Whoosh.
As the sunset basked the land in a soft, orange glow, time seemed to slow and the world grew silent.
Whoosh.
The only sound that could be heard was the swinging of a single sword.
Whoosh.
A lone figure, casting a great shadow of the legendary warrior that he would become, trained his sword arts at the edge of a great forest.
Whoosh.
With dampened clothes and sweat streaming down his face, his eyes were full of—
*Ting!
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You have learned 『Completely Useless Slash』!
- 100% chance to miss.
- Even if, by some luck of god, you hit the intended target, damage will be reduced to 0.
Popularized in the performance arts, this sword art has been passed down through generations of actors for use in live action plays.
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“……”
“Hey… you’re an idiot, right? I mean, I said before that you were an idiot but this is beyond the levels of regular idiocy. Only a really hopeless idiot would gain this kind of sword skill, right? Right?”
“Bwahahaha! At least the lad can swing a sword now.”
“No, no. At this rate he’s going to end up as a goblin sex slave performing ‘sword’ arts for them. Maybe we should teach him contraceptive techniques instead?”
With Ray and Bricks as my teachers, I was determined to get stronger in this world.
‘Don’t give up! Fight!’
I gritted my teeth and swung my sword for the 267th time.
* * *
“Lads, let’s dance with the goblins tonight. If we survive the fight, drinks are on me tomorrow! Bwahahaha!”
“Shhh. We’re almost there.”
Our commanding officer shot Bricks a warning look.
The expedition team was divided into five combat units, each led by a Royal Army soldier.
Ray, Bricks and I were assigned to the 4th unit, which was tasked with launching a sneak attack on the goblins while they were confronting the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd units.
The 5th unit headed deeper into the forest to catch any goblins that would try and escape from the conflict.
Hidden and in position, we could see around 30 goblins lazing around a bonfire, feasting merrily on skewered chunks of roasted meat and taking big swigs of ale from various jugs strewn about the camp.
Without a trace of hair anywhere on their bodies, their faces were wrinkled and oblong, as if someone had resized an old man’s head to have a 1:2 aspect ratio, and proceeded to photoshop it onto the festering body of a green dwarf.
Beside the bonfire were stacks upon stacks of wooden crates, which presumably contained the stolen merchant goods.
I noted that each goblin carried a small dagger in their loincloths.
‘It feels a little cheap ambushing them, but I’m not gonna complain.’
Indeed; while our forces had ample time to carefully craft a clever strategy, the goblins would have only seconds to respond to our attack.
The ultimate advantage in a battle!
To preserve this edge, we had slipped into our spot quietly while making use of ‘sneak powder’, an item that granted basic stealth temporarily.
I was glad.
With pointed ears as large as half of their head in diameter, it wouldn’t have surprised me if the goblins had a heightened sense of hearing.
It was difficult waiting patiently though… their meat skewers smelt delicious.
Gururururu.
…
Everyone in my unit gawked at me with incredulity.
‘Whoops.’
All of the goblins quickly shuffled to their feet and grabbed their daggers, looking curiously in the direction of our unit.
Thankfully, the three units on the opposite side of the goblin camp took advantage of this distraction to emerge from their hiding spot, and charged towards the enemies from behind.
“Huuuuuumansss!”
The ugliest goblin of the bunch noticed this ambush and leapt towards the nearest attacker, dextrously twisting its body to evade the untrained swings of the adventurer’s sword and sinking its dagger into the abdomen of its victim.
As the adventurer retreated in pain, his comrades dispatched the goblin mercilessly with simultaneous swings of eight swords.
There was no way that the goblin could escape.
The other goblins also leapt to confront the attackers, giving us the cue to begin our assault.
Our CO gave the order.
“CHAAAAAAARGE!”
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『Commanding Shout』 boosts the morale of allied forces by 20%
- Damage will temporarily increase by 10%
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Roaring, our unit burst forth from the bushes.
A surge of adrenaline invigorated my body and eliminated any nervousness I had.
‘That one.’
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I targeted a short goblin whose back was exposed as it confronted an adventurer from the front.
Sensing danger, the goblin hissed and swiped widely with its dagger to disengage the adventurer, swiftly turning to face me.
“ 『Completely Useless Slash』!”
The goblin instinctively put up a guard.
As expected, however, I missed marvellously and a large shadow appeared behind the goblin.
“Nice assist! Bwahahahaha!”
Kusha.
The goblin’s head was cleaved in two by a brawny man brandishing a bloody sword.
*Ting!
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You have leveled up!
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“Bricks! Behind you!”
“Tch, you guys are wasting your energy yelling like that.”
Ray appeared from behind the goblin who was preparing to backstab Bricks.
Swish.
A silver line appeared along its neck as the goblin’s eyes widened, unable to understand why it couldn’t move.
The head slid off its shoulders and landed on the ground with a thud.
Surrounded, the remaining 20 goblins were forced into a desperate situation, and they all came to the same conclusion.
‘We have to break through at the weakest link!’
My feet turned ice cold as all of them broke free from their assailants and charged towards me.
‘Why me?!’
I turned around to flee when all of the blood drained from my face.
In front of me was a massive, troll-like goblin preparing to hit me with a club the size of a small tree.
‘T-this must be the chief, huh.’
Prior to entering the forest, the Royal Army soldiers briefed us that the camp was home to at least 31 grunt-level goblins and 1 chief goblin at level 20, who frequently took ‘bathroom’ breaks with the female goblins away from camp.
The original plan was to wait until the chief showed up, but that had been royally screwed by me and my hungry stomach.
‘Move. MOVE!’
Using my willpower to force my frozen legs to move, I dodge rolled to the right, narrowly missing the incoming strike.
Kapow!
The force of the club smashing the ground was enough to generate a blast of wind that sent me tumbling rapidly and colliding with a tree.
‘Ow ow ow. Get up, get up!’
I had to keep moving, although I probably broke a rib or two.
It was painful to breathe.
Thankfully, the chief goblin’s attack had also cut off the goblins’ retreat path and sent many of them flying.
The battle was definitely in our favor.
Unfortunately, however, for some cruel reason the chief had decided that I was its prime target.
Hunkering over me like a sadistic buffoon, it raised its club to deal the final blow.
I couldn’t get up to move out of the way.
My ankle probably twisted during the tumble.
Ba-dump.
‘Is this the end? After I finally found the motivation to do something with my life, was this all that it amounted to?’
Everything around me seemed to move in slow motion as I closed my eyes for the inevitable.
‘Well, at least I found some good friends in the end.’
KAPOW!
…
…
Continuing to close my eyes, I wondered why the hit hadn’t come yet.
“Oi, oi. Lad, are you just going to take a hit like that? Bwahahaha!”
“Tch, grow some balls already, will you?”
‘?!’
Ray and Bricks were holding the chief’s massive club at bay with their swords.
‘Guys!’
“What are you doing? Grab your sword and slay this son of a bitch!”
Tears welled up in my eyes.
‘Thank you… truly…’
“AAAAAGGGGGHHHHHH!”
I summoned every last drop of strength I had and gripped my sword with bloody hands, ignoring the throbbing pain that coursed throughout my entire body.
“NOW!”
Both Ray and Bricks simultaneously increased the output of force they were applying on the club and flung it upwards, causing the chief goblin to momentarily lose balance.
“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”
Screaming, I dashed forwards and raised my sword, pouring all of my energy into the final skill I had attained after swinging the sword 4000 times.
A dark green aura erupted from my body and travelled through my arms into the sword, illuminating the blade in a brilliant green light.
"『Arc Slash』!”
Sssssssssing.
A bright green line was drawn from the chief goblin’s right shoulder all the way to the left side of its waist.
Thud.
*Ting
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You have leveled up!
You have leveled up!
You have leveled up!
You have leveled up!
You have leveled up!
You have leveled up!
You have leveled up!
You have leveled up!
For reaching level 10, you are now able to select a class!
You have leveled up!
For defeating a monster at least 10 levels greater than yours, +10 ability points gained!
For demonstrating tremendous willpower and strength in the face of adversity, you have gained the skill 『Resolute Will』!
For defeating the chief goblin, you have gained the title ‘Goblin Hunter’!
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* * *
“Ahhh, I can’t wait to go home.”
One of the adventurers commented as she stretched her arms and laid down on the grass.
After the remaining goblins had been taken care of, the adventurers helped each other return to the edge of the forest to camp for the night.
Bricks carried me on his back, which sucked because my broken ribs shifted a little every time he laughed with a “Bwahahahaha!”.
None of us died in the fight, but there were plenty of injured to be treated by medics.
‘Status Window!’
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Sene Arkfield, Level 11
Race: Human | Class: None | Title: Goblin Hunter
HP: 2/70 | MP: 10/30
STR: 23 (+3) | DEX: 22 (+2) | INT: 20 | WIS: 20 | LUK: 20
- 15 additional ability points available for distribution.
- Your title grants +3 STR and +2 DEX
- Blessed by the Goddess Lilianna.
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‘Ow ow... Hmm, I should probably ask around before I use those ability points.’
Knowledgeable and proper distribution of these points were probably important.
I had no idea what the blessing was for, but I was going ask Lily if she ever appeared in my dreams again.
Laying me down on the ground carefully, Bricks grabbed the attention of a female medic with an arm band decorated with a green herb-like plant.
The medic was wearing brown cargo pants that cut off at the knees, and I could see that each pocket was bulging with bandages, herbs and various plants of different colors.
From her belt hung knives and tools of all shapes and sizes, including one that looked like a big, black pill-shaped squeeze ball.
Her torso was bound at the chest by several bindings of white cloth, exposing a silky smooth stomach that could rival that of Korea’s cosmetic models.
She coolly surveyed my body.
“Hey kid, the name’s Claire. You seem to be in rough shape… this should help.”
Producing everything from her pockets like a magician, she threw a couple red and green herbs in with a handful of blue berries into a small mortar and began to crush everything together with a pestle.
To my horror, she grabbed the black pill from her waist and squeezed out a cloudy, viscous liquid into the bowl as well.
Unable to lift a finger, Claire applied the now murky brown paste onto my wounds with frightening speed, and bound my chest in a large bandage.
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- 54 HP has been restored!
- Bandage increases HP recovery rate by 200%!
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The pain in my chest and legs immediately dulled, and I found that I could stand up again.
‘This is really amazing. I wonder how these things work?’
“Could you teach me how to do that?”
“Ha, wait a few years and enroll in the Sharia Academy Hospital. The training takes ten years though. Anyways--"
Claire got up and headed towards another injured adventurer.
“Later.”
As I watched her leave, Bricks slapped my back.
Hard.
‘Keuk—I don’t think my ribs are completely healed yet.’
“Bwahahaha! Want to become a medic now?”
“An idiot like him, a medic? Is the world going to end tomorrow?”
A black haired teenager approached us.
“Ray!”
“Ugh, get that disgustingly happy look off your face. It’s giving me cancer.”
“What’s happening now?”
“We’re all camping here for the night. Those shitty soldiers are looting the goblin camp and should be here soon. Tch, here they come.”
The Royal Army soldiers walked out of the forest path with large carriages carrying the stolen merchant crates.
Strangely, these vehicles seemed to move by themselves despite having no visible engine nor an animal to power them.
When they stopped, several sets of tiny shadows jumped out of the wheels and quickly climbed to the roof of the carriage, disappearing out of sight.
Upon closer inspection, I saw that the inner surface of each wheel was grooved at set intervals to allow for a powerful set of tiny legs to apply tremendous centripetal force!
Yes, vehicles in this world were powered by a race called HAMsters, short for Huge-Ass-Mother****ing Monsters.
In reality, individuals of this race were no bigger than 15 cm, and could easily be mistaken for their animal relatives, if not for their robust arms and thighs.
They possessed high strength and ridiculous stamina, enabling a team of HAMsters to power a standard carriage for up to 24 hours!
As such, they were valued highly for their transportation capabilities.
All I could do, however, was wonder they would taste good fried or broiled.
Gurururu.
“Bwahahahaha! There’s the devil stomach that almost ruined the entire operation!”
My face started to grow hot.
“A-all’s well that ends well, right? Ahhh… I’m sorry.”
I hung my head and glanced around, expecting angry glares.
Surprisingly, everyone was beaming.
“Bring out the celebratory feast! Bwahahahaha!”
“Feast! Feast! Feast! Feast!”
The adventurers all around began to chant and the Royal Army soldiers hastened to unload a few boxes from one of the carriages.
“Eh? We get to eat?”
My eyes widened at the giant pig being skewered and placed over the large campfire.
“Bwahahahaha! This is the entire reason I came. They promised us a free meal, remember? There’s always a huge feast after a kingdom quest. You, soldier! Bring us three beers!”
“Kids shouldn’t drink—”
Ray began to protest, but Bricks just laughed it off.
“A man’s gotta drink when a man’s gotta drink! Bwahahaha!”
The soldier brought us three jugs of beer the size of soccer balls.
“Now, KUMBAE!”
“KUMBAE!!!!”
Both adventurers and soldiers alike lifted their jugs high into the air, as the flames of the campfire danced in the night air.
And just like that, my first day in the new world passed.
While it was intense and all sorts of crazy things happened, I thought to myself that a life like this wasn’t so bad.
‘I wonder if this pig’s going to give me diarrhea tomorrow…’
It did.