Mary had a little lamb,

Little lamb,

Little lamb,

Mary had a little lamb,

Whose fleece was white as snow.

Wait, stop.

What if Mary didn’t have a lamb?

What if, instead, Mary bought a piece of jerky?

Let’s see this happen.

Mary was walking through town one day. She passed by many stalls, each trying to sell her jewelry and tools and lambs.

She didn’t want any of that. Even the lambs, she took little interest in.

As she continued, she saw a new stall, selling a special kind of something.

She walked over.

“What are you selling?” she asked.

“Something,” responded the man at the stall.

“What kind of something?”

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“A special kind of something. It’s a new invention. We call it jerky. It’s a type of dried meat. We have a few kinds you can try. Lamb jerky, deer jerky, insect jerky, snake jerky, pork jerky, cannibalistic jerky, and, our current bestseller, beef jerky.”

“Did you say cannibalistic jerky?” Inquired Mary.

“Yes,” answered the man.

“Okay. I’ll take a little bit of all of them. I’ll take more of the beef jerky.”

“That’ll be forty-two dollars and twenty-three cents, ma’am.”

Mary pulled out the required money and gave it to the man.

“Please enjoy,” said the man.

“You also,” Mary said back.

Mary left the market immediately, eager to get home and try this dried meat called jerky.

When she arrived home, she divided the meat on the table and tried a piece from each pile.

“Too venom-like,” she said as she ate the snake jerky.

“Too chewy,” she said as she tried the lamb jerky.

“Too human-tasting,” as she ate the cannibalistic jerky.

“Too much exoskeleton,” as she ate the insect jerky.

“Not enough bacon,” as she tried the pork jerky.

“Could use some salt,” as she ate the deer jerky.

“I love it,” she said as she ate the beef jerky. “No wonder it’s a bestseller.”

She ate a few more pieces of each jerky. She liked it all, but loved beef jerky.

The next day, she brought that very jerkey to school the next day. She wanted her friends to try it as well.

During lunch, she pulled out the jerky and gave some to her friends.

”Oh, this is good, Mary,” said Eliza.

”Yeah, where’d you get this?” asked Rachel.

”The market,” answered Mary.

Oneo f the teachers had spotted this exchange. She walked over the the group.

”What’s going on here?” asked the teacher.

“Jerky, that’s what,” responded Rachel through a mouthful of beef jerky.

”And who brought it here?”

”Mary,” answered Eliza in the same manner as Rachel.

The teacher looked at Mary. “You do know this is against the rules, right, Mary? You can’t bring this jerky to this school. And you know why?”

Suddenly, the teacher looked like a piece of jerky. Mary grabbed its arm and took a large bite.

The jerky screamed.