Hehe, that poor sap. Literally years in the making and he never noticed it. At the very least, he shoulda known something was off. I mean, he’s the very reason I came into existence… Oh, right. You must be wondering what happened to the Author. Well, he just kinda-sorta got sucked into an inter-dimensional void space between the very fabric of reality in the threads of space time…

Right over your heads, ain’t it. Do I need to dumb it down for ya’? Nah. You’re smart enough to figure it out. And if you are, in fact, not smart enough to figure it out, just pretend you know what it is. That’s what works for me.

Anywho, let’s get on with it and see what Author is spazzing out about now.

“NARRATOR!”

“What the hell just happened? Where the fuck is this! And lastly, why the heck am I naked and weightless in what appears to an inky black void?”

“…Well? I’m waiting.”

“Hello? Narrator? You bastard. You’re supposed to be one of those random voices in my head. How can you just up and run off now of all times?”

Hmm… Am I dead? Can’t be dead, can I? Is this perhaps one of those hero summoning things?

Nah. I’m just some scrub. What could I possibly do… Maybe I am dead. I heard that death could either be slow and subtle or swift and sudden. Perhaps I got disintegrated or something?

Damn satellite lasers. I knew the government was up to something.

Let’s see. If I’m dead, does that mean that I’m getting reincarnated now? I’d rather not with my mind still being intact and all. That light at the end of the tunnel, I don’t even want to think about it.

Nothing to it other than wait for something to happen. You know, I’ve always wanted to finish one round of that bottles song.

“OOH! 99 bottles of beer on the wall! 99 bottles of beer! Take one down, pass it around!”

“Don’t mind if I do, thank you.”

“98 bottles of- you’re welcome- beer on the wall! 98 bottles of… I feel as if I’m missing something here. Is it the distinct lack of Narrator in my life for once? No, can’t be that. He’s an ass and comes and goes all the time. Is it that little blue ball of fluff that suddenly appeared and began talking to me? Yeah, that’s gotta be it. Umm, hello. Who are you exactly and how did you get here?”

That little ball of blue light is our new friend, and your guide in this void. You know that character sheet you just made? Well, thanks to the powers that be, she’s now real! Congratulations Author! It’s a girl!

“Hey! I can do my own introduction, thank you very much. The only reason I’m here is because I have to be. Jerk.”

“Excuse me? I do not have a daughter and do you honestly think that a girl would ever get hitched with me? That’s a social and physiological impossibility. Thanks for reminding me of my inadequacies, Narrator. So, little blue fluff ball, back to the question; do you have a name? Actually, you know what? I’ll just call you Navi. Blue, check. Floaty fairy thing, check. Seems likely to interject and state her opinion at the greatest of times, check. Hence the name, Navi.”

Slowly blustering with indigence at each statement, the little blue ball of light, currently called Navi, began changing from a little blue ball of light to a not so little red ball of light. The intensity continued to grow until she could no longer hold her silence.

“Y-you Bastard! First you call a girl little, then you accuse her of things, then you call her names. You just make me so pissed off right now. So much so that I could just slap you. And for your information, my name is Miranda.”

After a few moments of silence, Nav- I mean Miranda’s temper finally subsided along with the blinding red light, leaving behind a figure that would rival that of TV heroines, tinged with a blue aura and a pair of translucent wings upon her back. Silky aquamarine hair flows down the length of her back accentuating a moderate figure with all the right curves. If I had a physical shell, I’d say that even I’d be interested; that’s saying something considering that I don’t even have a body to speak of.

“Wow, I rescind my previous statement. You are actually quite cute and in all honesty, I’d say you’re a ten out of ten… Mira, you do realize that you’re as naked as the day you were born, right? Scratch that, this is the day you were born if everything Narrator just said is true.”

“Wha! What are you looking at?!? Stop staring you pervert! And where did you get that nickname from. Stop that!”

Embarrassed, or should I say, em-bare-assed, Miranda’s blue aura changes into a soft pink and she desperately attempts to cover up her exposed body with her arms.

Well, I’d hate to break up the touching moment you guys, but there is a reason we brought Author here, is there not? First off, Author, please cover up your little buddy. He’s standing to attention and quite lewd. You may be a hormone prone adolescent, but keep it in your pants. Mira, no need to hide your face, I know you’re interested so just look already and get it over with.

“Well excuse me Narrator. I’m not the one who transported me into some blank void all naked like and alone. If I had pants. I’d wear them. Little Author here will just have a longer time to enjoy the fresh air more than usual. Back to the question, where the heck did you take me?”

I was just getting to that. The place in which you have been recently transported into is… wait for it...

“Get on with it already!” both of my audience exclaim.

Let the tension build… and…

“Narrator, so help me God, I will shove my foot up your metaphysical ass.”

The narrative has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the infringement.

Hey, hey! No need to get so hasty. I was just about to say that I’ve transported you into a void space. Your head in particular.

“Seriously?”

Yeah, this is your head. Blank as a slate. And you know what? That’s the very problem. That’s why I brought you here.

“And pray tell why you brought me here.”

Miranda, if you don’t mind?

“Fine. As Narrator has already said, this void space is a reflection of your mind. Think of it like a meditative world only ascetics and those martial dumbasses can attain after sitting under a waterfall for a century or finding enlightenment or some bullshit. In here, you can think of something and it shall be so. Now if you don’t mind, put on some clothes already and while you’re at it, gimme some clothes too. Anything will do. Just get us some clothes you exhibitionist pervert.”

Huh, think it and it shall be so. First things first. Clothes

“Hnngh!”

Concentrating with the might of a hamster watching a sunflower seed, Author wills something into existence.

*Poof-Poof*

Congratulations, you’ve made some clothes. Now put it on already you dumb, naked ape.

“I’ve got nothing to be ashamed of but I’ll put some clothes on if it’ll make you more comfortable.” Author proceeds to pick up a brown leather boots, pair of jeans, simple white crew t-shirt, and belt.

“Finally, some clothes!” Picking up her set of clothes, Miranda goes silent as her light turns pink again.

“Pervert.” She whispers silently.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t quite catch that. Could you repeat that please my dear Mira?”

“Pervert! You’re a freaking pervert! How could you make a girl wear something like that?!” Rushing towards his face, Mira starts slapping the living daylights out of him, her already pink glow intensifying. Oh boy. I knew it was a good idea to give him that idea for a character sheet before transporting him here. In between the resounding cries of “Pervert!” the light sounds of slapping can be heard. Tears begin dripping down after a few moments, marring her angelic face.

Smooth Author. Real smooth. She’s breaking down now and sobbing.

“Just give me a simple dress or something already! I just want to look normal!”

Well, this is certainly awkward. I didn’t mean to make her cry like that.

“Look, I’m sorry. I just thought that you’d look nice in those clothes. I didn’t mean to make you cry. Look here, I’ll make you something cute now.”

At least it can’t get any worse than this. Could you just comfort her already? We’ve got some things to take care of. There’s the matter of your transportation and reason for being here in addition to… you’re not even listening to me any more are you.

Ignoring me, Author continues to comfort the little fairy.

“See? Here, I made a nice dress for you. Raise your arms for a moment. There we go. Wipe your tears now. You look beautiful.” Draped in a simple, knee length, loose fitting dress with an open back for her wings, the pale blue hue of the fabric complements her perfectly. Even if it makes her look a bit childish with the lace and simplicity of the design.

Hmm… I’d thought for sure that your social skills with girls would be much worse. Anyways, Mira, are you calm enough now? Author here needs to know what’s in store for him.

“Sniff- Yeah, I’m goob now.”

Now, where were we?

“Something about this being a reflection of my mind?”

Right. That’s the crux of the problem. It’s blank. Empty. Devoid of anything interesting. Sure, a fleeting idea springs to life for a matter of hours or days, but you just let it wither and die. This is why we’re here, Mira and I, to make you, Author, become an actual author[i]. If you don’t write, your ideas will never be given life. Think of it this way: without you, sweet little Mira will fade into nothing. Do you want that?

“...no.”

I didn’t catch that. What did you say?

“No.”

Louder! With conviction dammit!

“NO YOU FREAKING ASS!”

Better. And so, to remedy your lack of conviction towards writing and improve your quality overall, we’ll have you hop around some stories and interact with their characters and worlds. Maybe you’ll even have a chance encounter with their [i]Authors. I’ve been browsing that website you frequently read from. Royalroadl.com was it? That’ll do nicely. Are you ready for this?

“I think so…”

Meh, good enough for me. Mira here will be your guide. I hope you get along from now on. I’ll be there too, but none of the inhabitants of the stories will be able to interact with me in any way. Don’t forget, if at any time you want to bail, just wish it so. You’re the Author, are you not? No matter. You’ll figure it out as you go along. Are you ready now for the warp, Mira?

“Yes. Just pick a story already.”

Okay then. I’m pretty sure we’ve spent enough time here. Where should we go first?

----------------------------------------

Gimme a story you want me to hijack. I’ll figure something out. If you want a particular scene you want the crew to crash, just point me towards it. If no suggestions are forthcoming, I’ll decide by random lottery from my hat… or I could do the sensible thing and actually plan more of this story properly instead of making it up as I go so often. Things are really variable at this point until I get locked into a story hijacking for several chapters.