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Sporks and Fuzzy Pants

As darkness swallowed me, I activated Energy Ward. The initial dip in my mana was instantly followed by a much larger dip as 10 additional points drained away.

This time, I was the projectile deflected. It felt like a smooth wall materialized against my side, set at an angle to my path. I slid along it, deflecting to the right.

Massive jaws clamped shut with a snap like a thunderclap so close beside my left arm that spittle sprayed across my face.

I swept past, catching a glimpse of an enormous shaggy creature with impossibly huge jaws. Then the tentacle jerked tight and I realized it was connected to the center of the monster’s back, right between its shoulders.

With a grunt, my forward momentum halted and the tentacle started hauling me back the other way. Miraculously, I still had my fighting stick in my hand, and I slammed it against the tentacle.

It bounced off.

Identify kicked in. “Squid Bear, level 10. Elite. Yeah, it’s as weird as it sounds.” Eva’s voice seemed annoyed. That was new.

The Squid Bear started to turn toward me, its maw yawning open again like a second cave mouth. If I hadn’t reacted so fast with Energy Ward, it would have swallowed me and crushed out my life with its first bite.

In 1 second, it would eat me anyway.

That’s when the Nightmare Gorger hurtled into the cave and plowed right into the Squid Bear’s open maw. It disappeared inside and the sound of a buzz saw activated again. This time it didn’t stop.

The Squid Bear stiffened as blood fountained out its gaping mouth. It staggered and the tentacle relaxed around my waist. I slammed my stick against it again, and this time managed to slip free.

I fell to the stone floor and scrambled back as the Squid Bear gurgled in pain and slammed its shoulder against the stone wall. We were in a tunnel made of rough stone, about a dozen feet in diameter. There wasn’t much room for me to retreat with the huge monster filling so much of the space.

Its heavy, musky scent clogged the dim air. It smelled like a petting zoo left to rot, only 10 times stronger. The monster looked a lot like a grizzly, other than the nightmare tentacle sticking out of its back and the fact that its jaw was bigger than its torso.

With a spray of blood and bone like a fire hose, the Nightmare Gorger erupted from the Squid Bear’s side. It shot just past, splattering me with gore.

It would have ripped me apart before I could react, but again my Energy Ward deflected it just enough, at the cost of another chunk of my mana. It slammed straight into the stone wall inches from my side.

Maybe it tried to activate its chomp ability and failed, or maybe it reacted too late because it smashed into the wall with a rubbery splat like a big dodgeball and bounced off.

The monster’s fluffy hide was drenched in blood, reducing its size by half. The bloody fur compressed around a lumpy round body that seemed to be entirely wrapped in short, serrated teeth.

It careened back toward the Squid Bear, slowing until it stopped for a second in the center of the tunnel about 3 feet away from me. It shook itself, as if needing a moment to recover from the impact.

I tossed my fighting stick into my inventory, replacing it with my heavier club. Then I stepped forward and swung with all my strength.

The club smacked with a wet thunk into the bloody hide, spraying more gore and connecting with the endless rows of teeth. I feared it would simply eat my club like it had the trees and half the squid bear, but I caught it still dazed.

The impact sent the fluffy death ball bouncing all the way to the Squid Bear. The huge monster looked terrible, but it wasn’t dead yet.

It swiped one huge, clawed paw and sent the Nightmare Gorger blasting back toward me in a spray of orange blood that didn’t look like mine or the bear’s. Those claws had ripped huge gashes almost halfway through the smaller monster.

I side-stepped and the Gorger slammed into the wall a second time. This time it didn’t bounce as far. I lined up my shot and did my best Babe Ruth impression, hitting it again with all my strength.

This time I caught its wounded side and I clearly heard something snap as my club sank deep. The Gorger made a retching sound as it tumbled away again, spraying more orange blood.

The Squid Bear stomped it flat. Orange gore sprayed everywhere.

“Congratulations Lucas! You have defeated a level 15 Nightmare Gorger.”

More messages followed, but I waved them away, my focus locked on the Squid Bear. I was surprised I got even a partial credit for the kill. Sure, I’d helped, but the bear had done more of the work.

I wasn’t about to complain. Maybe if I scored a hit on the bear, I’d get some experience for that too.

It staggered away from the wall, still bleeding from the mouth and that gaping, nasty wound in its side. It took one shuffling step closer, its tentacle rising like a scorpion stinger over its back.

I was tempted to run, but my Energy Ward hadn’t expired yet. I wished I had a bladed weapon, or better, a shotgun with a slug. There had to be a way to hurt it.

The huge monster took one more step, then its front legs gave out and it crashed to the stone floor so hard it felt like an earthquake.

That was my chance. I switched back to my fighting stick and threw myself at the Squid Bear.

Its big, strangely blue eyes had closed, but they snapped back open as I charged. The tentacle shot toward me, but I trusted my aura to deflect it and ran straight in.

The tentacle deflected just past my head as I jumped. The bear tried to react, its maw opening a few inches, but it lacked the strength.

I landed on its long muzzle, my weight slamming its jaws closed with an audible crack. I thrust my stick like a saber into one of its huge, blue eyes. The stick plunged through with barely any resistance, sinking two thirds of its length into the Squid Bear’s head.

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The monster roared, spraying blood everywhere, and convulsed so hard it sent me flying. My aura helped deflect me so I only hit the wall at a glancing angle. I even twisted in mid-air and landed on my feet.

My stick was still stuck in the Squid Bear’s skull. The monster continued thrashing around, its tentacle snapping out in every direction as it shook itself and clawed gouges in the stone.

The coppery scent of blood hung so thick in the air it felt like I was breathing liquid. It was mixed with a strangely seafood odor. My stomach roiled and I gagged. I instinctively covered my face with my arm, but that just rubbed more blood over my face. Retching, I stumbled back to the rough stone wall.

There was nothing else I could do. I mean, maybe I could take out my tongs and try to pry off a tooth, but what would that accomplish?

I didn’t have to worry. The Squid Bear’s roars faded to wet, gurgling grunts and it fell back to the floor, its tentacle arm drooping over its head.

“Congratulations, Lucas! You have defeated a level 10 elite Squid Bear. Bonus experience gained for defeating a higher-level enemy. You have reached level 7. Base points allocated.”

“Level 7?” I opened my menus and the other messages I’d missed scrolled into view.

“Congratulations, you have defeated a level 15 Uncommon Nightmare Gorger. Bonus experience gained for defeating an enemy more than 10 levels higher than your own. Loot will be upgraded for every enemy you defeat with at least a 10-level disparity.”

“Congratulations, you have reached level 5. Base points allocated.”

That explained it, and I grinned and spat monster blood. Good thing I got 2 entire levels with each monster kill. That ordeal had been disgusting and terrifying, but ended a lot better than I had feared.

I raised 1 hand in victory and whispered, “Yay.”

I didn’t dare shout in case there were more monsters in there. Both of the dead monsters had been ridiculously powerful. There was no way I should have survived a fight with either of them, let alone both, so the extra experience gains made sense. I suspected I would need more and more experience for each subsequent level. Still, getting to level 7 so fast had to be good.

Actually, as I thought about it, I realized it was way more than good. I hadn’t noticed the new stats take effect while in the middle of a fight for my life, but now I realized just how strong I felt. It was like nothing I’d ever experienced.

My muscles quivered with strength, I felt light on my feet, and somehow I sensed I was far more durable than before. I checked my stats again, and as I studied them, I whistled softly in shock.

I’d started with pretty good base stats. I was young and in excellent shape. Now that I’d gotten 6 entire levels, I had received 4 new stat points each time. That was a total of 24 stat points, and they’d boosted my base stats until even Wisdom, my lowest stat, had hit 10.

I was stronger than the strongest weight lifter, with dexterity 40% more than the best human. I had climbed into reaches of physical performance reserved for super heroes. I wasn’t sure I really grasped fully what that meant yet, but I was loving it.

The world we’d gotten dumped into was insane and dangerous, and I’d already nearly died several times, but Cyrus was showering me with power ups that would make it harder and harder for monsters to kill me. I only hoped Tomas and Jane and the others were getting as many stats as I was.

Even better, a couple of my secondary stats were growing even faster. My Agility had hit 20. That was insane! It couldn’t be just a percentage of Dexterity. Maybe a couple different base stats affected it. I wasn’t about to complain. That much agility meant I should be able to out-tumble the best gymnast in the world and make it look easy. I couldn’t wait to test my new limits.

It seemed miraculous I’d survived those fights with barely a scratch. My Energy Ward spell had saved my life multiple times in seconds. Without it, I’d be dead and out of the game already.

“Hey, Cyrus, that Nightmare Gorger was listed as uncommon, and the Squid Bear as elite. Are those important?”

“Yes. Glad you noticed. Most monsters you face will be common level. Uncommon monsters are generally more powerful, with stronger abilities. Elites are far deadlier, even if their levels might not be as high as an uncommon.”

So the 4 levels gained made even more sense. I hoped I didn’t run into any more elites.

“There are other types of monsters too. Watch for that description to help you figure it out.”

“Thanks.”

I glanced at the Remaining Earth Contestants listing and grimaced. It had dropped by nearly another hundred people, now sitting at 857. My heart ached to think of so many people getting caught by surprise by the sudden monster evolutions. Did Cyrus want to kill us all off before we even cleared the first stage?

I hoped Tomas and our friends were safe. Once I found them, we could help each other survive. Speaking of increasing my chances of survival, I activated my Harvest spell, focusing on the Squid Bear.

Eva said, “You have failed to Harvest a spell from the Squid Bear. You still have two successful uses of Harvest remaining.”

I cursed under my breath. I was supposed to get a better chance of harvesting something when the monster was higher level. That should have worked. Was it harder to Harvest from elites?

“You have failed to Harvest a spell from the Nightmare Gorger. You still have two successful uses of Harvest remaining.”

“What? Is this spell rigged, or something?”

“Rotten luck, Lucas,” Cyrus said, although he didn’t sound sad at all. “Usually that would have worked, especially on monsters with such a level disparity, but neither of those beasts were very compatible. You’ll have better luck in the future.”

“If I survive to try again.”

My dark mood faded when Eva asked, “Do you wish to loot Squid Bear and Nightmare Gorger?”

“Absolutely.” I accepted the prompts with anticipation. The messages had said loot would be upgraded, and I needed some good stuff. The two monsters dissolved into stinky mist and I retrieved my fighting stick. Then I checked my inventory and laughed aloud.

“That’s what I’m talking about!”

“Excellent movie quote,” Cyrus approved.

“Yeah, Men in Black was awesome. I bet you liked all the alien references.”

“Another astute observation, but that quote was actually first popularized by Mike Meyers in Wayne’s World.”

“Wait, what? Really?”

Cyrus chuckled. “Indeed.”

“Wow. Learn something new every day.”

“Ralph Waldo Emerson.”

“I’ll take your word for that.”

“I find it endlessly fascinating that you humans use so many common idioms and phrases, yet you so rarely know their origins.”

I shrugged, focusing on my new loot. I had gotten a bunch of mana crystals, increasing my total up to 87. I received my first standard quality healing potion that healed up to 25% of my health points. That was a relief.

I also got a spork, of all things. When I pulled it out, it looked just like a stainless steel spork you might find boy scouts using at summer camp. Speaking of camping, I also received a common grade camping gear set, including a blanket, pillow, and an air mattress identical to one I could get at any Walmart.

The other gear got a lot more interesting. I eagerly extracted my new uncommon grade bear-hide moccasins. They were made of soft, supple leather. I only had 1 sock with a hole in, so I slipped them on barefoot and sighed. They fit like a glove and immediately soothed my sore feet.

With the moccasins came a rare bear pelt. I’m sure I could find uses for that. It was huge. Then I laughed when I noticed the next item.

“Uncommon Fuzzy shorts of Friendship. These luxuriously comfortable shorts may not offer any armor protection, but their stylish cut and plush feel will soothe your aching muscles. Imbued with a subtle enchantment to encourage other humans to feel 5% friendlier.”

Still laughing, I pulled them out of my inventory. They really were fuzzy and super soft, thanks to the Nightmare Gorger. That nasty monster really had been soft, at least on the outside. The shorts fit perfectly. Didn’t even need a belt. I had never worn shaggy shorts before, but they did feel good.

As I reviewed the last item, I spotted another sort option to show only recent additions. That would prove helpful.

“Laundry Day potions, times 2. Each single-use potion will unleash a cloud of aggressive cleanliness to wash you and your clothes to sparkling perfection while adding a scent-reducing buff.”

Nice. I was already grimy, and I’d only been awake for a couple hours. I glanced toward the exit, but paused. I hadn’t planned to explore the dungeon, but what if I did? It would probably be safer to go find my teammates and then clear out the dungeon together.

Still, I’d gained 4 levels in a matter of minutes. If I could survive just a couple more monsters, I could hit level 10 and permanent my first spell.

It wouldn’t hurt to creep down a little farther, would it? If the monsters looked too tough, I could always retreat. With my new moccasins and my superhuman agility, I bet I could sneak really well.

So I turned my back on the exit, tightened my grip on my fighting stick, and crept deeper into the dungeon.