My back pressed into a sturdy broken stump, course bark grinding through my ruined clothes. Erratic breathing filled my lungs, and I curled further into my cover as several kunai and shuriken sailed overhead or hit the other side with a heavy thunk. Shouts and dulled echoes thundered in my ears, flooding my head with the sounds of rushing blood and mayhem.
It was moments like these that let me truly understand what a cheat I was.
Despite my exhaustion, several injuries that covered my body, and the fact that I was only five years old, I was still capable of continuing to fight in some degree. In fact, the immediate problems brought about by my overuse of the Kyūbi’s Chakra were settling faster than I expected, and I was able to finally speak with clarity without fear of choking on Chakra. Of course, the fact that my right hand was currently out of commission for awhile was something I didn’t like to dwell upon too much. Kakashi and Itachi being around to pick up my slack also was better left unsaid.
However, it goes to show just how strong the man who used the odd black spears and Inoichi were to contend with all three of us for so long. Kakashi had taken to fighting the man with spiky black hair, dancing around his swishing strikes while making sure to keep the man on his toes with well timed kunai. Itachi, on the other hand, was doing something funky with Inoichi as the blonde-haired man was sometimes throwing his ranged weaponry at random things.
All that was left for me to do was try to pitch in wherever I was needed.
Though, the constant pokes on my bad arm also told me of two kids who I had been saddled with since the start of the fight. One was an angel who was using Nuibari to its full potential again, spearing through enemy Shinobi with precise strikes. The other was a brat.
“Sasuke, for the last time, stop poking me.” I said, turning to glare at the five-year old Uchiha. “This is a very serious warzone, and I’m trying to keep us all safe.”
Sasuke, being the cheeky little brat he was, looted several kunai and shuriken around us to begin chucking at almost anyone that came by. Most of the time they missed, but sometimes they screwed up fights for both sides. “I’m trying to help too!”
“No, you’re,” I winced as a furious squawk came from a nearby Shinobi, a shuriken lodged firmly in his left buttcheek. He turned to charge us only to be met with Nuibari coming in to finish the job. My free hand moved Sasuke to see the aftermath. “See, you’re just causing more problems. Just sit back and let the two of us do this; you’re big brother wants you to sit tight, alright?”
Sasuke pouted, as if we weren’t in the middle of a bloodbath. “I don’t wanna do nothing.”
“I really don’t wanna have this argument right now…” I whispered under my breath before turning to Sasuke and forcing him to look at me. He was taking this whole war thing well, but he was still not strong enough to really change anything currently. “Look, Sasuke, you said we were family, right?”
The boy my age nodded, suddenly very serious. To be safe, I warily made note of the battles around us, making sure that none were close enough to suddenly drag us in, and I caught Hinata stealing more swords to start making a field of them with us as the center. My attention was almost torn away as I watched her channel blue sparks from one sword to another, electrocuting an unfortunate Shinobi who thought they were sneaking up behind her.
I made a mental note to ask Hinata about that later as I focused more on Sasuke. “Then, if we’re family, we need to protect each other. And I can’t really protect you if you’re trying to fight everyone.”
He nodded once more, eyes suddenly finding his feet to be more interesting. Then, I heard his voice, but it was so soft that I knew it was more to himself than to me. “But… I don’t wanna be protected anymore…”
The sounds of combat were much quieter than I last remembered, but I didn’t turn away from them. Hinata, seeing that Sasuke had suddenly stopped dragging more enemies to us, slowly began to pull back to us to rest.
“Can you move?” My head snapped to Itachi so fast that I felt my wounds ache. And if it wasn’t for the calm smile on the black-haired teen’s face, I would have tried to stab him. Still, he was a welcome distraction from Sasuke’s pity party.
Easing off the tension, I felt the building Chakra in my veins ebb away from the front of my mind. I focused back to Itachi, eyeing the fact that there wasn an unconscious Inoichi was draped over the teen’s shoulder. “Yeah, I can move; not that fast, but probably enough to get away. Do you really need to take that guy, though?”
“He’s needed.” Itachi said, not really expanding from there.
I had my suspicions, though. Inoichi was the only one who seemed to be aware that he was being mind-controlled, but that still didn’t mean he could stop it. However, I did see Itachi’s silent reasoning behind taking him alive.
It still didn’t sit right with me that we were suddenly sparing one person after tearing through hundreds. Of course, my own need to not be biased and simply kill everyone who got in my way to save Hinata didn’t need to be said. I just had to nod and hope that we weren’t missing something.
“Naruto-kun…” Hinata pressed herself into my side, unbothered by the odd look Sasuke was giving me. Itachi just looked over to Kakashi, the silver-haired teen still struggling to put down his opponent. “Are we going home now, Naruto-kun?”
I frowned at her words. Her eyes looked to me, trying to tell me something, but I couldn’t see anything past that. We had a fairly good relationship for ourselves. One might even say we were conjoined at the hip when we were in the woods. However, I was never good at reading people without my specter. Though, I was getting better at finding emotions.
And for some reason, Hinata reeked of fear.
My first response was to fix that, pulling my friend in closer as I let Itachi handle protecting us. “I don’t think-”
“Hey! Kiddos, over here!” Itsuki yelled at us, charging straight through a few enemies along the way. The smile on his face was infectious with how Hinata had one as well, and I felt that some of her tension was being alleviated.
The older Shinobi’s smile quickly fell at the sight of Itachi. “What the hell are you doing here?”
“Itsuki,” I urged, finding that the man was trying to insert himself in between Hinata and Itachi. “I can explain later. Now’s not the time, and, more importantly, what are you doing over here?”
The man laughed, not even turning as Kabutowari warded off a few projectiles. “There’s really not much to do but wait for Jiraiya-san and your old Hokage to finish up. We’re under the impression that whatever Genjutsu he used will wear off as soon as he dies, so cleaning up his actual allies will be faster when he finally croaks.”
“It won’t.” Itachi cut in suddenly.
“... I’m sorry, I don’t think I heard you correctly.” Itsuki laughed again, trying to stop the frown that was slowly twisting his features. “What do you mean, ‘it won’t’?”
The Uchiha teen pulled Sasuke in closer, not really liking how aggressive Itsuki had become. I didn’t blame him, either. The older man really could be threatening; especially to someone who brought Hinata into this whole mix. “Kotoamatsukami (Distinguishing Heavenly God) needs the user and the victim to have eye contact and the victim needs to hear the order. Their memories are rewritten to achieve the order.”
“That sounds like a rather insane jutsu… It disregards most of the laws jutsu normally follow. But,” Itsuki’s weapon was already trailing slowly behind him, the edge of its axe digging a little into the earth as he eyed Itachi. “Why exactly do you know so much about it, huh? That’s pretty damn suspicious to me.”
“Itsuki, let’s drop it for now.” I said, tensing for anything.
“Drop it?” His attention turned to me. “Are you okay in there? That guy kidnapped your friend, remember? Are you really siding with him?”
A sigh escaped me. “I’m not. And I trust him just enough to not stab me in the back all of a sudden, but this is really not the time for this.”
“I agree.” Kakashi added, breathless, and we all found the teen with several more wounds added to his body. What I paid more attention to was the body slumped over his shoulder.
My eyebrow rose, it was a good enough distraction, but I could feel the corners of my lips tugging downwards. “You’re taking him alive as well?”
Kakashi nodded silently as Itsuki spoke up. “Don’t let it bother you, kid, he’s the strategist for Konoha last I heard, so taking him for more information on what that maniac was planning would help. Or I think that’s right.”
“Itsuki is right.” Kakashi said, wincing silently at the fact that he agreed with the older Shinobi.
My lips were curled into a frown now. I knew they were needed for information, but it just left a sour taste in my mouth after witnessing all this death. They were, in some part, responsible for all this chaos.
However, I couldn’t voice my bias. They were unneeded in the grand scheme of things. While I fashioned myself intelligent to some degree, I knew my place in the matters pertaining to the more political side of things. Older Shinobi were talking and planning while I was just a useful knife. A particularly powerful and dangerous knife, but a knife nonetheless.
After all, my only goal had been to save my friend, and with Hinata next to me, that had been accomplished. All that was left was for the Hokage and Jiraiya to finish up on their side.
I turned, trying to hide my frown from the smiling Hinata. There had to be something in the air with how much she was smiling today. It just seemed unnatural.
Still, hiding my embarrassment was one thing, but as I turned my features rapidly paled. My body moved for me, shaky steps elevated to something fluid with adrenaline pumping through me.
Our group acted a couple seconds after I threw myself in front of Sasuke, wincing as a pair of kunai lodged themselves into my upper shoulder and right forearm. Blood was alright coating the weapons as I pulled them out, feeling the familiar itch of regeneration kick in.
My eyes shot up as our exhausted group stared at the sudden aggressors, and I felt several of them tense to a pause. Despite the dying fires and warcries nearby, it felt like silence reigned between us and them for ages.
Only a soft whimper from Sasuke broke us from the spell. “M- mommy? Daddy?”
I bit back a comment as I stared at the two of them. Somewhere inside of me knew that they were mind controlled to some degree, but I had hid that in the hopes that Sasuke would be safe. Their aggressive appearances solved many of my questions, though.
“Shit…” Itsuki said, splitting his focus from the two Shinobi to the young Sasuke on the verge of tears.
There was a silent conversation that traveled between the oldest Shinobi of our group, and I cursed the fact that my body still wasn’t back up to a good enough state to fight well. Instead, I was forced to watch as the tired Kakashi and Itachi shot forwards to fight the Uchiha couple.
You could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story.
Itsuki stood in front of the three of us, carefully watching the idly twitching Hinata. “I know what you’re thinking, Hinata-chan. Just let those two handle this; I’ll protect you guys this time.”
I was perhaps torn just as much as my white-eyed friend was. We were both used to fighting our way out of trouble by now, and the fact that we were forced to sit on the sidelines while our exhausted teammates struggled, didn’t seem right to us.
There was a blur of movement as each side clashed with their target. Kakashi locked blades with Sasuke’s dad while Itachi met his mom in combat. Whether the other Uchiha was bothered by that, I couldn’t tell from his expression, but I just knew something was tearing him up on the inside.
Kakashi was clearly running on fumes. His attacks were without his usual flare, and instead were impossibly fast, straight forward strikes. Anyone could see he was tired. His breathing was turning ragged, yet he pushed on.
I didn’t even have to look with my specter to know that his arms and legs were running primarily on Chakra reinforcement now. There was a sort of jerkiness to his movements like a puppet with strings that didn’t quite line up correctly. When he struck, his opponent would falter, appearing cowed by the sheer power in each blow, but at the same time, Kakashi couldn't last much longer with such a tactic.
Sasuke’s dad was playing a waiting game. Trying to dodge most of the silver-haired Anbu’s attacks, and almost forgetting to send any of his own. For a moment Kakashi seemed like he outclassed the older man. That Kakashi could actually win by virtue of pure skill and determination.
Then the man’s eyes swirled anew. His pupil pulsed, sending a thin, black circle to surround the first. From that circle expanded three thin curves, almost like blades that reached the edge of his red iris before three black dots formed behind the curve of each blade.
Kakashi saw the change long before I understood it. The teen went from offensive to defensive in a second as Sasuke’s dad seemed to speed up. Whatever had happened only meant trouble for the teen.
My gaze quickly shot over to Itachi, wondering if the black-haired teen would be able to assist Kakashi before things became dire. I was greeted to him dancing around his mother, looking for an opening to try to take her down without actually killing her. His attention was focused, and I somewhat understood his hesitance, but right now things were beginning to spiral out of control.
Sooner or later someone was going to cave in these dire straits. It would either be Kakashi after his strength failed him, or it would be Itachi after he made a mistake. Despite knowing this, all we could do was watch as the people we knew tried their very best to survive.
“Itsuki…” I said, watching as the battles around us were slowly losing their momentum. Like this fight, things seemed to be on their final legs. This would be the final conflicts. “Can you go help them?”
The one-armed man flinched, not turning to meet my gaze. “I gotta stay and keep you all safe, you know. That Anbu and bastard should have it all covered.”
As if to dispute his words, Kakashi coughed a glob of blood up in the middle of dodging his opponent’s attacks. In an instant, the silver-haired Anbu was forced to hurriedly stagger away, holding some unseen injury.
At that same moment, I saw how the older man’s changed eyes were suddenly spinning faster than normal. Whether it meant anything or not, I had no idea, but suddenly Kakashi’s body was littered with dozens of smaller cuts and scrapes. It was as if the Shinobi was put into a storm of razor wire without anyone seeing a thing.
I felt Itsuki tense next to me, getting ready to jump up and provide his maybe-friend some help. Kakashi himself was still standing against all odds, but the fire in his eyes had dulled somewhat. Itachi was still trying to deal with his own mother, so him helping was a very slim chance.
However, before anyone had a chance to do anything, Sasuke had somehow found the energy and courage to run past Itsuki and I’s surveillance. The small idiot then jumped in between Kakashi and his father with tears in his eyes.
“That idiot…” I groused, casting a glance at the silent Hinata at my side still. Luckily, she had the sense not to do anything crazy, but I was still a bit annoyed at how easily I let Sasuke slip through.
“Please stop!” The boy cried between his heavy tears. “I wanna go home!”
As if Sasuke’s words had stirred something inside his brainwashed father’s head, the man paused directly in front of his son. The boy’s tears halted for a second, and through his blurry eyes, he looked up.
Then, all pretense of hope fled.
Instead of a tearful reunion breaking whatever control was forcing the man against his will, Sasuke’s dad raised his katana in order to stab the young boy through his chest. There was no emotion in the movement; just a calm, machine-like display of skill. And in all our shock, the point of the sword was already almost on its target.
“No!” I cursed, placing my knife between my lips to split. Clarity and pain filled my mind as my previous injuries stopped their constant regeneration, and my spector shot off to save Sasuke.
It was as if the world had slowed to a deathly crawl again. However, this time I wasn’t using my knife to transform into that monstrous form. Everything seemed to be happening too fast for my head to think through why or how they happened.
One second I was standing next to Hinata, and the next I was already next to Sasuke, trying to pull him out of the sword’s path. It was only being so close that I smelt the unending fear coming from my fellow toddler. Blood and gore had coated my nose long enough that the smell of decay had long since passed the point of fazing me, but the fear coming from Sasuke was something that clogged all my senses for a second.
We both knew I was too slow to do anything.
The sword was too fast. Both of us knew that fact, and once that reality set in, I could only watch as the metallic point was already pressing against skin. It was as if the world was slow motion again as a small dribble of blood began to drip from the cut. The blood mirrored the same color as Sasuke’s suddenly red eyes, a small, black tomoe that spun faster than the world seemed to turn inside his red iris.
Then blood spilled, following along the edge of the sword to drip down into the loose dirt. There was only the sounds of soft breath and crying in my ears for a second.
“How...” I found my words first, trying to wet my suddenly dry mouth.
Those were the only words anyone could really say for a second as we all stared at the sword impaling not Sasuke but Itachi.
The Uchiha teen had somehow crossed the distance faster than anyone could perceive, pull Sasuke out of the way and take the fatal blow himself. I looked over at his previous location, trying to find his opponent. As realization hit me, I found no one standing there; only another body to add to the tragedy.
Emotion choked me for a second, and I turned to find Itachi standing in front of Sasuke, a sword cleanly stabbing through his heart. He seemed almost ethereal in how he refused to die despite the instantly fatal wound.
“Uzumaki-san, no, Naruto…” he spoke slowly as if afraid he would trip over his words. Sasuke’s tears and incoherent cries were echoing somewhere in the background. “Run. I will cover your retreat.”
I took a moment to understand what he meant. Not the fact that he wanted us to run away, but the fact that he specifically said ‘retreat’. It was as if he knew we lost long ago.
And the damning clapping that echoed from the fringes of our little bubble of conflict only sealed my worst fears.
Standing with more black clothed Shinobi behind him was the very same maniac who started all this conflict. However, instead of his leg being pulped and unusable, the man seemed to be in the prime of his life. Instead of being dragged back in a body bag by Hiruzen and Jiraiya, the old cripple was looking as if he had just gotten out of a fairly uncomfortable dust patch.
His robes were now ripped and torn in places, showing that his right arm was completely engulfed in white bandages. Tree branches and sharp brambles constantly snaked out from underneath his bandages, roving over his right side like a miniature, living forest. Though, the most eye-catching was the fact that his right eye was no longer hidden under his false cover, showing the same blood red iris and black shuriken I had seen before.
“This has been a rather tiring day for everyone.” The man spoke, his words hard and without any fake geniality. It was as if this tragedy had torn into him just as much as everyone else. “Please stop this.” He raised his voice to the clearing, waiting as the fighting slowly began to ebb away. “Konoha doesn’t need to lose anyone else.”
I felt something snap as I listened to the man, an anger clawed it was out once more. “Oh, shut up you piece of shit! Do you honestly not think of what you have done? Of everything you tore apart in this madness?!” I found my eyes trailing to a calmly waiting Itachi and crying Sasuke. “You’re the worst of the worst. You murdered families, killed innocents and ruined a whole village, and for what? What could you possibly gain from this?”
For his part, the man blinked at my words. He looked almost surprised at how much I had to say for a dispute I barely had a day being involved in. However, after a brief moment, the man sighed, his chest heaving with the action.
“Maybe I overestimated your worth, Naruto. You are a child, after all.”
I frowned. “What are you-”
Pain and fire filled my chest as something cold slipped in between my ribs to stab into my lungs. Blood began to fill my lungs, and suddenly my Chakra refused to move as I was used to. Itachi words about Danzo having a poison that affects Chakra control rang in my mind for a second as noise and anger filled my ears.
When I turned to see my attacker, I found myself floored and disgusted. Itsuki, Sasuke and Kakashi were all slack jawed in their respective positions as some of them had only started moving a little while ago. And while rage was trying to force my Chakra to my will, I only found myself tripping over my thoughts.
“H- Hinata...” I whispered the name, afraid that somehow I would forget everything about her.
Hinata had tears in her eyes as she slowly removed the small knife from my chest. My wounds burned as something continued to impede my control, and the taste of iron began to stain the back of my mouth. Red began to leak through my clenched teeth long before I understood what to say.
“Can…” Hinata began to speak, slowly backing away from me to closer to Danzo’s side. “Can we go home now, Naruto-kun?”
“Oh…” My words could come out anymore. I think I was thinking faster than anyone was really moving as I slowly pieced together everything.
Hinata was taken back a couple days before this coup ever began, and since I was supposedly the equivalence of some weapon of mass destruction, it made sense to get information out of her. It also made sense that they would spare no quarter to get something like me back. Factor in mind control in there, and the answer was rather simple to guess.
Except… except I didn’t want to acknowledge it.
“Come on, Hinata. We gotta get out of here.” My voice was desperate, low and nearly a whisper.
I didn’t want to see the obvious truth.
“Kid…” I heard Itsuki’s voice somewhere between the pounding of my heart.
There was a broken laugh that echoed along the silence, and it took a moment for me to realize that it was my own. “I’m here to save you, Hinata. Its dangerous to be over there, so let’s just-”
“Naruto… she’s under his control.” Itsuki said. His words were so soft that I felt they might shatter on my ears. However, they still pierced deep enough to stop me from continuing my denial.
Denial that everything I had done was for nothing.
My limbs were as numb as my throat now. The world seemed so far away from where I was that I could only seem to take a backseat to everything that happened around me.
Eyes lolled in their sockets as strength continued to fail me. I saw Kakashi reaching over my shoulder to block a few incoming kunai from hitting me. Itsuki was swinging Kabutowari around, smashing into the ground as the earth around the impact erupted into a wave of earthen spikes. Itachi was slowly walking forward, blood continuing to spill from his mortal wound as he parried every attack sent his way.
Danzo came into my line of sight again. His hands were blurring together as he wove hand signs faster than I could perceive, and I only caught the end of it as he finished. Suddenly, his chest inflated for a second as he drew in a deep breath before expelling a blast of wind that tore a path towards us, sending a spray of dirt and rocks outwards as it traveled.
Itsuki appeared in front of us now, his hands slamming into the ground as a series of walls shot up in the path of the destructive wind. It gored straight through several of the walls, landing in the middle of the one in front of Itsuki before finally losing its momentum. Cracks appeared on the earthen barrier as the one-armed man turned to smile at us.
“Hey, I know you’re a brat, Kakashi, but can you take these kids out of here? It seems we lost this one, so I might as well take a few out before I get out of here.”
“No…” I said faster than I could think. “Not you too.”
The man flinched, turning away to look at the fact that there were several members of Jiraiya’s group running away now. It didn’t take a genius to know that with the reinforcements and their leader supposedly losing, this battle was one they couldn’t win.
“I told you, kid.” Itsuki started again, no longer looking at me anymore. “We’d only be together until I took you guys back to the village. Its good that you’re no longer my problem; I wasn’t cut out to raise brats who gave up in times like these.”
I felt like lightning struck my thoughts. The pity and doubt that had been swirling at the center of them was burning under the fire that was anger. A righteous crusade of anguish and hate fueled my movements now.
Acid was sinking into my bones as I felt the familiar tinge of orange taint my being. My body was a wreck, and doing something like this might harm something permanently. However, I could only think of one, all-consuming thought at the moment.
“I’m going to-”
“You can’t fight me, Naruto Uzumaki.” Fight left me in a second as I listened, and I was left staring at my object of hatred with impotent anger. Yet, I couldn’t muster up an ounce energy to contest him. All I could do was stare as his right eye slowly shut.
It wasn’t the poison in my veins preventing from doing anything, nor was it the inability to actually provide any strength to my broken body. The blood in my lungs was something that was weighing me down, making it hard to breath correctly, but that wouldn’t stop something as potent as the acid-filled strength. I just couldn’t remember how to fight when it came to him.
“I guess it was worth it to save today’s order for you.” Danzo mused as something in the back of my mind failed to spark again. “You really are every bit as tenacious as described.”
“Kakashi!” Itsuki yelled, pulling me out of my spiral of thoughts again. I turned away from Danzo, and suddenly I remembered how to fight. I remembered Itachi telling me about that right eye of his. Kotoamatsukami, part of me said. “Get them out of here now!”
“W- wait! Big brother! Don’t leave him! He’s still okay!” Sasuke was still crying, his blood red eyes spinning as he continued to stare at his older brother. Itachi hadn’t turned back around, but from my angle I could see his eyes continually spinning, a three pronged shuriken spinning in his sockets. Injuries began to pile up on the teen as he moved forwards without stopping, and it seemed as if there weren't dozens of black-clad Shinobi trying to stop him from continuing his march.
I could only watch again.
Just like the last time I lost people who I had only learned to care about. Despite growing stronger, no matter how much I changed, everything felt as if I could only stand and watch.
“Naruto…” I felt Kakashi’s hand brush against my shoulder, and I turned to find him holding a struggling Sasuke under one of his arms. “We need to run; can you move?”
I could see the strain in the teen’s features. His emotions were normally so hard to read, but now they were easy. This decision was perhaps the hardest one for him today.
There was another explosion as Itsuki blocked more and more enemies from attacking us. I took Kakashi’s hand during the chaos, and spared a second to see Hinata standing behind the enemies as Danzo tried to get past the increasing number of earth spikes that Itsuki kept sending out.
“Enough!” The man cried, his right arm lashing out as an entire forest seemed to grow from his right side. Hardened brambles struck against Itsuku’s defense, and while they stood for a couple seconds, the constant onslaught tore through in moments.
In a second, the one-armed man was swept away in the torrent of roving woods, his body becoming lost in the browns and greens of trees. Danzo himself shot forwards, intent on finally getting his hands on me, and I felt myself failing to gain any strength to counter him.
However, in that moment, a giant, orange skeleton tore through the brambles that came from our enemy. Ethereal bones surrounded Itachi as the teen smashed through whatever resistance that stood in his way, and slammed his skeleton’s hand into Danzo’s unprepared body with a ear-splitting backhand. An echoing crack signaled the collision as the older man’s body bent around the blow before being sent flying out into another part of the clearing.
For one hopeful second, I thought that he was dead with that one blow, but a sudden emergence of more trees blew that idea out of the water. Instead, I watched at the orange skeleton around Itachi flickered for a second, and the teen coughed up a mouthful of blood.
“Sasuke…” Itachi whispered, his voice so quiet we all had to lean in to hear. His brother perked up in Kakashi’s arms, his tears still running down his face. “Remember to eat your vegetables.”
I expected tears to continue coming from Sasuke. My body was hurting enough that I was shedding tears from how much my injuries were being jostled on our way away from the battle, and I flinched at every explosive clash that echoed behind us. Yet, the boy bit down on his lower lip, choosing to just watch his brother fight till we lost sight of them in the surrounding trees.
However, I was numb for the most part. I felt like I was living a dream again. That everything would make sense when I woke up, and I would smile at the antics of Itsuki again. That I would try to stop Hinata from taking more swords from our opponents as they were getting too heavy to carry. Yet, I knew one part would struck past my numbness.
I hated the feeling that came with only being able to watch.