Heeding his master’s words, Alnea closed his eyes, and fell into silent contemplation. Meditating itself was not a difficult task for him. Not after he had gained Serenity. It was what came implied with meditation that he had pay attention to, tempering his Heart. For that not only involved focusing his mind and Heart on one train of thought, but also needed him to reflect on himself, and resolve his inner conflicts. Only if he resolved the conflict hidden within himself, would he be able to temper his Heart.
Or at least that was how he had Settled his Heart, and that was how he had attained Serenity. And to resolve his inner conflicts, he needed to find them first. Thus, once again, as he had been doing for over the past month, Alnea began looking within himself, within his Heart, for any seeds of doubt, of conflict that may be hidden within him. Naturally, that meant going over all the things that had happened to him recently.
The fight that he had with the monkey, his arguments with Cecilia, his secret talks with Yuri, Yuri’s birthday, the pain from Forging his Spirit, all the new things that his master had been teaching him, and even the events that had happened to him on his birthday. Even the things that had happened before that as well, like the change in his dreams, or the shift in his attitude towards his Oaths, his Roots…
His past two months had truly been very eventful. No, ever since he had laid his Roots, things had never really settled down for him. From having nothing, and no one, to having everything, and everyone, things had moved so fast, that he had not even had the time to digest them. However, that did not stop him from reflecting on himself. Especially his past self…
Looking back at his naive, and ignorant self, who always kept on harping about his Oaths, Alnea could not help smiling to himself. He may have been a bit too stupid back then… However, that was to be expected. Back then, he did not truly understand what Oaths meant to him. Neither was he aware of the curse of his fate. The change in his dreams, the memories of the other Alnea, they had seemed like a boon to him, a good fortune just for him. And stupid as he was, he had kept it as a secret from even his master.
It was no wonder then, that he had to face so many troubles later on. But in a way, it was exactly because of those troubles that he was able to dig out all the inner conflicts hidden within himself. Be it his attitude towards his Oath, the forced Oath that had come between him and his mother, the hate he had been harbouring for himself, or the secret that he had always been hiding, all these things had been eating away at him, without him even knowing about it. Thankfully, the events that had transpired a month ago had helped him resolve all those conflicts, allowing his Heart to attain its Serenity.
Yet, those conflicts had risen, or come to the fore, only because of extreme external stimulations he had been through. Especially the last one, which had been the greatest contributor in the evolution of his Heart. As such, the Serenity that he had attained was flawed. It was a conditional Serenity, that existed with his master… his mother. For she was his Serenity. Only if she was by his side, would his Heart remain Serene. Without her, even Settling his Heart would be difficult for him.
And not just his, even Cecilia’s Serenity was flawed. She may not have received as extreme a stimulation as he did, but her progress in the state of her Heart was undeniably through external stimulations. Still, her condition was much better than his. At the very least, her Heart had been at the peak of its Settled state when she had received the external stimulation. And she had years of experience in tempering her Heart. Even if her Heart was beyond her control at the moment, it would not stay so for long.
Alnea, on the other hand, had barely had a Settled Heart for some ten or so days, which he had reached through the help of external stimulations as well, before another stimulation had made him attain his Serenity. Though a month tempering had allowed him to make some progress with his Heart, it was not enough to allow him even a rudimentary control of his Heart. And it was still in a flawed state, that would revert back to being to the state of being Settled, or even Muddied, should his master ever leave his side…
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No, his master would never leave his side. That would never happen. She was his mother. His Serenity. She would never leave him…
Alnea stopped his Heart from delving any further into that train of thought, directing it back to searching for the conflict hidden within himself. It was not easy though, especially since most of his larger conflicts had already been resolved through external stimulations. And the conflict that was left, he was not ready to face. As such, he could only go back to what he was doing, slowly searching for small conflicts within himself. That would be enough to allow him some semblance of control over his Heart… in time.
Besides, with Yuri’s help, he had another way of tempering his Heart. Though it had not been evident in their first Wandering, experiencing the attacks of the Origin Sea, and shift between the Origin Sea and her Domain, really did help him in tempering his Heart. But that also meant that it would be helping Yuri in tempering her Heart as well…
Yuri had long Cleared her Heart, achieving a Clarity of her Heart. In fact, her Heart was already comparable to that of an average Fourth Stage True Wanderer before she had even met him. And when she did meet him, she had also resolved some of her inner conflicts as well, not to mentions how she had been Wandering the Origin Sea on a daily basis… Besides, of the three of them, Yuri was the most diligent when it came to meditations, and tempering Hearts. She had even replaced her sleep with meditations…
Maybe, as his master had said, he truly did need to work the hardest. Not only did he need to stabilise his Heart, and attain true Serenity, but he also needed to ‘Forge’ his Spirit. Only when his Spirit Power would reach the False Rank, would he be able to begin his own Wanderings of the Origin Sea. And if he took too much time in doing that, then both of his friends would leave him far behind… He really could not afford to get carried away with their flow.
However, the progress of his friends did not dishearten him. He was happy for them, but he had had to have confidence within himself as well. Sooner, or later, he would catch up with them… Maybe a little sooner with Cecilia, and later with Yuri. But he would definitely catch up with them. And surpass them. After all, he had to make his master feel proud of him. Make his mother feel proud of him… And then, with her by his side…
Meditation was hard. Especially so, when his Heart was stuck in a conditional Serenity. He knew that he should avoid thinking about his mother, his master, yet his Heart would just keep directing his thoughts towards her… After all, he could not live without her. So how could he keep his thoughts away from her? She was not just his Serenity, but she was also his—
Maybe things would have been better if he could have used the Void Heart Stance. With its help, he surely would have been able to keep his Heart from thinking of his master. Rather, with the Void Heart Stance granting him a pseudo Impenetrable Heart, he would have been able to keep all his thoughts from affecting him. In that strange state, nothing would have been able to disturb him, not even the thoughts of his master.
Yet it was also because of that, that he could not use the Void Heart Stance. Without proper control, an Impenetrable Heart would do him more harm than good. He still recalled how it had made him act rudely with his master… How could he even think of using that stance once again? It would be better if his Heart never improved, rather than letting him talk so rudely with his master. After all, she was his Serenity… his mother… his—
…Could this be considered as a form of Inner conflict? He kept trying not to think of his mother, but her thoughts kept barging into his head, and Heart, completely out of his control. Though, on second thought, what was so bad about it? If he knew that his master was his Serenity, then could he also not attain Serenity whenever he wanted, by just thinking of his master?
…And yet, it was exactly that thought that he was trying to rectify.