“I don’t understand.”

The god of stars wanted to roll his eyes. That makes two of us…

Iphis was pacing under the light of a full moon, his arms crossed anxiously even after Solis had told him to sit down. It was getting painful to explain over and over and now he just wished the Seraph would stop talking about it.

His friend wanted to help, and that was kind of him, but Solis didn’t want help. He wanted oblivion, and that was not something Iphis was able to do.

“You found him,” the Seraph repeated once more. “He was there, his soul or whatever, but then he just… died? Just like that?”

Solis nods. “Yes, just like that.”

When Iphis seems to realize he wouldn’t add more, he starts to pace again, muttering under his breath about fate and what it can go do to itself.

Solis frowns. “I was told a long time ago that my actions would have lasting consequences. Perhaps this is what they meant.”

Iphis stills, “What do you mean?”

“Our fate-string has been severed by the gods, so maybe that’s it. My fate and Cyndras’ fate is to never meet again-”

“But you did meet! You did, I just…” Iphis growls and huffs.

Solis sighs. “Be together, then. We are not meant to be together.”

After a moment he smiles, then laughs until tears fill his eyes.

“I must have been very stupid to have done this to myself…”

“Solis!” Iphis snaps, “This is not your fault!”

Solis stares up at his friend and in the faint brightness coming from the moon, he sees that impassive face, Iphis' carefully layered expression of dissatisfaction and contempt, and Solis is grateful there is at least there is one person who feels anger on his behalf… besides himself, of course.

That must mean he’s not as crazy as he thinks he is.

Before Iphis can lapse on and start ranting about the situation again, Solis watches the man go tense, his brow furrowing and his jaw clenching while he listens to a message through the Seraph’s telepathic communications array.

“Unbelievable!” He spits when finished, and Solis goes to stand unsteadily, leaning back against a tree.

“They want you to take me to them, don’t they?”

Iphis shoots him a look that says he would rather chew glass, but Solis just grimaces and straightens his shoulders.

“I’m ready for them, Iphis. Let’s go home.”

The Heavenly Realm is suspiciously quiet when they arrive, and the general consensus of the Chorus they run into on the way to Killera is that Aeris is very displeased with him. Solis does roll his eyes, managing to pull a rare smile from Iphis when he says; “And? What else is new?”

Unsurprisingly, half the gods are already waiting for them in the great hall, and then Solis has to physically restrain himself from cursing up a storm when Caishen shoots him a critical look and Aeris tells him to kneel.

Solis is halfway to the floor when he feels Iphis yanking him back, and then the entire Heavenly Realm is dead silent as Aeris’ most trusted Seraph extravagantly defends the realm’s most problematic little god… loudly, and unapologetic.

Solis can only stand there and blink in shock as Iphis pushes him out of the way of Aeris and Caishen, and begins to shout-

At his parents!

“If you’re going to punish someone, punish me! It was my idea to look for the boy! Before you pass judgment on Solis for seeking him out, remember it was me who told him to, and it never interfered with the god’s work in The Mortal Realm! You have no recourse. Solis, let’s go!”

Solis is already being yanked by the scruff of his collar, halfway out the door, when he hears Aeris speak.

“Stop.”

He doesn’t raise his voice. The god of war doesn’t have to. Solis feels Iphis tense and shiver, and inside the god is thinking; oh no… I hope we can survive this with all of our limbs intact-

“How dare you?!” Caishen seethes, “Talking this way to a god is punishable by death! You would really sacrifice everything to defend this person, when we know full well of his transgressions?”

To Solis’ surprise and against his mental pleading, Iphis turns to the gods again and immediately drops to his knees.

“Then kill me. But let Solis go…”

The stunned silence in the room is shattered by Kulao’s anxious laughter, the god of love coming closer to the center of the room and waving his hands while calling-

“Please, please! Gentlemen, there is no need for violence! I thought this was a happy occasion; the god of stars has returned to the realm after many years away! Aeris, Caishen, surely just because he sought out his old flame doesn’t mean we aren’t still happy to see him, isn’t that right?”

The expression on Aeris’ face told Solis all he needed to know. The god would have no issue killing his own son just to save a little face… Iphis was in danger.

Solis somehow managed to bite back his rancor and kneel beside his friend, and despite the Seraph’s aggrieved begging and insistence that he stand, Solis held firm and lowered his eyes to Aeris’ feet.

“I take full responsibility for my actions,” the god’s voice rang clear and true throughout the great hall.

“Seeking out the Prince’s soul was my own decision, and I will accept any punishment you deem necessary, my lords. It was truly not my intention to cause harm.”

Solis didn’t look beside him at Iphis, even when his friend called his name in desperation. Solis did not want to be punished for finding Cyndras again, but he would also like to avoid losing one of his only friends if at all possible. As long as Iphis kept his mouth shut, they should be-

“Fine,” Aeris waves a hand, like he couldn’t care less, and maybe he couldn’t.

“You were explicitly warned it would be dangerous to seek him out, but you did anyway, and for that you are banished with your powers sealed to the wastelands for ten years. It is a light sentence, considering your history, Solis. I expect you to make use of the time to think. As for you-”

Solis can’t help the way he tenses when Aeris looks at his son. Beside him, Iphis is no doubt glaring daggers at his father, and it doesn’t help that the rest of the gods are here to see him standing up to the man in such a public way. It wouldn’t matter that they were blood relatives, Iphis is Aeris’ Seraph, and disobeying him would have consequences.

Aeris’ gaze didn’t linger long as he said-

“Such a waste of good training. You can go grovel to one of the other gods for the scraps off their table for all I care. Don’t let me see your face here again.”

Excellent, Solis breathed a sigh of relief. He didn’t kill him…

But, Solis could feel the way Iphis was swaying, and the wash of pure vehemence that was more or less radiating from his skin. The man was a loose cannon, that much was true, and Solis was going to have to risk it all so that he didn’t go off.

Pushing his luck, the god got to his feet, blocked Iphis with his body just in case, and bowed to Aeris fully, saying-

“With my lord’s permission, when I return from my banishment, would it be possible to take this one as my Seraph? After all, if there is no more use for him here, I’m sure I could find him a job, maybe even the construction of my own domain, so that I may better serve the realms.”

Aeris was already moving away, onto another conversation with someone else. He waved to signal they could leave and for Solis, that was a blessing in itself.

He didn’t bother to stay and say hello to Prentis, who he knew would be anxious to talk to him and see how he was, Solis just grabbed Iphis by the wrist and dragged him out into the harsh midday sun. Outside, the god whirled on him, clenched fists tightened more in worry and surprise than anything else. Iphis just stared at the horizon while Solis ranted up and down the balcony.

“What the hell were you thinking?! Are you suddenly suicidal? Iphis, that was really stupid of you, why didn’t you just let me take the blame?! I could only be sent away for a time, but you could have been killed!”

Iphis huffed a laugh and crossed his arms, but then he grimaced and shot the sun an angry glare.

“None of what happened back then, or now, is your fault. I am tired of them pretending they’re the only ones with morals. It’s sickening!”

Solis blinks, then something dawns on him and a sinking feeling begins to creep up his spine. Feeling exposed and unused to it, the god takes a step back and says;

“Did you… were you there? Back then?”

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Iphis grumbles under his breath but then nods sharply, once. Solis feels like he’s freefalling.

“Oh, okay.”

No! It wasn’t okay! Iphis, his companion for more than two decades, was there on the day that Solis’ world came crashing down around him? And he just… never said anything? What was going on?!

Solis didn’t know whether to feel hurt, angry, or confused by this revelation, so he just ended up feeling embarrassed. Iphis had seen that… him at his worst, his most vulnerable. And then last night too, after losing Cyndras again, Solis had turned to the man for comfort. Why would Iphis even bother to defend him, knowing first hand all of Solis’ failings. It was impossible to make sense of. Solis was too tired to try.

“I guess we can… talk about it later,” Solis clears his throat. “I’ll be back to keep my promise about taking you on as Seraph in ten years. That is, if you still want to.”

Iphis didn’t respond, and he didn’t even turn around when Solis muttered an awkward goodbye. It felt uncomfortable to wander off into the distance without him, but Solis knew they would meet again. Hopefully Iphis would be able to bite his tongue until then. Maybe he should have told him to lay low in Ruewreath with Prentis for a while, but oh well, the man would just have to figure it out.

Solis has his powers sealed, which more or less makes him human and useless, and then he trudges off alone to the wastelands as instructed, although Solis doesn’t really think the name fits.

Wasteland implies there is nothing, but the northeast of The Heavenly Realm is actually very full. Home to the illusive god of beasts, Quokwin is an expanse of desert, brittle trees, and hills. The wind blows at night and makes everything very cold, but during the day the sun shines down and fries little defenseless gods.

Ten years would certainly be a punishment after all…

Solis makes a home by the edge of the freshwater lake for the first few nights, but the wind is too cold and he keeps hearing the sounds of creatures bigger than him, which doesn’t bode well without powers. The sand dunes aren't much better, and after traversing the entirety of the land over the course of two weeks, some animal or natural resource always drying up or making him have to move, Solis is half out of his mind with grief and loneliness and physically too tired to go on.

Then, on the thirteenth night, when the moon is only a sliver in the sky, Solis startles awake to the feeling of being watched…

“Hello?” He calls, but the wilderness doesn’t reply.

After a few minutes he can no longer keep his eyes open, so he drifts off into a fitful sleep, occasionally stirring to the sound of faint breathing, but never seeing anything. When the dawn begins to break over the horizon and Solis is kneeling by the lake to wash the sand from his lashes and brows again, he finally stills at seeing a face looking at him from the other side of the bank.

Well, not so much a face… was a skull a face?

The creature was large, easily as tall as two men, and still somewhat humanoid while remaining beastly. It had two thick arms and two thick legs, all four tipped with black claws, and aside from the white creature skull where its head should be, there was also a visible rib cage protruding from a massively hairy chest. The creature was so still that Solis wasn’t even sure if it was alive for a while, and then when he started to move away it mirrored him, curved, branch-like horns like two enormous trees as the beast walked on its hind legs closer.

Solis was concerned with this new development, right up until the beast halted before him and tilted its head. Up close it really did seem like something out of a child’s bad dream; hollow eye sockets and massive claws, but then Solis bowed gently, assuming the identity of the creature, and before he knew it, he was raising his head again to a tall man with long white hair, his skin entirely translucent and pale to the point where Solis could see his bones, organs, and veins.

The god of beasts looked him over, then huffed and jerked his horns in the direction of the lake.

Solis blinked. “Oh, I’m very sorry. I did know this was your domain, and I didn’t even introduce myself! Apologies, my name is Solis. I’ve been… um, banished here? Just for the time being. And… and you are?”

Solis already knew, but if he was going to be stuck in Quokwin for the next ten years, it might be nice to know one person, even if they were only acquaintances. When the god before him spoke, it was with a deep voice, forced out of his lungs that, if Solis risked a glance, he was sure he’d be able to see moving-

“Inyaga.”

Solis swallowed and nodded. “Nice to…”

Before he could continue, the other god was walking off. When he was up to his knees in the lake, Inyaga transformed into a beast again, this time with the lower body of a serpent, and Solis watched, dumbfounded, as he slowly slipped under the water’s surface inside a ring of foamy bubbles.

“Meet you.” The god sighed, feeling defeated once more.

That went well, I guess. I mean, at least I wasn’t eaten…

Over the course of the next few months, to Solis’ surprise and also great relief, he manages to get closer with the god of beasts. Unexpectedly, he finds Inyaga to be one of the kinder, more level-headed deities, despite first appearances. The god, be he in the form of a man or beast, would occasionally just follow Solis from a few yards away, ducking behind a dune or a tree when Solis would look back. He was very shy at first, and almost never got closer. Solis decided that that first morning must have been the god finding out who Solis was, and after deciding he wasn’t a threat, just wandered after him for a few weeks.

Solis began having distant, one-sided conversations with the man, who he’d learned was somewhat of a creature magnet… any animal within a certain radius would inevitably be called to Inyaga. It was sweet, until the time Solis woke up by the lakeside with Inyaga only a few feet away and a swarm of ants biting him all over.

The other god is no more of a mystery than Solis finds himself to be, these days. Truly, is wanting to be separate from the other deities really so crazy? Inyaga eats when he’s hungry, sleeps when he’s tired, plays when he’s bored, and the rest of The Heavenly Realm calls him some sort of societal outcast just because he doesn’t want to do what they all do? Solis should have come to the wasteland years ago…

Inyaga is in his most human form one night, already a few years into Solis’ banishment. The god of beasts was curled around a slowly dying fire that Solis had lit after too many bitterly cold nights, and now a group of birds were settling down and making a nest in the large man’s white hair.

Solis chuckles at the scene, finding the way the other god is lying to be very reminiscent of a lazy house cat in The Mortal Realm. A bit like how Cyndras used to sleep… Solis supposes, if Inyaga is the god of all beasts, it would make sense that he had characteristics of every creature, no matter how small and sweet.

Earlier in the day, Solis had undertaken another fishing expedition to the center of the lake, since he had to eat much more often without his powers. Inyaga had swam circles around him for about an hour, obviously enjoying Solis’ fumbling, and then suddenly there were about three dozen fish flying out of the water and smacking the stupefied god right in the face. He caught only one, but fell with a splash shortly after and it escaped again. He heard Inyaga’s bubbling sigh from beside him, and then the other god submerged again, clearly giving up on Solis’ fishing endeavors.

It was nice of Inyaga to allow Solis to stay safely in his land, be sheltered by his trees, and fed by his beasts. Solis had become somewhat expectant to find some manner of edible creature laid out by the remnants of his fire, and Inyaga not too far away, licking his paws or cleaning the meat off some bones.

Inexplicably, Solis had made a friend. He never spoke in words, but the god felt they had an understanding. Sometimes loneliness was best shared…

The god of stars was exceedingly lonely at times, and truly, nothing made it better. He had terrible nightmares of Ito’s cold hands, her breathless body, or purpling eyelids. Flowers haunted Solis the way he wished his love would. There was not a day that passed that the god did not think about Cyndras, and not a day that passed where he did not curse his own existence for being the thing that led his lover to such a fate.

“I wish I could have known then,” Solis says one night to Inyaga. “I wish someone could have told me I was going to lose him. Maybe then, things would have been different. Maybe I wouldn’t have held on so tight.”

Solis knows how foolish it is, but he can’t help it. He is a very foolish god.

When the ten years are up, Solis’ powers are slowly and gradually restored, and he leaves Quokwin with half a dozen sunburns and a heavy heart as he watches Inyaga stare at him forlornly from the lakeside. He promised he would return, even just to catch up soon, but first there is something Solis must do.

Ruewreath is more or less how he remembers it being; blessedly shady, calm, and cool. The Chorus greets him before he’s even at the gates, and then Solis is being led excitedly right to Prentis’ workroom, where the man in question almost breaks the bottles he’s holding in his hurry to run and hug him.

“Solis! Oh my goodness, it’s been so long! How are you?”

Prentis’ concern and his familiar dark eyes soothe something in Solis that he had forgotten was there, a kind of innocence. He wants to collapse in the other god’s arms and cry woe is me, and tell him all about the injustices of the heavenly and mortal realms alike. Solis swallows that urge like it is ten thousand poisonous pills, and stares right at Prentis with a resolute little frown.

“You have to help me do something, and then I will never ask for anything ever again.” He says.

Prentis’ eyes widen, but he tells Solis to sit down and asks him what’s wrong.

Solis goes into just enough detail about what happened in Xesith with Ito so that he only cries a little. Prentis hands him a handkerchief and tells him to go on. Solis tells him about the fate-string, the gods’ punishment, and how he is afraid Cyndras’ soul will continue to die if and when Solis manages to find him again. Like clockwork, he will lose his Prince in eternity…

“What can I do to help?” Prentis says, and Solis thanks his lucky stars that he really does have a small handful of true, wonderful friends.

Does he deserve them? Probably not, but he also won’t question it.

“I want you to put up a block in my mind, so that I do not remember anything about Cyndras. That is the only way to ensure I will never seek him out again, and never unwittingly cause his death.”

Prentis stares at him for a moment like he’s gone insane, and maybe he has. The desert sun in Quokwin certainly gave him a hard-earned tan, so why not brain damage?

“What, but that’s-”

Solis reaches out and holds one of Prentis’ hands. He will resort to begging if he has to, he has certainly done worse…

“I know you can, you were the one who put me into the coma when I was in Vriseon Prison, it should be easy for a god of medicine. Just make it so that all of my memories of him are sealed forever. It’s the only way to protect him from what I might decide to do.”

Prentis shakes his head, “Solis, no! You don’t know what you’re saying. Think about this, please. Without your memories of him, and the love you shared, you would no longer be the same. Everything he brought to your life, all the ways he impacted you would be lost. That would be the most tremendous death imaginable. I won’t allow you to hurt yourself in that way!”

“With these memories…” Solis almost shakes as he grits out, “With this love… I am afraid I will live to do something much, much worse.”

Prentis is silent for a long moment, then he says; “You believe you will become a danger to others?”

Solis nods, “Isn’t that what I already am?”

After a while, his friend replies.

“As a healer, there is only ever one thing I strive for, Solis. Do not make the patient worse. As your friend, and as a physician, I cannot say for sure whether taking your memories would truly be the helpful thing. Perhaps, you are meant to rise above your pain, or use it for something beautiful in the future. I would be robbing the universe of that beauty if I did what you ask. Please, let us think of another way.”

“Prentis, please!” Solis wept silently, “Kulao said that love between a mortal and a god never works out, so is that it? I was born into this world already fated to end up a mistake, tied in reverse to a man I can never have?! We are gods! What rules are there that say my Prince had to die and I had to be the one that killed him?! I would still rather see the world drown than see him cry. I would rather die than continue in this life without him, without his love that was so selflessly given. He loved me so much, too much! He loved me to death and I love him even after death, and if the only way we can be together is side by side in our grave that the heavens bless, so be it!”

Solis dashes to one of the shelves in Prentis’ apothecary and grabs an entire row of bottles, managing to swallow a handful of their contents even through his tears and the other god yelling and trying to hold him back.

“Solis! Solis, stop. I’m sorry! I’m so sorry, sweetheart, please stay awake-”

He only faintly hears Prentis’ voice through the ringing in his ears and the whole world slanting sideways. Solis drifts away to a faint metallic taste rising up the back of his throat, and the sound of his friend crying softly, promising he will make everything okay.

Solis remembered making a promise like that once…

Despite all the odds, he is still trying to keep it.