Minoru Tatewaki was finally being given his rightful dues. A meeting was being held, with almost all of Hidden Sound present, and he was given a spot on the stage. The last month had seen the musicians of Sound make great progress and a few of the people had rapidly taken to the new and unusual instruments that the goddess Orochitama had commissioned scientists to make. The object of his worship also granted him an opportunity to hear what she wanted from them with a genjutsu to transcribe the melodies directly to his mind, which he in turn could put to paper.

It was a glorious process and his delight of being rightfully acknowledged of his greatness by the most divine of beings made him amazed that he did not simply forget it all with being in the physical presence of such mountains of beauty.

Now, due to his ability to see her vision made reality, he was placed on the stage alongside those that lead the military departments of Sound. Hibiki, the head of the Science division, Momochi, the brute that had been training the peons, Yakushi, Orochitama's chief assistant, and Teruki, the one who had been directing the drama department since it's inception.

Perhaps this was to announce that he, Minoru Tatewaki, would be taking over Yakushi's position as her most trusted lieutenant.

The large gathering of people were not loud. The average Sound ninja was aware it had more dangerous predators about and didn't seek to draw attention to itself. However, whatever small sounds there were disappeared as Orochitama stepped on the stage, dressed in red satin halter top dress and a black shawl draped over she shoulders. Such beauty could make any room grow silent.

"Citizens of Hidden Sound." The voice of the goddess said, her voice sweeping over the people and captivating them. "Today I come to you, not as the Snake Sannin, but as the leader of this village. I have come today to do what some of the most mighty people in the world find to be an impossible task for themselves."

Ha! Orochitama did the impossible daily! This should not be surprising.

Then the woman bowed low at the waist and he found himself shocked.

"I apologize. I have wronged you."

Before his mind could even process what was happening, she had stood back up again, back as straight and proud as always.

"I have been making changes and acting differently. It has made many of you feel uncertain and afraid, because changes mean we no longer are certain of our future. If we don't know what happens next, how can we expect the next knife in the dark?"

We? She was placing herself on the same level as these plebeians?

"Over these months I have not given you the comfort of knowing what is to come. Of what the future will bring you. You, Sounds most valuable assets, were left ignorant. That changes today."

She was to share her plans with them? All of them? He could scarcely believe it. No ninja worth their salt showed their cards to the metaphorical table.

"Sound deserves more than it has gotten so far. We are the outcasts, the rebels, and the weirdos. We got dealt a bad hand or let our passions run too wild. We have been the little guy that the larger villages could push around as they pleased. I want more than that for you all. I want you to have a chance to succeed. A chance to be happy."

The room began to fill with an air of anticipation. This was shocking, alarming even. These were words that sounded comforting but at the same time...well they were very dangerous too.

"I have wronged you too. I hadn't been giving you all the tools you needed to succeed. That has been the changes I've been making. I've come to know of a looming threat. One that could kill me as easily a Jounin can kill a Gennin. It made me realize that I was not taking care of my greatest assets. My allies. My soldiers. My scientists. My Sound."

Impossible. She must be exaggerating for the little people's benefit. Trying to identify with their weakness. There was nothing that could so easily destroy the force of nature that was Orochitama.

"So I will build us up. Preserve as many of our lives as I can so that we might grow stronger together. Already this has begun working. Our scientists have made more progress through cooperation than they had alone. Our troops have grown to be more of a threat now that we train together rather than hide away and train apart. We will continue to work together. We will continue to grow. We will become a force with which even the five major Hidden Villages will have to contend with." The woman's voice grew more passionate as she spoke, filled with conviction in her words. "The Chunnin Exams approaches. We have two teams that will make all of the hidden villages look to us in shock. We are going to debut so powerfully that it'll shock the other villages to their core, and it won't be just from the teams."

The room was transfixed, the people had begun to sit on the edge of their seat showing various shades of excitement and fear.

"It'll be from all of you that are willing to fight for what we have built here. This mission will be on a volunteer basis. It will be dangerous. It will be bold; audacious even. We are going to set ourselves up at Konoha's doorstep and have them excited to see us there. It will be positions that require all of your skill, but little, if any of it, for combat. We are going fight them in a way they are totally unequipped for." The snake-goddess stepped towards the podium and rested her arms on it to lean forward. Then she spoke again with a voice filled with mischief. "We will fight them with a smile."

Tatewaki had seen plenty of people fight while smiling, though even he had trouble believing how someone could-

"Ara ara. All of you look so doubtful." Their leader teased from the podium. "However, what about me has been scaring you for the last few months?"

There was a rustling in the crowd as people shifted and a few gasped.

"We will offer them smiles, food, entertainment, and even joy. They won't know what to do with themselves. We will confound their understanding with music, plays, food, and games. Our village is going to grow rapidly. Gaining power and influence so rapidly that our kindness will frighten them more than any threats we can level against them."

He could see it! Being graced with the kindness of such a goddess would of course catch anyone unprepared! The goal was not to kill. Not to strike. But to confuse and distract. The leaders at the top of villages would be busy looking for the plan and the hearts and minds of the peons would be swayed with the delights. A brilliant plan that no other ninja would think of!

"So, I ask for your help. For you to step out of the roles you usually fill so that we might fight them with the weapons they utterly unprepared for. Even if you do not go, you will face no reprisals. In fact, we are now even instituting a salary program that you will receive pay no matter what and get bonuses for completing missions." She tossed silk tresses over her shoulder. "You will receive money either way, though papers are being passed out on what the bonuses will be for the relevant positions in the upcoming mission."

Oh, was that what that paper was? Tatewaki had trouble paying attention to money when there was for more important things to worry about. However, papers were being passed out among the group and low levels of shock and whispered conversations buzzed in the room.

"Contact the administrator for the appropriate job to sign up for the position. Further interviews may come after. I look forward to all the help you are willing to give. We are Sound. We are in this together. Thank you." The woman said and backed away from the podium.

The room was deathly quiet. Some were staring in awe at her retreating form, some were staring at the paper that had been passed out in naked greed, and some stared into the distance without giving a hint to what was happening beneath. The speech left them listless, uncertain, and mentally exhausted. They were missing what the correct response was to such magnificence.

Tatewaki stood to his feet and began to clap. The crowd caught on a moment later and began to follow suit, if only to acknowledge what happened just now. Sound had changed. The paradigm had shifted, and they were informed they would be active parts of that shift. They needed to show their thanks for the opportunity granted to them by the divine.

After he was satisfied that enough of them were clapping he went to follow after the perfectly shaped woman to express to her his adulation of her job well done. In moments he found her standing in a corridor with Yakushi discussing something.

"We received word during your speech. We found her. We also received word that the leader of Takigakure is going to-" The man cut himself off as a snake appeared in front of the woman in a puff of smoke.

"Summoner. It is time." The snake hissed.

The pale beauty graced him with a smile, practically ignoring Yakushi. "I shouldn't be gone for more than a two hours. Make sure the place doesn't burn down while I'm gone."

She glanced at Yakushi as she said, but it was clear she was talking to him. The grey haired teenager lacked the raw charisma necessary for the task.

"Tatewaki-kun, stay out of trouble while I'm gone and be nice to the people that come to sign up for the jobs for the Music Department."

"I won't let you down!" He reassured.

"Kenzo. Let's go." She said to the snake, and in a puff of smoke the world dimmed as she left.

"Come Tatewaki-san." Yakushi said to him with a gesture of his hand, "We should get to work if we don't want to disappoint Orochitama-sama when she returns."

He gave a hum of agreement. Yakushi had become more bearable in the last few weeks. He seemed to also have realized the greatness that was Minoru Tatewaki. As a result he found that his own brilliance and productivity had grown as he finally caught sight of the keen mind and attention to detail of the teenager that everyone but Orochitama missed on him.

Truly, only Orochitama had a comparable eye for talent as he did.

xxxxxx

In a puff of smoke I found myself in the rolling hills of the realm of snakes. The greens and yellows of the grasslands went off in every direction, only occasionally broken up with patches of stone rising from the ground and the simple wooden houses of the snake summons.

It baffled me that Orochimaru never once questioned how the snakes managed to build those with no hands.

"You truly wish to meet with Manda-sama wearing...that." The snake hissed looking me up and down.

"Would you have preferred the giant purple bow?" I asked dismissively. "I'm dressing up in something nice as a sign of respect."

The snake looked dubious but slithered down a cobblestone path into a valley dipping down to the right. I followed after, wondering if the snakes built the roads too or if they existed before the snakes moved in. It might have even been made for the snakes before they were created.

We reached a stone platform that let us look out over the valley. The moment we stepped up to it there was a rumbling and the sound of moving air Manda rose to look down at us. He was so large that it almost sounded like a bus driving past because of the displaced air. He towered over us, a single grown human was about the size of his eye. When I just read the pages of the manga that never really clicked with me how awe inspiring a creature that large was. His very scales had more in common with a hoplite shield than the tiny flecks the average snake had, but this still glistened beautifully under the sunlight.

Manda was a wonder of the world. It was a shame he was such an asshole.

"Summoner." The creature hissed in a voice loud enough to rattle the rocks around us. "Explain yourself."

"Explain what?" I asked mildly as I put on a mask of polite curiosity as I smoothed out my vibrant red dress and shuffled my high-heeled feet.

I'd never seen a snake look so unimpressed.

"I don't have time for your foolishness." The snake growled, lashing it's tail into a hill nearby, kicking up a cloud of dirt dirt and debris. "Explain yourself. Who are you?"

"I am your summoner. Same as I have been for decades. I go by Orochitama now though." I replied, paying his temper tantrum no mind. "I have the summoning seal. It is still a part of my soul, you can sense its presence."

Manda let out a hissing sound that I took for laughter.

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"It is a part of you, and yet it is not. It is not over a mere portion of your soul. It is incomplete! And you stand before me now, in a different bearing and dressed in a manner unsuited to dealing death. You are different; you are not Orochimaru."

"Unsuited to dealing death?" I asked, affronted. "This dress kills."

The snake rumbled in displeasure.

"I am Orochimaru, yes, but it is only a part of me. The whole is Orochitama. I am your summoner. The seal functions and I have kept my end of all deals made with your people. There is nothing to discuss." I reply simply, making sure to keep any emotion out of my voice.

"You admit to a new name! It is not yours on the contract! I have grounds to remove our bargain." It yelled and bobbed its head side to side in agitation, making a whirling sound in the air as he moved.

"Ara ara. No need to throw a hissy fit Manda." I replied glibly. The snake was posturing and pushing out. He did not work with Orochimaru out of any sort of comradery or love. I let my chakra out and impress on it my feelings of anger at this whole charade. The weight of the energy had Manda and his attendant flinch back. "Let's cut to the heart of matters. You worked with me before because I was stronger than you. That has not changed. You will continue to serve me or I will find another summoning contract and work with them. Is that what you would prefer?"

Manda hissed and moved farther away but he didn't respond. A summoning contract worked both ways. The snakes helped me but I helped the snakes too. Summons spent more time fighting each other than they did fighting humans. Much like how Jinchuriki kept the balance of villages powerful summoners kept the balance between the summons. If I got another summon and they decided to fight the snakes Manda would quickly find himself with me as his enemy, and I deterred other summons from fighting the snakes for the same reason.

"Very well. We shall work with you still, but you will sign the contract again. The way it sticks to half your soul is irksome."

I narrowed my eyes. It was irksome? Was that the only reason? He wanted something else from this. What would signing the contract give?

My eyes widened as I realized his angle, but then I settled for a smile. He likely thought I cared if people doubted I was actually Orochimaru. Resigning the contract would throw doubt onto my identity, which would have been a problem several months ago. Now? It just played to my upcoming interests.

"Very well Manda. I will sign the contract again. In thanks for your understanding I shall send the body of one hundred pigs for you to eat." I said easily. I had a hundred that were beyond their expiration date for humans, but not for a snake.

Manda was silent for a moment, likely thrown for a loop at how easily I agreed, before finally lowering his head until it was level with me.

"Very well, Orochitama. Go see the sage and sign the contract again. Then be gone from my sight and don't summon me unless you are willing to pay dearly." So said the snake before turning away to lower itself back down into the valley where its body lay coiled.

I shook my head. The pride of Manda was impressive.

"Come summoner. I shall guide you." The cobra that acted as Manda's assistant stated before slithering down the path.

"I've been there before you know, I don't need the guidance." I stated, already knowing I would be ignored. Kenzo was very particular about tradition and rules.

My heels clacked down the road as I followed after. The winding road path soon took us around the backside of a hill before descending into a cave. The entrance to the cave had pillars carved into the shape of coiled snakes with bowed heads.

"Great Sage. We have need of you and the scroll." Kenzo called, not entering the cave.

We stood in silence for a few moments before the sage slithered out of the cave. A white snake the length of a human being. Unlike most other snakes this one was adorned with clothing. A headdress that resembled a wide crown that had a cloth hanging down the back of her head and hung on either side of her collapsed cobra hood.

"Xiao? Is that you?" The white snake asked as she slithered out.

"No. It is Kenzo. Xiao is long dead." The snake beside me said curtly.

The sage looked at us, uncomprehending, then seemed to come to herself. "Oh. Yes. Kenzo. My mistake. And you are-" She cut herself off as she looked at me. "My my. Interesting."

The snake bobbed her head and began to look me up and down, tongue flickering in and out.

"What have you done to yourself?" The snake asked as it slithered around me to look at me through different angles. "I can't tell if you utterly botched something or succeeded spectacularly."

"Yes!" I answered.

"Yes she says." The old snake gave a hissing cackle. "So, you are here to try to become a Sage again? Think you'll have a better shot now that you have all these changes?"

"No. We need the summoning scroll. Manda-sama wishes for her to sign her name again." Kenzo spoke up impatiently.

I however found her question to be very interesting. She thought I wanted to try for it again based on my new form. Would something about me being different than Orochimaru make my chances at mastering it better?

"The scroll? Oh! The scroll. Yes. One moment." The snake spoke before slithering off. The sound of a few crashes echoed out of the cave before the White Snake Sage placed the scroll in front of us.

"Trouble with finding it?" I asked teasingly.

"Oh no. It was just being used to support my table. One of the legs is broken." She responded, as though one of the most valuable objects in the world acting as a table leg was perfectly normal.

I loved her.

"Sign." Kenzo stated after flicking the scroll open.

I rolled my eyes. I was surprised that Kenzo could still slither around with such a large stick up his ass. Still, no sense in making him pissy. I pulled a knife from Victoria's Secret Compartment and in moments my name was signed in my blood.

"Done. I shall return you now." Kenzo stated as I felt him begin to channel chakra.

"Wait a moment please." I ask before turning to the sage, "Do you think I have a better chance at becoming a sage now than compared to before?"

"The strength to become a sage is a power that you must find within yourself." The old reptile said regally before continuing. "So how the fuck would I know if you're ready?"

I gave a giggle in response and opened my mouth to question further, but felt Kenzo complete his technique and in a puff of smoke I found myself again in the hall that I had been summoned from. Though the hall did have something it didn't have before.

"Ara ara! I don't think this is the appropriate place for that you two." I announced, causing Kidomaru and a female scientist to shoot apart from each other, abandoning their attempts to wrestle each other's tongues into submission with their own tongue.

It took me a moment to recognize the woman. Ayasugi was a mousey woman that had been the one to invent a genjutsu seal recently. An all around pleasant woman to be around, when she wasn't being an extreme sadist.

"Orochitama-sama! I was- I mean we were-"

"I'm quite familiar with what you were doing, thank you." I say with mischief. "Maybe try a broom closet next time."

"We weren't going to do anything bad." Ayasugi said, blushing and speaking with her distant and shy voice. "I was just going to stick my finger-"

"Okay! I'm sorry! Won't happen again!" Kidomaru said before lifting Ayasugi and running bodily away with her.

That was adorable. I approved. Though I had my own work to get to. The work of a village leader was never done.

xxxxxx

Hirzuen badly wanted to be done with this shit, but he couldn't ever seem to escape the position. First he had seen Orochimaru as the solution and that ended...well it ended. Then Minato died. After that Asuma had been showing promise if he would just apply himself more. But he pushed too hard and now Asuma wanted little to do with him, much less the position of Hokage.

Right now his next best solution was...well.

"The boobs were how big exactly?" Jiraiya demanded of Kakashi, though not with his typical lecherous smile that such a question would invoke in him.

"I'm not having this discussion with you." Kakashi replied lazily. "Go get one of my gennin to henge into it. Naruto in particular has a near perfect grasp of her looks."

"Fine, now about these sundre-" Jiraiya began again.

"Jiraiya. Enough." Hiruzen groaned. "Let us do something productive."

"This is productive." Jiraiya muttered like a toddler.

This. This was his student who managed to most be what he imagined the three to be able to become.

He'd really fucked up.

"Kakashi. If you would. Go over the things that were not put in the reports." Hiruzen said as he idly stuffed his pipe with more tobacco.

"I suspect that she's gotten in over her head with a group of Missing Nin. She didn't give names of the members, but she dropped enough hints to say that it was about three months before our meeting that she had a falling out." Kakashi sat back and pinched the bridge of his nose. "At the very least she wants us to think something happened then. She's implied as well that it had something to do with-"

Kakashi took a moment to clear his throat, emotion clogging the pipe-way for a moment.

"She implied it had something to do with Obito. She didn't say it out right, but she mentioned finding out he was alive in the same timeframe of her leaving Akatsuki, this group of missing nin."

Hiruzen puffed on his pipe in consideration.

"He's fucking with you." Jiraiya said simply. "He's messing with your head."

"Why? What does it benefit?" Kakashi asked simply.

"Motivation to go after Akatsuki. I don't think anything else could motivate you to go after them more than that implication." Jiraiya said firmly.

"Probably." Hiruzen stated as he tapped a finger on the worn wood of his pipe, "I wouldn't throw it out as completely false though. There were plenty of more reasonable ways to point us at Akatsuki, and it being Obito is only a high priority for Kakashi. If we are meant to solve the problem something more pressing to Konoha as a whole would be better."

Jiraiya gave a reluctant grunt of acknowledgment.

"I have been hearing about Akatsuki. Intel does suggest Orochimaru was a member at some point too. The whispers at their objectives that I hear...well they would likely give Konoha better reason to gear up than just an MIA chunin being a member." Jiraiya admitted. "Maybe he's trying to get at one of your brats?"

"She had every opportunity to grab them." Kakashi said with a shake of his head. "She taught them while there and, if anything, kept trying to remind them that she was dangerous and shouldn't trust her." Kakashi ran a hand through his hair, "Though I suppose it could have been reverse psychology."

"He helped teach your kids? He hates teaching kids." Jiraiya said with a raised eyebrow.

Sarutobi nodded in agreement. Orochimaru's attempt at an actual gennin team had exploded spectacularly. The man had no patience for teaching people things that he thought to be simple.

"Image." Jiraiya finally stated. "This is about image. Being seen as nicer, kinder, and much less of a threat so we focus on more pressing matters."

That thought had merit. That seemed Orochimaru's style.

"You think this is a distraction?" Hiruzen asked.

"Yeah. Which makes me more certain he's not lying either. Dripping a few choice facts to us that gets us looking left while he ducks right. He's planning something and doesn't even need to lie. Just make us look at the other really scary thing." Jiraiya stated.

"What are we meant to be looking away from though?" Hiruzen asked.

Silence descended as the three white haired men pondered the question.

"Mist?" Kakashi asked. "She came for the money, but she also made sure to grab Zabuza too. She also didn't kill her opponent which I'm pretty sure was Terumi Mei."

"You're sure Mei was working with Zabuza?" Jiraiya asked.

"No. I didn't exactly see them talking together, but context implied that they were working together." Kakashi responded. "Though really, I only know that because Orochitama told us that was what was happening. Other than that the only thing I have to go on is that Mei spat lava at the bridge, with us on it."

"That's not very damming." Jiraiya pointed out. "This might be a double bluff. Though if Mei was there to fight with Zabuza it means that Mist is going to have a civil war pretty soon."

Hiruzen lit his pipe and took a needed drag of the nicotine. "Mist doing that could lead to another shinobi war." Hiruzen muttered. "But either Orochimaru wants us to think there is going to be a rebellion there, or he's distracting us from it."

"That question tells us basically nothing. Until we get something else we'd just be circling the issue." Kakashi pointed out. "Besides, if any village is set to interfere with Mist it's us. We'll have to act when we get more information there. We might need to make her stick her head out again."

"What? We just throw out snake-chow and kids with rare bloodlines and daddy issues while we wait with a big net?" Jiraiya said dismissively.

"Actually, she mentioned wanting to speak with you specifically. Or rather, to speak with Naruto's godfather."

"I fucking knew it!" Jiraiya cried, standing up abruptly, his chair falling back with a clatter that stabbed directly into Hiruzen's temples. "This IS about me specifically!"

"Jiraiya, sit down." Hiruzen said. "We don't even have a way to contact him for a meeting, so it doesn't really matter."

"Yeah, well he comes plotting for you specifically don't come whining to me when it catches you by surprise."

Hiruzen rolled his eyes. "I have a different thought. Follow the money. He took his money and all his assets. He had to have worked with others to manage to pull all that. Likely one of the smaller villages that he could strong arm into helping him. They would want a cut. If we look for a sudden boom of money, we might be able to find some more loose threads."

"A lot of money will be changing hands too though. Gato left a power vacuum, various shipping companies are going to try and take advantage of that. Even if no one stole his supplies there'd be a huge upset in the economy." Kakashi pointed out. "Plus I don't think she'd be foolish enough to spend money that would set off that much notice."

"True, but I meant-"

"Okay. Stop. Kakashi. Stop with calling him 'she'. It was an act." Jiraiya rudely interrupted.

"I'm not so sure." Kakashi said with a shake of his head. "Orochitama is absolutely female. It was no illusion. She smelled like a woman, talked like one, walked like one, behaved in social settings like one, and her form responded to physics in a way that an illusion wouldn't be able to keep up with. I can't speak much for Orochimaru, but Orochitama is unquestionably female."

That was something that had been possessing Hiruzen's mind for a while. Kakashi had seemed very certain and he was inclined to believe him. The question would be why his former student would choose to gender swap like that. Orochimaru in the past had little to say on gender other than speaking dismissively over it and saying something about it being a social construct with biological link, but would refuse to elaborate further on the basis of it being very boring.

"She smells like a woman? Responds to physics? Kakashi, did you-" Jiraiya was saying, face filling with a look that spoke of both fascination and repulsion.

A knock on the door interrupted the question. It was Saru, judging by the cadence given and the feel of the chakra on the other side. Hiruzen gave a pulse of chakra to let the man know he could enter.

"Hokage-sama. Mitarashi Anko here to see you, you said not to be disturbed but considering subject matter I thought you might want to hear what she has to say."

Anko?

All at once several pieces clicked for him. They could contact Orochimaru. Through Anko's summons. They would pass on a message for the right price. A simple price when it could be solved with livestock.

"Thank you Saru. Send her in."

The young woman came barreling into the room with all the calm of a smoking exploding tag.

"Hokage-sama! I- you- I got- fuck! Explain!" Anko said, alternating wildly between anger and confusion. Something had her quite riled. The last time he'd seen her this upset was when they had to shut down her favorite dango place for health code violations.

"What needs explaining Anko?" He asked. He'd long learned to not start with telling upset people to calm down. Calm and gentle questions worked much better.

"My snakes just told me that Orochimaru, the fucker, he's...a she! Like...what? Why? How does that even happen?" She said.

He winced. Even if she hated him, finding out your father figure for years had suddenly switched genders could be jarring and her feelings on the pale sannin were tumultuous on the best of days.

"We had heard that. We are having a meeting about that-"

"No! You don't get it!" Anko pressed. "He's different enough the snakes made him RE-SIGN THE CONTRACT!"

Hiruzen really wasn't sure what to do with that information. Kakashi had seen Orochimaru use snakes on the mission, so they had it still active. Summoning contracts were tied to the soul, and if summons were making him resign when he had a functioning connection- well, he wasn't sure what that meant exactly.

He looked to Jiraiya to see if he knew, only to find an equally baffled expression on his face. Meanwhile Kakashi was just leaning back in his chair reading.

"Yeah. Welcome to my time in Wave." He said dismissively before flipping a page.

"This is not the same." Jiraiya objected.

"Yeah. Now I'm not also terrified for my life." Kakashi said mildly.

Hiruzen considered that for a moment before coming to the conclusion that the Copy Ninja would get some mandatory vacation time for the next week.