I slowly regain consciousness, feeling a gentle breeze caressing my skin as I tentatively move my body into a more comfortable position, much to the relief of my aching muscles.
Letting out a dark chuckle, I can't help but focus on my slow, rhythmic heartbeat.
-"Still alive huh? Suppose that's something."
The itchy impression of grass, the breeze and the fact that I have never, in my entire life, woken up with this much clarity was not a good sign and I couldn't help but mutter a curse as I rubbed my arms to be rid of the pins and needles that plagued them.
Typically after waking up from a nightmare like that, you would be all sweaty and frantic, but here I was, obviously outside in the great outdoors and as cool as a cucumber.
Heaving a sigh of defeat, I take a steady breath.
-"Better get this over with."
I slowly open my eyes, blinking rapidly to clear my blurred vision, before letting out a depressed sigh and closing them again.
-"Nope, reality rejected. Please try again."
The image of what I had just seen, burned into my mind's eye. A beautiful star lit sky looms high above me with a full, pale red moon hovering somewhere near its zenith.
After a few choice words, someone would probably think I had Tourette's at the moment, I counted to ten and opened my eyes again only to find the same scene before quickly shutting them.
-"Yep, that damn moon is still there. One more time, you know, because three is the magic number and I don't have my sparkling red shoes that will take me home if I click my heels a couple of times."
Obviously, the red moon is still there, its small craters and scarred surface coming together to form, at least in my mind, a mocking face that irritates as much as terrifies me with the realisation of my situation.
-"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck."
I know some people say that swearing is just for those with a limited vocabulary, but I am not swearing because I am trying to express my situation in a single word. I am doing it because it makes me feel somewhat better when by all rights I should be a weeping ball of lard who's brain has just fried. Then again, I am alone on an alien world... who's going to tell me off? The intergalactic swear police? Maybe they can give me a ride home after I pay my fine.
I repress the anger and confusion at my situation knowing that it would not be good as if I lose my cool. An angry...
-"Wait? What is my name?"
Minutes tick past as I try and remember my name only to discover something slightly more worrying. I can't remember anyone who means anything to me. Sure there are vague memories of people smiling and I seem to be happy, but that's it.
Even more disturbing is that I don't seem to actually care that I have these huge blanks in my memory as if it was unimportant. It's like someone wiped all the bits that made me... well, me but left in as much information as they could and then decided to erase my feelings on the subject.
I grind my teeth in frustration.
-"They could of at least fixed me why they were at it."
Letting out another sigh, really I would make an old sailor proud with my moping and cursing these days, I raise my hand to the sky, blotting out the moon as if to deny its existence when I freeze in shock.
I jump to my feet, staggering like a new born lamb before finally straightening up and flexing my muscles and bursting into a small dance as a weight I didn't realise I was carrying, lifts off my shoulder.
-"I can move again!"
I may be on an alien world, but I am in a nice open space and can move again.
-"Who ever said I was a pessimist has never been locked in a... The pod!"
Looking around frantically, all I can see are meandering grassy hills bathed in the reddy purple light of the moon. No metal box, no indentations in case it was still in its 'stealth'' mode, no crater or hole. Nothing. My box of death was no more.
If I hadn't experienced my own planetary fall moment, I would even go as far to say that I had been teleported to another world with the lacking evidence of my arrival. Well, actually if I hadn't experienced that first bit, I would be declaring I was in a lucid dream and trying my hand at procuring some female company. Alas, just like my lucid dreams, it was not meant to be.
The breeze rustled the short grass, and a lone, distant howl brought me to my senses. Little did I want to admit it, but I was starting to regret not listening to the voices survival hints. Irrational fear of an enclosed space or not, that stupidity could, or more than likely would, get me killed.
Laughing, I shook my head. -"First time I am telling myself off for not listening to the voices. Oh well, time to man up and accept the facts. Something tells me that this isn't Kansas anymore and sitting here like a lemon isn't going to make lemonade... oh god I hope I don't get made into lemonade."
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OK, maybe manning up was a strong word for my brain as it kept making light of the situation but I couldn't really help that. You have to work with the tools you are given and all that jazz, faulty brain or not.
Looking around, I try and gather all the facts together, separating what I had been told, which could easily be a lie or mistruth, and what I had experienced, which I really hoped to be a little more factual, dismissing that apparently my brain had been tampered with.
Immediately ignoring that I might just be some test tube baby or clone with memories implanted because... well who wanted to go down that route and shifted through what I thought I knew.
I had woken up in a metal pod paralysed, had a conversation with a voice that gave information as it supposedly injected me with some strange concoction and messed with my mind, dropped from space and then regained consciousness in the middle of nowhere on an alien world.
Well, I didn't say working anything out would be easy.
My thinking had apparently changed, though my issues remained which gave support to the mind alteration theory, though I could just be really good at handling mind breaking situations.
-"Denial, got to love it and I am not talking about the place in Egypt... I am really glad I didn't say that out loud, even if there is no one here to hear it. Must resist tree falling joke before I kill myself. Not even alone for... however long it has been and I am already cracking up."
Forcing my mind to pay attention, I start thinking about how the world around me felt so real, yet so foreign, solidifying the idea that this was indeed an alien world. The only alternative I could think of was that I somehow found myself in a similar dome as the Trueman Show, which let's face it, was probably more ludicrous than being abducted by aliens.
The wolf-like howl in the distance was something I couldn't quite place yet. I seriously doubted they would have wolves if this were an alien world. Unless they got them so we, as in humans, assuming I wasn't the only one, could feel more at home as we were ripped apart. If that was the case I would have to start questioning my mysterious abductor's motives.
Shaking my head, I pushed the thought from my mind. That was one question I definitely couldn't answer at the moment, and if I did come up with something I started to believe, it would taint my perception. Best to go with the 'it could be anything' for the moment and not stifle my mind.
A low grumbling causes me to look down at my stomach, and I realise that not only am I starving but my throat is as dry as a dessert. As in, I felt like I might actually faint if I waited too much longer to find some sustenance.
I frowned, finding it weird that I had not really noticed it before as well as the fact that I had confirmed something I had been trying to ignore. I am as naked as the day I was born, minus the blood, mucus and hand heavy doctor, thankfully.
After checking that my male anatomy is still intact, which was what I was really worried about, and that I don't have any mysterious scars or devices in places they shouldn't be, I take a deep breath and face the star lit sky and release a maniacal laugh that would make any evil mastermind stand and applaud.
-"Fuck this and whatever bastard decided I was easy pickings. They want a show, I'll give them a show they won't forget."
I had no clue what was going on but it seemed like the only way was not just to survive, but to thrive.
Modern humans don't survive very well in the wild, but they had more knowledge than their prehistoric ancestors and all I had to do was draw on my basic instincts and infuse as much useful knowledge as possible.
Easier than it sounded but what did I have to lose.
Walking towards the closest hill, my steps steadying as I clench and relax my fists, I take deep calming breaths as I start analysing my environment.
Even with the pale red light, my eyes squint to make out the details of my surroundings, and I quickly deduct three things as I curse my lack of ability to see in the darkness.
The first was that the land around me, bar lots and lots of grass, was barren of anything that I could eat or drink which at the moment, was a severe handicap.
Letting out a stifled rumble of irritation, more beast-like than any I had before, I wished that it was at least daytime or that I could see better in the dark. It seemed like the entire universe was against me and I wasn't above letting my anger be known to the formless entity.
The second thing I noticed, thanks to the many documentaries I had watched, was that the shorter grass at the tops of the hills around me occasionally had, what looked like large lumps of dirt indicating some sort of herbivore had been chowing down.
And the third was by combining the facts that something that eats grass and shits stayed at the top of the hill where it had a clear field of vision and that howl earlier, that there were predators about.
If there was no Sheppard or whatever to look after them, it was safe to assume that the prey could either run fast, defend themselves or a mixture of the two.
That was if I was lucky and they lacked intelligence.
I was on an alien world after all and every scenario I could think of was bad news. Think face hugging pig from hell with laser beams for eyes and a taste for foreign foods.
Deciding that I needed to continue exploring, I started towards the next hill as I pray to every known and unknown God that there are no clown like creatures here. That would well and truly ruin my existence.
Stubbing my toe on an unseen rock, I fall to the ground clutching my foot as I release a barrage of profanities that would make a mass murdering convict sweat and back away.
It wasn't just that I stumped my toe, it was that I was starting to realise how well and truly fucked I was.
I was in an unknown territory, ignoring the whole alien planet thing for the moment, that had evidence of lethal threats without even a scrap of clothing let alone a weapon or the possibility of aid were non-existent.
The time for silliness was over. While I was resigned to my fate while stuck in an impossible situation, when I had even the smallest of chances, I would grasp hold of it like a rabid pitbull with lock jaw and not even death would get me to let go.
-"Water, weapon and food, shelter."
Reaching the crest of the next hill I look around and in the eerie light spotted some white cow-like shapes in the distance, mainly because the top half of the other blue planet was on the horizon illuminating their silhouettes which only reminded me that this wasn't the planet I was born on.
If life on this accursed rock was anything like Earth. Animals need to eat and drink. If they were here and not just migrating through, then they could lead me to a source of water. Once that was done, I could focus on food, which would more than likely be them but I didn't have to tell them that.
Cramps erupted from my stomach, almost bringing me to my knees as if in protest of my previous thoughts but luckily the pain soon diminished.
-"What the hell? Why am I so hungry."
I quickly glance back at the creatures in the distance, making sure my sudden movement didn't scare them, thinking that if I could see them, they could see me, before letting out a sigh of relief even as I started to frown.
-"Why does it seem to be getting brighter since I woke up? It doesn't look like the sun is anywhere near the horizon."
Shrugging my shoulders, I hunch as I start heading towards the creatures in the distance, keeping myself low enough on the hill to just about make out their outlines while masking my own.
As I creep forward, I listen carefully, trying to pick up even the faintest of sounds.
-"Don't want to turn from hunter to hunted if I can help it."