I was admiring the Revanian skyline at night when I saw her, my heart skipped if only phantom pang, but I knew it was love. My own eye of truth opened a spell, reflexive and not a bit intentional. Pixie, neutral, tranquil, Marguete. I forced it closed, and was careful to not watch her directly. She was also waiting and watching a different direction than I was. The next flash of truth was more critical of reality.
Assassin. Faster and quicker, deadly close, deadlier out of sight long, and deadliest to their bounty. Could a woman really be cute with an aura of youth and innocence, pretty with a look of health and benevolence, beautiful in that her every form and motion drew all of you in deeper the more you dared stare, and sexy all at once through angelic grace coupled with demonic magnetism? Marguete was even more.
It hurt not to look of true eye, but it hurt a hell of a lot more to do so, or I would not have struggled to keep the eye of truth closed. It wasn't like it had been, not by a large margin, but it was also a lot more manageable. Golden blonde shoulder length hair, too short to curl yet, cut to manageability. Gold speckled green eyes, almond shaped wide, eyes like static electricity. Still, but sublime, hiding liveliness and swiftness both. Ah, why did she have a lioness' eyes?
I was a lamb to those eyes, and quite literally defenseless to a woman who would kill me, with no way to wring her from thoughts or wrong me of her from feelings I went to her. Her legs were lithe, and lean with exceptional tone. Her breasts taut, timid but so full for figure. Her butt was the best of both, clearly toned but not all muscle. A five foot nothing woman looking to weigh a hundred pounds at best, nearly voluptuous, yet her weight was the most obviously deceiving.
Serenely the subtle stoutness of her jaw and chin gave her face the only appearance of roundness found there, adding only her irises, pupils, and full cheeks. A fair and fine nose which was slightly on the small side rested snarkily pointed up, as her similar but softer smile tried to do the opposite. It was my hope that mischief was the worst of what she had come here to wrought.
Freckles, the only thing fairer and finer about you than your nose and lips are your freckles. How can a face seem so full with all those nearly hawkish features? Your nose actually sticks up, your brows are almost thick yet sharp edged, and grow smooth tapered to belie it. How are your lips small, but as full as your figure, how does a woman have pointed cheekbones with full cheeks?
It is almost like your bone structure and sharp features wanted you to seem masculine, but superimposed over it, femininity fulfilled you to flooding of all gorgeous and girlish to overcorrect minor error. No, she was too attractive to be any kind of mistake but worse, the worst kind of mistake I could make in my state. I tried to and failed to reach qi again, seeking clarity, as I'd been too long without it.
I was within a dozen feet when I did find qi, but it was hers, not my own. Marguette hadn't known who she was here for until I got close, but her face was a blank then, looking at the mark she was here to kill. "You are in a sorry state. I am supposed to bring your beating heart to a guy, but you do not have one. Wait right there. I will have to renegotiate pricing, since the prior arrangement did not account for this."
She didn't leave or move for over a minute. Finally, she gave me the face, the any last words or desperate acts queue that was the slight raising of an eyebrow. "Your whole face is more attractive with your brows raised, and when you're inquisitive you don't seem to be secreting a smile. I can see it's because you feel alive that you lost the smile at your mouth, because now it is in your eyes and on your fingertips. You already own the spirit of my heart, by right it's flesh is yours also."
Lightning wasn't all that it beat by, and restarted, the thing was glad to be free and where it belonged. What kept the blood in it from congealing, I did not know, but the blood in me was the same whose contents leaked as if endless blood fit inside it. "That is, uh, nice? No. No? Humans can not live this long without hearts. Elvish vitality and Dwarvish endurance would have failed them by now. How are you alive? Were you recently enthralled by a vampire, or are you possessed by a demon?"
The faintest kneading of her forehead, and a tint of angst in her voice revealed naught else, not until my heart being near qi restarted my own from the sense of proximity to hers I had with my heart in her dominant hand. My old heart returned after, a new but inferior in her hands was the one I'd tried to make with mana. It also rebalanced me to qi, and with that I wouldn't die inferior. My heart returning was unfortunate, but at least it went quiet again, traitorous bastard heart that I have to only come back when it realized death was holding it.
"My ex was a sort of vampire and the demon that's heartbreak petrified my heart. Except, she wasn't really a vampire, and no demon really petrified my heart but itself. Anyway, are we going to fight, or are you going to split the reward with me since I did all the work here? I did take out my own heart, after coming to you directly, though to be fair it beats for you." "Split? You have earned it of course, but I am in for two contracts, a second I am as inclinated to reap."
"Oh. That's too bad really, you see, I vow never to give my heart to a woman twice again. I vow that any woman who wants my heart twice has to take it. People who say they 'vowed' in the past tense piss me off, because, I've learned when people think about things like they're in the past tense those people are the first to leave the most important things behind."
"All that is important to me is two hearts, two from those prolific with energies, so I really must act and attempt to take your heart once more. I can not entertain any intimacy with you, my line, sign, and station all make such impossible." I nodded, prepared, and understood she had plenty of rational and emotional motivation to do everything she was claiming. It would not do to see her as my true love, not in combat, both of us had to survive long enough to weather this.
True love was great but that wasn't going to stop death, and qi energy was something I was too low in to survive another death soon. I hadn't regenerated any energy, not even as Astranaut travelling the medium of Aether, where spirit and conscious mind together ventured from the body. Mana spells were a bulwark, plenty to survive all but true death, though the energy would not necessarily be enough to heal, and a weakened state here was death, too.
If I hadn't started looking at her as an enemy, without hormones flooding my being to change mind and mood both, besides the body, my being would have been in no state to survive her. The serene calm of love still overcame my primal biorhythms, by far, serving to keep me grounded as mental stress, nervous angst, physical strain intense enough to pain later yet currently not even soreness due to adrenaline, and emotional distress of the heart tried to get me killed.
They had benefits, but the new hormone, the profound love made her too clear. I loved everything, I even loved all the painful memories, they are painful for a reason and that reason was my hearts as a compass was in flux. In contention and out of balance, it had always been trying to guide me by feel since the hearts thoughts were far too deep to ever rationalize. The heart was that thing mislabeled as the Id, or subconscious.
In truth, however, the heart was the mastermind. Why else would it be in the center of bodies, surrounded by the thickest and strongest muscles, incomprehensibly spinning blood all the places it needed to go like a dual god of micromanagement and oversight at once? It is the higher mind, though it is indeed below the brain. How else do you support the thing that does the thinking? Even your brain needs blood, but moreover, it needs a way to sense physically if its actions are alligned and conducive to life.
In truth, as well, the Super-ego was the same as the ego and merely ones pituitary. The thing meant to work as a mechanism for the heart, as the brain interpreted threats, stresses, strains, pains, it had the ability to decide what to pump out to best prepare for what it could percieve and protect the heart from feeling pain. Hormones in the pituitary can relieve mental stress, and physical pain, but have you ever felt a hormone protect your heart from pain?
It exists. Love, forgiveness, acceptance, grace, care, there is a reason some of us live longer than others. Some of us know better inside, we know intuitively, that we can't live in contention with our mastermind. We know inside that the concepts of Id, Ego, and Super-Ego are only attempting to better understand. Is it irony we call it understanding knowledge, when we feel and stop thinking something is true, and consider the hearts being under our head? We feel it in our hearts, that is how we understand anything, or fail to and it won't yet then get past a thought in the brain.
Overstanding also exists. This is yet one more misprint, poorly understood, yet an even more important thing than understanding. When we can not understand something, we must often overstand upon what knowns we can observe, because honestly there are always times when you will never be able to understand as the information can only be found later if at all. At those times alone, logic becomes king. We can trust our logic, we trust it more than our empathic natures, and yet all are slave to their heart who do not master it.
You can't rule emotion if it rules you, but to speak of control or negation of emotion is folly, harmony of heart and head come together by speaking the truth. Truth has limitless power over hearts and minds when spoken aloud, the throat is in between the heart and head both, and so it is quite natural that use of truth from the throat will touch hearts and minds. The ears we hear it with are on both sides of our brain, better for logic and empathic lobe each to hear and deliberate.
The pituitary records the deliberation unbiased, unironically balanced and positioned between the two as a constant regulation, and the feeling it sends through hormones come after the heart has passed judgement. If what one hears is not true, instinct will fire up the logical or empathetical side of the brain with the knowledge of why, but this is from the 'subconscious' heart that the knowing has come.
It isn't called ones 'sublogic', no, but denotes all that we are subconsciously aware of. Inclusively, all we are aware with can raise ones subconscious to the conscious level. It isn't such a strange thing, to be able to prove in words the mastermind is actually the heart and not the head instead. To be aware of who the real head in their relationship is, just remember, which minds and which manners?
Mind suggests care, a brain doesn't mind, but a brain has mannerisms due to it's own usage history. Manner has no influence on the heart, as for the things that live in our hearts, there is no manner we will not act in to keep those things precious to us. Manners lay not in the heart, but the head. Minding lay not in the head, but the heart. The trick is to realize the reality is the opposite of what it seems, as you begin to take manners to heart, and as you take mind to head.
What makes it confusing? You think you are already, but if you were, your world would be perfect no matter how it tried to change you. We are born that way, which is why children are said to all be born perfect and called brutally honest, as they have not yet been subjected to being unlearned and confused by the world. They have not yet had their harmony broken, and their hearts and heads are masterminds still with high function masterglands, for which they are still immune to much.
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The world is angry and evil, as the world has the touch of the devil in it, and the bodies that we live in have his mark upon it so long as any heart holds onto any evil in it. Rushing through life, worrying through life, stressing, dreading, hating, blaming, the children of the world ever lose their harmony younger and are not allowed to regain it. 'Heads are heads, hearts are hearts, learn the difference and get over it.', the devil suggests sweet, or if you wrestle with him, then infernally.
How better to trick you, than to leave you in a state of confusion, where you think you mind and feel your manner? If you think on manner, you reflect on your manner long enough for your heart to learn more of truth. If you feel of minding, you discover that your heart is doing all the minding and judging of what is true. Watch how your heart gets still, when you are lied to or feel alone, and know you're heart minds.
Notice how your response to a lie is to shutdown either your logical thought and foolishly join in, mostly when the lie is a joke or too unlikely, or your empathetical thought and ignore it. If not ignore it then offer the person a sarcastic remark, think something about their idiocy, or mock the lie later to a friend and make fun of them. No, we have inborn systems that reject a lie, as lies refuse to enter the heart as most of the information is useless.
It stays in our head only long enough to try and reason why the lie exists, because then that information had potential for truth, and as such the truth they were lying or playing is taken into the heart with the reasoning why. For a laugh, if a joke, or to make fools of us and them if not. Yet the worst lies, the most painful, are those that we considered truths in our hearts. Deep, beloved and dear truths can become lies. True heartbreak.
Every system, facet, iota of a person is connected, we hear often that we are more than the sum of our individual parts. Each part of us was also that way, each piece more than a lone invidual part of encompassing us, rather instead there would already have to be a pre-existing and already interconnected nature besides the thing that epitomizes that truth. All is one, it is what it is, people are special.
Marguetes every movement was clear. All in my sight and sense was clear to me at once, and within the range of every sense according to their limits, my perception of all senses at once surpassed syntesthesiatic levels of connection. At once I knew it for three things that were one; this is my domain and my domain is all this. It was also Lesser-omniscience, and Greater-omnipotence besides my domain. All in the heavens was Gods domain.
It was no wonder only our spirits and hearts were watched by him, the indestructable spirit and our heart which sat in the shadow between the divine crown and void root, as if Gods domain reached earth then all of our sinful bodies and souls would be destroyed forever. Hearts kept the truth as a record of events, and spirits were made by him and could be destroyed by him, yet he was forced to keep his domain from us until we changed.
I still had not changed enough to have heard Jesus, after all this, so how could I ever hope to meet God when I had lived for over fifty-years of life? It started as a scream of fear. "AAH!" Pain came shortly after. "AGH!" Sorrow. "OHH!" RAGE. "UUUUHRRGHAAAA!" Anxiety. "HOH!" I didn't know what the last was until it had gone, as pure confusion is impossible to speak of, you can only experience it.
To capture ones own confusion and know it; if there was a greater secret in life, it was the simpler version, that which wisdom was. 'God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.' I had no power to undo the great confusion, but I'd glimpsed what it really was, at least enough to stop warring with and worrying over it.
I had the power to do that, the courage to do my best anyway, and the wisdom to see my struggles to undo what he meant to be even in myself were not what I had been meant to do. This was an unnatural body for the natural state of my soul, I was born in this world much later, and my experiences were not meant to give me a chance to escape physical death apart from others. Not get to heaven early, and easy, my trials would have to be harder.
Great powers, great responsibilities, so I was all the more fragile instead of virile as my cultivations had long seemed to be promising. Everything might seem to have a cost, a risk, but at the end of the day as a soul I had one goal which was to find Jesus. Jesus led to God, and God ruled Heaven, so there was really no need to have participated in all the vanity. I'd had more than I needed so long, I had become very vexingly vain for naught.
I was where I was for a reason, and, as I had captured my madness forever in knowing the only truth a soul needs to live I discovered a Big-balance. A balance of the body in which all was more perfect, in unions together and apart in every way, concentricating and circuiting out from themselves and back inwards from every layer of isolation alone, to connection with each individual other, and every possible grouping combined besides divided.
The mind confused first, in order for it to learn better as time went on, and the crowns connection to divine and matter in this was revelatory of both the great confusion and how as a spiritual and physical being we weighed learning by using empathy and logic. The world is a logical construct, but we share empathical connection with caring for all life, plants and animals besides peoples and all other life. As God commanded, we do, we take care of nature or it takes care of us when it's gone.
The pituitary worried first, and doing so it reflects on our worries to take what the brain learns and make clearer inferences about where the balance in the logical and empathetic of things were. There, where the two overlap, one finds themselves more aware in the mind of what is true as they reflect on what that is. The brain sends the electrical signals through the nerves, lightning, and the eyes close by it percieve light. The third-eye was both brain, and pituitary. Regulatory.
Throat, it raged until it discussed to try and understand, and the more it wanted to know the more it would rage to find understanding in words that couldn't be found elsewhere. Words had the power to incite and change, like a fire growing with truth or trying to burn out lies in discussion. Change the way alchemy altered, refined, purified, condensed, saturated. Even fire and alchemy were alike. Every chakra and its ethereal and magical element were all such close things.
The naval was the dreading which fed the intuitions. Those things that made us sad were close to the heart, cool and wet to a dry place in an unpleasant way, and our dreads slowly turned into the intuitions we developed to prevent sorrow. Like water you intuited through the medium of old sorrows, and our intuition made us aware of past illusions similarly.
The sacral, pains became instincts. Ice and dark, the cold and dark of isolation was the purest pain, none worse than feeling alone on the inside whereas outside one alone could yet feel in union when things were peaceful and calm. To keep the peace and calm in you when things were off was the hard part, and only by instinct and pain of firsthand experience did the pains of conditioning become instinctive as you were hardwired to reflexive responses. It's a cold, dark world we live in.
Root, fears unto knowledges. Void and earth. The void was the unknown and there was nothing more terrifying to a being. The earth was the visible knowns. Understanding fear was wise, understanding why fears were a gift to keep you alive were knowledge. Pure things, unchangeable, true no matter which angle you approaced them from. Unknowns weren't, they're indefinable by nature and unapproachable, but the fear of approaching pure knowledge was a tyrannical fear.
Fear so great the logical mind shuts down, because the heart will naturally protect itself, since the knowledge of pure fear of knowing things so terrible your ability to live the way you want by 'desire, ego, instinct' are forever undone as you awaken to a nightmare. It isn't that we can't define them, it's that we think we know better than to, as if by keeping them in the darks of our mind they won't come to light.
Nothing tainted knowledge like the stink of fear, because nothing led to greater or more true knowing than the things that you needed to know to live and no knowledge sinks or seeps deeper into the physical being. The natural relationship was biased toward fear, nothing was more exploitable than our most base manner, but the truth was fear could not exist in the heart. It did not even rest in the mind, and it only presented the tiniest portion of the brain.
'Reptilian-Brain', or the brainstem, fear. All of its purposes centered around fear, a tiny thing and yet powerful enough to scare your body back to breathing, the tingle that heightens your senses, sharpens your resolution, and give you purpose even when you think you had none left. There was no evil or unknown that could not be conquered. Knowledge saves you, it preserves your body, and even fear is a good and useful knowledge although none deserve to live in constant fear.
Knowledge that is truly wise extends from ones spirit, and straight along with that spirit we are out of Gods breath the living word made flesh and the word being God, his wisdom lives within us even beyond the bodies death as it existed in us before life as he began imagining us, the very roots of our creation taking place before we ever are born, already born.
God considers us as being when we are merely still being imagined, as he clearly indicates by saying 'let us make man in our image' and by having considered us made on the sixth day though we were not yet embodied until the seventh. On the sixth day, our spirits were developed, on the seventh Adam was granted a vessel for his with Eve's fashioned by God from Adam's rib. His spirit was man and her spirit woman already. He did not mistake which went where.
The heart was core, center, concentric and codex. Balance and perspective were one thing, that thing we call judgement and understand poorly. True judgement is neutral, just, balanced and it never loses perspective of what is true, trustworthy, and trialing to the individual as an individual, instead of a cookie cutter copy cutout of the same individual. No judge is fit to judge except God, but, I'd wholeheartedly trust any lands holy folk over any 'Honest Judge' in their judgements. Did judges meditate, or reflect, or pray, or seek God or Heaven every moment of every day?
Shadow and air. The mediums of mediums, whereby gases were the obvious bulk of the universe for the universal elements, shadows were the unobvious law sitting in plain sight. Light sources were light, and black holes or interstellar space were dark, but the bulk rested within relative shadow. They were the mundane majesties of middle ground the way fertilemost soil was, mediums for motions.
Suns, or light sources, the former you wouldn't survive close to long and the latter you held or navigated by. Blackholes, or interstellar spaces, both were dark and besides far away, the former was like a sun in that you'd best not get close anyway and the latter you would have to be in cryostatic state or long dead to get to. The theme was we existed in the middle state all of the time, come hell or high water.
Air wasn't just the atmosphere water and wind was thermocycled through, but besides liquids, and gases, also sounds, solids, heat, electricity, and uncountable everyday chemical reactions altering it but also catalysts that the air spread thin enough to return to its neutral state. But air nor shadow, nor even the heart was the medium of mediums of the universe. The void neither, and though one day I pray divine heaven would be, it wasn't yet.
Quantum was the seventh and last esper, of the megamind, the heart out of contention with confusion. It was to dilate time, gravity, space, sound, light, frequency, and energy outside the self moderately. Bending the universe was not impossible, even directly with true-will-power, none could break it. One thing that was broken was any chance of ever romancing Marguete, the woman had run when I yelled in rage, and fled.
Rather than the esper, or her, I was still caught up in the last of my personal revelations. Centered finally, I was now more out of place than ever before. Beyond never seeing an illusion in this world, I had changed, and I changed myself directly and fundamentally with this last one. More than ever, all was one for me finally, except I no longer had any doubt if I was deluded or decided. I knew, the way only the old can truly know, as only they have lived long enough to take true knowledge so deep unto theirselves.
Then; Prophecy that this Akyria and the other would meet came. My worlds people and these people could not coexist. 'Tomorrow, they will come.'