she said, “You know my predicament. I can’t step onto a stage anymore.”

“There’s a distinction between ‘you can’t be on a stage’ and ‘you don’t want to be on a stage’,” Anya persisted in persuading her best friend. “Let’s be honest, you love being on stage. I saw you singing on that small platform in the park when nobody was around. If only we could find a way to make it possible…”

“But it’s impossible now.” Rika lowered her head, “It’s a trauma, as you know.”

“Yes, but…let’s at least give it a shot,” Anya gazed at her friend, noticing her despondent state. This wasn’t the Rika she had known since childhood. The vibrant Rika, full of joy, had disappeared during middle school.

Rika shook her head, “I’ve decided to pursue research and development in cosmetics. Dis you try the handmade soap I gave you last week? Any feedback?”

Anya sighed, go along with Rika’s shift in topic, but she wasn’t ready to give up just yet. There had to be a way…

*****

“Yo, did you hear what she said?” The malicious voice continued spewing mean words, each one cutting through her heart and mind like a sharp blade.

She found herself on stage, surrounded by a group of teenage girls who were clearly associated with gangsters. Though she can’t see their faces, she could feel the malicious atmosphere sending shivers down her spine. Their wide smiles, revealing bright teeth and red lips, seemed intimidating and undefeatable.

“That ugly duckling thinks she can be a super-idol? Ha! Look at her face! No way!”

“You said you wanted to be on stage, huh? You’re on stage now, sing!” someone grabbed her hair, yanking it so hard she thought it might be ripped from her scalp, “I said, sing!”

“No…”Rika heard the weak voice of herself trembled. “I…I’m sorry if I offended you, but please…”

“So, you’re apologizing now?” That malicious voice approached, whispering, “Too late.”

Suddenly, a cold splash and an overwhelming shiver jolted Rika awake. She gasped, her eyes wide open as she sat up, panting with cold sweat trickling down her back and forehead.

After a moment of silence, she buried her face in her palms and whispered to herself, “It’s just a dream…”

But a few years ago, during her middle school years, it wasn’t just a dream.

Puberty hit her hard. Really hard.

Her face was plague with uncontrollable pimple. Hormones pushed her to showcase her singing skills in front of others, but her oily complexion contradicted her aspirations, urging her to keep a low profile. No matter how diligently she followed the cleansing routine her doctor recommended, it seemed ineffective.

Her teeth became a mess after as her permanent set grew in. She had to endure months of wearing unsightly metal braces before transitioning to more aesthetically pleasing transparent ones.

She truly felt like an ugly duckling during that time. However, she remained optimistic. She knew her teeth would eventually look great and her skin would clear up in a year or two. She simply needed to wait and follow the advice of her doctor and dentist. Unfazed, she embraced new friendships and explored other interests off the stage. She even developed a newfound passion for cosmetic research, hoping to try it out once her facial conditions stabilized.

“My dream is to become a violist.” said Ceci during their group discussion on how to complete an essay assigned by their teacher. The essay’s title was “My Dream Moment”.

“I’ve always imagined myself playing the violin on a classical stage, with an orchestra behind me,” Ceci said dreamily, “It would be amazing.”

Royal Road is the home of this novel. Visit there to read the original and support the author.

“I dream of having my wood sculptures showcased in a museum,” said Ken, gesturing a wood crafting motion, “I love creating wooden sculptures - it runs in my blood! But my dad says it’s hard to be an artist without a stable source of income. So I’m thinking of becoming a carpenter as my profession while pursuing woodcraft as an artist.”

“What about you, Rika? What’s your dream?”

“My dream is to become a super-idol!” Rika nodded to herself, “I envision millions of people coming to watch my concert, and I’ll sing songs that everybody loves to hear every day!”

Encouraged by her friends, she even sang a few verses. They all agreed that she had a beautiful voice and believe she would undoubtedly become a famous super-idol in the future.

However, an incident occurred, and the reason behind it was utterly ridiculous…She became a victim of school bullies, all because she had a so-called secret admirer whom she didn’t even have impression of.

Rika couldn’t remember when it first began. Suddenly, she noticed that whenever she was alone, whether inside or outside the school, a group of gangster girls would always be staring at her, and sometimes taunting her with malicious intent.

These pranks escalated over time. Her bag would be filled with trash when she was in gym class. Glue would be smeared on her seat before her arrival at school. Her classroom would be left in chaos when it was her turn to do the class chores…The glares from those gangster girls grew increasingly malevolent, as if they could tear her apart with just their glance.

She couldn’t comprehend why she had become their target. Was it because of her appearance? But there were other girls who also experienced the struggles of puberty. Had she unknowingly upset someone? But all her friends assured her that they didn’t perceive her as having done anything wrong…What was going on? What did they want from her?

The teachers took action, issuing warning letters to those girls and arranging meetings with their parents. This temporarily halted their behavior, but the incidents resumed once the teachers become preoccupied with other responsibilities. This time, the bullies employed more subtle tactics.

Rumors started to spread among the students, saying that she cheated in class, stole others' accessories out of envy, bullied younger girls from the nearby primary school…Her friends believed in her innocence, but students from other classes began giving her strange looks.

These pressures gradually eroded her optimism. She became hypersensitive to the gazes of others and grew quiet. Going to school had become a challenging task for her.

One day, those girls blocked her path home when she was walking back from school. She was alone since her friends had split up with her in the previous section.

Unable to beat it any longer, she yelled at them, “What do you want from me? Have I done something wrong? Why are you doing this to me?!”

The leader of the group smirked. They surrounded her, forcing her to return to school through the gap in the broken back gate, and onto the stage in the main hall.

“I don’t quite understand. Which part of you is attractive?” The leader, adorned with numerous accessories, chewed her breath gum vigorously, as if trying to bite into Rika’s flesh and chew on it.

“I…I don’t know what you’re talking about…”

“Girls, me and her, who looks better?” She snorted, and the girls giggled.

“Of course, it’s you, sis!”

“She is nothing compared to you!”

“She’s just an ugly duckling worth nothing.”

The leader circled Rika like a predator stalking its prey, “Since you’re not good-looking, I suppose it must be your singing that you’re so proud of, right? Why don’t you sing a song now? Songbird!”

“Please, I…I’m very sorry if I’ve somehow upset you, but I’ve done you no harm…” Rika pleaded for mercy, but it only displeased the leader further.

“I said, sing! Are you retarded or something? Can’t you understand what I’m saying? I said, sing!” The leader grabbed her throat, sending chills down Rika’s spine.

“Sis, calm down. We don’t want to deal with cops, so we?” someone suggested, and the leader accept the advice.

After a moment of consideration, the leader smirked again, “I think Miss Rika, the future idol needs a shower. Bring a bucket a water!”

Cold water drenched Rika from head to toe. The girls left, locking the main hall behind them…Rika was alone in there, and the sky was getting dark.

She couldn’t quite recall what happened next. Perhaps she called her parents, or maybe the school guard sensed something amiss and found her in the hall. It no longer mattered, as she fell ill since that day, suffering from fever and flu, with no appetite and plagued by endless nightmares.

When she finally regain her consciousness, her friends who had come to visit her delivered the news.

Those girls were expelled from school, and the local officers have taken note of their actions. They will increase patrols around the school area, so she should feel safer at school now.

Ceci shared some more news, saying, “I’m not sure if it’s true, but when we confronted those girls and asked why they did this, they claimed that the senior they admired had a crush on you…”

Rika was incredibly confused. “Who? I don’t recognize any seniors other than the ones I know from the Choir club. Did you know who he might be?”

Ceci shook her head, “I don’t know him in person, but he’s quite popular in school. He’s the captain of the Baseball club.”

A deep sense of grievance washed over Rika in that moment. “But, but I don’t know him! I can’t even recall who this guy is. He had a crush on me? Why? We don’t even know each other! I’ve suffered so much…so much, all because of a boy I don’t even know?”

It was a preposterous event, a baseless act of malice…Rika couldn’t hold back her tears.

After she returned to school, the baseball captain approached her. “Um, I’m really sorry…I never expect those girls to be so cruel…”

Rika sensed no signs of romantic interest from the boy standing before her, and she couldn’t believe he actually had a crush on her, “They said you’re my secret admirer. Is that true?”

“Of course not. I don’t admire any girls at this school! But…” He seemed equally troubled. “They kept following me day and night, professing their love for me and wanting to be my girlfriends. It almost drove me insane…I tried to shake them off, I tried sticking with groups of friends and teammates, but it didn’t help. They even followed me to my house…So I concocted a story about secretly falling in love with a girl in the Choir club - a girl who may not have a beautiful appearance, but possesses a kind and joyful spirit. I claimed I would love her forever, hoping they would give up their pursuit…”

So that’s why they were hunting me. This thought silently crossed Rika’s mind.

“I don’t know they had started bullying you. I thought they had given up, so I focused on baseball practice for the competition…I’m sorry,” he said.

She knew he wasn’t to blame. She knew it was all because those girls were insane. But in that moment, she couldn’t utter a single word. No forgiveness was spoken, no empathy was felt. She simply stepped back silently and left.

Rumors continued to circulate throughout the school. Some felt sorry for her being bullied, while others believed she must have done something wrong to deserve it.

“If not her, why not bully someone else? She’s not the only girl with braces.” they said.

Victim-blaming.

The baseball captain tried to clarify the situation, but it didn’t make much of a difference.

Rika didn’t pay much attention to the rumors. They couldn’t hurt her as much as those gangster girls did. The rumors would soon be replaced by others…and she had more pressing matters to worry about.

Their gym class took place in the main hall. Sometimes, teachers would stand on the stage to lead the warm-up sessions, and students would go retrieve basketballs or volleyballs that accidentally landed there.

Rika had thought she was okay after the counseling session with the school counselor, but now she knew she wasn’t - she froze in front of the stage.

Just the sight of the stage made her go rigid.

No…this can’t be…

She grabbed Ceci’s arms tightly. “Could…could you come with me to the stage?”

“…Sure?” Ceci, sensing that something was wrong, asked, “Are you okay?”

“Just…just take me to the stage…I need to check something.”

“Okay, let’s go then.” Ceci held her hand firmly and guided her toward the stage…and feeling the trembling in their joined hand gradually subside.

“Um, Rika, what’s going on…”Ceci stated to ask.

“Ceci, please…just take me to the stage!”

Ceci noticed the desperation in Rika’s voice. When they finally stood on the stage, her palm was soaked with Rika’s sweat. She turned to Rika, intending to ask something, but she fell silent when she saw the fear in Rika’s eyes.

Rika was trembling, shaking with fear.

This made Ceci nervous. “What…what’s wrong?” she asked, her voice filled with concern.

“I…I need to use the restroom. Please, Ceci, please take me there…I’m begging you.”

“O…Okay! Miss Nina, we’re going to the restroom!” Ceci immediately called out to their teacher.

Rika paid no attention to whether the teacher replied or not. Her mind was blank as Ceci led her to the restroom. Once inside a cubicle, she locked the door, and her stomach groaned, resulting in unexpected diarrhea.

And from that day on, she knew she could never set foot on a stage again.