His Heart was supposed to be Serene at all times, and not just when he would be thinking of his master. At the very least, he should have enough control over his Heart to attain Serenity whenever he needed it. But no matter what he did, his thoughts would gravitate towards his master. They did not disturb his Heart, or his meditation. But that was to be expected.
It was by his master’s instructions that he was meditating. Disturbing his meditation would mean going against that instruction. Going against his master… That was just pure blasphemy. What if his distracted self ended up disappointing his master? No, his thoughts could not, dare not, take that risk. But they did not leave him alone either, and kept directing his thoughts towards his master…
In such a way, Alnea kept getting stuck in a vicious cycle, in which, no matter how hard he tried, he just could not get rid of the influence of his master on his Heart. Or maybe, he just did not wish to get rid of her influence. After all, she was the person whom he trusted the most. She was his world, his everything… What was he to do without her?
No… That was not the case. He was not the old Alnea. His world was not limited just to his master. He also had his mother, the one who had given birth to him. Though she did force him to take an Oath… he could not blame her. Especially since he knew what she had been through, and how much she had sacrificed for him. Besides, she had already apologised to him for it, and had also freed him from the Oath, freeing him from the illusion that he had bound himself in…
An illusion that had begun shattering the moment he had hurt Cecilia. That was when he had begun seeing the difference between himself, and his namesake from the world of Attuners. While the other Alnea lived for his Oaths, he, Alnea Oathkeeper of the world of Wanderers, lived for the people whom he took his Oaths for. He lived for his master, his mother, and even Cecilia, his first true friend, bound in an Oath that Goddess Faein herself was watching over.
Though Alnea did not think that there was any need for the Goddess to do that. Even without her presence, they would still have been true friends, and Cecilia had proven that time, and time again. Be it standing against the Lotus clan for him, or taking out time from her training to help him with his Martial Styles, she had never shied away from helping him. She had even taught him how to trust again, just as she had taught him what Oaths meant to him.
Most important of all though, she had brought his father back from the Lotus clan. She had brough the last token he had left in this world, his last legacy, the Arcana that he had created, allowing his family to reunite once again, and bid a last farewell to his father. She had brought him a closure. Yes, she could be a bit moody and grumpy at times, especially when she suffered a loss, but that was her own charm. She was, had always been, and will always be, his true friend.
Cecilia’s sister on the other hand, the city lord of Anneve, was something akin to a big sister to him as well. He had not known her for long, but he had clicked with her the moment they had first met. They often teamed up with each other to tease Cecilia. However, at times, she could be even more moody than Cecilia. Siding with Cecilia to help her get her revenge against him…
Though the time they had spent together was not much, meeting only during meals, or when big sis Serena had something important to talk about with his master, the time that they did get to spend with each other was always filled with fun, and enjoyment. Being with her, he never felt as if he was with a True Rank Wanderer of a Grand clan. Rather, he felt as if he was with his family, with his big sister that he never had… his big sis Serena.
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Yet, deep down within himself, Alnea knew that whether it was big sis Serena, or Cecilia, even his master, the reason that he could meet all of them was Yuri. Everything, and anything good that had happened to him after his father’s death was related to her, directly, or indirectly. If not for her, then his fate would have been very different from what it was at the moment… The Lotus clan would have probably thrown him into the depths of despair… Or maybe, the curse of his fate would have devoured him already… If not for her…
What if, Alnea thought, he added all of the people who occupied a place in his Heart to its core? What if, instead of keeping just his master as his Serenity, he made the others as his Serenity as well? His Heart, of course, would still remain vulnerable, and unstable, but much less than what it was at the moment with just his master as the core of his Heart.
Besides, if his thoughts could be proven as viable, then maybe, he would be able to gain true Serenity as well. All he would need to do would be to shift the core of his Heart from everyone to himself. Or maybe, to nothing. Whatever worked. The main objective was to learn how to shift the focus of his Heart. And so, Alnea shifted the focus of his meditation from focussing on gaining true Serenity, to a Serenity that was based on the people who held a place in his Heart.
First came his mother, the one who had given birth to him, and raised him for more than twelve years. The woman who had sacrificed everything for him, and was willing to sacrifice even more. Because she was his mother. And yet, here he was, sitting in the Bright Light Forest, thinking of taking advantage of her memories… What kind of a son was he?
How could he leave her all alone? He had so many people by his side… but who was with his mother? His father was already dead… and his mother, so weak, and old… All because of him… How was she? Was she alright? Was the Lotus clan trying to target her when they could not make him bow down to them? Big sis Serena did say that she had sent people to guard his mother… Were they enough? How could he let her face the Lotus clan on her own? No, he should be there by her side… He should guard her himself. He should—
No, his master would never let anything happen to his mother. And it was not like he had not seen his mother ever since he had started living apart from her. She came to see him every week or so. And she also met with his master every time that she came. If something were to happen to her, then his master would know… His master would save her… As long as he had his master, everything was fine. He was fine. His mother was fine. The world was fine… Everything was calm, and quite… As long he had his master… his mother…
After his Heart had quietened down, regaining its Serenity, Alnea tried changing its focus once again, this time, trying to keep Cecilia as the core of his Serenity. Unfortunately, the result was still the same. His thoughts soon spiralled out of his control, as they started planning all sorts of revenge for her grumpy moods, and new ways to tease her. Maybe, he should create an even more ruthless and painful method of attacking Spirits than Spirit Piercing Needle as her present. Her birthday was getting close after all.
With big sis Serena as the core of his Heart, things turned even more violent, as all sorts of pranks, and mischievous ideas kept popping into his head, targeting not just Cecilia, but even Yuri as well. On the other hand, with Yuri as the core of his Heart, his thoughts took a rather dark turn, just as they had taken for his mother, making him ponder about the curse of his fate, and the fate that she wished to change… And mixed in between those thoughts, were the worries of what she might face in her next Wandering, or whether he should think of another present for her. One that she deserved.
In the end, no matter whom he took as the core of his Heart, he had to revert back to his master in order to not let the violent thoughts, and doubts, break the Serenity of his Heart. Only with her as the core of his Heart, were his thoughts able to stay peaceful, allowing him to keep his head clear. Because only with her, did he feel truly safe, and secure. Only when she was with him, did he feel that he could face anything. And so, although his experiments did not give him the results that he had been hoping for, they gave him something much more important.