Iphis had known he was different since the beginning.
As a Seraph, he was either a mortal brought to The Heavenly Realm to serve his god, or he was created and maintained by his god’s spiritual energy. And yet Iphis was neither of those things. The other Seraphs were rigid and distant, lacking emotion or any deeper thinking past their perceived duty. Iphis used to wonder why he acted and spoke and fought and trained like them all, but he felt things so differently.
He was fourteen years old when he learned the truth…
In Killera, like in many places, the Chorus were responsible for most of the gossip that floated about. Iphis was heading back to the sleeping chambers he shared with the younger Seraphs when he heard a group of Caishen’s Chorus whispering inside a hidden alcove in the halls.
“It must be so embarrassing for our Lord! Why didn’t they simply send the child to The Mortal Realm and be done with it? Why keep him here?”
“The God of War and The God of Wealth are very powerful, perhaps they were hoping their son would grow up and be powerful as well… worthy of them claiming him-”
“Being the child of a god does not guarantee special powers, you know that! I heard Aeris just didn’t want his reputation to sour if word spread that he’d abandoned his child…”
“Then why bother to make him a Seraph?! Phsst, honestly! If they wanted to be rid of him that’s no skin off their teeth, but if they wanted to keep him why not just announce their son to the world? Hiding him among Aeris’ Seraph feels almost worse than abandoning him!”
“The poor boy. He must not even be aware he is training to grow up and serve at his father’s command-”
“True, true. Ah, and our Lord won’t even look at the boy when he enters a room! How unfortunate, poor little Iphis. He would have been happier living a mortal life…”
Since that day, Iphis finally knew why he was different. But knowing didn’t help. Iphis continued to train as a Seraph and despite those around him that were emotionless and impossible to talk to, deep inside he held a tentative hope that someday his parents could be proud enough to call him their son. It could have been that which motivated Iphis to train harder than everyone else, or it could have been the fact that the Seraphs trained their children and recruits with a singular determination and allegiance to their god. Iphis grew up to become a perfect fighter, and in the palm of his father’s hand, he was the greatest weapon the god of war ever used.
And yet, that did not earn him Aeris’ love.
Iphis doesn’t even remember hearing anything from or about the gods that spoke to them having hearts; they were all selfish beings, blinded by power, completely oblivious to the feelings of others. Iphis saw it everyday, and for a very long time, centuries in fact, he believed that he was in the wrong realm, a mistake of some kind. How could he have been born from those two gods- those gods as cold as statues, when he had felt this burning inside him for as long as he could remember? He had a consciousness inside him that no other Seraph possessed… It drove Iphis mad trying to conceal it.
And then, something happened.
Iphis was called to The Mortal Realm along with a handful of other Seraphs to capture and imprison a very dangerous man.
The God of Stars.
Iphis stood in the forest that night; a night that felt like it would never end. He watched for what felt like a small eternity as one by one, countless Seraphim were injured, repelled by the force of the little white god’s rage. Iphis had never seen a deity express so much feeling, ever, in his life. He was so distracted and confused by the sight, that he didn’t even notice Aeris sighing in agitation and bringing Solis to the ground with a single burst of power.
“Take him to Vriseon. Tell Khalkeus to meet me there,” Aeris said, voice low.
Iphis merely bowed his head in allegiance and went to where the god had fallen. Shockingly, Solis was still awake, he just could not move. Perhaps he was fighting with everything inside him to stay conscious, because he was whimpering, shaking, and turning various shades of red and blue as his eyes rolled back in his head.
Iphis took hold of the back of the little god’s collar and was about to head off with him, when he heard Solis cry out. It was a cry of pure anguish, and Iphis was too stunned for a moment to truly understand it. Later, he would hear from others about the entire messy event; Solis’ dead mortal lover, and the foolish lengths he went to to save him, acting out against the gods in the process. In the moment, Iphis could only blink at the little white god and try to control his own heart lest it try to burst all the way out of his chest.
How was it that Solis could feel this heartache so deeply? He was just a god. And his Prince had been a mere mortal. Was Iphis missing something, or had someone finally been born who had the same pain within them that he felt all the time?
Iphis was too caught up in his duty to think clearly then, so he obediently went with Solis to the prison and left him there with Aeris and Khalkeus. Iphis always bowed so low to his god, a part of him deep inside cowering at his father’s majesty, another part seething in anger at the recognition he never received, and a third part begging; father, will you ever see me? I’m here, I always have been-
Iphis went on his way, resuming his duties without thinking of the little god of stars trapped underneath the mountain. It was hundreds of years before Iphis would remember the golden god, and of course, it had to be at the behest of his father; his god ordering him to The Mortal Realm to keep an eye on the flighty thing.
Solis was completely different to how Iphis remembered him. Not only was he shy and timid, and a touch awkward, he was also exorbitantly ridiculous. Iphis was unused to disorder, it didn’t really fall into a Seraph’s scope. Battle was a choreographed dance and killing was methodical, nothing like whatever Solis was. Iphis didn’t understand how there could be such a whirlwind of a person up there in the Heavens, in charge of such important things as the stars. It was marginally frightening.
At the beginning, Iphis just tried to busy himself with reporting back to Aeris in a timely fashion, but he was reporting through the communications array and it only took a few minutes out of every day. The rest of the time, besides navigating through life in The Mortal Realm, which he vastly preferred to the Heavens, Iphis was also busy cleaning up all of Solis’ messes. There had never been a more clumsy God in all the universe.
Solis wasn’t only a mess in every sense of the word, he was also very clearly at his wit’s end. Iphis didn’t know what seven hundred years in Vriseon Prison felt like, but he could imagine.
It definitely didn’t help that Solis was without the only person he’d ever loved.
Iphis began to notice the god slipping, but he wanted nothing more than to tell his father that the little god of stars was being obedient and doing his work well. That was how the Seraph turned from watchdog to babysitter…
It wasn’t his fault Solis needed someone to take care of him. Iphis was just trying to keep the little god out of trouble- a time consuming, arduous task, to be sure.
Solis had good days in between the bad, and those could be enjoyable. Seeing his face light up when he was interested in something, or tasted something delicious, or danced around with the children of the village… Those moments always settled something deep inside Iphis that he didn’t want to analyze.
Then, there were the bad days.
Solis fell so far and so fast it was like he was a shooting star. Iphis could barely hold onto him, the god slipping right through his fingers. Solis would cry, beg for just one more drink, beg to go to sleep, or to be locked back beneath Vriseon, left to die, or left to drown himself in the sea… Iphis couldn’t count the number of times he’d found the lonely god wandering down the beach, tripping over his feet, dazed and often drunk, mumbling to himself about his Prince while he wept.
It was more aggravating than anything he had ever experienced in his life; watching Solis waste away under his care. Iphis refused to allow it!
So, they began to search for this missing Prince. Humans reincarnated, right? It was only a matter of time before Solis found him, and then he would stop wandering listlessly into the sea, and begin glowing more often. Like he was supposed to.
Solis liked to pretend to give up. Iphis pretended to force him physically and with emotional threats to keep searching, like they both didn’t already know that Solis could no more give up on his Prince than he could forget him…
After many years, it felt like they had scoured the entire realm, but still, there was no sight of him. Iphis saw the way Solis was hanging on by a thread, how the stress of just getting through each day was eating away at him. That is why, when Iphis sees Solis wandering through the streets of Xesith one evening, trailing after an old woman with a walking stick, Iphis just leaves him be. He figures, either he’s found his Prince, or he’s on another bender. Either way, they’re nowhere near the ocean. What's the worst that could happen?
Solis didn’t return for many hours. An entire twenty-six, in fact, and when at last Iphis gave up on him coming home, he went out searching for him, using his skills as a hunter to locate the wayward god. Heart beating frantically as he made his way through the forest, Iphis eventually came upon the little god, and he froze at what he saw.
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It was just like back then… Solis was lying on the forest floor, half out of his mind and sobbing in pain, yet there was no physical wound Iphis could treat. Solis had discarded his concealment robe and lay there shivering in his human form, completely soaked from head to toe in sweat, his skin tinged a sickly blue-gray color.
Iphis kneeled at his side and went to pull him into his arms, just to get him off the cold ground, but then Solis began to heave and after retching for a few moments, Iphis could no longer take it anymore and tugged the god into his lap. Wrapping his arms around Solis’ quivering form, Iphis closed his eyes and prayed for perhaps the first time in his life.
He didn’t know what he prayed for; for Solis to stop crying, for him to be okay… maybe just for the sun to rise faster so that this night would end and they could try to pick up the pieces of the little god’s heart. Iphis didn’t know what he wanted to happen, but as the warmth gradually came back to Solis’ body and he stopped sobbing so violently, he heard him exhale brokenly.
“I lost him…”
And it was then that Iphis understood everything.
This is bad. This is terrible, the Seraph thought, consoling the god of stars until the sun began to rise. I love this little god-
Iphis had known for a long time that Solis was in love with his Prince. He had seen that love bring Solis to the depths of sorrow and the peaks of rage, and he had watched firsthand how he never gave up. Iphis didn’t delude himself into thinking his feelings for Solis were of the same caliber- the stuff that could move mountains and tame seas, but that night he began to understand that his feelings were still love, and that no matter what happened to him, he only cared that Solis was somewhere safe and warm. Iphis realized that night, as he held the god in his arms, that he would do anything for him. The freedom that knowledge gave him made him feel more powerful than all the gods combined.
For the first time in his life, Iphis realized why he was different.
He was different, so that he could love this little god…
And yet, despite Iphis being willing to sacrifice everything to keep him safe, Solis was still punished for seeking out his Prince. The Seraph could not bring himself to look directly at the god’s face as Solis came to know the truth of their first meeting.
Iphis could not say goodbye, it hurt too much after living so closely with Solis all this time, but then, he also could not bring himself to look away from the god as Solis left. So many times, Iphis wanted to go to him, to take him away from The Heavenly Realm and their hypocrisy. Stay with Solis in The Mortal Realm forever, and help him move on from his Prince… Iphis may never be the one Solis loved, but that was okay.
Iphis could love him on his own.
Part of loving Solis was being patient. Iphis also understood that now, cast out of Aeris’ Seraphs, he had none of his father’s power backing him. He was unable to protect Solis like this, so Iphis returned to The Mortal Realm and spent a lonely ten years preparing for Solis’ return.
Not once did Iphis regret his decision. Because it was never a choice. Iphis may have been raised to be loyal to only Aeris, but he was not just a simple Seraph, he was also the son of war, and he knew in his bones who he would end up dying for.
Occasionally, Iphis would return to the Heavens to check up on Solis and listen for any news, but no word ever came from the god of beasts in Quokwin. Iphis also busied himself with continuing Solis’ work. He’d learned enough over the course of their years together that he could at least make sure the humans remembered the god of the stars for when he could come home. Iphis made sure every single inhabited corner of The Mortal Realm was worshiping Solis adequately, so that he would see a full resurgence of power when he returned.
It was the least Iphis could do.
The promise of becoming Solis’ first Seraph was… like honey dripping down his throat every time he imagined it. Iphis wanted nothing more than to be a weapon, a tool for his god to use. He imagined being able to worship Solis and proclaim his undying loyalty. To know that it was probably the closest thing to loving the man as he was ever going to get.
After ten years, Iphis’ dream came true.
Solis returned with little fanfare, one day simply emerging from Quokwin and traveling by foot to Ruewreath. Of course, Iphis was ready to come to him as soon as he called, but he stayed back and waited for Solis. When the god finally emerged from his friend’s palace, he was like a different person.
Solis had… changed, lost his memories of his beloved Prince. The god of stars was unbearably rational now, and didn’t stop to look at butterflies or flowers. His happiness never glowed, but his bad days were also never so dark. Iphis had to grapple with this change, while feeling like the guiltiest bastard that ever lived.
On one hand, Solis was no longer burdened by a love which had wounded him so many times. On the other; the Solis that Iphis had loved was literally made from the love his Prince had shown him, combined with the grief Solis carried which caused him to be so gentle. Iphis was in love with a different Solis; one created by a love that Iphis had no business being a part of.
Nevertheless, Solis called for Iphis, and somehow, amidst the enormous holes in his memory, he recalled the promise he’d made to him, to take him on as Seraph. To Iphis’ great joy, his god had not forgotten their time together, and sometimes it felt like nothing had changed. It was when Iphis expected to find Solis’ sunny smile or awkward stumbling that he was reminded of the missing pieces. Cyndras had really shaped so much of his god… Iphis had never been more thankful for the Prince’s existence, nor more heartbroken over his death.
Iphis was Solis’ best, and only Seraph for… a very long time. They alternated between the realms, moving around a lot as Solis seemed to have a hard time sitting still. Iphis found that, despite Solis being different, he was, at his core, still the one he loved. Sometimes it was hard to find that spark, that piece of familiarity, his ridiculous little white god. But, Iphis was patient, and he had time to search.
Sometimes… occasionally, Iphis would become very stupid around his god. He couldn’t help it. He and Solis were the closest people in their lives, and sometimes his mind liked to wander, lingering on possibilities.
The way Solis smiled at him, the way he laughed and shared stories about the most intimate details of his life… Iphis was greedy when it came to his god, he always told himself that this was fine, that being Solis’ Seraph and close friend was good enough, but his wretched, burning heart always wanted more.
More. Iphis ached for more. It was his deepest secret and most terrifying truth. He lay awake at night knowing that he would perish without Solis in his life, but if he revealed that to Solis, the god’s response might not be the same.
Iphis knew the bloody fool so well, he could picture precisely what he’d say.
“Oh my… goodness. I just, you never- oh, Iphis. I don’t know what to do!”
Solis would explain gently how he had never experienced what the mortals referred to as love, and that, while he was so lucky and grateful to have Iphis’ loyalty, he just didn’t know what to do with anything more.
So, Iphis was content with “good enough-”
Alas, he should have made the most of it.
Solis was on another one of his vacations in The Mortal Realm, and Iphis in the Heavens, when the Seraph got the news. Felt it, actually; a chilling ripple passing through Iphis’ body as he felt the universe go dark. He confirmed with the others as soon as he could breathe again, but his worst fear had come true.
Solis had died, and Iphis hadn’t been there to protect him…
What good was all his training, all his love, if he couldn’t even save the only person that mattered? Iphis was so lost without Solis. He could finally truly understand the depth of the god’s grief over his lost Prince.
Suffice it to say, the entire Heavenly Realm was put on high alert when said Prince was reborn as the new god of death. Iphis heard it all after of course, too busy drowning his sorrows in The Mortal Realm and imagining drowning himself at sea. When he finally raised his head far enough out of his glass to see straight, it was a sight unlike anything he could have imagined.
Solis was alive. He stood in all his glory in shades of cream and gold. His beauty was like the physical prayer Iphis that had been whispering since he could recall; love me, love me, won’t you love me, love me on purpose, without fear, somebody love me until I fall apart…
Somebody, choose me.
Solis had been resurrected from death by none other than his old lover, Cyndras. The new god was as regal as a King and as frightening as an unmarked grave. Iphis watched the way Solis looked at him, and felt something inside him dying every single time.
Solis had returned with his memories intact. Iphis was both ecstatic and repulsed by it. He felt like he was looking at a ghost. It had been so long since he’d seen this side of the god; the side that stared with wonder at the moon and laughed with crinkled eyes. He was a little clumsy again, a little bashful. He was everything Iphis had fallen in love with, and now more.
Solis had been so happy to introduce him to Cyn, after all the chaos of the Heavenly Court had been taken care of. Iphis bowed to his god’s lover and couldn’t help but notice his blade.
Aeris’ body had been found in the depths of the Vriseon Prison, right where he’d been chained. Iphis couldn’t help but wonder if his father had thought about him before he was killed… he also wondered if he cared.
Supposedly, this Prince was his half-brother. Why not? Iphis couldn’t be hurt by anything else anymore. Why should this be the thing that does him in?
Solis beams at the both of them when the god of death places a hand on Iphis’ shoulder, and says in a low voice-
“Thank you for being by his side. I am relieved he wasn’t alone.”
Iphis hates the way he admires Cyn. Maybe he’s just been seeing him for so long through Solis’ eyes…
As the days pass slower than ever, Iphis realizes that he should have been happy with “good enough” while it lasted. Yes, he was still Solis’ Seraph, his one and only protector, soldier, weapon… but, he did not belong to the god, and he was not the most important person to him. Maybe he never was. Iphis shouldn’t be surprised.
Like a sunrise peeking above the mountains, Iphis suddenly sees the truth and all its splendid colors;
Solis does not need me anymore…
Iphis refuses to be bitter, and he refuses to cry. What use is that when he cannot even be used by his god anymore? Solis is protected by the only man standing in the veil between life and death. There is nothing Iphis could be, or do for him, more than what Cyndras has already done. There is nothing Iphis can do for Solis that Cyndras cannot readily do. Solis doesn’t need him. Iphis shouldn’t be surprised.
Stupidly, he still is. He doesn’t know when he started believing in forevers… must have been his god rubbing off on him.
There is nothing in Khalkeus’ armory that will work, but he still checks. Maybe Iphis is hoping to be found. Maybe he wants to be brought before the Heavenly Court and punished for breaking in; chained beneath the mountains of Vriseon and made to sleep a thousand years. But, no. Iphis cannot leave this up to fate. It’s done him no favors so far.
Standing on the ledge, overlooking the endless blue abyss that awaits him, Iphis prays for the last time.
Love him, he begs, hoping the universe is listening-
Love him for me, because I cannot. Love him on purpose, without fear. Love him until he is whole…
Iphis steps off, into the yawning pit of the volcano from which all gods are born. His last thought was of a little white god; the first person to show Iphis what love was, and only one to ever make him want more.