David drove like someone who had been doing it his whole life, loose and comfortable and relaxed, even through the snow. He had only driven with David once before and he'd fallen asleep almost immediately, but he knew David could drive. He'd just assumed he didn't enjoy it given how long he'd been carpooling or walking to work, sometimes with snow dusting his shoulders by the time he got to the studio.
But David drove like someone who could appreciate the pleasure and skill of it. It took a moment for Louis to figure out what seemed so strange about that.
When he did, he almost smiled, turning his head away before David could catch him staring.
This was the stillest that Louis had ever seen him.
Even in his sleep, David was restless, as though trying to be in too many places at once. Louis's little car didn’t have the horsepower of a sports car or the ride of a luxury vehicle, but for some reason, sitting here beside David as they drove, he felt more at ease than he had since—as long as he could remember, actually.
The grief was still there, a pulsing ache at his core that he didn't think would ever really leave him, but it seemed less immediate here, with his eyes focusing on the road and the flurry of snowflakes melting against the windshield.
David didn’t turn on the radio, didn’t even speak. After a while, though, he did start to hum. Louis's eyes prickled. He didn't dare look over at him, afraid that if he realized he was doing it, he might stop, and more afraid that he might see everything Louis was feeling written across his face.
Instead, Louis closed his eyes and leaned against the window, listening to the sound of David’s voice, and the soft whir of passing cars.
When he opened them again, he realized they were heading towards town. Louis considered telling David he didn’t want to go to the party, even if it was ostensibly for him, but hesitated at the last minute, finding that he didn't really care. If that was where David was taking them, that’s where he’d follow.
He just didn’t want to have to think anymore.
David didn’t exit the freeway in time for the turn off to the bar, though, instead he took the freeway two exits farther, then got off, filled the tank at the road stop, and pulled back onto the freeway again.
“Are we running away?” Louis asked, his voice sounding too loud in the soft, snowy, darkness.
David glanced over at him, then back to the road, hiking up one shoulder in a shrug.
“If you want."
“I don’t know what I want,” Louis said honestly.
David nodded slowly, as though that made perfect sense to him. It didn't to Louis.
He didn’t know how much longer they drove in silence before David pulled off the freeway again. Louis had no idea where they were—and it didn’t really look like David did, either, judging by his frown as he peered down each road as they drove into the middle of some town Louis hadn't caught the name of.
The sun had long since set and Louis realized he should text Nabila. He didn't know what to say, but she deserved some explanation for his absence. Louis pulled out his phone and stared at it for a moment, thumbs hovering over the keyboard.
"Ah hah!" David said and Louis looked up, surprised.
David pulled off the road into a little parking lot that was barely a parking lot at all.
"It's tradition," David declared.
“This is a different park,” Louis pointed out, even as he climbed out of the car after David.
David sighed as though Louis was missing the point.
“It still has swings,” he said, walking over to one of the afore mentioned swings and sitting down on it. It was cold, but not terribly so and there was no wind to bite through the fleece of his jacket, so Louis trailed after him.
The park was deserted this late and it was oddly reminiscent of the first night he had kissed David. That thought was pleasant in all the wrong ways. It set of an entirely different type of ache in his chest and reminded him of a different kind of loss.
The memory tasted bitter as he remembered that, come Monday, he wouldn't be seeing David anymore. He wondered if a better man would have stayed for David. Maybe a better man would have deserved him. He definitely wouldn't have hurt him.
But Louis was never a particularly good man. He would go back to Weldstone Harbor, and David would stay here, working on this show he loved with other people who loved it. And, after Night Mist, Louis was certain that David would be snatched up by another director who saw what Louis saw in him.
David would go far, but Louis wouldn't be there for it. Louis didn’t know if he’d ever be able to set foot in this town again after the funeral and he had no right to ask David to come back to Weldstone Harbor with him. David had his own dreams and desires and friends didn't leave their careers behind just to stay close by.
“Come, sit,” David said, pointing at the swing to his right. Louis looked at it for a moment, considering how wet his ass was going to be once the snow melted before doing as he was bid and taking a seat.
David didn’t start swinging, instead he just twisted the chains, spinning this way and that as Louis watched from his own swing.
“We never finished the bookshelf,” David said at last, he sounded almost tentative, as though he wasn't sure if Louis would accept the topic. Part of him wanted to shy away from it, but another part of him wanted to cling to every scrap of her that he still had.
Louis shook his head. “No,” he said. “She was never very good at finishing projects.”
David smiled, though it was a sad smile. “Too busy with new projects to finish old ones?”
Louis let out a soft laugh.
“Something like that,” he said. “She was always all over the place. She was almost as introverted as I am, but she loved everything that life had to offer. She couldn’t contain her enthusiasm to just one thing. She had so much to give...”
Louis looked up at the sky, fighting back the prickle of tears even at the joyful memories.
“She loved you,” David said.
Louis couldn’t meet his gaze. “I know.”
“No,” David said, cheek resting against the chain of his swing as he rocked side to side, his hip bumping into Louis's as he did. “I mean she really loved you.”
Louis looked over at him, then, though his face was blurred through unshed tears.
“She loved you in a way that I didn’t even know existed,” David said. “You’re lucky. And she was lucky to have you, too.”
Louis shook his head.
“I didn’t even want to move away with her when I was a kid. She always looked out for me, but I didn’t even take care of her when I could.”
"Louis—"
"I wasn't with her," Louis said, the awful truth of it ripping itself free of his grasp. "I wasn't with her when she died. I left her alone."
"She'd forgive you for that," David said.
This content has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.
Louis shook his head. "I don't deserve it."
“She knew what she was to you and what she meant to you,” David said and Louis wanted to trust in the certainty of his tone. “There’s no way she didn’t know. But, even if she didn’t, you were worth it to her anyway. She loved you that much.”
Louis couldn’t hold back the choked sob, but David didn’t react, just continuing to twist his swing this way and that, his leg occasionally bumping up against Louis's.
“How would you know?” Louis asked, a little too sharply.
David hummed, refusing to take the bait. “I know because she told me so.”
“What?” Louis asked, feeling altogether too visible as he sniffed away his tears, brushing his face against his sleeve.
David glanced sideways at him, then reaching out to rest a gloved hand on the back of his neck. He gave it an affectionate squeeze, looking almost fond, despite Louis's temper.
“She wanted to make sure that you had someone when she was gone,” he said. “She knew who you are, and she loved you for it. She was so proud of you.” David chuckled. “She showed me some of her albums. My mother wasn’t even that dedicated to me.”
“I know she loved me,” Louis said, frustrated and aching even more with the knowledge of all she had done for him without ever asking for anything in return.
“Yes,” David agreed. “And you loved her just as much. She knew that because she asked me to stay with you.”
Louis stilled, suddenly feeling cold in a way that had nothing to do with the snow. “Is that what this is?”
David straightened, his strong brows drawing together. “Not at all. No, that's wrong. I promised her, but only because I already cared about you anyway."
"I don't want your companionship out of a sense of duty to my sister," Louis snapped. The thought of David only being here because of her cut through him until he felt himself bleeding out just like Don Christoph. It felt like a betrayal, though he couldn't pinpoint exactly why.
“I'm not here because of her!” David insisted. "I'm here because of you."
“Of course,” Louis said, standing and starting back toward the car. "It's not like you've been ignoring me for months, only to have a change of heart once she was gone."
David grabbed his arm, yanking him around with so much force, he tripped back against a chain link fence. For one moment, Louis thought that David was going to kiss him.
He didn't, of course. Because they weren't like that. Not now.
Louis's heart still pounded, eyes dipping to David's mouth.,
“Louis, shut the fuck up,” David said.
Louis pulled his arm free, but David only stepped closer, twining his fingers through the links of the fence as he caged Louis between his arms. Louis glowered over David's shoulder.
“I’m saying,” David said slowly, “that she wanted you to have someone. Not someone who saw Louis Greene, someone who saw you. I see you, Louis. So I'm here.”
Louis swallowed thickly, his hand coming up to rest at David's collarbone, caught between pushing him away and pulling him close. After another heartbeat's time, David's hands dropped from the fence and he took half a step back, straightening up again.
Without really meaning to, Louis's hand gripped the collar of David's coat, keeping him from retreating any farther. David froze, looking at him with wide blue eyes. Louis dropped his hand immediately.
"Sorry," he muttered, clearing his throat.
"Louis," David said, chewing his lip, "you know, you—" He cut off with a frustrated sound and then his arms were around Louis's waist, pulling him close.
Louis had never thought of himself as a clingy person, but in that moment, he clung to David. He wrapped his arms around David's broad back and pressed his cheek to David's temple.
David was warm and present and here and he couldn’t possibly understand how much Louis needed that—needed him. If there was never anything else between them, if they never saw each other again after Louis left on Monday, having him here right now might be worth all of the pain of the future.
“You aren’t alone,” David said, his voice a little muffled in Louis's shoulder. "You don't ever have to be alone, okay?" David ground his chin into Louis's shoulder as though printing the words into his flesh.
"Thank you," Louis said, the words entirely inadequate to express the depth of Louis's gratitude.
It was extremely difficult to force himself to pull away again. David was flushed pink from the cold and stood awkwardly back as Louis gestured to the car.
“I think it’s time to go back,” he said, simply.
David glanced at his watch, then nodded.
An alarmingly loud screech had both Louis and David jumping before David began patting down his coat to pull out his phone.
“Jennifer,” David said, wincing. “I forgot to tell her we wouldn’t be there.”
“Hey,” David said. There was a long string of muffled curses, then something said in a quieter voice. David glanced at Louis, who took his cue to make himself discreet, then David said, “Yeah, I’m here with Louis.”
Louis climbed back in the car, taking the driver’s seat this time. He thought he could probably reverse engineer how they got here and once they got back to Midtown, it would be time to drop David back off at the B&B.
Louis glanced out the window, watching the way David’s whole body moved as he spoke to Jennifer, alternately pouting and teasing. He would miss that. He would miss that a lot.
Louis pulled out his own phone to see a text message from Nabila asking if he was all right.
The peace he'd been leaching from David seemed to dissolve in an instant and he rubbed his temple, feeling exhausted all of the sudden. He pulled off his mittens and typed out a response, the words, once again, entirely inadequate, but they were all that was left.
*****
Louis must have known what they were talking about, but he just walked back over to the car and got in. David listened half-heartedly to Jennifer’s scolding for not telling anyone that neither of them were going to be there—especially considering it was Louis's going away party.
“Jennifer,” David said in a hushed voice.
Jennifer quieted immediately. She might like to pretend to be a hard ass, but she could be both perceptive and sensitive when necessary.
“What’s wrong?” she demanded. “Did something happen? Are you all right?”
“I'm—,” David started, then let out a whistling breath, “Rosemarie died, Jennifer. I'm going to stay with him.”
“Shit,” Jennifer said, concisely. “Yeah, do that. I'll let everyone know there were extenuating circumstances.”
"Thanks," David said.
“Of course. Take care. Both of you. I know that she was your friend, too. I’m really sorry, David.”
David swallowed the lump in his throat. He’d managed to hold it together so far, and now really wasn’t the time to break down. “Yeah. So am I.”
“Call me tomorrow, then,” Jennifer commanded.
David assured her that he would, then turned to the car. Louis was driving, it seemed, so David climbed into the passenger side, and handed him the keys.
“Where to?” David asked.
Louis glanced at him.
“Home,” Louis said, the sound short and stiff, a grim travesty of the word. What was a house without the people that made it home?
David couldn’t help but think about the pile of lumber still sitting at the edge of the garage. What would happen to it? What would happen to the house? Should David offer to finish the shelf, or was that invasive? Would he sell the house?
Rosemarie would never see the shelf finished. The thought made his eyes sting again. She'd never be able to see the end of Night Mist, either.
There was so much potential wasted in death.
So many things that were supposed to happen that never would.
David had never lost anyone close to him before and he found it almost as unsettling as it was painful. The loss was too immediate now, too vivid and present, to actually feel real. He didn’t know what to say or how to help someone who had lost everyone.
His own company seemed like a pale replacement for what Louis had shared with Rosemarie.
The sign marking their entrance to Midtown was as nondescript as the rest of the town. David found himself wanting to turn around and leave agin, like he could avoid the pain if he was somewhere else.
Maybe this was how Louis felt every time he was here.
Mitdown just seemed different knowing Rosemarie was no longer in it. Like it was trying to be something that it wasn’t anymore. Like it was trying to be home when it wasn’t anymore.
David let out a sigh as Louis pulled the car into the B&B. He didn’t want Louis to leave. He unbuckled his seatbelt but didn’t get out.
“Are you going home?” David asked, feeling the wrongness of the word as he said it.
Louis gave him a look like that was a stupid question. “Where else would I go?” Though the tone sounded more like, ‘I have nowhere else to go.’
David’s heart ached at the thought of him being alone there just waiting for Rosemarie's funeral.
“You could come up,” David said, gesturing to the B&B.
It wasn't a good idea. They weren't together. They wouldn't be together anymore. Their expectations and needs were too different. But he had to offer.
And a part of him hoped that Louis would say yes.
Even if all they did was sit and talk all night, it had to be better than being alone.
There was a long moment before Louis shook his head. “I can’t. I need to be alone.”
David stifled his disappointment and even a little hurt. "All right."
Everyone grieved differently and maybe Louis needed to grieve alone.
“You’ll be there on Sunday, right?” Louis asked, catching David’s wrist as he made to leave.
David sat back down and nodded. “Of course,” he said. “I can come by tomorrow too, if there’s anything you need.”
Louis gave a quick shake of his head. “No, enjoy your Saturday. I know Jennifer probably wants to see you.”
“She can wait,” David said, biting his lip. “Louis, if you need anything, I’m here.”
“There’s nothing you can do, David,” Louis said almost apologetically.
David nodded quickly. Of course there was nothing he could do. There was probably nothing anyone could do, but David still wished that he could have been someone Louis could lean on. He wished that things had gone differently in August.
He wished things had gone differently in general.
David paused out front of the door and waved as Louis pulled away, feeling his heart breaking all over again.
He didn’t stop to, think about it when he called Jennifer as soon as he got back to his room. Luckily, she answered on the third ring so she must not have been asleep.
“Can you come over after the party?” he asked. "I don't want to be alone."
She was quiet for a moment. “Of course,” she said.
It was only about thirty minutes later that she arrived, knocking on the door. David let her in and she wrapped her arms around him. David hugged her back hard enough that her feet left the floor.
She borrowed one of his softest sweaters in leu of pajamas and they spent the night curled together on the bed watching David's favorite episodes of Starfly on Jennifer's tablet.
*****
David realized on Saturday night that he didn’t actually own any black shirts.