So... this was supposed to be out weeks ago, but I've been laid up with Pneumonia, so... that sucked. Badly.

I still consider myself lucky that I only caught it after I finished On The Bench, preventing a delay in the conclusion.

It can even be considered a good thing since this won't spoil things for those who finished OTB and wanted to give it a reread in its complete state. Silver linings and all that.

Now that the story is finished, I can give my thoughts on it as a whole.

For those who haven't read my other work, Rapturous Rhapsody, I like to put my thoughts into words when I finish a project, and since I published this one, I will publish these as well.

Still, this can be considered on long AN, and if that doesn't interest you and you just want to know my plans going forward, feel free to scroll to the bottom.

If you are interested in 19K words of a two-bit fanfiction author's semi-coherent thoughts with too much ambition and too little skill, read on.

Before anything else, I will say this: As far as I am aware at the time of writing this, On The Bench is in complete compliance with Attack on Titan canon, up to and including the epilogue. It is also in canon with High School DxD.

The caveat is that the exception is a single incident: God finding the AOT world. Every change after that is a direct result of that one difference and is still in accordance with canon as it is now.

(I am leaving wiggle room for Ishibumi to once again pull something out of his ass that will completely retcon everything.)

Why is sticking so close to canon important when going against it would probably make for a better story?

Because, as much as I want On The Bench to be a good story, that was a secondary goal. I'll get to my other goals later, but one of my most desired outcomes was to have it act as a 'This could happen.'

Unlikely to happen? Definitely. But other timelines/worlds are both canon in AOT and DxD (one of the main reasons for the crossover). I wanted that slim, infinitesimal possibility to be just that: A possibility.

And, I suppose, that leads to the first thing I will say about On The Bench:

I wrote On The Bench for me.

I'm glad others have enjoyed it. Really glad. I also hope that it has provided not only an enjoyable story but also given some of you the same catharsis I wanted out of it.

But, at the end of the day, I wrote On The Bench because I wanted to read it.

Just as I am writing this reflection for myself to put my thoughts in order and improve as a writer through self-reflection. If you get something out of it, all the better.

Fair warning, these thoughts are all very meta-textual and completely rambling, with barely a coherent throughline. A stream of consciousness almost. They are also completely unedited, except for some basic typo corrections.

On The Bench is more of a meta-heavy fanfiction than most. This doesn't make it better or worse than other Fanfiction works; I just had a very deliberate plan for what I wanted out of this story.

I wanted to do a few things with OTB.

From a writer's standpoint, I wanted to practice with tone. RR was focused on getting better at character writing, but OTB was an attempt to merge two fandom's wildly different tones, AOT and DxD.

The grave, gritty, almost grim reality of Attack on Titan is entirely opposite to Highschool DxD's trope-heavy, whimsical, and absurdist nature. That's not to say that AOT doesn't have a few silly moments here and there, and DxD has some incredibly dark undertones for those who look for them, but I wanted to tackle these two together because it would be a fun challenge.

Those were my 'writer goals.'

My 'personal goals' were slightly different.

Like I said, I wanted to write a story I would like to read myself. I think every writer should only work on things they want to read themselves, and I haven't found too many AOT fanfictions I like, which is a crime, and DxD fanfictions are overstuffed with 'collect them all harem-fics' that don't really hold my interest.

My bigger goal was for OTB to act as a... reconciliation of AOT's end.

It's no secret that the end of AOT is controversial and almost wholly dependent on one's personal views/beliefs, especially if you took it in by manga or anime.

I liked the ending, and I didn't as well.

I wanted a happy end, like many did, but the end we received fits. Fit the story, the world, the characters, and even the fandom. It was satisfying, in one way and not in another.

The discourse around the end of AOT, however, I found almost wholly incomprehensible. So much so that I wondered if others had read/watched the same story as I had.

A big part of that disconnect is whether you were an anime-only fan or a manga reader.

The manga has better character character growth depictions, better pacing as a whole, and better foreshadowing.

The anime, on the other hand, the ending is portrayed better, has more hard-hitting moments, and the plot twists are all the more impactful. Also, it has an amazing soundtrack. Seriously. It's one of the best anime OSTs I've ever heard. Many of the songs I've added to my day-to-day playlists.

I think, from my point of view, the best way to experience AOT is to read the manga (only 139 chapters, so it's pretty quick), then watch the anime, taking the Anime ending changes as the 'canon' because the changes, slight as they were, are important to understanding Isayama's intentions for the ending.

I say this because I consumed both the Manga and Anime in one go (spread out over days, of course) without the serialization aspect over the course of years. I also did it without engaging any of the talk about the story, allowing me to just absorb it as one whole narrative, from start to finish, and form my own impressions on the 'whole' rather than 'parts' that most manga and anime consumers get.

That being said, AOT isn't without problems.

AOT is not the best story ever told. In fact, there are numerous plot holes and conveniences that I am not fond of. Some of the characters are obviously created just to fill a specific role and the story, and near the end, much of the vaunted foreshadowing/tightness of the story is lost in favour of plot progression. I have my own issues with many of them.

But, when I finished both the manga and anime and went to see what other people took from it, I was utterly baffled by the discourse many were engaging in. Things I thought were obvious or well done were derided as OOC characters and ass pulls. Characters I liked and thought were well-developed were hated and considered boring/ruined/hated/misunderstood.

I seriously considered starting a YouTube channel just to put out my own thoughts out there. Even if others didn't agree with my interpretations, I felt the difference between them and the common ideas were so different that I needed to at least get my thoughts out there.

I decided not to.

Instead, I sat back and contemplated the ending of AOT for a long time.

Then, I decided to use my own meagre talent at writing to try and make a story to really put my thoughts into perspective. If others enjoyed it, it would be all the better.

Thus, On The Bench.

I wanted to confront AOT as a whole, using an original story as a framework. In the process, come to terms with not only the ending but also my personal feelings and thoughts on it.

Now, before anything else, I will say this:

These are my thoughts/theories/beliefs/perspectives. All art is subjective and interpretive, whether books, games, TV, pictures, manga, anime, Fanfiction, etc... Everything is up to our own interpretation. What I like, you might not. What I consider good writing, you might not. What I consider an interesting character/arc can be tedious to you. That is not wrong.

You are not wrong for liking what you like, and anybody who tells you differently is the only wrong party involved.

All that being said on the high-level topics, what about On The Bench specifically?

Where to begin?

I suppose it has to be the end.

Any AOT fanfiction that uses the Founder/Attack Titan combo (whether with Eren or somebody else) has to begin at the end. At least if you want to use it as canon portrayed. Just from the mechanics of the power, you need to see the 'end of the path' and work your way back. I chose to show that end in chapter one, but that isn't necessary. You just need to know the Path and its end and stick with it, no matter what.

Since I wished this fic to directly tackle the end of AOT, the revelations it brought, my feelings on it, and come to terms with it, I couldn't escape that power, no more than Eren or Iseyama could, and needed to face it directly, no matter where it led.

This meant if I wished to stick as closely to canon as I wanted, the story had an end already set:

Eren needed to die.

The simple truth of the Paths is that they are a self-contained time loop by their very nature. The end leads to the beginning, leads to the end leads to the beginning.

More than that, I think Eren needed to confront the mental state he was in after he gained the power of the Founder. He was, essentially, trapped in an eternal hell where he experienced everything anyone ever connected to the Paths would ever experience. Even if he couldn't see their thoughts, he still knew their entire life.

In a way, death is his only release in AOT. Not just death but the destruction of the Paths completely and the removal of Titans with it.

It was fundamentally impossible for Eren to ever be free.

He needed to accept that.

And we, as the audience, needed to as well.

No matter how much we wish to change the past/future (the ending), we need to accept what actually happened.

No matter whether you are the type of fan who wished the Rumbling wiped everyone out, or someone who thinks Eren should have died before it started, taking the Titans with him without the Rumbling, the simple truth is that Eren needed to die.

So, like in canon, Eren needed to die here.

That actually helped me.

I am on record and stand by my belief that one shouldn't release a story unless one knows how it will end. This prevents things from going on infinitely without a conclusion, leads to a more cohesive story, and allows for proper setup.

So, knowing Eren needed to die, I asked myself how should he die?

Eren needed to do 'something,' I knew that much.

Not only to provide an entertaining story but also because his character is not one that can sit back and do nothing.

Even in a crossover situation, where a world hasn't hurt him, and he isn't invested in it, Eren Yeager cannot sit back and let things just 'happen.' He is defined by his search for 'freedom,' 'autonomy,' and 'self-determination.'

Even if it is fruitless.

Not only that, but he does have a sense of 'justice' (even if it warped differently than most).

So, Eren needed to die after doing 'something.' He'd also be the one who chose the end.

Which meant he had to want that end.

And what would Eren want more than anything?

To be free, to be with his friends/Mikasa, or to get revenge/destroy Titans.

With no titans to kill and no revenge to get, Eren would only choose a future where he is free and, if possible, would ensure he lives as long as possible with his friends.

This leads to a conundrum:

Eren cannot be free while he has the Founder's power.

Eren needs to have the Founder's power and use it if he (and I) are to confront it.

So, I needed to give him the Founder, have him choose a future, and then remove it.

Enter God, stage right.

Specifically, Truth Idea gave me the idea to use the dead God as a character. (Pun intended.)

It is explicitly stated that God left a portion of his Will in the True Longinus and that Will sided with Issei, a devil and a pervert trying to defend the Underworld, against Cao Cao, a human and 'hero' who was trying to kill God's historic enemies.

So, I didn't think it was impossible for him to have left a greater portion than just a vague Will behind. That is the Watsonian reason, at least.

There is also a Doylist reason for my decision.

I am the type of person who likes crossovers with actual reasons for their crossover status. Not just vague 'rebirth' or 'suddenly in another world without reason, and it is never brought up.' DxD canonically has other worlds, so it was a great fit for this, and having God be the one to have brought Eren and Mikasa over in the past allowed for the story to be completely canon-compliant to AOT's epilogue, which was important for my desire for this story to be a 'possible continuation.'

God, as the creator of Sacred Gears, could also be the reason why Eren could use the Founder when he explicitly should not have been able to if it were the same rules of AOT.

It also sidestepped the problem of Eren killing all the Titans in his world. Eren achieved his aim of wiping them out, canonically, even if there is a hint they will come back in the end. I wasn't about undoing what happened. Just adding to it.

I am very thankful for the literal Deus Ex Machina that Ishibumi left me, even if I suspect he did it for himself to get out of writing himself into a corner. I just had to be careful how I used it.

A Deus Ex Machina is usually a sign of a poor story, so if I didn't want quality to go down the drain, I had to have 'God' be a fully realized character and for his presence to be hinted at throughout the entire story. I hope I left not only enough hints but also made his motivation consistent.

Either way, once I decided to use God as a character, he solved many of my issues. He creates the Founder-equivalent in this world, which means he can also create the counter.

Thus, the Bench was born.

God in DxD is an... interesting character. He is dead. Full on, no doubts, deader than dead. Yet his ghost haunts the entire story.

Even if you ignore the fact that the MC, Issei, has a Sacred Gear, there is not an Arc that goes by without some new facet of God's past that is relevant. Whether it is the after-effects of the Great War, the revelation of a new Sacred Gear, the 'deterioration' of the church and angels without him, his actions with Trihexa, his creations of Lilith/Samael/etc...

Not only that, but he is not an omnipowerful, omnipresent 'good' or 'benevolent' God. He is the Old Testament God. Wrathful, jealous, vengeful. He fully cursed Sameal for eternity rather than just killing him because he hates dragons so much. He is a Lawful Good (aka Lawful Stupid) God that goes completely by the book. There is no moral grey with him. If you step a toe out of line, even for a good reason or to do something good, you Fall, are an enemy or are banished.

Yet his teachings are very New Testament. Love thy neighbour. Forgiveness. The 'Died for Our Sins' kind of God.

In the end, after reviewing everything I could about God (the character in DxD), I came away thinking of him as a complex and deeply flawed type of character, but one who grew... better or kinder as the years moved on.

Now, as I mentioned during the Michael chapter, I never wish to target any particular religion or belief system with my stories. All I am trying to do is have the characters act as I believe they would from the media they inhabit. Michael is portrayed as kind in DxD but also a warrior who's killed hundreds of thousands of sapient beings over the course of his long life.

God started a war of genocide but also led to characters like Asia believing his teachings. Sirzechs is a devil, THE devil, who has also killed hundreds of thousands in the Civil War, yet he also does everything he can for his family, helped end the Great War with the Peace Treaty and sacrificed himself to seal Trihexa.

And, I think all this duality in character in DxD that is often overlooked ended up tying into the overarching themes I wanted On The Bench to touch upon.

Iseyama has stated on numerous occasions that he never set out for AOT to have any particular messages, but if he had to choose one, it would be: 'Anyone can become an Aggressor. A victim. The protagonist. The love interest. Everyone, in the right situation, can become an aggressor.'

You see this in the way AOT is set up.

In the first half, Eren, his friends, the Eldians, and Paradis are all victims of Titans, the government, and the world. They are struggling to survive in a world out to not only trap and kill them but to keep them ignorant of the true nature of the world. Marley and the Warriors are the aggressors who've killed countless innocent people.

It is easy to sympathize with them. Not only are they victims of a cruel world, but they are also our protagonists. We've grown to know them and like them. We want them to 'win.'

In the second half, that all changes. The world and AOT as a whole undergo a fundamental shift in perspective.

Marley is still an aggressive nation, but their fear and hatred of Eldians is given a reason. It's only been a century since Eldia was an empire. There would still be people alive today who had parents who would have lived under the yoke of the Titan family. Maybe they even had grandparents they knew who were part of the forced 'breeding' programs to spread Eldian blood.

We also get a better look at the individuals trapped in that culture.

A race trapped in slums. Child soldiers were forced into the military and brainwashed to hate themselves. Their entire existence is on sacrificing themselves to make up for the 'sins' of ancestors they've never met. The entire way they view the world is fundamentally opposed to everything we've seen so far.

Eren is no longer a freedom fighter but a man who launches a war by attacking a civilian target. One filled with Eldians, not Marleyans. He's become every bit the monster Marlyan propaganda says he is.

The Scouts have become elite operatives that, while still able to kill titans, now focus on killing humans. They, irrespective of their own values, help in the attack on innocent lives, just like the Warriors did on Maria, only without the excuse of being children.

Our protagonists have become the aggressors, our antagonists have become the victims, and we are confronted with the truth.

There are no heroes. There are no good guys. There are only victims and aggressors, and anyone can be either of these at any time.

I wanted that duality in On The Bench, but I wanted to add my own spin to it.

Fundamentally, like AOT, On The Bench is written to be read twice.

The first is to read from chapter 1 to chapter 74. You go into the book from the perspective of Sona/Rias/Mikasa, etc. You experience the story in linear time. Its plot twists, its moments of fear, sadness, excitement, buildup and payoff.

The second read is after having read chapters 44 to 74, and you reread chapters 1 to 43. (Or, having finished a full read, just read the whole story again. I won't stop you.) This is the Eren/God/Author perspective. No linear in time, but in the story. You catch the buildup, the reasons why certain things happen.

I got quite a few reviews/comments about Eren's motivation being unclear or not having any around the latter chapters and how his character isn't properly defined. They were valid comments, but I always wanted Eren to only be understandable to those who had his 'eyes.' Who've seen the Path, the end, and can follow his footsteps.

Whether I succeeded or not is up to readers who decide on the reread (which will not be everyone, which is fair).

Through the use of these two read-throughs, I wanted to give my own spin on the duality of AOTs story.

Not reject it.

I am not one of the fanfiction authors who go, 'I didn't like that ending. I can do better.'

No, I wanted to take the 'Victims to Aggressors' message and expand it.

Because I agree that anyone can be a victim and an aggressor, but I think that duality oversimplifies things a bit.

So, taking from my experience with my other story, Rapturous Rhapsody, I expanded that message a bit.

Anyone, in the right framework, can be anything. Victim/Aggressor. Good guy/Bad guy. Hero/Villain. Human/Monster.

What you think of someone is inherently based on the viewpoints of who you are focusing on and when. Wholy human, flawed, and subjective viewpoints.

Marley is a victim of the Eldian Empire, the fear of living in a world of Titans, and of the Rumbling. They are the aggressors who released Pure Titans to terrorize Paradis, seek to exploit the Shifters for their own aims, and conquer other countries because of their military dominance. They are the heroes of the world who overthrew the empire.

Eldia/Paradis is the victim of King Fritz's isolation and vow, Marley's aggression, and the Titans just outside their cage. They are the aggressors who built an Empire on rape and conquest, destroyed Liberio, and wished to unleash the Rumbling. Either to wipe away all other life or to instill fear into the world for generations to come that they will do so at the slightest provocation(That is essentially the plan Hange, the scouts, and the rest of the military wanted to do). They are the heroes to a population who has been forced to live in a cage, to an entire bloodline of people who have never done anything wrong except being born.

Eren Yeager is a victim to the Titans, the government that seeks to keep him ignorant and contained, and a world that wants him and everything he loves dead.

(Before the argument comes that Eren 'did it to himself,' I will remind people that all Eren used the Founder for, time travel-wise, was direct to the Smiling Titan towards his mother and away from Bertdholt.

Carla's death might be on him in order to set him on his Path, but the events that led to it are not. The Warriors were sent anyway, the gates were knocked down, and Titans were pouring in. All that happened without him.

Unless Eren was willing to mind-control a bunch of people (which wouldn't include the Marlian high command since they were all non-Eldian), that still would have happened.)

Eren Yeager is an aggressor to the entire world, not only because he did unleash the Rumbling but also because he cannot let go of his hatred, his revenge against the rest of the world. He represents every reason why Titans and Eldians are feared and hated by the rest of the world. He has become The Devil, and he did it of his own choice.

Now, one of my goals with On The Bench was to complete Eren's trifecta.

Attack on Titan can be described as the story of Eren Yeager, our protagonist, transformation from Victim to Aggressor.

I needed to come up with a story where I turned that Aggressor into a 'Hero' without devaluing the journey he and we went through.

Enter DxD.

High School DxD is a story in which race is a key component while simultaneously having race not matter at all. If AOT's message is 'any victim can become an aggressor,' then DxDs would be 'people are people, irrespective of race.'

(Well, the second message, at least. The first message would probably be something like 'Hot women and sex are awesome' or something like that.)

I've seen it a lot in DxD fanfiction, where devils get this expanded lore where they secretly are all evil or 'creatures of sin' of some sort. Not as a culture but as a race. That Evil Pieces are irredeemable, that all Kings are manipulative, monstrous, evil, yadda yadda.

Now, before anything else, the benefit of Fanfiction is to be able to play with a setting/characters to tell a new story. I don't think there is anything wrong with trying to tell such a story, and I am even a fan of a few like that, but I think what has happened is that the fanfiction 'lore' has replaced what is actually shown in canon.

Again, nothing wrong with 'fanon' lore for a good story, I even give a few nods to fanon here and there through the story, but we should never accept it as 'fact.'

Now: races in DxD.

Let's just get this out here: It's all kinds of fucked up and inconsistent... which, I think, is the greatest show that it doesn't matter.

I will use devils as an example since they are the main focus of DxD.

First is the actual differences. Lifespan and power.

I do not believe a devil has ever died of old age, seeing as Zekram Bael, one of the first devils born, is still alive. Power wise... while devils are stronger than humans on average, the simple truth is that it is devils, not humans, that almost went extinct. On top of that, there are people like Tobio, Griselda Quarta, Arthur, Vasco Strada, and Cao Cao who prove race isn't really a limiting factor to how powerful one can become.

Canonically, devils were created by Lucifer with Lilith after the former Fell from heaven. The original 72 Pillars, with the four Satans at the top and miscellaneous houses here and there. From there, the race expanded as one usually would, breeding, growing, and spreading across the Underworld.

These are the quintessential 'devils' that we see in other media. Soul stealing, full of Sin (Capital S), and evil creatures who act against God and all that is good. I believe it was mentioned as a one-off joke early in DxD that devils used to take souls as payment, but they don't anymore.

But that comment epitomizes what I believe DxD's devils. Race doesn't determine their 'goodness or evil,' but their culture.

In the early days, under the lead of heaven's biggest tantrum thrower, Lucifer, of course, the culture he built would be entirely shaped by his rejection of God and what he saw as 'good.' He and the other Satans would pass those beliefs on to their children.

Let's not forget not long ago, humans thought owning other humans was not only not a sin but a moral virtue. Even today, no matter what society you are reading this from, I am sure there is another society out there with completely different values from your own that you believe is 'wrong.' We all do it, even though we are the same race.

But back to devils.

As soon as the people in charge no longer hold those beliefs, the race is free to explore new cultures. Ones not based on being cartoonishly evil.

Devils, in this new culture, are wholly different from those that were born before the Civil War. They worry about schools, romance, Rating games, day-to-day life, and the future. They don't really care about angels or fallen, except in situations that could lead to a fight.

There are exceptions, of course. We see plenty. While most of them are from the 'old guard,' devils from before the Civil War, there are a few like Diodora who are the exceptions that prove the rule.

In every society there are those who use their power/wealth/influence to prey on the weak. If you think your society is the exception, boy, do I have news for you.

In this manner, DxD is very similar to AOT in a way most don't think about. Race, which is a focus of both, simply doesn't matter in anything except powers.

People are just people, for good or bad, irrespective of race.

Both of them have a very grounded view of race that lines up to reality.

On The Bench is a story about a Devil who is more devilish than actual devils, learning to be human again with the help of actual devils.

Being human doesn't mean being 'good.'

It means confronting reality as it is, not as we wish it to be.

Eren recreates the nightmare of his world.

He terrorizes this world with Titans.

He unleashes the equivalent of the Rumbling (even if the death toll was much less.)

He traps people in his nightmare reality as livestock in a cage, forced to live in fear and shame of the predators lurking beyond.

Fundamentally, Eren is no better or worse of a person between the beginning of On The Bench and its end.

All that has changed is that he is free.

...This was my biggest hurdle in writing this fic.

Before I even began putting my finger on the keyboard, I had to ask myself: How can Eren be free?

The simple truth is that the freedom Eren dreams of throughout AOT is fundamentally impossible.

He imagines a world beyond the wall without war, violence, titans... 'evil' in a sense.

Eren's ideal of freedom is that of a child.

When he is confronted with the truth that beyond the sea are more enemies, he is 'disappointed' because the bitter truth of the world is that 'freedom' is impossible. That 'humanity' is not the good guys he thought them to be.

There will always be more enemies, more 'others,' more walls, more titans out there.

So long as there are two humans alive, neither will be free.

So, with his ideals betrayed, with his hope dashed, and his faith in humanity completely shattered, what does Eren do? He gives up on almost everything. His ideal. His love. His vengeance. His freedom.

Not immediately, of course. He spends years looking for another way out. He's frantic for another answer. But in the end, he gives up his last holdout.

Hope.

Eren Yeager is the first and last victim of the Rumbling.

Eren, at the end of Attack on Titan, has given up on ever being free. Of being a hero. Of any sort of morality to guide him. Of a future where he can live a long, happy life.

Only a few things he never gave up on. His desire to remove Titans from the world, his revenge, and a few people he loves that he refuses to lose.

So, taking an Eren with that mindset in mind, how do I... rebuild him. Force him to confront what happened and let him grow from it.

Not 'fix him.' Not 'forgive him.' Not 'blame him.'

How do I 'accept him' so he can be free?

The first thing I had to do was, paradoxically, trap him.

The Bench is Eren's prison, one Eren chooses.

At any second through the fic, Eren can leave the Bench and never return. But he also can't.

To leave the Bench is to trap himself in another prison of his own making, the Paths.

Even if Eren didn't have the Founder, there would always be enemies, people who would take his freedom. Devil Kings that wish to make him theirs. Gods looking for followers. Humans looking for soldiers for their wars. Even other worlds, looking to seize this one.

Even death is no longer freedom since Eren might be reborn in another world again.

No matter what Eren Yeager does, he will always be trapped.

Confronted with irrefutable proof that his idea of 'freedom' is wrong, Eren needs to redefine it if he wants to be happy.

He doesn't do this consciously, but he does do it.

He does it by trying to learn from the other person he knows who yearned for freedom, but in a 'better' way: Armin.

Eren's freedom is one that can be 'taken.'

Armin's freedom is one that can be 'gained.'

I won't bore you all with the philosophical distinctions of 'freedoms,' if you are interested in the subject, you can google 'Positive Freedom' and 'Negative Freedom.'

The point is that for Eren to be happy and thus provide motivation for him throughout the story, he needs to be free.

For him to be free, I needed to have his Path be one that shifted his view of freedom from 'the sea' to 'what lies beyond the sea.'

Here is where I get a bit meta again.

I deliberately had On The Bench retrace the steps of AOT's story, if loosely. We hit a lot of the same beats, similar characters, and plots.

This was not only due to my desire to use OTB as a confrontation of AOT as a whole but also because I like to use themes in my work.

Themes like revenge and its cost.

Themes like freedom and its subjective/unattainability.

Themes like love and what people are willing to do for it.

Themes like humanity and what it means in a world with different races/powers that regular humans cannot have.

Themes like the inherent contradiction in using violence for 'good' causes.

All of these themes also matched with the ones AOT touched on, so retracing the steps would not only allow me to revisit these themes but also either expand on them or use them to delve into character plots and motivations.

To do that, I created a little extra challenge for myself that would help me stay on task without meandering: Every single chapter had to correspond to a similar AOT manga chapter, never repeating one.

It's not really a secret, and many of you have caught on, but every title of every chapter of On The Bench is based on one of AOT's manga chapters. Specifically, I used synonyms or antonyms of chapters that corresponded to manga chapters whose themes/characters/plot I wanted to either reinforce, elaborate on, or serve as a contrast.

For those curious, here is the full list with the corresponding volume numbers:

1. To You, 2000 Years From Now (1)

2. That Day (2)

3. First Battle (4)

4. Wish (66)

5. Trust (60)

6. From One Hand to Another (97)

7. The Easy Path (26)

8. Guilty Shadow (99)

9. Island Devils (123)

10. Choices and Consequences (28)

11. What Should I Do Now? (18)

12. The Easy Path (26)

13. Wound (13)

14. Delusions of Strength (17)

15. In the Depths of Despair (134)

16. A Dull Glow in the Midst of Despair (5)

17. Marley's Soldiers (92)

18. The Nameless Soldiers (80)

19. A Dream I Once Had (70)

20. Where's the Left Arm (10)

21. Strike, Throw, Submit (44)

22. Still Can't See (19)

23. Declaration of War (100)

24. Two Brothers (119)

25. See You Later (Itterashai)

26. Icon (12)

27. Midnight Sun (84)

28. Night of the Disbanding Ceremony (3)

29. Actors (56)

30. The Beating of a Heart Can Be Heard (9)

31. Small Blade (7)

32. The Dawn of Humanity (130)

33. The Basement (85)

34. Good To See (98)

35. Borderline (87)

36. Pride (126)

37. Wall (33)

38. Guides (109)

39. The Thunder Spears (76)

40. Chains (63)

41. Meeting (89)

42. A Long Dream (138)

43. The World that the Girl Saw (6)

44. Memories of the Future (121)

45. Traitor (128)

46. A Sound Argument (108)

47. The Hunters (45)

48. I'm Home (36)

49. Ruler of the Walls (68)

50. Welcome Party (64)

51. Dreams and Curses (65)

52. Sin (62)

53. Sinners (133)

54. Ignorance (112)

55. Children of the Forest (111)

56. Liar (95)

57. Retrospective (129)

58. Assassin's Bullet (105)

59. Sunset (125)

60. Night of the End (127)

61. The Rumbling (131)

62. Too Little, Too Late (102)

63. Assault (103)

64. The Wings of Freedom (132)

65. Victors (105)

66. The Battle of Heaven and Earth (135)

67. Roar (8)

68. Hero (82)

69. Perfect Game (79)

70. Losers (30)

71. Dedicate Your Heart (136)

72. Thaw (124)

73. The Boy Inside the Walls (94)

74. From You, 2000 Years Ago (122)

75. Epilogue- Toward the Tree on That Hill (139)

Right away, some of you will notice the odd man out.

Chapter 25 is not named after a manga chapter but rather a song. This is because it is not part of the 'progression' of the story but rather a simple part of the epilogue. Thus, while I included it to provide some insight to readers and hint at eventual plot points, I can't, in good consciousness, take credit for much of it.

I won't be going in and breaking down every chapter, why I chose that manga volume, and what each change of words represents in what I am trying to say. If you are interested, really that curious, and have an afternoon to kill, it's not that hard to figure out. I am not that clever. I also won't be going through and pointing out all the foreshadowing, hints, or clues I left behind from chapter one. There are plenty that nobody has commented on, so they will remain there for those who want to look for them.

More than that, I want to reward those who put in the effort. Whatever conclusions you come to, they are just as valid as everyone else's. Once a story becomes public, it is no longer the sole property of the author. It now belongs to all who read it as well.

Any takeaways you have from Attack on Titan, High School DxD, and On The Bench are just as valid as my own.

This is not about 'Oh, look how good a writer I am.' This is about readers getting out of a story exactly as much as they want.

You can read AOT as a simple action story with good worldbuilding, a few surprising twists, and decent characters. Or you can read it as a deeply philosophical, hard-hitting reflection on human nature, war and violence with deed characters who develop through actions, not words.

You can read DxD as a silly ecchi series wholly dedicated to boobs, sex, and with little plot or meaning besides a 'collect them all' style harem and inconsistent worldbuilding. Or you can read it as a reflection on the meaning of humanity through the lens of race, power, and societies with different values (and boobs.)

You can read OTB as a slightly above-average Fanfiction from an author too full of themselves, with plot hole ass pulls, wish fulfillment, and who uses controversial and traumatic topics as a misery farm for engagement. Or you can read it as an imperfect attempt of a fan of a story trying to use that same story that had an impact on them as a tool to come to terms with the end of said story.

No matter how you consume a work of art, as good or bad as it is, or what you take away from it, it is as equally valid as everything else.

...I Got a bit off-topic. Like I said, stream of consciousness.

I suppose the next thing I wanted to think about, now that I had the broad strokes of the story set up, I had to think of the characters.

Early on, I knew I wanted to keep the cast relatively small. Rapturous Rapsody suffered from its character bloat, and I didn't want to repeat that mistake here.

So, keeping the cast light, who did I want to be 'Primary characters,' 'Secondary Characters,' and 'Teterary Characters.'

I should probably just go through them one by one to make sure I get my thoughts on all of them.

I won't talk about Eren and God here since I already did, though I will say God was always going to be a primary character in impact, even if he was secondary at best in presence and screen time.

So, let's start with the other Primary characters:

Mikasa.

To say Mikasa Ackerman is a controversial figure is an understatement. To this day, any chapter that features her significantly gets more engagement just from the hate she seems to generate. For the longest time, I didn't really understand where it was coming from.

Then I realized it came from the fact that she is, fundamentally, a character that differs from every other 'female protagonist' in anime. Specifically, Mikasa Ackerman was the first character Iseyama ever designed, and he deliberately made her different from every other female protagonist (at least at the time he was designing her, which was decades ago).

Mikasa is, fundamentally, a silent character. Her story is not one that comes from her words but from her actions, her body language, and the actions she does and doesn't take. This leads a lot of people to think she is boring or doesn't have an arc. Because of this lack of connection throughout the series, her actions at the end of AOT generate a lot of hate from those who haven't tracked her story through AOT because it is much less... loud for a better word than Eren or Armin's. It doesn't help that the anime (which is famous for its production troubles throughout every season) cut many of those moments that were pivotal to her growth.

I'll use an example: Mikasa is every bit the hothead Eren is. When Eren is in danger from the Female Titan, Mikasa disobeys direct orders to try and rescue him. This leads to Levi having to save her. Eren gets rescued anyway, but Levi twists his ankle while rescuing her. Mikasa, in the manga panel, clearly notices this, and Levi is injured for a while after this.

Her actions have cost humanity its strongest soldier.

It is never mentioned verbally once. But, when Eren is in danger again, she has orders that go against her desire to save him as soon as possible. This time, she follows those orders.

Through not one word spoken, Mikasa has shown a compassionate side to someone who isn't Eren, a willingness to learn from mistakes, and a sense of responsibility. All this has built on her existing character. All this without Eren even being present.

If this were something like Fairy Tail or Naruto, there'd be whole chapters dedicated to explaining the guilt Lucy felt and having to go through dramatic scenes of self-recrimination and cheering up for Sakura.

And this entire sequence I just told you about? Completely missing from the Anime. Just... not there at all. It's not the only time these non-verbal, body language-type moments are missing, either. Hell, manga readers who don't pay attention might miss it as well.

I get it.

From an animator's point of view, with limited time and every frame costing money, there is a need to focus on impressive moments or those with a strong impact. From an anime watcher's point of view, if you don't read the manga, you have no idea you are missing anything, so how would you know?

...I've digressed again, back to OTB.

As I mentioned, Mikasa is a silent character. Most of her story is told through body language, context, and actions. Which makes her a bitch to write in a book. She was easily the hardest to write of all the characters. Unless I wanted her to be the POV character and have her internal monologue be present every time she's part of a scene, I needed to come up with a way to have her participate in the story through more dialogue than she'd usually use.

There was also the fact that, of everyone in OTB, Mikasa is the only character who I consider to have completed their arc. Not only had she overcome her demons at the end of AOT by being able to fight and kill Eren, but she also had decades after that to come to terms with what happened in her youth. She started a family. Lived a long life. Died of old age. She... doesn't really have anywhere left to go.

Yet, I could not leave Mikasa out of OTB. Like her or hate her, Mikasa Ackerman is so intertwined with Eren Yeager's character that, fundamentally, I don't think Eren could have the closure I wanted him to have if she wasn't part of the story. Whether you want to pair him with Historia or someone else, there is no denying how important Mikasa is to him unless you want to completely reject canon.

A case of content theft: this narrative is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.

So, I used both problems to solve the other. Mikasa's older age allowed her to grow more outgoing (not unlikely. We see this in AOT as her circle grows beyond just Eren and Armin.) This allows her to be more verbose, if only slightly, and having this expanded social circle also gives me more ways for her to grow.

Specifically, I wanted to confront an aspect that never really gets resolved verbally in AOT. Mikasa is so used to being the strong, dependable one that she has control issues. It was the primary source of contention between her and Eren. I wanted to use OTB as a chance to reinforce the lessons she learned from her relationship with Sona.

There is also the issue of the complex nature of her love for Eren that I wanted to tackle for both of them.

I might be in the minority, but I actually think AOT's depiction of love is one of the better ones in media. And I tried to bring that over to On The Bench.

Before everyone grabs their torches and pitchforks, I'll explain what I mean.

First off, I will point out that there is this habit in fandoms, and media in general, to go either of two ways with romance. The 'Pairing' way and the 'Drama' way.

'Drama' is basically what we see in long-running media about romance, for the most part. The idea that romance or love is just there changes on a dime to make a story interesting, or that it only exists to further the plot. Think of your standard long-running TV shows, comics, or movie series where nobody ever stays with anyone long-term because that would make the story stale. 'Something' always comes along to shake things up right when, in reality, the romantically involved parties would be settling down into a long-term relationship. For the drama.

Yet, going the opposite way is almost more dangerous.

'Pairing' is, as the name suggests, the idea that these people 'belong together.' It doesn't have to be monogamous, though it usually is, but it is the inherent idea that two (or more) characters should be together. Thus, if romance is a part of a story, naturally, one cannot be romantically involved with just themselves. (Well, they can. It's just not an interesting story if one is a Narcissus equivalent.) A second character is needed to interact with, and thus, a 'pairing' is a natural conclusion. This isn't necessarily a bad thing. If a story is going to have romantic aspects, then obviously, it will involve characters getting romantically involved. Some of these characters we, as the audience of the story, believe are better for each other than others.

Here is where it becomes a problem: the idea that two characters HAVE to end up together. It is not just that two characters being together is the natural state; anything different than that state is absolutely wrong. Morally or the like. And any character that violates this assumed status quo is indefensible, whether they are an outside party or even a member of the ideal 'pairing.' Because we, the audience, demand it to be so... even if it doesn't make sense.

Anime is absolutely terrible at this. Not really a surprise. This is from the culture where Idols regularly receive death threats, and their careers are ruined if the public gets the idea they are romantically involved. So, people build up the mental... shrine, for lack of a better word of these people and any time anything happens that clashes with how they believe this character (real or fictional) should act, they feel like it's a personal attack.

Fanfiction, as a product of a fan, in a fandom, is inherently rife with this sort of thing. The OTP (one true pairing) is born.

Again, this is not a bad thing, per se. At least, not the idea that two characters being together makes more sense than others. I've read plenty of great Fanfiction where two characters are together through the whole thing. Even the cliches like soulmates or soul bonds or the like can tell decent stories.

It is the extremism, the waifuism (husbandoism?) that sometimes accompanies this idea that is wrong. Because it's not realistic in the slightest.

I think AOT is a good example of romance because it shows romance in various forms it can take. The character's feelings grow and change over the story.

Ymir and Historia might have a romantic history (I think this was confirmed canonically, but even if it's not, it is hinted very heavily.) It doesn't stop Historia from using her marriage as a tool to get the future she wants. This isn't a change of character. This is the same woman who was willing to abandon Paradis for Ymir if it meant saving her. Or rejecting her (manipulative) father, even if it meant leaving the fate of her people in Eren's hands. She chose to save the people she cared about, even at the cost of herself.

Jean gets a lot of shit throughout the story because he's the foil to Eren, the regular Joe to Eren's shonen protagonist attitude. But, despite his crush on Mikasa throughout the entire series, not once does he make unwanted advances on her. He is, quite literally, a teenager with a crush. If this was some shonen shit, he'd be stalking her or sniffing her panties or something equally creepy. In the epilogue, Mikasa is shown holding a baby and accompanied by a man with the same hairstyle, but only after ten years have passed. Meaning that he gave her time to grieve. Jean, from the start to the end of AOT, remains the same down-to-earth, 'human' character. Not great, not evil, just... a man. Who has the unfortunate misfortune of ending up with the primary female character in a popular anime.

(Come on, guys. Take a hint. I get the idea of a woman loyal to a man's memory can be romantic, but to deny reality just because Mikasa was buried in white flowers is... absurd. To demand that someone remain alone for their entire lives just so they remain 'loyal' to someone they never even dated is... psychotic.

That being said, the ending is loose enough that an argument can be made... if you squint really hard and ignore all the signs against it.)

Mikasa is probably the perfect example of why I think AOT has a good depiction of romance. It is clear from the get-go that she has romantic feelings for Eren. Anime has conditioned us to believe that it means they will end up together. But... they don't. Because they are 'destined' for each other. Relationships only happen when both parties work for it. Both Eren and Mikasa's choices led to the fact that, even if they loved each other, they wouldn't be together.

The simple truth is that both of them had been, up until roughly the reclamation of Shinganshima, terrible to/for each other. Eren was, quite simply, an edgy teenager absorbed in his own angst in drama. He simply did not have the self-awareness to be in a healthy relationship, no matter who it was with. Mikasa, on the other hand, simply didn't listen to the target of her affection. She was controlling, smothering, and never let him fight his own battles when she could help it. If they had gotten together when they were younger, Eren would have grown to resent her, simple as that.

The simple truth is that they were teenagers and were not ready for any sort of long-term romance. (Which, again, is a better portrayal than most anime. Why do we assume that teenagers (magical powers or not) will have the emotional stability to maintain a long-term relationship just because they like each other? That rarely happens in real life. Childhood sweethearts happen. But it takes a lot of growing pain, and it is nowhere near as common as media would like us to believe.)

There was, however, a point where both of them were in the proper place (as characters) to actually get that future. But, here again, AOT takes the opportunity to tell us that love isn't so easy. You are responsible for your own happiness.

Mikasa chose to not tell Eren how she felt when he asked. Shyness, teenage angst, or whatever reason you want to give her, she made that choice. Eren chose to start the Rumbling, knowing he'd die. He chose that future, knowing it would cost him the four years he could have with her. Did both choices mean they loved each other less? No, but it acknowledged the reality of the setting.

And I wanted that 'reality' to carry over to On The Bench.

On The Bench is not a story about love and romance, but a story that contains love and romance. And, as the author, I am declaring this now:

There is no canon pairing in On The Bench.

Because there is no canon pairing in real life. I will touch on the epilogue after I (finally) move on from the characters, but I will say this right now. This is not me trying to dodge the waifu wars or trying to avoid controversy (god knows it's too late for that). This has been my intention since I first started this story.

Can Eren and Mikasa have their happy ending? There's a chance. But Mikasa is a very jealous woman, just as Eren is a very jealous man. Maybe they can't overcome their respective pasts, either romantic or otherwise. (Loving Eren is to suffer after all. Mikasa did kill him.)

Will Kuroka get her domestic dream? Maybe. Maybe she gets that family and safety she always wanted. Or maybe she will back off so Mikasa can be with Eren. Or she can't accept not being first in his heart.

Will Sona's first love be returned? Will Rias' romantic dreams come true? Will Akeno successfully become a mistress and live out her deprived fantasies? Will Shirone marry the man who creates the world's greatest cookie despite her sister's teasing? Will Ophis get her banana dimension?

All of it is possible. Maybe even all of them. You can believe Eren somehow ends up with a super harem that makes Issei weep with envy. (I might as well go after Serafall, too. And Yasaka. And why not Gabriel? She's female and attractive, so let's throw her on there too. She can bring Griselda with her or something.)

But none of that definitely will happen.

Eren is not destined to end up with anyone. Does this mean that he will die alone? Maybe, maybe not.

The only thing I will say is that if anyone wants to 'end up' with someone else, they have to work for it. They have to commit. They have to pursue it. And even then, it might not work out in the end. But absolutely nothing will happen if they do not try.

The romantic aspect might end on an unsatisfactory note, but that is because I wanted On The Bench to not give that resolution.

Like us, the audience, Sona, Rias, Akeno, and Kuroka all went into this with certain ideas and expectations about love, Eren, and the future. I hope On The Bench has shown how those expectations meet reality.

I suppose, after that massive tangent on romance depictions in anime, I should finally move on to the next character.

Kuroka honestly surprised me a bit.

Not in the sense that I pulled her out of my ass to fit a certain role. I had always planned from the start to have her act as senjustu teacher for Eren, and once I had the idea of bouchujustu linking her to the Path, I rolled with it. She'd always been intended to have a romantic incline toward Eren, that's simply the type of character Kuroka is in canon.

Rather, I was surprised at how perfectly things fell in line for her to not only have those feelings reciprocated from Eren but also how she became a kind of counterpoint to Mikasa. Outgoing, where Mikasa was reserved in almost every way. Sexually. Vocally. Emotionally. Hell, even Kuroka's arc ended up somewhat mirroring Mikasa's, though in a different way.

Kuroka is one of those characters that tend to pop up often in Fanfiction. It's no surprise, really. Ishibumi leaves a lot about her up to interpretation, allowing fanfic writers to write into the margins of what goes unsaid in canon. (There is also not the inconsiderable aspect that she is an older, busty, teasing cat girl. The smut practically writes itself.) That being said, I wanted all my characters to have the depth that is usually lacking in Fanfiction, so I struggled a bit with how to fold her into the overall narrative and themes.

Kuroka, as far as I can consider her, is a character defined by two aspects. The shallower one is, of course, her search for a 'mate.' I mean this in the literal sense, not the 'destined one' sense. In canon she is, explicitly, looking for strong genes to have children with.

Her sexuality and teasing are almost just a tool for that goal. One gets the feeling that she wouldn't really care about the father of said children so long as their traits were desirable and they weren't complete assholes like her dad. She easily propositions Vali and then jumps to Issei pretty quickly, seeing one Heavenly Dragon as just as good as another. Eren's Titan abilities and their combination with Senjutsu would no doubt lead her to consider him just as good as a match for this purpose. So you have the start of an interest there. But true feelings take a long time to develop. It is only in 'thanks' for Issei's effort to reunite her with Shirone that she really decides to stick with him long term. Same with Eren. Idle thoughts of 'The children would be strong' become 'I've come to care for him.'

This leads to what I think is the true core of Kuroka's character: her love for Shirone.

Kuroka is a flawed character. Impulsive to a degree that can only mirror a cat's own capriciousness. Her flight from killing her master is one example, but not even the greatest one. Our first introduction to her in canon is when she tries to kidnap Koneko. Not explaining the situation, just acting like a vilain because it 'seemed like the thing to do.' (I blame Ishibumi and narrative contrivance for this, especially in Japanese media, but we work with the characters we have, not the ones that make sense.)

But, throughout the entirety of DxD canon there is one throughline to Kuroka that never wavers or changes. How much she cares for Shirone.

So, to give her depth and such, I decided to lean more into this aspect. Taking that love for her sister, her memories of her mother, her father's apathy, and their time on the streets, as well as her explicit desire for children and expand it into a 'family' focused woman. Not in the traditional sense but in the 'Hestia' concept of family. Love. Warmth. Affection. But also safety and power.

In an almost coincidental way, this ended up mirroring Mikasa as well.

Mikasa is also a very family-focused woman. Almost matronly. While this is primarily directed at Eren, we see it in how she treats Armin and her other friends. She fits a strong matriarch type, where they take on burdens for others because they feel they should. It's no coincidence that while Armin and the rest are rebuilding after the Rumbling, Mikasa builds a life for herself away from all that. She never wanted to join the military or fight like Eren, just doing it to keep those she loved safe.

Kuroka is not a matron, for all her physical maturity. She's too unmotivated, capricious, and whimsical. But what she is is affectionate. Loving. Warm in a way, Mikasa, for all her strength, cannot be.

Yet she's also self-sacrificing, with a bottom line that she won't cross, not even for Eren.

I knew from the get-go that if Eren were to have any chance of reciprocating Kuroka's feelings, she needed to prove to him that she could stand up to him. That she was not a slave to love as she thought she was.

I think, of all the lies he told Mikasa and Armin when he told her he hated her, that was the closest to his true feelings. Not that he hated Mikasa for always being there, but that he did not wish her to be dependent on him. That she needed to be a person in her own right. Only in that way could she be free of him. And I don't believe Eren could come to feel for someone who was dependent on him like that.

All the time in the world in the Paths, it wouldn't matter if the emotions weren't there. Since I already knew the ending and Eren's plan, I knew it would put Shirone at risk, even if he didn't want it to. It was just putting Kuroka in a position to make that choice. Shirone or Eren. And, unless I wanted to completely change who she was, it would always be Shirone.

Again, there's this idea in fiction where the 'waifu' should only care about her lover. As if everything else before and after cease to matter as soon as they are romantically involved. Or, if they do matter, they are completely secondary. It can happen in certain characters, especially those without other tethers like family or goals, but I always found the most interesting relationships to be between those who do not solely exist for their partner. It keeps them 3D in a way other characters often lack. I think this would also mirror Eren's own interests.

Eren knew Kuroka would stand up to him if he crossed her lines before ever meeting her. The perils of dating a clairvoyant. Paradoxically, it is because he knew she was not wholly dependent on him (even if her actions since they started 'dating' seem to indicate differently) that he could come to care for her in a real way instead of just using her.

And that's something I'll get to soon. The characters Eren 'uses.' It should go without saying, but pretty much every single character that Eren could see through the Path was a piece on his board. Someone he 'used' to one degree or another. Some he cared about. Others, he didn't. But they all played their parts, and he couldn't help but see them that way because of his power. Corpses for his Path.

However, some characters, even if they had a role, were invisible to him, allowing him to form genuine connections with them because he didn't know their roles.

Sona Sitri is, in many ways, the key to this entire story.

Before anything else, I will say this was not due to any 'waifu' or 'harem' shenanigans that often come up in Fanfiction. You know the type where a key character is only a focus because the author likes them, and they're their 'type.' They get screen time just because the writer wants the protagonist to sleep with them. DxD fanfiction is especially bad at this since there are so many 'types' for all desires.

I was able to completely ignore that temptation in this story because of my desire to stick to canon and my desire for there not to be an 'official' pairing. (If I didn't, Sona would not be the character I'd have focused on. I won't name names, but let's just say a certain maid or fluffy fox milf would have been much more prominent... or show up at all.)

No, Sona Sitri is the key factor in this story for two reasons:

The first is that she is a linchpin of characters that often goes underutilized. She is connected to Rias, and her peerage (the main cast), through their long friendship and rivalry. She's also Serafall's sister, which gives her a connection to the Satans.

If that were all, why not just use Rias? Her brother is Lucifer, after all. Why not just have him be the one to bring back Mikasa? Because of the second reason Sona is key.

Sona Sitri's dream is seriously underrated in Fanfiction... and in canon in DxD as well.

When Sona first declares her dream to build a school for Rating Games for all classes in the light novels, it is treated increadibly seriously. It goes against everything devils have stood for for centuries. She gets laughed out of the chamber yet continues to pursue that goal despite all that. Baring Saji, she doesn't really have any noteworthy peerage members, nor does she have the strength of Rias' Power of Destruction. Yet her dream is the only one that actually has ambition.

Rias just wants to never lose a Rating Game, which is... underwhelming and an example of how her character kind of disappeared after getting together with Issei. Sairaorg's ambition to be a Satan is impressive, but again, nothing that hasn't been done before. No, Sona is the only member of the young devils who really wants to change something in her world instead of just becoming a piece in it. And she works for that dream.

Only... it doesn't really go anywhere, does it? Oh, sure, she builds Aurora Academy in canon but... it doesn't have an impact, does it? She doesn't even really lead it since her father gets the devil's sleeping sickness (cause... why not?) and has to become Lady Sitri instead.

So, with a bit of an inadvertent push from Mikasa when she's young, Sona is in a perfect position to expand on her already radical dream. Instead of just Rating Games, why not have a school that teaches... everything? Or at least one that teaches subjects people are interested in without discrimination.

This leads me to another theme of AOT that I wanted OTB to tackle: Knowledge and Ignorance.

One could argue that the entire story of Attack on Titan is based on a quest for knowledge and wisdom. A battle, not against monsters, but against ignorance itself. Ignorance of Titans and how to fight them, how they work, and their true nature. Ignorance of what the world beyond the walls is truly like. The ignorance of racism, classifying others as monsters or demons just because they are different.

One can quite easily track the story of AOT by how much the main cast (and us, the audience) know. And that knowledge is power. From starting the series where Titans were unkillable treats, to the knowledge of their weaknesses, to the knowledge of shifters and intelligent Titans, to the knowledge of the reality of the world beyond the sea. At the end, Eren literally has ALL the knowledge in the world. (To a degree, at least. He's limited to Eldians and only within a two-thousand-year timespan.)

If the world knew about the vow of peace, they wouldn't have feared the Rumbling for a century. If the warriors knew of the humanity of the 'island devils,' they wouldn't have started the chain reaction that led to Eren becoming the thing they feared. If Eren had known about his powers from the start, could he have found a better way? Or at least one that didn't cost the lives of so many friends and family? If Gabi hadn't been brainwashed and knew what she did at the end of the show vs when she was first introduced, would she have still shot Sasha? (Now that I think of that, I think that might be a good idea for a fic... probably won't write it though. I'm not really interested in 'fix it' fics, so anyone is free to take it.)

By the same nature, OTB can be reduced to a story about Sona Sitri's journey from ignorance to knowledge... or perhaps wisdom is a better choice of words.

From the start, though she wishes to be a teacher and is increadibly intelligent, Sona is making assumptions and judgement calls that are fundamentally wrong because she is working off of false information. In many ways, she mirrors Armin, thus giving a basis for Eren's initial connection with her.

And knowledge isn't always a good thing. The more she learns, the less clear the answers become. People are complicated. Love is complicated. The world is complicated. Like in AOT, as OTB progresses, Sona and the audience can no longer keep making assumptions. This ceases to be a world with 'good vs. evil' or where knowledge=happiness. Instead, the power that knowledge brings also brings with it terrible choices, ones we wouldn't have to make if we remained ignorant.

For all that knowledge is power, ignorance is bliss. Yet knowledge has to be chased, even if it hurts if one wants to see the world as it really is and make the changes you want to make. The ignorant are happy. The wise rarely are.

Piece by piece, Sona unveils not only the true nature of her world, the story being told, and Eren but also about herself. Her faults, her limits, her dreams, and her own biases. She never knows everything, for nobody ever can, but by the end of her time on the Bench, Sona Sitri is wiser than when she first sat on it. Not just because of talking to Eren but because of her own choices and experiences.

From the get-go, I wanted Sona to be a focal point because her arc, her connections, and the themes she engages with match almost 1 to 1 the overall narrative of On The Bench.

Rias fulfills an almost diametric opposite to Sona in this way. Not that she's wiser or doesn't have an arc, but rather instead of her arc being from 'ignorance to dreams to knowledge of reality,' it is 'ignorance of dreams to the reality of dreams.'

I wanted everyone Eren spent time with on the Bench to reflect some aspect of his own journey back at him, both for his own realizations and for my intentions to confront AOT in the story. Rias is, unsurprisingly, his childish belief and desire for freedom. A naive way of viewing the world.

Beyond her role as 'main waifu' in DxD, Rias Gremory is another one of those matronly figures, like Kuroka or Mikasa. The difference is the position she is coming from. One of privilege, shelter, and naivety. A lot of Fanfiction has come to depict her as some sort of shadowy manipulator who controls Issei and others. Or they go the opposite way and have her be a lazy do-nothing with everything handed to her by her brother. While both can be interesting character studies in their own way, the simple truth is that Rias Gremory is exactly what she is in DxD canon.

For better or worse, Rias is just a teenage girl born into a wealthy and powerful family.

Compared to other noble devils, she's practically a saint. Compared to Sona, she's a moron. Compared to Sairaorg, she's a bum. Compared to her brother, she's a weakling. But... those are all comparisons. Valid, but they only look at 'what could be' not what 'she is.'

In many ways, her depiction in Fanfiction has become exactly what she feared in canon. She is 'Rias of the Gremory,' not 'Rias Gremory.'

'Rias Gremory' is a teenage devil, a rich ojou-sama type, a Japanophile who prefers an anime montage to long-term training, and a girl who, from an early age, was using her evil pieces, a limited resource she probably would not ever get back, to save people.

People seem to think that because things work out in the end, mostly through Ishibumi's continual power creep, Rias reincarnated everyone she did, knowing they'd grow into powerhouses or that Sirzechs knew they would. No. It's explicitly stated that her reincarnations (except probably Akeno) were against her family's wishes. She spent her most valuable resource not for power but to save the dead/dying/abandoned children. Then, when they were broken and couldn't be 'useful' (Akeno's holy lightning, Gasper's entire situation, Koneko's senjustu, etc...), did she abandon them? No. She continued to support them and showered them with affection.

Rias is opportunistic, don't get me wrong. She swept up both Asia (that one is probably half opportunity and half kindness for Issei), Xenovia, and Rossweiss when she got the chance. But Rias is also... kind of a sucker. Someone who reincarnated Issei just because he summoned her. She only knew about Boosted Gear once she saw him summon the 'twice critical' and knew he cost eight Pawns.

Rias is, again, a teenage girl. A kind one at that. One that is a romantic at heart, in both the 'love' sense and in the naive sense. Things will work out in the end because they always have for her.

I wanted her to reflect Eren's own inherent idealist nature and how it conflicts with reality.

Kindness has costs.

Freedom is subjective.

Someone you love might be the bad guy.

Rias' struggle for freedom from her own identity mirrors Eren's struggle for freedom in a world with 'enemies' because, inherently, they are both absolutely pointless. Naive conceptions of freedom that cannot ever be achieved because they fundamentally ignore reality.

Yet, Rias never stops dreaming.

From the start to the end of OTB, her dreams, her kindness, and her freedoms are challenged. Yet she never stops wanting to be free. No longer free of her identity as 'Rias of the Gremory' but rather a more refined version of freedom. The freedom to be happy.

When Rias looks at the Wall Eren builds at the end of the fic, she does not see it like Eren saw the walls of Maria. Rias probably never even considered going to other universes, even knowing they exist. Instead, Rias simply sees the Wall as something that prevents someone she cares about from being happy, thus taking away their 'freedom' to live a happy life.

From start to end, even when she was fighting him, even when she thought she helped kill him, Rias never once removed Eren from the 'we' in 'We will be free.'

Rias' dreams had been challenged, and they'd been damaged, but they never broke.

Unlike Eren's.

I will talk about the epilogue at the end, but it is no coincidence that Rias is the one who refuses Eren's death. Because, at her core, Rias' freedom is a selfish one.

If Eren goes from 'dreaming of the sea' to 'dreaming of what's beyond the sea' to achieve his freedom, then Rias goes from 'freedom from negative consequences' to 'accepting the consequences of freedom.'

Which, I think, leads us to the final 'primary character' as I think of them.

Issei Hyoudou is, I think, one of the most hated protagonists in a popular series. Not without reason, of course, though I will point out anime only watchers tend to hate him more. At least in the light novel, he has an arc, and his trauma is depicted relatively well. (Relatively. It's DxD, after all.) That trauma goes a long way in explaining his actions throughout the series. (Again, relatively. DxD is famous for the disagreements between Ishibumi and his editor about how to handle it.)

Still, Issei is a really fun character to write. He's just so... fun. And I think that epitomizes the best characteristics of 'Issei Hyoudou.' Unapologetically who he is without shame. Relentlessly upbeat. A dreamer with an absurd dream.

I have problems with Issei Hyoudou as a sympathetic character, just because of what I like in my protagonists, but from a purely storytelling perspective, Issei Hyoudou is the perfect protagonist for high school DxD. He is the key factor in the tone, the message, and the overall story that DxD is trying to be.

I like stories like AOT, with themes, deep characters, tight plots, and grounded worldviews.

But High School DxD is not a story like that.

DxD is THE ecchi anime. Not the first, but the one everyone thinks of when they think of the genre. The brain off, boobs good, pretty colours, yay harems, hot women, good vs. evil story. Just like Issei, it's dumb fun. Give it any sort of deep thought, and you will see Ishibumi's horror roots, but you aren't really supposed to think. Like Issei is DxD in a nutshell. A bit of depth if you want it, but mostly there to enjoy the ride.

There is a reason DxD is so popular. Like him or hate him, Issei Hyoudou is the lens through which we see the DxD world. It is because of him we see it as a magical world of boobs, magic, and magic boobs. If the protagonist was some serious, no-nonsense type or even just grounded in some sort of realism, then DxD wouldn't work.

We see this in Slash Dog, where the protagonist is a much more 'mature' teenager like many fanfictions have, and it's... grim, frankly. It has similar jokes and some recurring characters, and it is even set in a school setting, but the overall tone is one of death, horror, and, quite frankly, enough EDGE to cut yourself on.

No. DxD is at its best when it goes the full Issei-tard root. Head empty, no thoughts, boobs make brain go BRRRRRRRR. Just dumb, ecchi fun.

So, naturally, I had to go into the oft-unexplored depths of Issei's character.

What can I say? I wasn't writing DxD. I was writing On The Bench.

And there was a lot there for those who cared to look for it. This is not just because he's the protagonist and gets a lot of screen time but also because Issei just has some unironically really good character moments.

There's obviously the trauma of Raynare's killing him and its long-term impact. Hard to have a harem when you don't believe a woman can love you because you've, quite literally, been stabbed in the back by your first girlfriend. (I just wish this depiction of trauma and its long-term effects were also shown in other characters rather than them 'getting over it' so quickly. Makes other characters feel shallow.)

But, apart from the romantic aspect, Issei also has a surprisingly heroic side to him.

Many harem anime/stories have these milk toast protagonists, those whose greatest traits are basic human decency in some supernatural setting. This is so the audience can use them as a self-insert 'this could be me' type of person. A reader-insert story that isn't even Fanfiction. But it leads to this twisted idea that basic kindness is all that is needed to have multiple women throw themselves at your feet.

Does Issei 'deserve' to have all the romantic interest that gets thrown his way? Probably not. But is he one of those basic bitch protags that just does the bare minimum to get it? Also no.

Perhaps the biggest example of this is when you remove the romantic aspect entirely.

Look at how Issei treats those he's not attracted to, particularly those younger than him. His relationship with Gasper is an example of this, as is his actions of trying to save Ophis from Cao Cao (by this point, she didn't have an 'adult' version.) However, the greatest example is Issei's relationship with the children of the supernatural world. It starts with just devil kids, but it expands to wider races like Yokai and others as the story goes on.

Unironically, the best example of this is volume 10 of the light novels: Lion Heart of the School Festival. Whether it is his brief conversation with a fan of Oppai Dragon who didn't get to see the show, his respect/rivalry with Sairaorg, or his final push to ask Rias out despite his trauma, I am of the opinion that this is Issei Hyoudou at his best.

Issei is an idiot, a pervert, and an idiotic pervert, but time and time again, when he sees some injustice happening, he doesn't stand by and watch, even if it's the 'wrong' thing to do and gets him in shit later.

Which dovetails quite nicely with Eren Yeager. (I swear, the fact they have the same voice actor is just a coincidence.)

Both Eren and Issei are very honest with their feelings, or at least Eren is when he's not trying to manipulate you. Both had a dream they were chasing, even if everyone else called them crazy. Both have that 'heroic' trait, that intolerance for injustice that many protagonists have.

The difference?

Eren's world was one where there were no heroes, and he was betrayed by his dreams and ideals.

Issei's world is one where he is rewarded for heroics, where his dreams are a direct result of his 'good deeds.'

And when the two worlds mix?

That, my friends, is what you call a story worth telling.

And Oppai Dragon was the perfect medium to tell it.

I never wanted to change Issei, just like I didn't want to really change any of the other characters. Instead, I just want to challenge him, to peel away the superficial layers to get to his core. To force him to look into a mirror.

What happens when you look into the mirror is up to you? You can change, or you can double down on who you are. Neither is a wrong answer.

Issei Hyoudou was too dumb to change and too honest to look away. So, he simply decided to double down (pun intended.)

Like all things in his life, Issei chose to face it head-on.

Besides being the first domino that led to that change, Eren really didn't have too much to do with who Issei was.

All Eren did was make sure that Issei knew the risks and what might be at the end of the path. Apart from that, all Eren did was make sure Issei didn't make the same mistake he did. Everything else was all on Issei.

Because Eren knew his future, unlike the others. Everything Issei did have to be his own choice, even if his role on the stage would fit the play Eren was laying out.

I guess that ends the 'primary character' category. The 'secondary characters' will go by faster since there is less to say.

Akeno straddles the line of secondary and primary characters pretty well. (Something I'm sure she'd appreciate.) She was an interesting dichotomy to write. At once, the most 'honest' and 'dishonest' character with herself. Self-aware of her desires and problems in a way most teenagers never are, yet also filled with a self-hatred and hatred of her own race, which is wholly irrational.

Her arc is one I didn't think is possible to ever finish. There's this idea people have of... I guess 'original sin' is a way to put it, but it's not only a thing that pops up in religion. It has its ties in racism, in ideology, in cultures across the world. This idea that one is guilty as soon as they are born, either for the very act of being born who/what/where/when they are born, or because of the actions of their ancestor/culture/country/religion/race.

This idea permeates both AOT and DxD, though the former obviously takes it more seriously. The idea that one's own existence is something to be ashamed of for a myriad of reasons. Reiner and Gabi internalized it due to the propaganda they were fed, and Akeno has, as well, through the guilt over her mother's death. And it's something that is very real, even in the modern age, and very fucked up. It's also not something one ever really wholly gets over. You struggle with it all your life. But it's worth it to keep going.

I think it is one of my favourite themes of AOT as a whole. That, irrespective of who you are or where you come from, nobody is inherently 'guilty,' no matter what their ancestors did. Because our ancestors are separate people. We can choose to inherit their hearts and wills, for good or ill, but that is something we choose.

If Sona's arc is about the struggle for knowledge, Issei's about the struggle for heroism, and Rias's about the struggle for dreams and ideals, then Akeno's is about the struggle for self-acceptance.

And Yuuto Kiba's is about revenge.

Duh.

It's always a bit of a shame when solid male characters fall to the wayside in harem stories to focus on the waifu of the season. Make no mistake, Kiba isn't the greatest character ever written or anything, but he often gets shafted in Fanfiction just because he doesn't have a pair of boobs.

With how much revenge is a focus in AOT, I couldn't not include Kiba. More than just because I think he is the most similar to Eren, I think Eren needed Kiba as much as Kiba needed Eren. He needed to reflect on the Rumbling, his ultimate vengeance against the world. Because, quite frankly, he never had time to.

While in the Paths, he was trapped by the Founder's power, and after that, he died. Eren never really came to terms with what he did, why he did it, or what he felt for it. Would he do it again? Yes. But that doesn't mean it was easy, right, or even understandable at the time. Eren explicitly says his head was messed up, and even if dying to Mikasa didn't get him what he wanted, he might have unleashed the Rumbling anyway. Whether he would or not, we'll never know, but I wanted to capture not just that rage but the cooling embers of it after the fact.

Eren, for all that he acted out of revenge often in AOT, wasn't just a two-dimensional character. He moved out of fear, ideals, love, pride, and betrayal as well. I don't disagree with the common trope that someone who lives only for revenge will destroy themselves in the search. But those kinds of pure 'avengers' are rare. Most people don't just feel one emotion at a time, even one as strong as rage. They have other things they care about and desire. Even the quintessential tale of revenge, the Count of Monte Cristo, ends with the Count sparing the main target of his revenge and sailing away with his lover, having left a considerable fortune to the son of an old friend.

Kiba is Eren's junior, not just in the pursuit of vengeance but also in the fact that there was something else. Something that pushes them on more than revenge.

Koneko/Shirone was... difficult. Like Mikasa, she's not really expressive and relies more on body language than verbal speech. Not only that, but so much of her story is tied in with Kuroka's, and there is so much overlap. In the end, I feel like I didn't really get to go very far with her despite her own small growth.

I guess the most relevant thing I wanted to connect with her was the inherent chaos of any sort of self-sacrificial behaviour. Even if one does something for a good reason, by the very nature of the act, the one that sacrifices themselves will have no clue of the long-term effects of their actions. Kuroka did what she did to save her sister, but that doesn't make her happy, does it?

Eren kills off all the Titans, but that doesn't mean the future is 'good.' He has no way of knowing if it will turn out for the better or worse than before. All he could do was trust the future to those he left behind.

Vali and his team are stranding the line of secondary and tertiary characters.

Again, this is a case where so much of their characterization is laid out later in the light novels that the anime hasn't reached. Vali is a try-hard edge lord with a huge dorky side and a soft, gooey center. Bikou is like a shoulder monkey, more along for the ride and the fun than any sort of grand ambition. Arthur is pretty much a gender-bent Saber from Fate (I know what I said.)

All three are battle maniacs but all three also have the sort of 'rogue with a heart of gold' trope going for them. Le Fay (because she gets the harem treatment) gets more screen time than them in DxD, but I really didn't have time to dive into her characterization without slowing the story down.

Asia and Xenovia: Despite having a bunch of ideas for these two, Eren's general disposition towards religion and its adherents kind of prevented them from having too much prominence in this story. Asia's power is seriously underrated; one doesn't mess with the white mage for a reason, and it pairs so well with Issei's that it astounds me that she doesn't get much exposure for anything more than being the 'kind, naive, ditzy nun.' Xenovia also often gets reduced to the token haremite because of her straightforward approach. I hope I at least gave them some decent moments despite their tertiary nature.

Xenovia, in particular, even without the whole Griselda incident, I think is a good voice of opposition. Those close to Eren who consider him a friend/loved one might be able to understand his reasons (even if they don't agree with them), but she is able to just look at the facts. Eren is, unapologetically, a monster. If one ignores all justifications and reasons and just looks at his actions, Eren Yeager is the worst monster ever born. Even if I like to understand the 'why' and 'how,' to look at the world through a nuanced lens, every once in a while, we need to step back and see the whole picture, not just the pieces.

Serafall and the Satans: They, as a group, are another example of fanon and nomenclature getting away from the root of the story. Yes, they undoubtedly killed a bunch of people in the civil war, and Adjuka's Evil Pieces directly enabled the likes of Diodora and other Pillar Devils abusing the system. I am not saying they were heroes or perfect or anything, but one can't ignore what actions they do take. Time and time again, they bend over backward for their family, for peace, and for their people. When Trihexa is unsealed, they sacrifice themselves to seal it back. This is very different from the shadowy devil masterminds many Fanfiction portray them as. (Again, I've read plenty of great stories where they are satanic in their actions. Just that one shouldn't mistake that as the canon version.)

The Hero Faction: I didn't want to change them, and I don't think I did. Fundamentally, baring Herc's Balance Breaker, I didn't even add anything to them. Instead, I wanted to show the different ways 'heroism' is interpreted. In canon, they are antagonists because they are, essentially, humanist terrorists. They don't care about anything but killing non-humans. Any valid points their ideology might have is drowned out by the fact they are willing to genocide entire races for the actions of the few.

In OTB, they aren't any different. All that changed was that they had Eren to point them in a direction that actually benefits the world and allows them to attain their potential. Anyone has the potential to be a 'hero,' so long as the circumstances put them in that position. Nobody is 'inherently' one.

Rizevim: In a story full of complex characters with deep motivations and a wealth of depth, it's always nice to have a root of simplicity somewhere. Rizevim is that simple. He is the rich and powerful being who had everything he ever wanted and grew bored of it. He would rather destroy the world than let anyone else 'have' it. Is he powerful? Sure. But power is not an interesting character make.

For all that, the world is a complicated, messy place; sometimes people are really just assholes. They have their reasons, even if not good ones, but that doesn't change the fact that these 'animals,' as Eren would put it, exist.

There are a whole bunch of other characters that only appear once or twice, but this is already 15k words, so I'll leave this part done and get to the last major section I want to talk about.

The epilogue.

A brief side step before that. On The Bench was designed to have three endings. Not as in different endings, but as in different parts of the story where one can theoretically cut it off and consider it 'done.'

The first is Perfect End: This is the ending the cast and the audience, to a degree, expect. This isn't a 'bad end,' but rather the type of thing we commonly see in most stories. Eren, having achieved his goals, slain Great Red and dies at the hand of Rizevim, who stabs him in the back. Filled with righteous grief, the cast hunts down Rizevim, putting a stop to his plans and internalizing Eren's memory. A good vs. evil sort of story, with Eren faking his death so he can pass peacefully on the Bench, safe in the knowledge the cast can handle the rest.

I wanted this possible end to be the equivalent of how we all thought AOT would end, either in some great reveal that Eren was playing Zeke and Marley all along, that there was some way to establish peace between the nations, or even that the Rumbling would succeed. No matter who you were, we all had expectations of how AOT would end. Expectations that ran contrary to the reality of the world and the characters.

The second ending, and probably the easiest to accept, is From You, A World Away.

This is the 'True Ending' in a way. The one set up in chapter one answers most of every question, ties everything in a neat bow, and gives an ending most would be able to accept. Is it a happy ending? Maybe, maybe not, depending on how you look at it. Bittersweet but an ending that fits the narrative and the characters.

This is obviously the equivalent of the actual ending of AOTs. Messy, morally complex, with nobody really happy but also the world able to finally move on. This ending was the one I had imagined when I first thought about a story that confronted AOT's ending. And, if I had just wanted to recreate AOT in On The Bench, I would have ended things here.

But I didn't just want to do that. I wanted to go beyond Attack On Titan, not necessarily to make a 'better ending.' In fact, from a literary standpoint, I do think the last part of the epilogue harms the story overall. But... that's kind of the point.

To be meta once more, if chapters 1 to 74 take on the role of AOT's story, then chapter 75 takes on the role of 'On The Bench,' this Fanfiction, in that metaphor.

Toward the Bench in That Park is, in essence, a fanfiction of a fanfiction.

That it is my own Fanfiction makes it all the more egotistical and nonsensical. That being said, I still stand by the epilogue. I still consider it my canon continuation. But I wrote OTB for my own selfish whims, so I fully understand if someone thought it was unnecessary/ruined the story for them/invalidated what came before/hated it.

So, what about the contents of the epilogue itself?

Taking it from top to bottom, the first scene where they find his body, I wanted to really capture the conflicting feelings the cast would be feeling at Eren's death. Yes, he messed up the world, but he also saved it. He killed a bunch of people, but nowhere near what he threatened to do, and they thought he would (and had done in the past.) He was their enemy, but he was also their friend.

Remember, the time between Eren leaving and his attack on the Underworld is only a few weeks. If you are able to unequivocally declare a close friend a foe in that short a time, based only on the words of others without them actually hurting you, then you probably weren't close friends in the first place.

The time after Issei's 'death' and the end of the Battle of Broken Worlds is only a few hours. This was probably when they were most able to see Eren as a foe, as he had 'killed' Issei (or at least tried to, they'd think, after Issei came back.) Here, they are able to fight him because they don't think he'll stop, but even then, they don't like it.

But then they discover that Eren has the Founder, thus knew Issei wouldn't die and could have killed them all, yet he chose to not go through with his threat of destroying the Underworld. He spared them their loved ones (the Satans/family/civilians). So, is he the good guy? Not really. A bunch of people still died. So what should they feel? Those conflicting emotions, ups and downs, are only left to fester after he disappears for months, and they spend time hunting down his 'killer.'

Then they discover his full plan, as well as experience a fraction of the terrible effects of the Founders' power. Is Eren a hero? He saved the world. Is Eren a villain? He's killed thousands (in this world, at least) and essentially put them in a cage. Is Eren their friend? ...Probably. Certainly, while he hurt them, he also helped them. Their entire time together, he hadn't manipulated them when he could have, and every sign points to him caring about them... but he did hurt them.

And then, in the end, they don't get the answers they want. We, the audience, see his meeting with God and Armin. We get some closure. They do not. They just find him smiling on the Bench.

So yeah, I really wanted to capture the complex feelings I think we all felt toward Eren at the end of AOT. He's the protagonist and antagonist. The hero and the villain. The genocidal madman and the boy who wanted to be free whose journey we've followed this entire time.

And, in many ways, Eren's death is a relief. With him dead, he doesn't have to confront the world he's built. We don't have to deal with complex emotions when the subject of them is no longer there. We, and they, can move on, even if sad.

Enter one, Rias Gremory.

As I mentioned in the character section, Rias's arc was always one where she, over and over, has her dreams blocked by the realities of the world. Her kindness leads to pain. Her freedom is stolen. Her family is torn apart from within. Her crush, her first love, is the source of it all, even 'killing' one of her loved ones.

Rias is able to confront Eren. She's able to fight him. She's even able to help kill him for those she loves... But she doesn't want to.

Rias Gremory is, at her heart, a selfish dreamer who wants the world to go her way and will do everything in her power to make that happen, even if it goes against what the rest of the world considers 'right.'

In many ways, Eren has slowly been sapping the freedom she so craved from the get-go by (sometimes inadvertently) forcing her to face the truth of a cruel world. Then, he tops it all off by destroying her society and literally putting her in a cage.

And, in the end, Rias steals Eren's freedom to die alone and at peace.

Even if the final part of the epilogue never happened, Eren's presence in the coffin means something, sometime in the future, 'could happen.' Maybe in decades, centuries, or millennia, but just by the existence of the coffin that keeps him 'fresh,' Eren becomes the equivalent of the idea that Titans will never really die.

The time skip after that is more about a 'where are they now' sort of thing.

I had always intended for Sona's school to bookend the story, and it worked as not only a great framework to show the 'post-Eren-world,' but I also wanted to show how different people/factions took the events.

For most of humanity, Eren can generally be considered a heroic figure since he didn't really do anything against them and saved them. That being said, he pretty much traumatized the whole world and declared he destroyed his own, so only small subsets of the population can really consider him messianic in any way, to say nothing of the chaos and confusion that happened in the years that followed.

For most supernatural factions, Eren is... probably the equivalent of the heavenly dragons. Powerful. Destructive. World Changing. He isn't a hero in any way, but he's not really different from what they're used to dealing with in anything but the scope of his abilities. He's not the guy who set off the equivalent of the Rumbling, even if he showed what he did. He's pretty much no different than the biblical god in their eyes. Not better, not worse than any other godlike being in this setting.

Also, I wanted to address what seems to be a point of confusion for many. Most of the world has absolutely no idea about anything that happened on the Bench. They don't know Eren spent a lot of time in Kuoh. They don't know he was friends with Rias/Sona/et al. l. They don't know that Mikasa is also from the same world or that she is connected to Eren. They can find out about Kuroka, Team Vali, and Ophis, but there's a reason Kuroka decided to become Serafall's bishop, and nobody wants to fuck with the others.

That's why it was a big deal for Sona to declare that she knew Eren. Because, as far as the rest of the world was concerned, he came out of nowhere and disappeared. So much of his past/motivations/abilities were unknown. Sona needed to do it if she wanted to be able to teach about his past, but the other's connection to him remained largely unknown. 99.999999% of the people who watch Oppai Dragon have no idea that the 'senpai' character is based on Eren, or that he and Issei have any relationship outside of being enemies.

As for the school itself and its success? Who knows. Whether it succeeds or not will be up to the effort of those involved. Another story for another time that might not ever get told.

I will say that I struggled really hard with what to name it, not wanting to use the cannon 'Aurora Academy' or anything trite like 'Eldia Academy,' which wouldn't mean anything to most people. I actually didn't come up with Atlas Academy until I was writing it, and I am very proud of myself for it. Not its originality (god no. I'm not that good) but rather because anyone who reads RR knows my fondness for wordplay and 'Atlas' works on, like, five different levels.

As for the last part of the epilogue, and possibly the most controversial part of the fic?

As I said, the existence of the coffin always ensured 'something' could happen in the future. DxD is simply a setting where resurrection is too easy and common. I complained about it with the Issei resurrection, and with Eren, I was actively jumping through hoops, so it wasn't easy to just go, 'You died? So what?'

Realistically, unless Eren's death was something that completely destroyed him and his soul, then there was always going to be a chance of resurrection in DxD, and that runs into the problem of why Eren would choose a future like that in the first place.

If Rias' actions guarantee that 'something' could happen, then I wanted an outside force to be the ones to actually do it. Make no mistake, the Satans/Michael/Azazel are fully aware of the threat Eren poses, but they also aren't blind to the benefit he can bring. Even beyond the Satans' desire to make their sisters happy, there is a very realpolitik thought process behind their actions.

Because, at the end of the day, in this world Eren is not the man who unleashed the Rumbling. He is the man who didn't. The man who has knowledge of threats nobody else does. The man who could have killed them all (or directed Cao Cao to do so) but chose not to. Eren's actions, more than the threat of what he could do, are why they decided to pursue his revival.

Let's also not forget that these are the same people who worked with Cao Cao and the hero faction in canon after they attacked the Underworld in a manner similar to Eren's. While Eren's attack had a greater impact due to who died, the death toll is probably lower in total due to his control of the situation.

All that being said, if I wanted to stick close to canon, I couldn't really see why they wouldn't want the information and military power Eren might bring to the table. Especially since they knew his weakness (the Bench).

Finally, I will say this about the epilogue. It is not a 'happy ending.'

Just as Eren has no official paring in this fic, so too is there no guarantee that he is welcomed back with open arms by his friends. I saw a lot of comments wondering why Sona/Rias/etc... would still hold affection for Eren after all he did. As I mentioned earlier, their emotions toward him are in no way simple.

The state of the world is also in no way 'good.' The three faction leaders think it is manageable, at least right now, but there is no denying the death, confusion, trauma, and chaos Eren caused with his actions. Wars began because of him, to say nothing of individual tragedies.

But, at the same time, all his sacrifices gave both worlds something that wasn't there before: hope.

Eren, in the end, gave up on pretty much everything. The future. His values. His morals. His dreams. His ideals. He gave it all up for a few people he wanted to live a long, happy life.

Make no mistake, this fic is not about pardoning or excusing Eren's actions with the Rumbling. It's just about giving perspective. He literally gave up his freedom, the thing he'd been chasing his entire life, to experience a literal hell, essentially forever, just so he could end Titans, get revenge, and give his loved ones a small chance at a long and happy future.

He isn't a saint, and I don't think 'redemption' is really possible for that kind of willful death and destruction. That being said, if anyone had been punished for that kind of genocide, it is Eren Yeager. He essentially existed in a never-ending hell of his own making, all without the escape of death.

Yet, he never had the possibility to confront his actions. He built the world, but he had never been forced to live in it.

More than that, Eren never really had a chance to live in it. From the very first chapter of AOT, his end had been set. Even if Iseyama (or myself in this fic) changed the course of the Path, the destination would always be the same.

No matter what he did, Eren never had the chance at a long, happy life.

This epilogue, and On The Bench as a whole, was never about creating a 'happy ending' where everything turns out well. It was about creating a 'possibility' where happiness is, theoretically, achievable. Eren and everyone else still need to work for their happiness. Still need to live in a cruel world. But now, they have the chance to find the beauty in it.

Eren, as he falls from the sky, does not smile because everything is good.

Eren is smiling because, for the first time, he is free to chase a long, happy life... even if it takes two thousand years or more.

********

Whew!

18K words of rambling! The delay in this release definitely allowed me to go into much more detail than my post about RR. Still, I'm glad I got these thoughts out there. They are nowhere near everything, and there are still little things sprinkled throughout the fic that I didn't talk about for the eagle-eyed reader, but they are probably the most relevant.

Now for some crunchy, crunchy numbers.

I posted On The Bench across eight websites, and all this information is based on my best approximation. Depending on the site and the tools it provides, these numbers might be more or less accurate. (There might be some overlap, but there also might be some lurkers, so I feel they even out.)

FF dot Net: 1254 Followers

AO3: 365 Kudos

Webnovel: 2910 Collections (closest I can get to total readers)

Scribblehub: 204 Readers

RoyalRoad: 200~ lowest chapter reads

Questionable Questing SFW: 733 watchers

QQ NSFW: 1258 watchers

SufficientVelocity: 211 watchers

SpaceBattles: 966 watchers

That totals to *Drum roll* 8101 readers at the time of writing!

Holy shit!

Why on earth would 8k people waste time on my stuff!?

Specifically, if we assume an average reading time of 300 wpm (higher-end speeds, but you're all awesome) and a final word count of 355101 words (also HOLY SHIT! This was supposed to be a 50 to 75k short story! Why do I do this to myself!?) not counting Author notes we get to a total of *Gun Salut* 9,588,910.67 minutes spent reading On the Bench.

Or 159,815.18 hours.

Or 6,658.97 days.

Or 18.23 years!

Holy fucking shit Batman!

I have sucked 18.23 years collectively from the human race! My evil plan is working!

In all seriousness, words cannot describe how thrilled, humbled, and thankful I am for all the support, encouragement, and engagement I have received throughout these last few months. I might have written On The Bench for me, but I am really glad so many of you have been able to get something out of it, even if you disagree with some of my decisions.

In particular, I would like to thank Safely Hijinks, Netra, and OrangeMaster on Spacebattles, as well as an anonymous fellow on AO3 for their Omakes. I would also like to thank Old Man of the Mountain for his help in the early chapters, both for his beta help as well as having someone to bounce ideas off of.

For the omakes, I highly recommend anyone interested in going to the websites to read them. In particular, Netra has published a new Omake after the end of the fic, a wholesome 'what if' situation focusing on Sona and Eren's possible relationship.

I will, in the coming days, release a chapter with these omakes on all sites. I will give credit where it is due, of course, and will remove any that the writers do not want me to share on the other sites.

So, what next for Ol' ReadingDangerously?

First off, a bit of a break.

I've been writing pretty much nonstop since June of 2022. Totalling about 1,132,712 words, averaging around 1400 words a day, not counting editing time or rewrites. All while working a full-time job, moving a few times, and not making even a penny for the work.

I'm planning on not writing anything until November and just relaxing.

After that? I haven't decided yet.

Probably a few omakes/side stories for Rapturous Rhapsody that I never had time to do while writing On The Bench, but apart from that, it's really up in the air.

I have ideas, both for fanfiction and for original stories, but I will have to see what really interests me. I might do a few one-shots here and there, too. Once I settle on what I want to write, I would like to get a good chunk of it done before I start publishing. I like having that buffer of extra chapters for when real life rears its ugly head. I might even start a Patreon/kofi/whatever the current trend is to try and make writing a full-time thing.

It's all undecided except for one thing.

I'm not done writing. I don't think I'll ever be 'done' writing. So, if you've enjoyed my work, I hope you will continue to do so as I improve.

Until next time, I would like to thank everyone for sitting here with me and listening to the rambling stories of a stranger beside you on the bench.