Erize thought she knew what she was getting into when she married Utaka. Okimi would help them settle in, teach Erize what she needed to know—whatever she was allowed to help with as queen consort, at least. They would wait a year, then Erize and Okimi would conspire together to convince Utaka he should be a father.
That plan backfired as soon as Okimi died. Erize had hoped it wouldn’t hurt too much, but Utaka was already a celebratory drinker—she should’ve guessed he’d try to just…drink away all his problems. She hated how that only made things worse. She didn’t want to sound like the war was his fault, but she knew he was able to avoid drinking. He used to be, at least.
She kept herself busy doing the men’s work—she now realized that a military general was a poor choice for an advisor, but he was something of a family friend so she understood why Utaka trusted him. It just meant that Erize was stuck doing most of the essential ruling work when otherwise she would just be handling finances and the like, at least until Takeo was too old to fight safely.
Little Kyoumi—nearing two years old at this point—was in one corner of the room where Erize could still see her, playing with some toy Takeo’s granddaughter decided she outgrew. Perhaps out of some kind of apology, Erize actually saw quite a bit of the Fujita family; Masaru and his wife Suzu liked to come by with their children. Erize wasn’t particularly fond of Suzu—she was also a drunkard, albeit one willing to admit it—but it was nice to know that Kyoumi wasn’t bound to only talk with her mother and some servant kids. Even if the Fujita children were a bit too…rowdy for the little girl’s liking; they were used to a home where they could shout at each other and still be heard, whereas Kyoumi was most familiar with the palace’s silence.
While Erize was working, Kyoumi looked up from her play. “Want Papa.”
Erize couldn’t immediately respond since one of the servants came in, murmuring something about a report. Erize took the paper gladly and sat aside her current work. She wanted to stay up-to-date on the battles—she wanted to know if she should expect to be officially told she was widowed, or she had to find another advisor. It was always terrifying, but somehow still reassuring when she knew Utaka or Takeo weren’t among the casualties.
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Kyoumi continued watching her mother, close to repeating her earlier sentence to ensure she was heard before Erize finished reading the report and looked at her. “Guess what?” Erize asked with as much happiness as she could muster in the moment.
“Papa?” Kyoumi guessed cheerfully.
“Mhm. Your father will be back home in a week or so.”
“Play?” The girl said.
“He’ll be tired,” Erize told her daughter kindly. “You might have to wait a few days.”
“No waiting!” Kyoumi protested. She put her hands up and declared in true toddler fashion, “Forever!”
Erize chuckled. “He won’t take forever. You only have to wait a few days after he gets here. That’ll only be two or three weeks; that’s not ‘forever.’”
Kyoumi didn’t look convinced, but nonetheless went back to her doll. She babbled on for a few minutes—something about a dog she thought she saw, or something similar—before standing up and walking over to Erize.
“What do you need, love?” Erize asked kindly.
“Snack?” The girl requested, putting out her hands.
“Will you let me finish reading this?” Erize said, gesturing to the report she was currently looking over.
Kyoumi pouted a bit, but sat down again instead of protesting. Erize trudged through the paper as quickly as she could, and when she stood up her little daughter rejoiced. Kyoumi was happy to take Erize’s hand and follow her down to the dining hall, where they requested some things to keep the girl satisfied until dinner.
Erize kept an eye out for the signs that Utaka was actually returning—among them being Takeo and his family. The circumstances leading to the return was…complicated. At the very least, the report said that it was a bloody draw.
Utaka, of course, tried to avoid talking about it by either staying with Kyoumi or disappearing from the palace. Erize knew they sent out another peace petition, but not much else was said outright. Everything she heard, she got from Takeo—which included news of Utaka’s departure two months later. Utaka didn’t speak a word of it to her, nor to their daughter.
One would assume she would hate Kuro for fighting—or even the gods for allowing the fighting. Honestly, though, she was more frustrated at Utaka; he wasn’t doing any better than what she’s heard of his father. Erize wouldn’t say it out loud, but she felt like Okimi was tossing and turning in her grave. Things should be better than this, shouldn’t they?
Maybe it was her fault for idealizing the future in the first place.