Two hours later, Apollonia sat in the waiting room outside of Cenz's office.

She'd come from the medical suite, where Zey had treated her ankle. She'd sprained it, and on top of that she'd gotten a long cut, something poking into the suit so hard as she'd fallen that it had cut her skin without even penetrating the cloth. Other than that she only had small cuts and bruises.

Zey had not chewed her out. But the woman's silence had been almost as bad.

She could hear stern voices from the office. The walls were normally soundproof, so part of her imagined that they were letting some of it through intentionally, to help her get the feeling that she was about to be reprimanded.

Cenz always sounded pleasant. But as he talked to Alisher, tearing him down, it was not pleasant. Calm, as always, but there was a hard edge she had never heard before.

It was not fair. Alisher had not done anything wrong.

The thought of being punished, their disappointment, was bad enough.

But in the face of what had almost happened, it felt like nothing.

She'd stared death in the face. The smell of it, the disgusting, wrinkled skin, was stuck in her memory. From a distance, she realized it would have been every bit the magnificent creature she imagined. But up close she'd seen the parasites, the flies, the filth, the stained teeth and the imperfections of a living thing that fitted not at all the magical ideal in her mind.

Hadn't it been not long ago, on Hell Rock, that she'd wanted to die? That when faced with the possibility of being spaced, she'd almost gone for it.

Since then, she realized, she'd actually learned that life didn't always suck. That it could be good, and that she liked it. And then she'd almost thrown it away anyway, just out of a stupid childhood obsession.

This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report.

The door to the office opened, and Alisher stepped out. He glanced to her, not seeming angry, though still very serious. He left, then, and she knew she was up.

Going to the office door, Cenz was watching, his face screen off for once. The lack of the slightly-goofy changing electronic face made him seem more alien and imposing, as the only true bit of "him" she could see was a glimpse of the polyps in their rocky body in the neck of his water suit, which was transparent.

"Apollonia Nor, please sit."

She stepped up next to the chair.

She felt afraid again, but then thinking of the creature, mere meters away, that could have ended her in a heartbeat, she felt less afraid.

But she didn't feel less guilty.

"With your permission sir," she said. "I'd like to stand." She did her best job coming to attention and saluting.

Cenz paused to consider this. "Very well, Specialist Nor," he said, using her title. "I would like to know what went through your head to cause you to make such a decision."

She considered. "I have no excuse, sir. May I . . ." she trailed off, swallowing. ". . . speak freely?"

Cenz considered, leaning back. His voice was a warning as he spoke. "Very well. I hope you have considered your words carefully."

"Sir," she said, "I would like to absolve Lt. Rasulov of any wrongdoing. I acted entirely on my own, making my own bad decisions, and they should not reflect on him. I . . . I screwed up. I just wanted to go look around, and I fell down the hill. I didn't mean to put my life or anyone else's life in danger. I know pulling the drones to me must have risked the others."

Cenz moved back slightly, in seeming surprise.

"I take all of the blame, and I hope I can be the only one to receive any punishment. Whatever you deem appropriate I accept, sir. Because I fucked up bad."

She realized her curse, felt a thrill of fear, but then decided; fuck it.

She meant every word. She felt better for saying them.

But she still didn't forgive herself.

Cenz spoke. "You seem to have some understanding of what you did," he said. "That it did not simply affect you, but your entire team. I will be relaying all that has transpired up to Captain Jaya. She may have more to say to you. For now, you are confined to base. Your access to entertainment services is revoked for three days."

The door opened behind her. Cenz tilted his head. "Now go. I would tell you to reflect on what has happened, but I suspect you will be doing much of that."