Worst Valentine Joke: I asked a girl in my class 'Would you be my Valentine ?'. She said 'No, because of Medical Condition'.

I asked 'Why ?'. She said 'Because you make me SICK !'

Alright please forgive me for the bad joke LOL, I couldn't resist putting it in the Author's Corner...

Headache (2)

「And that's how it is~ 」

...

「No... no no no no ! You don't just spit out an absurd story and tell me "That's how it is", woman... 」

Yeah, standing right in front of me is the Arch Goddess Amel.

She just lectured me about the history of Gods and what the hell is Bagdur plotting.

Basically, there are 7 Seraph Princess that have been exiled from Heaven since the ancient time.

Why? Because they became the symbol of 7 deadliest sins to seal God of Sins Zoras away.

How do I put this... right, let's tell a bedtime story then.

So, despite the fact that Aliel, which is my Leila, was an Exiled, Bagdur still dated her.

And this bastard, the kind of Lust he wanted from the 『Golden Key of Lust』 wasn't sexual desires.

It was the lust for performing this kind of absurd experiment on living souls.

The scum loved to perform surgery on souls and put a bunch of different beings' souls into one "mutant".

He created shit like and fire breathing rabbit, or a venom spitting deer with bat wings and snake tail.

Yes, in other words, he used Sorcery and Alchemy to sew souls into chimeras.

He spent a whole hundred years to flirt with Aliel and acted like a lover.

Just for the sake of luring her into being a guinea pig.

What was he trying to experiment on her was "Artificial Seraphs".

Especially when Aliel has the Golden Key, she's way stronger than common seraphs, which means a ton more regenerative.

That makes a perfect subject for Bagdur to cut off pieces of soul and has it regenerate to continue the experiment.

Why was Aliel the main target ?

Well, there are also 2 other golden keys, but they were kept by Gods rank 2nd and 3rd, so this scum didn't have enough balls to go and snatch them away.

Aliel, on the other hand was a free and single woman, wow... so fucking fit for an easy target.

Then, Bagdur actually came very close to put her on the surgery table when that crazy wild woman noticed it.

Yes, THAT woman. The Fortune mommy...

She kicked his ass and hid Aliel away.

Then the news came to the sealed Zoras, yay...

He's the Father of all Sins.

God ranking 1st with classification of SS.

Apparently, the 7 exiled are all his daughters... and an angry papa was too scary for Bagdur to handle so he went and hid himself somewhere else while Zoras rampaged.

I mean, his daughter was nowhere to be found right after almost became a guinea pig.

He broke through the seal that was locked with 3 golden keys and wreak havoc everywhere.

Now this guy is scary as fuck because of his Divine Skill 『Father of Sins』.

He can tickle the darkest corners of every single living being's heart.

For example a friendly farmer would turn into a psychopathic killer when the hobby of homicide deep, deep inside his heart got provoked by Zoras' influences.

Even priests would all become wild and treat women and children like toys.

It didn't stop there, even the God of Peace himself almost went mad and rage wars all over the world but somehow he kept his sanity.

But nonetheless, calamities were brought to both the mortal world and Heaven when Zoras rampaged.

Funny enough, even the Underworld was chaotic with demons going mad everywhere.

Then, the three Origins came together and created a stronger seal for Zoras.

Originally there were only three golden keys and 4 smaller seals, but now it became 3 golden and 4 silver keys being put into Zoras' 7 daughters...

Goddamn it I'm having a headache teaching this goddamn history class.

Jeez... this is why I failed History class back in high school...

Back on topic, that marked the end of the Great Calamities... sadly there wasn't any spe*r, sw*rd or shi*ld heroes being summoned to fight Zoras... he was just that overpowered he had to be handled by the Origins.

Speaking of which, where the hell were you when all that happened Ori-chan ?

Apparently, my secretary lady was the infamous "Emperor"... the God of Origins.

That gives me another huge headache on what to call myself now... Nature Spirit... or Emperor ?

Nice one. I love you Ori-chan.

Anyways... thanks to that old geezer, Ori-chan lost her physical body and became what she is right now.

It seems like that crazy Fortune woman also went missing right after that.

「Wait a minute ! ! Why the hell did you know so many things, Miss Amel ? 」

「Um... I asked my benefactor... Light Origin 」

「.... 」

This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it.

Right. Apparently this woman is an acquaintance of Light Origin... I'll leave that aside immediately, anymore information and my homunculus head will explode.

Back on topic, right now, it seems like some bastards leaked the information about Aliel to Bagdur.

And that bitch chose to attack me and abducted my miko...

How did he do that ? Both me and Amel had no idea... but we do know that he's been plotting this.

About the meteorite, even Amel smells something fishy behind that... the timing on that one is just too perfect for Bagdur...

So... what has that bastard been trying to do with 100,000 souls and Leila's Golden Key ?

Ding ding... the answer is that he tried to summon the 『Fortune Artifact』 using his "Brew of Harmony".

He chose to use the complicated method because he hoped to summon one part of Zoras along with that thing.

But in the end I kicked his plan in the balls and ruined it.

Now he'll have to come to where the artifact really is and unlock it by hand.

And where is the artifact ?

「It's right under your sanctuary 」

Ding di—NO! WAIT, WHAT THE FUCK ?

「He~h ? You didn't know ?」

「Of course I didn't ! ! I even checked the geography of my land with my Menu ! ! 」

「Do you think an artifact left behind by an Origin can be found that easily ? 」

Right... that makes sense.

Now that explains why Leila said Bagdur's going to attack me again.

Wait ! Isn't that really bad ? Don't I have to like... go back right away ?

「Rest assure... he needs to submit a report to the Eastern Holy Land before attacking you... otherwise he'll become the enemy of all Gods. That would take around 3 days before he comes for your land... 」

Alright, that's a relief. Now, onto the real question...

「Why the fuck... is the artifact of that crazy woman in my sanctuary ? 」

「That I have no idea, but she set you up pretty nicely fufufu~ 」

「Hah? What do you mean ? 」

「Then, let me tell you this first before explaining... that artifact can turn the possibility of 1/1,000,000,000 into 100% success... that's why Bagdur wants it for his experiments 」

「Wha... ! 」

That's an absurd ability... that goddamn woman buried a huge pain in the ass RIGHT UNDER MY ASS...

「Have you wondered why ? 」

「What ? 」

「Have you ever wondered why, or how did you became a God... ?

Why did you possess the powers you have right now ?

Why is your sanctuary that tiny land inside the forest instead of a plain or somewhere else ?

Why did Aliel end up in your land being your priestess ?

I'll repeat this again... 『Fortune Artifact』 can turn the possibility of 1/1,000,000,000 into 100% success 」

「WHA... ! ! ! 」

Right.

Why did I come straight to that woman instead of next life ?

Why did I pull that F-prize and turn into a God instead of a Goblin ?

Why did Leila end up getting dragged into my land instead of being finished somewhere else inside the forest by those mercenaries ?

Why did my knowledge of games all jumped into my Menu ?

Why did Leila's mental health return just like that ?

Why did that bunch of "Heart of Vengeance" shit popped up one after another ?

Why did I manage to pull the Power-Ball and won Chaos Origin as the grand prize ?

EASY. Because I was LUCKY. I was sitting right on top of that goddamn artifact left behind by Fortune Origin the whole time ! !

That bitch set me up hardcore... I've been had all this time.

But I don't get it... what is her purpose of turning me into this absurd being ?

Well... though I'm happy I didn't have high luck stats and carry a stupid goddess with me to a different world... it's still pretty painful to swallow this...

「She probably wants you to kill Zoras... 」

「What the fuck ? Killing the 1st rank SS class God ? Please excuse me... 」

Somebody, please... send me back to Earth and let me live my life as Kirihara Arata...

Daaaamn... this is the true definition of headache... more like pain in the ass, really...

「That aside... don't you think there's other pressing business you need to worry about now ? 」

「What now... ? 」

「I mean, Bagdur's going to attack your land within 3 days... 」

「Right... I have to go back and strengthen our defense... with what... ? 」

That's my secretary... you people better be jealous.

「You better be careful, if he successfully lay his hands on the artifact, he'll use it together with Aliel to summon 1/3 of Zoras 」

「...... 」

I want to take a good nap... *sobs*

All in all, I found one thing that sounds perfectly plausible to me: L E I L A ⇔ A L I E L.

...and that was it. The rest is just a huge mess that hurts my head...

Ah... nee-chan... if you haven't got married on Earth... I'd like use your lap pillow right now.