The entrance of the theatre room burst open, flames and smoke coming out. Charlie and GI emerged from the door, chased by an army of anime freaks. Many threw their ki attacks and ninja stars, others unleashed their fire and lightning strikes. They were led by the three waifus, each of them eager to make their hubby proud. AIs dressed in other anime costumes also joined the pursuit.
The couple made a turn and went inside a locker room. GI took a vintage key from her pocket to save them from their doom. “Gate of the Chinese Zodiac, I summon thee!” she yelled, raising the key above her head. The key glowed a vibrant blue light before quickly suffusing into glitter. A young woman then appeared, wearing a leather pink bikini and a pig-faced hat, covering her pink pixie cut.
“Oink! Ready to serve and be served, master!” the girl said, her pig ears and tail twitching gleefully.
“Zhū! Do everything to slow them down!” GI ordered hastily.
"Oink! Yes, master!"
The pig girl then hurled herself into the fray, rolling down towards their foes. The AIs were covered with mist the moment they made contact with the sow. A magical spell was put into effect, turning all of the AIs into bloated abominations. Their fat greasy bodies blocked the hallway, squeezing each other with mortification. One of the three waifus, the loli maid, got sandwiched in between several bloated tummies.
“Onii-taaaaaan! Tasukete!” the loli yelled as she slowly sank into the fat. A crunching sound was heard, followed by pulpy blood that flowed between the tight bodies.
Holy shit. That’s one fucked up way to die, Charlie thought, seeing the crushed remains of the loli. Though admittedly, her end felt... quick. He expected one large fight, followed by one shameful Chris Hansen sit-down. Still, he was thankful he was saved from having to fight that jailbait.
“Zhū is one of the animals in the Chinese Zodiac. She has the power to slow down enemies by making them fat as a pig,” GI said as she closed and locked the door. “But her magic won’t hold them for long.”
“Damn,” Charlie added, pushing a locker to barricade the door. “First you have a Stand, and now you have a Celestial Spirit from Fairy Tail? It seems like all of your powers are based upon anime characters that can summon somethin’. I won’t be surprised if you turn out to be a Pokémon Master too.”
“I do have a Pokémon, as well as a Digimon. I chose this kind of power because... well I need friends. But I haven’t interacted with them lately cause... I just stopped caring.”
“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. And fuck! I’m sorry I got you into this mess,” Charlie said as he sat down on the floor, leaning his back on the wall in defeat.
The girl sat near Charlie, giving a faint smile. Her face showed how she viewed their hopeless predicament. She hoped it would end in a quick death. “It’s okay. I wanted this, really.”
Charlie didn’t return her smile. He only felt sorry for her. What could have happened to her that resulted in this current demeanor? He wished he could do something; he prayed he could help her.
The geek then opened up his menu and his inventory, preparing the file that might hopefully save them. “Wait… Look at that! You’ve leveled up!” GI remarked upon seeing Charlie’s menu. The rectangle containing Charlie’s level now had “Level 2” on it.
“Huh, I didn’t know,” replied Charlie. “I must have leveled up after killin’ those orcs.”
“Well, go on and choose a new power, or weapon, or ability. Maybe something new to give those perverts some difficulty. Although, I don’t think it wouldn’t make much of a difference.”
“I want to have Superman’s powers, but because I can only choose one of his abilities, now I’m torn whether to unlock heat vision or flight.”
Suddenly, the roof of the room was pried open by giant mechanical hands. When a large section of it was peeled, a Gundam’s head appeared from above, its mechanical eyes shining bright yellow light. The Gundam had the appearance of the classic RX-78-2, except it had long blonde hair, a red ribbon on its head, and wore a red kitchen apron wrapped around its body.
Even as dust and smoke fell upon their eyes, the two froze staring in awe and fear. The mech laughed, revealing the pilot to be Princess Kiki Angeluke Voyah. “Haw-haw-haw! Did you think you can escape from me, you poor smelly peasants!”
The Gundam then formed a fist and raised its hand. Quickly, Charlie lifted GI in the air with his telekinesis.
“W-What are you doing?!” GI asked in surprise.
“You need to get out of here, now!’ Charlie yelled. Using the Force, he then threw GI out of a window and into the baseball field. She landed and tumbled onto the infield, getting bruised and scratched. Although the girl was okay, it was too late for her to do anything as the mech smashed its fist down, wielding it like a hammer. A quarter of the academy crumbled from the attack, creating an eruption of dust.
“Ch-Charlie-kun…” the girl muttered, tears dripping down her cheeks. “Charlie-kun!”
The death of her friend made the girl lay down and hug the dirt. She punched the ground repeatedly, crying with agony, regretting not being able to do anything to save her only friend. She hated herself for being so stupid. She loathed her whole existence filled with blunders and failures. She cursed the day she was born – the unfortunate day she came to this world. She was a glitch, a virus, some entity of bad luck, and the only example of God's mistake.
Charlie-kun… Gomenasai… Gomenasai… Gomenasai.
“Sup, GI. Not having a good time I see,” someone spoke to her. Cal stood beside her, his hands in his pockets while observing the carnage nonchalantly.
The doors of the academy then opened, Harem King’s retinue poured out. They ran towards GI and Cal, ready to gang up on them, and give them the most horrible moment of their lives. The mech just leaned itself on the side of the building with its arms crossed. It seemed Princess Kiki was now confident of their victory.
GI closed her eyes and prepared herself. This was it, she thought. The day where she could finally leave this world, saving everyone from future misfortunes. Cal, on the other hand, did not even show any alarm. He just yawned, uncaring of the danger, drawing out a book from his sling bag. He then called forth a spell, Turjan of Miir's Call to the Violent Cloud. A booming disembodied voice then asked, “At your disturbing power has this instrument come; what in holy fuck do you want?”
“Squads of four, ten by ten,” Cal said. “Alive must they be brought to me.”
A flash of light stopped the king’s minions in their tracks. Between them and Cal stood a mighty army of bellicose comic geeks. With Cal’s signal, the comic geeks charged at the anime AIs. A great battle had begun.
American comics and Japanese manga clashed. A biker with a flaming skull and motorcycle rode towards the area, his chain-like whip twirling in the air. It entangled a white-haired demon wearing a red Japanese robe and an oversized sword, before burning the latter in hellfire. As the rider laughed, his skull then exploded into flaming bits as a vampire wearing a wide-brimmed red hat, red long coat, and yellow glasses, shot him with a .454 Casull pistol. Before the vampire could savor his victory, he was then sucked into a black hole called upon by a vixen in a stage magician costume. “Noitide Hsulf Rewes Teliot Cigam Noitatropsnart Eripmav!” she yelled, making the hole disappear.
Up above many great titans pounded each other. Someone dressed in black tight spandex with a white lightning bolt on his chest, flew towards a bald man in a yellow jumpsuit and white cape. He tried to bury his fists on the bald guy’s face, but the latter easily dodged it, before giving him one hard punch, blowing him up. After killing the comic nerd with one punch, the baldy attempted to fly out of there. However, a bullet from a tall long-haired geek in a cowboy costume, pierced his chest.
An otaku wearing a green chequered haori jacket, dashed with his black katana towards the enigmatic man in the buckaroo duds. He yelled “Hinokami Kagura! Dance!” as he spun in the air and made his sword burn bright red with flames. His slash did nothing on the cowboy though, the latter just spat and remarked, “not enough gun,” before shooting the demon slayer with his two pistols.
All around the battlefield, geeks and otakus fought. There was a blonde alchemist in a red coat and metallic prosthesis battling a bald airbender riding the wind. There was a Japanese kid with chainsaws for arms in combat against a muscular vigilante dressed like a bat. There were also Japanese space mechs fighting against American robots in disguise, a humanoid blue cat with ray guns up against a humanoid green turtle with nunchucks, a brown-haired Japanese boy writing down names in his death note, and a beloved anti-hero in red spandex who looked at you, the readers, in a sexy pose, shouting, "RIP Daft Punk 2021! And keep eating your chimichangas my beautiful bastards!"
As GI stood in a daze watching the whole mosh pit of pain and death, a hand then touched her shoulder. She turned around, shocked at first, before her eyes gleamed to find a friend whom she’d thought was lost. “Miss me, otaku girl?” Charlie asked with a laugh.
“Charlie-kun! You’re alive!”
“Well, I got fuckin’ lucky. I managed to unlock flight just in the nick of time before I got splattered.”
“I knew you guys are gonna get yourself in trouble,” Cal chimed. “Y’all are lucky I got here. Now, look at this mess you've started. You two better find a way to finish this.”
“I’m workin’ on it,” Charlie replied. “But first, I’m goin' to get rid of Princess Kiki.”
“That’s it? That’s your plan?”
“Like I said, I’m still workin’ on it. You should help our friends who are out there fightin’.”
As Charlie left, GI could not help but be perplexed. The geek went from one blunder to the next while surrounded by chaos. Yet he remained positive – still wearing his cheerful streak.
How does he do that?
“Fuck this,” said Cal. “Let’s ditch this idiot and get out of here before more of us get killed.”
“You go,” GI replied as she prepared herself to join the engagement. “Me and Charlie are gonna finish this fight, and if we fail, at least we’ll buy you guys time to get out.”
GI then summoned her Stand and rushed into combat, leaving Cal slightly frustrated. “Fuck…” he whispered to himself.
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The otaku ran around the battlefield while ordering her Stand to release as many punches as it could. It yelled "Ora!" as it jabbed at its enemies with machine gun-like speed. GI sent punches as she ran, killing many in her hit-and-run. However, she was just one addition to this stalemate.
Cal himself hiked up an elevated ground, deciding to help tip the dead heat. He made a big sigh as he opened his notebook, before writing something down while chanting, "Call me Calamum Nomen, jot jot jot, nothing in particular. But then Cal gained the power to control the heavens to make this angry sea calm."
The literary geek then pointed his hand to the moon, and slowly, he dragged it to the left. The moon was somehow towed by his movement, its gravity pulling everyone sideways. A tidal wave appeared out of nowhere and rammed the AIs' side. It drowned many in seawater and muck, killing some of them as well. GI was also caught by the attack, coughing and cursing Cal for getting her wet.
Charlie meanwhile, finally came upon Princess Kiki and her mech. The two stood facing each other, the mech towering above Charlie, covering him in blackness. "Haw! Haw! Haw! Haw! You might have survived our first meeting, but can you survive this?!”
The mech then opened its arsenal, from rotating vulcan guns on its chest, multi-barrel rocket launchers on its shoulders, laser rifles on its hands. As Charlie stared at the giant guns pointed at him, he knew his level 2 status wouldn’t survive even just one barrage. Something then caught his eye – one of Harem King’s minions who sported a brown jacket, was swinging in the air through the use of a belt-like contraption, with sides that shoot cables. Charlie used his telekinesis to relieve the guy of his gear, making him plummet to his death. He then put on the gear as the mech’s eyes turned red, finally letting out its first fusillade.
Charlie barely managed to dodge missiles exploding near him, as they burnt his robes. Nonetheless, he managed to fire cables that attached themselves to the mech’s face. He then started zipping like Levi Ackerman, further dodging machine-gun fire, rockets, and laser fire, displaying agility and finesse as he flew. Princess Kiki continued firing but the geek fired more cables, gracefully maneuvering through her attacks. As he got near the mech, he then let himself fall. And as he fell, he stabbed his lightsaber on its skin, slowly slicing it open as he went down, making certain parts of it explode.
“No! No! Nooooo!” Princess Kiki yelled as she desperately tried to turn levers, but it was too late as one final explosion destroyed the Gundam, killing her. Charlie was sent flying through the air in smoke and soot, before landing on the ground as debris whizzed all around him.
The downed geek checked his healthbar which still had 50% health points so far. Although injured and burned, Charlie slowly stood up triumphant. With a proud smile, he then limped towards where GI and Cal were.
Charlie’s other two compatriots were still fighting a hard battle, although the comic geeks already had the upper hand. They were now pushing the anime AIs back into the academy. Though they seemed to be winning, the boss was still nowhere to be found.
“You look crispy, Charlie,” Cal teased.
“Tell me about it,” Charlie bantered back. “You ever took down a Gundam with only an Attack on Titan maneuverin' gear and a 3-foot-long lightsaber?"
“You destroyed that Gundam?” GI said, impressed. “Sugoi! You have got to tell me how you did it!”
A series of trumpet blasts then roared from the academy. The main entrance flung open as the Harem King and his remaining people marched out. The King was sitting on a golden throne carried by perverts, surrounded by lolicons dancing the Carnival Phantasm – a god-awful sickening comedy dance number.
“Well, well, well,” the Harem King magnanimously remarked. “You guys are kicking ass! Good job!”
“There’s the weirdo,” GI said. “You guys ready to take him on?”
“Oh yes, I am,” Charlie answered. “How about you, Cal?”
“Nope!” replied Cal as he backed away. “I ain’t fighting him. Y’all are on your own.”
“Come on, man,” Charlie asked, but Cal ignored them and walked away, leaving them to fight the Harem King by themselves. Charlie was hoping Cal was more agreeable than Amp, but he was just as big as an asshole as his boss.
In a scene straight out of the Wild West, Charlie and GI walked towards the Harem King, undeterred. Their foe gave a smug smile as he stood up and walked down his throne. His girls gathered and formed a makeshift stairs for him to walk down from. Sword also appeared from behind him, brandishing her long blade. The two parties faced each other, ready for one tag team tango to the death.
GI was the first to make a move. With a wave of her hand, she summoned a monster into battle – a small cute duck-like bipedal creature, pink in color with a yellow beak, and an armored green hide. The monster happily yelled “Chi!” as it then hugged GI.
“No, Mocchi. Not now! We’re going to fight bad guys. See?” GI said, trying to get the monster off, making Harem King and Sword laugh and sneer. Charlie took advantage of this and dashed forward, making a swipe with his lightsaber. "No!" Sword yelled as she blocked Charlie's attack with her body. Sword then countered with a slash from her longsword, but the American geek parried her attack. Charlie’s long-lost skills in the Escapist Dream had returned. Now he was going back and forth with the Harem King’s waifu.
“Mocchi!” GI yelled, finally getting her monster under control. “Use petal storm!”
“Chi!” Mocchi yelled as it jumped into the air and spun like a ballerina, summoning a whirlwind of pink petals at the Harem King. The latter, however, easily dodged it by sliding to the side. “Mocchi! Use cannon!” GI ordered once more.
“Chi!” the monster yelled as it summoned a yellow energy beam from its mouth. The Harem King just smiled at this pathetic attempt, making a gymnast’s stance, easily dodging the attack with a leap.
“Master!” Sword yelled. “This loser is too much! I don’t think I can hold him off much longer! Strengthen me, please!”
“Sure, bitch. Just give me a minute.”
The Harem King then somersaulted near to where Mocchi was, and with a soccer kick, sent it flying.
“Mocchi!” GI said as she caught her monster. Mocchi whispered “Chi…” as its eyes flickered, putting it out of action.
The bastard then made a backflip to where Sword was. Chains then sprouted from the ground, pushing Charlie away, binding Sword in a weird display. “M-Master?” Sword asked in fear.
“This will make you strong!” Harem King shouted as he summoned a whip out of nowhere. Sword yelled in pain as the Harem King whipped her back, arms, and thighs, making lacerations from his accursed tool.
Charlie slashed through the chains, before trying to use telekinesis to grab Harem King. But the latter just smirked, diving to the right, completely disappearing from Charlie's eyes. The American geek was then surprised when a golden flash almost hit him in the neck; the geek rolling out of the way in time. The attack came from Sword who now sported a white bridal gown with a short skirt and a veil. Her eyes and her blade glowed with blinding yellow energy.
“What the fuck?” Charlie remarked.
“Oh, you are so dead!” Sword yelled as she charged her weapon and filled it with even more energy. Charlie tried to get up and attack, but stopped the moment the sword came crashing down. “Excali-BOOM!” Sword yelled as she slashed downwards, sending a huge torrent of energy towards Charlie.
Charlie uttered nothing as he turned tail and ran. He jumped a parapet as Sword’s attack plowed through everything in its path. He had been lucky so far in his adventures here but luck did tend to run out. Charlie was now dangerously close to being vaporized.
“Charlie!” GI yelled as she ran towards her friend’s rescue. But an elbow hit her in the jaw, making her fall down with a broken nose. It was the Harem King, who stared at the downed otaku with hunger in his eyes.
“I am the Harem King,” he proclaimed. “And I try to live up to my name…”
As GI watched helplessly, still disoriented by his cheap shot, the Harem King drew a longsword, raising it above his head. "Incursiooooo!” Harem King yelled, unleashing a move that covered his body in thick silver armor, eyes glowing fiery yellow. GI knew of this move. It was the teigu of an anime character named Tatsumi from Akame Ga Kill; one of the most famous harem protagonists in anime history. The Harem King's version of his teigu though, was mixed with characteristics from Japan's most infamous porn star. Tentacles were coming out of the back – long, hard, and smelly phallic-shaped freaks of nature.
“No! No, no, no, no!” GI yelled as she tried to crawl away, but one of the tentacles caught her ankle. More tentacles advanced on GI’s body, groping and molesting, making the young girl scream. Even though she tried to get out, it was of no use, as the tentacles had the power to fully immobilize and depower any woman they touched.
Cal's stoic face began to crumple with concern as he heard GI's screams. He was now on the baseball field assisting the other geeks fight. Now he was agitated, undecided, and shaken by frustration. He never liked the girl, no one in this place did, but he knew of how deviant the Harem King could be. Did GI deserve such fate even if she was the most hated person in this world? Was she even worth the risk of saving though?
“Jesus, fuck,” Charlie said as he fell down panting. However, when he heard of GI’s screams, his face too was roused with panic.
“Shit! Dude, we gotta do somethin’!” Charlie yelled at the still frozen Cal.
“This is the Harem King we’re talking about,” Cal said, trying to be unconcerned. “I ain’t going near that weirdo. Besides, no one can harm him. You can’t even touch him. Not unless he wants to be touched…”
"Listen to me. I've had my fair share of fights in the Escapist Dream before. That Harem King is still an AI. He's still an anime character. He can be beaten if you know anime."
“What the hell are you on about?”
“Trust me, I have a plan. But I’m gonna be needin’ your help.”
GI couldn't do anything but close her eyes and sob, as the tentacles ran all over her body. Her clothing was slowly being taken off, the Harem King being as excited as a little kid opening his Christmas present. Charlie was gone; Cal was nowhere to be found. None of the geeks were there to help her. This was it, the newest and lowest point of her life. This time, however, no one was there to save her.
“You’re not going to scream?” Harem King asked.
“Fuck you…” replied GI, still having some defiance in her as she wept.
“You know, try thinking of the positives here. You’re gonna get yourself fucked, you’re gonna have a great time. A far cry from all the sad stuff you all have to go through. Not only that, but after this is over, you’re gonna become my new waifu. Then, you won’t have to be lonely anymore. I can smell it in you, you know. You smell of depression, and nothing but good old fucking can help you with it.”
“Wait, what? What the… Oh!”
“Don’t scream, it’s gonna hurt at first, but after the third penetration, everything’s gonna be alllllriiiiight…”
“I’m not screamin'. I’m just ticklish. Like… oh!”
What the girl said was weird, yet it didn't matter to the Harem King. He always had that effect on every hole he savaged with. He could turn the purest into the vilest, the most fearful into the most promiscuous. As he did, Sword cheered on the sidelines like some rabid football fan.
His tentacles slowly climbed up the girl’s legs, caressing them gently, raising them upward towards heaven. His tentacles finally felt fabric, making him really excited. As he ripped GI’s underwear off, he yelled itadakimasu as he dug in.
Harem King felt no hole though, not even flaps or soft leather. The smell was wrong too; no sweet feminine fragrance, only salty masculine musk. What he felt was a dong, definitely a dong – a long hotdog that's supple but slowly turning rigid. Harem King's eyes widened in disbelief, his face became deathly pale. His mouth dropped in surprise, and he retreated his tentacles back in disgust.
"Oh my God," Sword said as she covered her mouth with her hands. "My hubby… did you just... what I think you just...?"
The body of GI fell on the ground, and the girl made a yelp and a laugh, caressing her butt. The girl then stood up and gave the Harem King a devious smile.
"No! That's not… I am not…" Harem King said, trying not to look more gay.
GI then hugged Harem King while rubbing her bulging crotch at him. “Oh honey bunny, please don’t stop. That was so gooooood. Please continue! I need moooooore!”
“No!”
As Harem King tried to get GI off, Sword’s face had turned dark, her eyes becoming enflamed. She was not only enraged; she had become murderous and berserk.
“Harem King, you baka!” Sword yelled as she ran Harem King with her blade. Harem King clutched his abdomen and fell spitting blood. Sword continued to stab him again and again as he pleaded, the song Kanashimi no Mukou playing in the background from the school speakers. It was the theme song of School Days, the darkest of all yandere anime.
As Harem King finally breathed his last, Sword and all the other anime AIs disintegrated into nothingness. Harem King’s body was left on the field though, once a man praised, now nothing more than discarded flesh. The king was dead, long live the king.
GI began to laugh as Cal and another GI walked towards her. Cal then opened his notebook again, chanting, “As long as she thinks of a man, nobody objects to a woman thinking. Gender bender. Sexual blender. Switch again, helter skelter.”
With a loud pop, GI's body was suddenly surrounded by smoke. When it dissipated, what remained was Charlie. Apparently, he had asked Cal to use his reality-bending powers to disguise him as GI and make him switch places with her.
“Told you the plan would work,” Charlie said.
“W-What just happened?” the confused but still shaken GI asked.
“Charlie here stated that since Harem King is an anime AI, the only way to defeat him is to use anime logic," explained Cal. "He thought of devising a plan of tricking Harem King into falling into a literal trap, getting his waifu enraged, to kill him yandere-style. And fucking hell, it worked."
Charlie then started cheering in victory, jumping in joy before landing with a celebrative dab. Both GI and Cal stared at the happy geek. None of them could expect Charlie brimming with so much geekiness, said geekiness could be considered lethal. Amp was another one they knew, but Charlie was undoubtedly more creative.
In this battle, they did lose a lot of their brothers-in-arms, but now two bosses were dead. This only meant one thing. Their chances of getting out of there had just increased.