Editing done. The original text can be found here: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1YtpnoDuXhhLAuRc3lD1VlpOVDyJd51OieyzxuMO9hCc/edit?usp=sharing
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In some secluded bedroom of a particular college student cum author, there is the usual adolescent mess strewn about the confines of the approximately 14x14 foot room. Papers lay upon the floor in their organized chaos, of which only the owner knows it’s form, and the solitary window with its shutters closed to the morning rays allows only the barest of beams through the cracks.
One of these stray beams of light just so happens to fall upon the face of a certain moderately built asian male slumped in a well worn swivel chair. As the sun traverses its path through the sky, the beam of light strikes the figure’s eyelid, stirring him from sleep.
Unh.
Light. Painful.
Limbs. Stiff.
In an attempt to get up and stretch his stiff limbs, he pushes off against the wall with a foot; obviously trying to scoot his chair away from his desk.
*Creak*
Wha? No!No!NO!N-
*Crash*
“Ouch.” Whoever thought it was a good idea to place a rolling chair in a carpeted room deserves to get shot… Oh, wait. That was me.
Scratch that. He deserves an award. The Biggest Doofus Award. Congratu-freak’n-lations me. And the audience goes wild with applause! Thank you, thank you. It’s an honor to receive such a prestigious award.
Now flopping listlessly amidst his papers, he decides it’s more rewarding to simply lay there like a sack of potatoes and would rather remain in that position if it weren’t for his alarm clock which had been blaring since 8:30 AM.
In a desperate show of laziness, he stretches his arm, only his arm mind you, and begins inching it towards the alarm clock situated a couple feet above his head.
Closer. Closer! Almost got it now! Touched it! Okay, calm down me. No time to get excited. It’s time for the hard part. Pressing the button.
Straining to reach the button, the alarm clock begins to tip over the edge with all the jostling. Minutes pass and the tension continues to mount; the protagonist still nowhere near pressing the button. Suddenly, perhaps it was fate, the alarm clock passes the tipping point and begins its descent as foretold by the laws of gravity.
The scene is quite poetic. The protagonist’s look of abject horror as it descends. The graceful tumble of the alarm clock spiraling downwards. It’s all quite amusing.
“GAH! FREAKINGFRACKINGSONOFA--HNNG--”Agh! Bad idea of the week number 12. I need to stop doing shit like this, but first things first. I need to stop this nosebleed before my carpet gets stained. Hey! Look on the bright side, at least now I have two more of The Biggest Doofus Awards to add to my collection. Better start making a display case for them all. A metaphorical box for a metaphorical collection of trophies just won’t cut it anymore.
Following the overly dramatized action of waking up, subsequently not giving a care, and acquiring not one, but two “The Biggest Doofus Award”s, our protagonist proceeds to wash up, eat breakfast, and boot up his computer; all from the comfort of his bedroom floor.
NOT!
Of course he got up. Doofus…
With the morning/midday things now out of the way, our sad excuse of an MC finally manages to unlock his computer after several failed attempts and opens up a blank online word document. You know? Those ones that are synced in the newfangled thing called the Cloud? Yeah, one of those thingies.
Anyway, back to the blank word document. No, wait a moment. There’s something on there. A single, solitary, simple, three-letter word.
~THE~
Now you may be wondering, “What’s this scrub doing with a doc consisting of only one word? Come on n00b.” Well, you see, this scrub or n00b, as you refer to him, is actually a small time failure of a self regulated author who couldn’t write a coherent story if his life depended on it. Ideas may flutter about his head as avidly as vainly as mayflies after the rain, but just as mayflies do, they die down and lead nowhere. No matter how great the idea or concept may be, if this scrub never puts metaphorical pen to paper, he will be forever a loser; a failure of an author. A lazy ass guy who’s only friends are his hands, his “friends”, and books.
... Ouch. I can hear you, you know. Just because it’s mostly true doesn’t mean that you had to say it that way. Cruddy Narrator. Why couldn’t I have just made you with a nicer personality. Ah, whatever.
Narrator! Go call your wall repair specialist. I think I broke the fourth one again.
Enough of that talk. I’m sure the readers don’t want to listen to your drivel all day long. Get on with the writing already.
*Bam-click*
Ooh! Would you look at that. The screen is rapidly filling up with text now. Just look at him go! And with his face no less...
Sorry, my mistake. It’s only the keys being depressed by his face as he lays down dejectedly and rolls atop his keyboard. Wanna see?
Spoiler :
hjyu hju hju hju hju hju hju hju hju hju hju hju hju hju hju hju hju hju hju m,xcbn bn bn bn bn bn bn bn bn bn bn bn bn bn bn mbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbn”:{
“:{
“:{
“:{
“:{
Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.
“:{
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“:{
j76j76j76j76j76m, nmhju
[REAL author’s note]
Spoiler :
This is actually what appeared when I rolled my face on my keyboard… Couple of face plants, rolling about, and self diagnosed conditions of squished nose later, and this is what you get. Man, the things I do in the name of literature. I hope you guys appreciate it.
Here’s a novel idea. Why doesn’t the Author first write out a couple of character sheets, settings, and scenarios in order to better organize something into a story?
Hey! I have an idea, why don’t I make a couple character sheets, settings, and scenarios to organize my ideas into a story?
Sigh, it seems that I am destined to be ignored, as always. At least the Author is now actually writing something. About time, too.
*Keyboard clackity-clack sounds*
Were the sound effects really necessary? Yes. Fine, continue on. I’d do so regardless. I don’t need none o’ yo’ sass.
…*Keyboard clackity-clack sounds continue*
“Finally done!”
RaceFaerieGenderFemaleName???Power Ranking???PersonalityEnergetic
Playful
Sadistic?Titles[Hidden: Author’s Ward]
[Locked]
[Locked]Abilities ListDescriptionFlightShe’s a faerie, duh. Just about anything mythical with wings can fly.Travel ReadyEverything but the kitchen sink… On second thought, maybe just everything. Have you seen what’s in that bag? We’re talking Mary Poppins here folks.NightlightOoh, pretty colors.
Now what… I’ve got a character. Maybe this?
What sort of hell should I put her through? Love? Life? Reincarnation? Tragedy? Hell itself? Or perhaps…
Author’s Dumb Ideas List
- Love
- Life
- Reincarnation
- Tragedy
- Hell itself
- ME!
O-kay then. While Mr. Author over there is having his little spaz show, I’m just gonna wait for the magic to happen. This is going to be fun.
Next is… Settings! Let’s do this!
[/align]
Author’s Dumb Settings List
- Reincarnation
- Fantasy worlds: technology, magic, techno-magic, otherworldly
- Angels and Demons: the great war of Light and Dark
- Anti-hero turned unlikely hero
- Hell itself
- World Traveler
Hmm… That world traveler thing seems cool. I mean, it’s a story about a world hopper. Is it like Doctor Who with a space-time traveling police box or are we having random jumps through the fabric of space time. Yeah. I’ll go with that one. Now where do I go from there?
Waddyaknow! Lookitthetime! Countdown starts at the end of the rhyme!
Four
"Wut?"
THREE!
"What’s going on!?! Narrator, you’ve never done this to me before."
TWO!
"What the hell is going on?!?"
One…
"Huh? What was that Narrator?"
See you on the other side, Author.
"NARRATOR!!!"
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A/N
Quick note regarding tables and stuff. I won't be able to get around to it any time soon. Chapter 1 is already written out for the most part and will be released later this week. Right now I'm busy with academics so there's not too much time to focus on reading and writing for pleasure right now.
Sorry to those expecting a NaNoWriMo fic update. This one just grabbed my attention and I wanted to mess with the idea for a bit first.
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11-16-15 Tables and formatting should be completed. Sorry for the inconvenience. Chapter 1 coming out on Friday night if I'm not burnt out after school. It's in my google drive. Just follow the "WIP doc" in my signature to find it if you wanna read the unedited version now.
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Yes, I see the out of place "/align" tag, but can't seem to find the cause. I'll figure it out eventually if I ever decide to clean up the doc.