*Personally, one of my greatest fears is obtaining permanent injuries. Thus I advise against self-harm or any type of action that may cause harm to the body or mind. Talk to a trusted adult.
The car was as cold as always. At least it was a bit warmer than last time she had rode in it. Even though February was also not a month renowned for it’s warmth, it was somewhat warmer than January’s harsh weather.
The four seater slowed down as it entered the parking lot of an apartment block. As before mentioned, the middle aged woman, a rational economic agent, was not able to pay for the mortgage that had been graciously been bestowed upon Mikhail and thus Chloe and her had to move to a new abode.
The Apartment block was comprised up of five main buildings, each nine stories high with 13 rooms on each level, making up a total of 585 apartments available to be rented. The buildings were arranged in a U shape with two buildings on the left and right and one building in the top middle, the parking lot located in the centre of the buildings.
The middle aged woman had rented an apartment in Building 2, Level 5 , room 6, located towards the north west of the compound. Once again an alarm sounded as a car door was opened, followed closely by the sound of another car door opening.
Stepping out of the four seater, Chloe looked at her surroundings. The building in front of her was very tall, wide and a worn grey colour. Not much decorated the building apart from posters on the ground level and a few lockers of which mail would be deposited in.
“Lets go.” spoke the woman, an expression devoid of emotion plastered across her countenance as she walked towards building 2. The young girl nodded in response before hastily following the wiser one. Chloe soon found out how tough it was to match the pace of a older woman, her legs were much shorter than her older counterpart and thus was very much out of breath by the time she arrived before the door of her apartment.
The older woman gave Chloe a harsh side eye before fumbling around her handbag, pausing after locating a pair of keys, which she slotted in the locked door before twisting it and opening it.
The apartment had enough space for the two of them. The opened door unveiled a long corridor of which the bathroom was located directly to the left of the door followed by an area which held a kitchen, a dining table and a sofa with a TV placed in front of it.
The wise woman had ordered the furniture that was in the old house to be transported to this new apartment, god forbid she had to carry the furniture alone up all those stairs, for the building had no elevator.
There were two rooms of roughly similar size located towards the right side of the apartment. Chloe’s room was located at the end of the corridor, the door undecorated as the letters located on the young girl’s old bedroom door were unsalvageable.
Opening the door, a dull room appeared in her eyes. The layout of the room was similar to that of her old one but the wallpaper was a shade of grey, comparable to the dull exterior of the large building. No longer did a bright orange greet her eyes when she walked into her bedroom, now only grey greeted her hazel orbs upon entering her bedroom.
Walking over to the mirror, which was placed next to the wardrobe, Chloe looked at the outfit she was wearing that was comprised of blue jeans and a simple red shirt. It was hardly an outfit geared for the harsh cold of the winter seasons at all.
The young girl took a black rose from within her pocket and placed it upon wardrobe, for there were no longer any windowsills to place it upon.
----------------------------------------
A new school was always a welcomed thing for most people. Chloe didn’t mind it so much. She had quite a few friends in her old school and thus thought she would be able to make more friends in this new school.
However, her once extroverted personality had flipped as a result of the experience of the accident. She no longer had the courage to involve other people with herself, 'Perhaps they may end up injured if they are involved with me... Just... Like dad did.’ she thought.
Thus, Chloe remained isolated for she had neither the experience nor guidance to console her that the cause of the accident was not her but the drunken driver. Thankfully, by focusing on her studies, the young girl was able to ignore the feeling of being alone caused by a lack of social interactions.
Apart from the occasional nightmare, days were passing by without her noticing. However, today would be different. Chloe had been having trouble sleeping for the past few days and thus had been delaying her bed time, the older woman usually came home quite late as she was either at work or doing something else.
The sky was darker than usual, clouds were not anywhere to be seen leaving the moon bare. One hour till midnight was when the older woman opened the door of the apartment. She was swaying left and right, clearly under the influence of some substance, until she saw the young girl staring at her from across the corridor.
The heavy financial burden which had been placed upon her, as a result of Chloe’s expensive healthcare treatments and the rent which she could barely afford had resulted in an increased dependence on alcohol and smoking as a coping mechanism over the past few years.
She stood still, staring at Chloe before speaking, “You.... You brat.... If it weren’t for you..... Mikhail.... Mikhail would still be with me....“. Her tone was full of hatred, “It’s all your fault.... If only I... Never gave birth to you...” she added with spite.
Once again, tears started to drip down the young girl’s face. It seemed that everyone blamed the girl for the death of her father... even the dead vestige of her parent. The older woman then stormed over to the younger girl and slapped her harshly in the face, leaving a bright red mark, before turning around and entering her room, slamming the door shut.
Chloe didn’t sleep that night. Not only was she too afraid of being blamed by her dead father in her dreams, she was being condemned by her only remaining family member as well. Her pillow was soon soaked by the young girl’s tears, going unnoticed by the girl.
----------------------------------------
Two years had passed since the incident had occurred. The bullying from the older woman only got worse as she dived deeper into substance abuse, significantly deteriorating the now ten year old child’s mental health. Nowadays, the main thing the older woman would say to hurt the child was telling her to go join her father. It made her feel slightly better about herself.
Mikhail’s grave was located about 5 minutes from the young girl’s apartment and it had became a tradition for Chloe to go visit her father’s grave on the weekend, fortnightly. Thankfully, since the grave was close to their apartment, her frail body could take walking there and back.
She would think about how to atone for her sins as she walked to the grave and would repeatably apologise to her father whilst kneeling down in front of the gravestone. “Dad.... Today I’ll finally be able to repent for my sins... I’m sorry for killing you....” she mumbled. No tears poured from her red eyelids for no more could be wept from her tired hazel orbs.
Standing up, the little girl made her way over to her school building, which was closed since it was a weekend. She made her way to the back of the school and crawled through a gap in the fence that surrounded the perimeter of the public school.
Chloe wanted to do it in a place where people would find her, climbing up the ladder which led to the third story roof. Unlike the day of the accident, the sky was a lighter shade of blue as it was four in the afternoon. Being January, the sun was setting, even though it was so early in the day.
The cold winds nipped at her skin, for she was not well dressed for the harsh weather. Walking over to the edge of the roof, she looked towards the sky before pondering about what went wrong for her life to have come to such a point.
But it was futile. The only answer was the one in front of her. Or, well, below her.
Hovering one foot of the edge, she let gravity take her as she fell to her demise. Her memories with her father seemed to flash before her eyes, she could feel the wind hitting her body as she quickly descended down the building.
You might be reading a pirated copy. Look for the official release to support the author.
CRACK! A wave of throbbing pain shot throughout her body as she writhed in pain. She had landed in some vegetation surrounding the school, but the impact of the fall had been fully taken on by her left leg, which contacted the ground first. It was safe to say that her left leg was not in perfect condition, bent at a weird angle with bone visible and blood pouring out of the wound.
Unable to bear the pain, she screamt out in agony, 'Is this.... what dad felt?’ she thought, clutching her leg whilst curling into a ball. Tears burst out from her eyes as she thought to herself, 'If this is what dying feels like..... then I don’t... want to die...”. Chloe had thought that it would all be over instantly, that she would atone for her sins by joining her father in the afterlife.
It was now painfully obvious that she hadn’t accounted for suffering that might accompany a suicide attempt.
She had not planned to be writhing around on the ground like she was now. However, it seemed as though her careful planning about how to get into the school unnoticed bore fruit. Nobody heard her screams.
“I don’t wanna... die... I don’t wanna die!” she wept as the young girl attempted to move herself. Another burst of pain erupted from her left leg, when she looked towards it she could see that blood had stained the vegetation that she had landed in.
Chloe abhorred the colour crimson, it tormented her every day in her dreams and even the colour red would remind her of Mikhail’s death, frequently resulting in Chloe being unable to sleep most days.
Not wanting to bleed out like her father had, she slowly crawled over to the gap in the fence which she had entered the school from, leaving a trail of blood along the way. Each movement scrapped her broken leg against the cold concrete and after thirty minutes of excruciating pain she had finally made it over to the fence.
Crawling underneath the fence, she felt another wave of pain, looking towards her leg to search for the source of the torture, she saw that some of the wire from the fence had gotten stuck in her broken leg. Tears blurring her vision, she gritted her teeth and pulled the wire out of her leg.
Since she was screaming so much and had travelled somewhat close to the main road, it was no wonder that at least one person had gone to investigate what was the cause of all the noise.
Crawling towards the front of the school, she saw the outline of a rather tall person with a hat on. They had a gun in their pocket and wore a high vision jacket with black stripes. The person was looking inside the gates of the school and seemed quite worried as to what had caused all the screaming.
“Help.... Help me.... please” groaned the young girl, who seemed to be losing her ability to stay conscious as she had been grappling with life and death for the past half an hour.
The last thing she saw before passing out was the person looking over to the girl and gasping at the sight of her snapped leg, before rushing over to her and asking questions such as “Who did this to you?” in a worried tone.
----------------------------------------
It was raining once again. The same dream as usual. Chloe’s hands tensed as she started to sweat profusely, She was going to meet her father again.
A voice called out to her in the rain, a faint dull voice, “Chloe....You.... Why did you survive.... It should have.... been you.... It’s all your fault.... YOU COWARD” screamt the bloody corpse.
Mikhail’s eyes stared at the little girl with anger and contempt, as if she really were the reason for his cruel death. “I’m sorry dad... It was too painful.... I don’t want to die...” Chloe frightenedly responded with her eyes shut, quivering in fear.
Just like every time the young girl had this dream, all she could do was apologise and curl up into a ball. She was too much of a coward to join her father in the ground and was ashamed of herself, the words of her father hurt much more than the frequent verbal abuse received from the older woman.
----------------------------------------
The white ceiling was no longer a foreign scene to Chloe, which was definitely a bad thing. Even before the accident, the regular hospital check-ups would not result in the young girl sleeping overnight in the hospital.
Since the death of Mikhail, Chloe hadn’t attended as many hospital check-up due to the negligence of the older woman. Their new destination was not close to the hospital, and thus Chloe couldn’t possibly often walk to the hospital.
This had led to her physical body growing worse overtime, resulting in her current weakened state.
The older woman was normally no-where to be seen, and when Chloe saw her she was drunk, except from the occasional morning sighting where she would see the older woman cook the food that her and Chloe would eat during the day.
Unfortunately, the older woman wasn’t the most consistent person, frequently forgetting to cook meals for the younger child, leaving her hungry quite often due to the fridge being usually empty.
Chloe never really minded about her food situation, her mental state wouldn’t allow for it; how could she complain about not being able to eat when her dad would never be eat again because of her? Not eating frequently probably wasn’t the best thing for her weak constitution.
Finding herself unable to move her left leg, she looked away from the ceiling, towards her legs to see that her broken leg was now in a straight cast, suspended in the air. Remembering what had happened, grimacing when recalling the pain from breaking her leg. Chloe closed her eyes in order to attempt to lessen the pain, however the relief she felt was only momentary as the sound of a door opening entered her ears.
A man, presumably a doctor, entered the room. He was equipped with the standard white clothes and a clipboard which contained blank spaces under the patient’s details.
“Hello love, How are you feeling?” he asked as he calmly sat on the chair next to Chloe’s bed.
“I.... I’m ok” she replied.
“Well, the injury that you came in the ER with certainly was not “ok”, never the less I’m getting side tracked. I’ve come to ask you about your details such as first name, surname, etc.” he explained, pushing his glasses up his nose with his left hand.
“My first name is Chloe.... Second name Barker, I live at [Postcode] Building 2, Level 5, apartment 6. My mother’s name is Anastasia Barker.” she replied with grimace on her lips. She disliked saying the older woman’s name.
The doctor nodded his head slowly in response to the new information, noting it down on his clipboard before moving over to a desk which contained a computer on top of it.
“I’ll contact your mother to pick you up. You’ll have to use crutches to maneuverer around without putting pressure on your broken leg.” said the man, before adding extra information about tips on how to deal with the cast located on her broken leg.
“How did you get this injury?” asked the doctor.
“I ... don’t remember.” replied Chloe, an obvious lie. The doctor frowned slightly before letting out a deep sigh, his eyes glancing towards her wounds. All the doctor could do was take the information at face value.
The man then fiddled with the computer for a minute or so before noting down a number and leaving the room, notifying the young girl that he would contact her parent. Chloe once again closed her eyes, knowing that it would probably be quite a while before the older woman would come to collect Chloe.
The young girl was completely correct. The ‘accident’ occurred at about 4pm, she arriving at the hospital at 4:30 and woke up at 6pm. It was 9:30pm when the older woman came to collect the younger girl. It would seem that the older woman was not worried about Chloe in the slightest, or perhaps she couldn’t afford to leave whatever she was doing.
The older woman came in formal wear with make-up applied. It was clear that the woman did not rush to get to the hospital at all. Signing a few documents and receiving information on how to help the young child deal with her cast, she gave Chloe a cold hard stare before confirming to the doctor that she understood.
Having to get used to crutches was quite difficult for the small girl, who received no aid from her supposed caretaker.
The drive home was colder than usual, despite the fact that the heater was enabled. Chloe had some trouble using her crutches and received no help from the older woman when exiting the hospital.
A voice erupted from within the silence, “I see you finally went and did it. You coward. You should have laid down like the little brat you are and waited for death, just like mikhail had to.” spat the older woman.
“Sorry, I’m sorry.. for being a ... coward... I couldn’t do it...” Chloe responded as her hollow eyes stared at her lap.
“Pathetic” the older woman added.
Eight weeks had passed since Chloe’s suicide attempt. The older woman was obligated to take Chloe to the hospital to see how the younger girl’s leg was healing. The past eight weeks had been pretty bad for the Chloe; not only did she have to deal with the older woman’s verbal abuse, she was slowly transitioning to more physical abuse by adding a slap here and there on top of telling the younger child to off herself.
Chloe had been struggling to manoeuvre around, her weak body resulted in her having poor stamina, using crutches got tiring quickly. Furthermore, the five flights of stairs that she had to scale two times a day to get to school made her normal trips a monumental task.
The policeperson who had helped the young girl had investigated the area the younger girl had came from, thanks to the trail of blood left by the little child. The school was contacted promptly after and had cleaned up the area on Sunday, choosing to be quiet about the incident lest other parents started to get worried that there might be a murderer of some sorts in the vicinity.
After arriving at the hospital, the doctor informed the older woman that Chloe’s broken leg had healed up nicely, but that she would still have to use the cast for another few weeks before taking it off to ensure that the healing process had fully finished.
The older woman scoffed at this information, looking someone infuriated, but the doctor chose not to comment on her behaviour. Chloe, on the other hand, didn’t say much, only the obligatory “yes” or “no” when asked a question.
And so, months continued to pass, Chloe’s cast was taken off in mid June, which significantly eased the younger child’s daily routine.
September came quickly, Chloe, who was in the last year of her old school, had to join a new secondary school resulting in another fresh start. The younger girl didn’t plan to capitalise on this in order to make new friends, rather she was annoyed that she would have to walk further to this new school which was about twice the distance away.
Thankfully, as she grew older, her body grew somewhat stronger allowing for Chloe to go on longer travels. The now eleven year old girl had focused on her studies quite a bit, it was her escape from the situation which she was stuck in. Whenever she didn’t want to go to sleep, she would instead study, resulting in her grades being very high.
However, her insomnia was not cured in the slightest. The young girl was still very much afraid of going to sleep, and when she finally did it was not by her choice but rather that her body was so tired that she was forced to sleep.
The same repetitive dream, over and over and over again. It never stopped, neither did the verbal, and now physical, abuse of the older woman.