If I could have given myself my past perspective back, based on the memories I'd had that were a part of all that I still was even after losing them, I'd have told myself some things. There'd have had plenty to say, a lot to remark about, plenty of it personal. I'd have remarked only a few just individuals escaped the Apocalypse.

The actual one, the one that was all facing the Armageddon in them, not just the time and place it occured out of us but the internal connection we had to it as well; judgement. In the image God had made us with, the scales of justice weren't only some symbolic thing, he'd given us physical scales we could feel balance with and know the weight of all things justly by. Hearts that were perfect judges.

So true and unbiased was a heart, that few in the world dared to dream their own heart preferred to kill them over others, no they knew a heart kept them alive and so to even imagine that evils percieved or not were like poison to their longevity would make people laugh. Even I would have laughed at what had been my greatest brilliance, me with no memories of the discovery.

So I'd have said that all was just still, I'd have told myself the very real logic that proved why the wages of sin really were death, and not only that but why the deeper secret of dying wasn't just that you're body died faster because you were destroying your spirit too. Of all the things I could have told myself the spiritual ones were all I'd focus on.

But I couldn't tell me, I had moved myself outside of time, and so myself as I existed was not able to connect with itself or be altered across any time. Neither past nor future of my own could I have manipulated, not even if I remembered it was possible, not even others or myself through them could deviate myself towards anomaly.

You don't create a new universe or alternate time-line when you part from time, all that exists is too perfect for you to disrupt the forces of the universe, in order to have gained the power of time you will naturally become apart it. To both be in times grasp and to grasp power over time would only be to contend with it, and that is not power or control of time but a wrestling match instead.

Even if I regained all my memories and perspective as they were, these were not possibilities, as even when you do master time you find you are outside of it in the same way locking yourself in a place also means locking yourself away from all the place outside of it. To control time was feasible and realistic, mastering time was merely an ultimate self control by which the rest of reality relatively seemed to be subjected to it when you weren't.

Earthly grace, was this earthly time, neither were the grace I had been seeking. The courage to change what you could, the grace to accept what you could not, and the wisdom to know the difference. Serenity; that was the ultimate power man stood to gain above even the quantum-esper, it was the state by which you reached in a holy-vessel, but ultimate surrender was required to reach ultimate power.

Power only had two ultimate paths.

The narrow path followed goodness and love, driven towards the complete surrender under God, and you completely surrendered unto the ultimate power to be one with it through God. That was the path to true and pure power. Any gain of power is overcoming weakness, and leaving behind weakness is an intrinsic part of growth, but those who see themself as powerful never are.

They are overcome by the weakness of seeking only power. It doesn't just make them weak, it makes them stupid and weak, because the nature of power is to overcome with physical efforts but also with mental efforts that imply understanding. Limited drives cripple them, but not just physically and mentally, such people are emotionally weakened as well.

The broad path sought ultimate power above all else for self, you could find every reason to wind up down this one because it was everything else you could find just by looking, and it also was a path of complete surrender. It just never has or will lead anyone to ultimate power, any real leader knew power was their head and voice, but the physical aspect belonged to the follower.

That's why we instinctively listened and sought out the wisest. The issue was who we considered to be the wise, we wanted the wise leader to follow who pointed us to the goals and minds already in our heart, but if a leader wasn't getting us towards the goals in our heads and hearts they were a fool. If you didn't keep a follower happy, they left, or else you'd have to use fear which would turn them against you. But only in their hearts and heads.

On the outside, if they feared you, you'd only see it coming after the betrayal was in your face most of the time. The broad path was only confusion, it was a direct start where the endgame began in sight, but you never really got from start to finish when you already thought you knew what the endgame was. That has a simple name, bias, and even fools knew they had limits.

Ultimate power and arrogance will never be together.

Then there was also the perspective I would have liked to give, general guidance from a future self, not one intent on sharing any logic at all but just feelings alone. If I could only have let myself feel all of the burden beforehand alone though it would have traumatized, it would have prepared me for those things I had sacrificed, the experience of trauma firsthand I neglected in order to put my party first.

There was no reason to have worried over spiritual matters more for me, although that past me had been imagining towards a divine body, it'd never realized there was no such and that the self, as it considered itself, had changed me so much my internal drives would not seek to pointlessly continue unknowable research.

That past self would have done better to try and make me aware of more important logical matters, like that for my rewards I'd been given wishes by a djinni who'd been infuriated to grant wishes to an unconscious person, because the conscious could always be confused and mesmerized but the unconscious could sought to know and be delighted. You couldn't trick the depths of subconscious, but every consciousness is all the time.

What we called subconscious was the knowledge that was part of us, even when memory disappeared it did not alter that, the conscious mind can be completely forgotten but make no great change. Things you knew were still known without memory, and while people can't choose what memories they lose, things they knew were faith and faith wasn't fickle like memory.

Knowledge and faith and truth were all just one thing that came from the heart, the mind, but knowledge had a very obvious path it took to become what it was. Much goes back to chakra, and knowing was no different, it started at the crown with confusion and learning. Those two were one, and the fact we know confusion exists in our mind isn't just clear proof.

The 3rd-eye, with reflection and perception, our brain and senses at the hearts mind converging together where all secondary physical senses came together from the dominant senses of heart all taking the information from the crown deeper.

Then deeper again to the throat, and my isn't it easier to speak about the things you know a lot about, but a question should come slow and steady if you actively ask questions when trying to take knowledge further. Just like it comes free and easy out when you know, words can be hard to take in when you know they're a lie. Discussion and conversation are not even halfway down this rabbit-hole.

The heart is then this halfway point and supreme depth, judgement and balance, the deepest fundamentals of knowledge lay in our core where up or down knowledge gets no more pure. While knowns can grow deeper into us yet from the heart, knowledge can never be deeper than in it, because it can not know bias or accept lies at all. No heart can, but the very real illusions they can are all of what ails us, not just spiritually but physically later as parts of the heart stop sending energy to the sinful parts of us it starts cutting off when we start cutting our heart out.

Naval chakra was where intuition and detection started, because any knowledge taken deep enough to be known starts to become a part of you, your bodies intuitive and detective interlinked nature begin warning you of the things you need to be suspicious of. Sometimes you don't have an answer as to why you suddenly know something obscure, suspicious and suspense are one, both are part of intuition that approaches simple knowledge more closely now.

Sacral instinction and supposition were getting close, here was where you barely needed time to think to know, you couldn't be precisely surd but you were making this move because it was the literal best you could manage in dealing with some limited but quantifiable unknowns. Here was that thing called muscle-memory, instincts, and much else. More energy it was though, like everything, than physical or a power alone.

The Root was where knowledge was born, from the root lies are the most excrutiating and discomfort to eradicate, but it's not a thing we can choose for ourselves near as much as we like to think. The heart is in control, it is an unbiased judge of itself besides others, which is why even things you can know can be lost to corruption or be destroyed in the face of pure knowledge taking its place again.

Knowing and sensing were one for the root, it was why when you knew things so deep you didn't even need a mind to think about them, and so you could act without a thought when you knew if you didn't something bad could happen. If you knew you could evade a bullet by being out of the path of the barrels direction when it fired, you would dodge it when you knew the person was about to.

You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story.

Laugh if you like but the truth is people avoided bullets everyday on earth, and while it didn't seem like a big deal by that logic, someone who was above the fear of thinking they could maybe at least limit the damage trying was the person who could.

Someone who knew they could and why was a person we wouldn't dare to try and shoot at, and after only a few shots at such an individual, sane people would throw down a gun and run rather than continue insanely trying to 'Do the impossible.', not with reality seeming to turn on its head besides their concept of who has control.

The fact logic and emotion were side by side in the brain where confusion existed, where brain lobes indicative literal and symbolic both of the functions we learn best by rest, and that people trying to use these reasoning devices as if seperate were why people who tried to learn more about theirselves could end up knowing less was my greater proof.

Most of us had never seen a human brain for many good reasons, we still understood the primitive connection between our logical and emotional brain being connected, but in trying to quantify each we could let ourselves be made stupid pretty quickly.

'Emotions are unreasonable but controllable. True or false?' See, stupid. Emotions have plentiful good reasons, reasoning is all that emotion is, and control is the only thing you can not do with an emotion. We use plenty of good words for things you do with emotions all the time, things you can feel you aren't supposed to do with them, but it is easier to do that then face reality or stand up for feelings.

'Swallow your pride.' You feel choked. 'Throw up a lie.' You feel attacked by truth and reject it, but though it sounds good you forgot how to tell the truth anymore since you stopped caring whether things were true or not so long ago. 'This weight on my shoulders.' Well we can look and tell if the burden they mean is physical, but it probably isn't.

'Man up.' that means hold your heart up towards the same lie other men swallow and cherish it because there is nothing else to eat, but you're a woman if you don't and the rest are there to stay keeping you down beneath them like all other things they view as weak and themselves strong.

And what scares the big bad 'Man' more than anything of all, his true weakness anyone can see? Oh, he just deals with things the best he can, like everyone else. But he's scared to tell how he feels, it might not be accepted, and he can't show affection without trying to make an excuse or seem like a bully about it. Big and bad, yet, undone before they can ever reason out how to approach truly and gently without any intentions.

Push people one way, they'll go another rather than oppose it. Trying to oppose with like force is idiocy, any rational mind knows that is repulsion, opposites attract and like forces repel and contend. Just because you rationalize things does not make them rational, that has a name too, it's called delusion. Rejecting reality will never make others see a true perspective, mass hallucinations are very real phenomenon, but both are illusions.

To remain centered, unbiased, and expand in knowledge removing confusion and lies while developing oneself was the shared goal of man. Such was for the benefit of all, yet, the world was filled more with confusion than anything. The time I had lived in hadn't just had more knowledge, it'd had more confusion by far.

The great confusion God put over us was not merely an infliction that was negative, it was a positive protection more so. If we'd had only the normal confusion as before we would have had too much knowledge, but the evils of the world would have had more benefit, because powers and principalities in my world had all been one thing manifesting. Satan.

Sinfulness had reached critical-mass, and earthly mass was all part of his game, when the time had come all had come about just as prophesied. Then all the sinners like me were within the dark worlds outside of shadow, but the shadow that was the new earth was the world God had descended his domain down into, and that earth was within the light of heaven were all those within lived pure and peaceful existences.

Meanwhile billions of us were alive only by the divinity that had been a part of the nephilim-spirit, but these worlds were beyond even earth in its darkest final days in their evil, for the birth of these worlds had only begun with a measure resembling balance of any sort. The divinity they'd had was fading, and the physicality of the worlds was expanding and becoming heavier by consequence.

These worlds had inborn escape-velocity not so different than the first, only you couldn't leave them through the atmosphere, they did have physical connection through teleportation yet no gateway existed between any. Their escape-velocity was not physical, and teleporting wouldn't save you from their fate at all. These worlds were like death. Like the soul-anchor, these vessel worlds connected to death closely.

Killing granted experience, experience was everything and anything that existed, but nobody ever had or would reach the limits of it and that was final. Such was the mindsets here, where few had unlocked espers by even middle age with all possible effort and potential, because none ever had enough experience to unlock greatest powers and aspects by saving it.

You had to use it, that's how you became great enough to get more and excel, otherwise you choked your own potential for gains long-term and by not using it in a timely and intelligently considerate manner the short-term escapades of indecision escalated into long-term crippling compared to others. It was a fact, time was money, you should already know where the experience should be when you got it.

'Shit, or get off the pot.' Simple as that. Balance was optimal, generally, and to a lesser extent of about one-in-ten a person leaned towards developing the parts of theirselves that they excelled at naturally. Even though they had eight-attributes to develop, only ten percent went towards their primary, the rest went towards their weaknesses.

This were worlds where people learned their strengths would always be strengths, but their weaknesses were all they should be concerned with, and their strength had to remain the most developed while their weakness had to become its close second in order to have the best life they could. There were minor numbers who didn't adhere to that, but those who wouldn't shore weakness were not regarded at all. They had no group.

They were so well detested, they even learned to detest each other.

You didn't have to ask anyones attributes, you could look at their level and class alone to do the math, level was the universal symbol of the power you could generally categorize potential into.

My future self wouldn't have dared try to use logic at all, no. The logic wasn't just overwhelming and terrifying by nature of learning even more frightening unknowns, as all unknowns are by nature, after all what we do not know is all that has most potential for fear and death.

It knew, and it knew wholehearted, that this world and everyone in it were sinking and I had suddenly forgotten how to swim. Of course I survived this body and soul, but how does a mind live with knowing, how can you weep off the sorrows in your soul? Even now, I don't know.

I just know it was fateful. The evil who had lived in love of evil, and who had sought power, all those who were like demons because they loved wrong and wronging were already in a doomed situation. They were basically playing in shit like pigs, thinking that it was heaven, the filth they rolled in like it was the waters of life and where they were was a paradise. This was closer by far to hell.

Perhaps; maybe because in the world evil had made us become the devil, and evil had confused us into pointing at each other and trying to name each other as the devil, but these were the people most confused by who the devil was and never looked inside, it could very well have been that because evil had corrupted the world with evil and hid itself in plain sight that this was just vanglorious justice that was nature taking its course. Maybe I was damned, I'd say, and then all light and love would have gone from me.

Instead of becoming the spirit of the anti-christ, and tricking souls into damnation, or preying upon the just and innocent, and corrupting the purity of the world all had shared...

I became like a spirit after christ seeking to lead souls to salvation, and seeking to predate upon the corrupt and sinful of guilt, purifying the corruptivity of the worlds which were parted..

If satan had been all the evil returning to itself trying foolishly to take life and light and love back into itself unable to know what it was seeking anymore, and almost all in these worlds were of the spirit of the anti-christ that was his vile spirit, then these worlds that were all that was left in each had one or more like me who would be that same reflection from the other side.

The christ spirit was their antithesis, and in these worlds we were as the anti-christ was in the world, the devil had gotten his dues and found himself to have cheated himself forever of all he swore and vowed to take for himself.

If I'd had these perspectives, if I'd known the things that became unknowns, it'd never have been so perfectly natural and just. I'd never have been able to live, the sins and faults would have been recognized all to easy, and what I became would have been my own worst nightmare. Forget being a nightmare, when you know all the things one is, it's one thing.

Knowledge is unconscious; the naval and sacral and root were all that way, below the heart, in so far as they were all below the heart where knowledge was deeper and thoughtless most if it had always been true in our world. Here it was not so, here even the conscious chakras that were the crown and 3rd-eye and throat were closer to unconscious even at birth. To say man became limited quickly was to understate then, even if they learned it as true, unlike on earth it was not a change awareness allowed anymore.

The heart was a perfect judge, and when it knew what was true it dared not deny truth, and some part of all of these worlds and its peoples had no choice but to yield unto me far more than the evil in it liked.

This world tried to reject me, like those in it, but in my heart I knew I was the master and the world my slave. I knew it deep, beyond even the root, my knowledge extended to the spiritual-anchor so not even death or memory loss could part me from this knowing.

The feelings of burden would be like a warning not to start envying their weakness and incapability, lowering myself to it consistently, and trying to take it even further to show the world and those in it just how idiotic it all was. It would solve nothing. But I could not have known.

So I can only suppose, I can not claim to know, only God knows. 'Why had he let someone who would be so good, who'd been lucky enough to nurture all goodness in life and seek him through Jesus and the path Jesus walked, why would he let someone like that forget everything and seemingly become evil?'

It was what I feared most, because although only he chose who would enter heaven, I had lost all the methods I used to keep track of my guidance. It was only just; I'd been given even greater tools with deeper knowns, but those things I relied on like a compass disappeared to make me both worse and better than ever.

Worse, more so because there was no great confusion any longer to numb the knowing of lies that was dying or what we had called sinning, and worse because lives here were usually over by the late thirties for women and in the early twenties for men. Before women even went through menopause most died of 'natural causes', due to the 'extreme stresses and strains', but mostly living in filth with clean hearts that judged unbiased killed you.

Grub was my name before I came to, what I went by and it was what I was. Jack had wanted to be with God, Alyseus had wanted to be a Hero, Grub wanted only Justice, all would be. The foolish fear the big bad guy. The wise fear him that endures him. Grub was who I became.

The biggest-baddest-guy of the Division-worlds, fool of fools, and a man who would come to love evil if never for evils sake.