Author's Note: Well hello there. It's been a while hasn't it? To all who read my stories and reviewed, thank you. Thank you for not being jerkwads and big mean dootie heads. I've read some stories on this site thinking, 'Hey this story isn't half bad.' Then I read the reviews.
“This story gave me cancer. Kill your family, then kill yourself.”
“I would rather be left adrift at sea, with man eating sharks surrounding me with no food and water than read another paragraph of your story.”
People here are brutal. I don't know why the meanies haven't come here yet, but thank you for your nice, nondootie head comments. Especially you SkullCrusher. You da best!
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Null is currently doing some odd job he got from job board. He has no need to do it. It's just that he wants some downtime after fighting the bandits, curing the bandits, and then curing the town. Right now, he is doing an F-rank quest to hunt rabbit meat. They go down in one hit expectantly. While hunting, he gets a message.
Message from outside worldThis is Cindy. Mom told me to text you to get out of your pod so you can greet granddad.
ReplyThat's impossible. How does mother even know that I exist?
Message from outside worldBecause I told her. If I have to suffer through granddad, so do you.
“Great.” Null says sarcastically.
********************
He gets out his pod, and goes to the living room area. His grandfather hasn't arrived yet, so he's sitting down reading a book. After around 10 minutes of waiting, he arrives. David's mother greets him first.
“Dad! It's been so long!”
“Oh Lucienne, looks like you just refuse to age. How long has it been?”
“Around 6 years give or take?”
They hug. David's grandfather's name is James Perkins.
David sees that hug and thinks to himself, 'Come to think of it, my mother has never hugged me. In fact I don't think I've ever been hugged at all. Well, that's fine, as people are disgusting.'
He thinks this as if there's nothing wrong with that at all.
James then makes his way over to David's father. The smile David's father shows is strained.
“Looks like you still haven't divorced this loser. What are you waiting for?” David's grandfather says bluntly while looking at David's father as he would a piece of trash.
David's father frowns, then tries to smile again.
“Hahaha, Dad, you're so funny!” His mother laughs out.
“Who's joking?” The grandfather said serious.
This caused David's lip to slightly twitch upwards. The only thing he likes about his granddad is that he gives his father a hard time.
“Granddad you're here!” Cindy comes in the room and runs up to James, giving him a hug.
“Oh ho! Cindy!” James says, delighted to see her.
David looks at her thinking, 'She really is a good actor. She's almost as good as Michael. It's too bad both are spawns of Satan. Does being a prodigy also predispose you to psychopathy?'
“You've grown so much since I last saw you!” The grandfather tells Cindy.
He lets her go, and then walks over to David saying, “And you've shrunk! You used to be as big as a house when I last saw you!”
“Yes. Hello grandfather.” Null says indifferently.
“Puberty sure did turn an ugly duckling into a swan. On second thought, maybe I should say an ugly baby whale into a swan.”
David's mother chuckles. “Dad, stop messing with everyone. Have you met with Michael?”
“That boy has always been one of my favorites. He hooked me up with a free VR pod and let me use his mansion for a party. That boy's one of the few things that loser husband of yours has done right!”
The grandfather gets settled in, and they talk about what they've been doing. David is just sitting there silently, just waiting for all of this to be over.
The grandfather asks David, “So David, gotten a girlfriend yet?”
Cindy laughs at that. “Girlfriend? He doesn't even have any friends. How could he get a girlfriend?”
Grandfather says, “Well that's not too important. All you gotta do is get a virtual girlfriend. You kids today don't know how good you have it. Back in my day, we didn't have those fancy smancy AR glasses and VR. When we looked at porn, we had to look at a flat screen. We then had to jack ourselves off, like a god damned Neanderthal!”
“Okay.” Null said indifferently.
“Well the good ol' days were a lot better. Our weed was dank, our memes were dank, and you could troll like nobody's business.”
Sister giggles. “Granddad nobody says dank anymore. We say bawowie now.”
“That's so lame.” The grandfather shakes his head at that.
“So David. I hear you got a VR pod for New Reality. What's your level and class?”
“I'm a level 74 Librarian.”
“Librarian? Sheesh. Playing on hard mode I see. Well hope you don't meet me in game, cause you gonna get rekt hard and fast just like how I did yo mama last night!”
“...Grandfather, my mother is your daughter...” David says hoping he would realize what he just said.
“And?”
Not liking where this conversation is going, David excuses himself to go back to the game.
********************************
There are some alchemists on their way to get a mission, and they had only recently arrived in Wakefield. They're talking among themselves to pass the time.
“Man I just can't believe you made that potion to make the wolves do those... unspeakable things.”
“Yeah, can you believe how crazy it got when that 5th wolf showed up?”
They gave each other high fives.
“Say, how long do you think it'll take to do this mission?”
“I dunno. Maybe 3 days if we're not fucking around?”
“Well we have five of us here. If we run around grabbing random things while flailing our arms, we could be done in 2 days.”
“Ha, maybe we could spin around while doing it.”
“Heheh you guys are crazy!”
They make it to where they're trying to go, the old man's house that gave Null his mission. The man invites them in, and the alchemists get down to business.
One of them says, “Say old man, could you give us that mission to cure your sick?”
“Oh sorry kids, someone already did that yesterday.”
“...What?”
“Yep.”
“Someone, not some people? Yesterday?”
“Yep.”
“But that's impossible! The mission was only issued 6 days ago! It should've taken a single normal alchemist at least a week to do that D-rank!”
“A week? Hah! It only took Null 3 hours!”
“Null? Have any of you guys ever heard of a Null?”
“It's a pretty common name, especially if you're an assassin, but a high leveled alchemist named Null? I don't think I've heard of that.”
Null, who just so happened to be walking by, heard their conversation.
He thought, 'Shut your blabbering mouth you old man! And how the fuck do you know how long it took me!? You weren't even there for when I did that!'
Null sped by quickly so they wouldn't notice him.
He makes it to the library.
Null thinks, 'I think I'll go explore some dungeons. I refuse to go in with other people, so I'll go and find new dungeons. Before I go find a dungeon, lets see if there is any new plant life that I can use for alchemy. Since this area is not too far from the Holdendale area, the plants should largely be the same, but you never know.'
Null looks through all the botany books. 'There seems to be more cliffs in the area. It looks like there's a type of flower that likes to grow there. Good. That's where I'll start.'
Null goes towards all the cliffs until he finds the plant he's looking for. There is a flower growing there with red petals. Null runs towards the plants. When he goes to pick them, the cliff collapses where Null is standing.
“Fuuuck!” He yells while falling down.
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Null searches for another group of those flowers, and eventually finds another one on the side of a cliff.
'This time, I'll be careful.'
Null quietly goes towards the flowers and carefully picks them. He slowly reaches towards the flowers and pulls them out.
'Well that was ea-', The cliff collapses under him. “Oh god dammit!”
*****************************
Null this time has had it. He has bolas attached to a string like a fishing line, and tosses it at the plants on the edge of the cliff. He makes sure the bolas were wound around the plants tightly. When he pulls the plants towards him, something weird happens. Instead of the cliff collapsing under the plants, it collapses under where Null is instead. He was nowhere near the cliff edge, yet he still ended up falling.
Null yells out while falling, “Why is all this Wile E. Coyote bullshit happening to me!?”
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After Null has finished collecting and testing the plants to see what they do, Null goes to the library to search for the location of some dungeons. There are riddles and puzzles all around, along with people's life stories. He goes through every nook and cranny to make sure nothing was left out.
The process of actually going through the problem solving was nothing because of Null's high intelligence and wisdom. It's just that to go through all the materials themselves would've taken some time, but thanks to Null's skills Learning Without Reading and Information Finder, he found and went through the information quickly.
In the course of 2 days, Null found the location of multiple dungeons no one has ever been in. Of all of the dungeons he found, only 3 were suitable for him. The rest were either in places too far away, or were C-rank and above.
Before he entered the dungeons, he prepared his arsenal. He had enough poison and needles to lay waste to a town. Null was excited and nervous on the way to the first dungeon he found. It's been a while since he tested his limits combat wise. When he entered his first dungeon, a message popped up.
You are the first to enter the E-rank dungeon, goblin's cave. 2x experience for 1 week.
'Fuck yeah. I'll mow down all my enemies like a weed wacker. Just call me the landscaper from hell.'
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It's been near a month since Null entered his first dungeon. Null slaughtered everything in the first dungeon with a running speed. The scary part is the look he gave out. It was like he was going on a Monday jog while doing it. The boss ogre was defeated in less than half a minute. He finished the dungeon in a week and 2 days.
The second dungeon had a monkey theme. Null found the poop flinging unsanitary and annoying. The place was covered in vines and trees even though the area was indoors. He had to swing through and climb vines in order to reach some places.
The boss King Kong was extremely powerful. It made shock waves when it jumped in the air and pounded the floor. This dungeon was a D-rank and was called Monkey's Jungle. The dungeon looked like a Mayan temple with plants grown inside. It took Null 2 and a half weeks to finish it. Because of those two dungeons, mainly the second one, he has grown to level 91. Null is now about to enter the final dungeon he found. When he entered it, a message popped up.
You are the first to enter the D+-ranked dungeon, Cyclopes' Domain. 2x experience for 1 week.
'Oh? This one is D+-ranked? The last dungeon was pretty challenging. I nearly died multiple times. Will I be able to beat this one?'
For finding 3 dungeons no one has ever been in within a month, you are awarded the title of Dungeon Finder. 15% extra damage done to any enemies within a dungeon.
'Oh ho? Well, well, well. Looks like my luck's.... maybe I shouldn't complete that sentence in my head. Every time I think it, my life inevitably goes to shit.'
Null heads inside the dungeon. The dungeon is far larger than any of the dungeons he's seen so far. The floor and ceiling were tiled, and the walls had different hieroglyphic designs on them. One of the hieroglyphics showed huge cyclopes with clubs surrounding a really huge Medusa.
Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.
Null thought, 'Medusa huh? In mythology, she has the power to turn people into stone if you see her face. Don't tell me I have to fight such an overpowered enemy.'
While Null was looking at the pictures, he heard chirping noises. He was about to be attacked by bats. “Identify.”
Hypnotizing Glare BatInformation: What do they do? It's in the damn name.Level89 Health 1440Mana 7290 Strength 30 Dexterity 30 Vitality15Charisma10Intelligence210Wisdom210Luck10Attack23Defense57
They fought Null by flying around and biting him. They had a swooping down, biting, and flying up motion. Something like this was easy enough for Null, as he just looked at their motion, calculated when they were going to come down, then slashed them once and they went down, thanks to the poison on his gauntlet blades. He didn't even have to manipulate his mana.
A problem became apparent the longer he fought them. Their numbers just kept increasing. Another problem is that the bats had an annoying ability to give Null hallucinations when you look into their eyes, distorting Null's vision and making him see multiple copies of the enemy. Null couldn't look away from them as the bats were all around him, and as a result, he was swiping his blades at bats that weren't even there.
Null thought, 'I'm not going to last long like this. I'll burn out. My endurance is getting low and I need to reapply the poison to my blades.'
He had to run away. The bats were chasing him. 'God damn Zubats! You can't fool me. I know it's you! I thought I got rid of you! You were my nemesis, my greatest foe! I would dread having to go into a cave. Every time the message “A wild Zubat appeared!” came up, I would scream! You weren't supposed to be here! YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO BE HERE!'
Every time he went to hide, the bats would always find him. 'How do they do that? Oh duh. Echolocation.'
When Null threw a bomb in the crowd of bats, not only did it cut the numbers down and pause their hallucinating technique, but it also threw their formation into disorder. The bomb's shock wave interrupted their echolocation. Null shot at them with his needle launchers while they were disoriented. He ran away again when he had to reload his needle launcher.
'I only have a limited number of bombs. That won't work forever, and the bats show no sign of decreasing. What to do?'
Null saw a narrow passageway and ran towards it. He took out all his needle ammo from his inventory and put it on his sides. When they came closer, he sprayed his needle launchers, shot at them again a second time, and reloaded. He kept with this method. He was slaying all of them 300 style. When the bats finally decreased in number when he spent all his ammo, he finished them off with his blades. His endurance was shot to hell when he was done, so he ate some breads and meats to recover his endurance and satiety.
'Damn. I need to forge some new ammo and brew new poisons. That was hell. And that was just the first monster here.'
He continued fighting other monsters.
After completing the first floor and going down to the second, he had to fight several monsters even more troublesome and prevailed against them, but on the 3rd floor, he finally met his match. A single cyclops that he saw on the hieroglyphics wall was just down the hall.
“Identify”
CyclopsInformation: Pawns of Medusa. Their skin is extremely tough and harder than stone. They wield clubs and have high strength. Do not look into their eyes or you will become paralyzed if you are under level 140. If you are over level 140, your movements will be reduced depending on your level. The only way to return to normal is to avoid their eyesight for 20 seconds.Level147 Health ???Mana ??? Strength 500 Dexterity ??? Vitality???Charisma???Intelligence???Wisdom???Luck???Attack???Defense756
The cyclops was turned around at the moment, doing whatever it is that cyclopes do.
'The stats I can read are insane. It will be better if I don't fight him head on. That paralyzing ability is so overpowered.'
Null snuck up silently onto the unaware cyclops and shot his needle launcher at the cyclops' back. The result? It did absolutely nothing. The cyclops didn't even feel it. For Null, the 30% reduced ranged attack damage, which reduced to 15% thanks to Null's dungeon finder title, which further reduced to 7% thanks to Needle Mastery, had never really caused a problem before, as the poison did all the work, but now it might prove to be a hindrance.
'I've never field tested this weapon before. Now might be a good time to use it.'
Now, we've talked about the weapon on Null's left hand, the needle launchers. They shoot out a spray of needles that can take out multiple people. They're good, but they mostly lack power. Null has a weapon on his right arm. It's only has one shot, so it's not good for multiple people. The weapon on his right arm is a powerful crossbow, which unfurls when he pulls a string on his right arm. Null, through trial and error, found out how to get the most power out of it.
He takes his distance moving away from the cyclops, aims at the cyclops' back, then fires. When he shot the arrow out his crossbow, it went through the cyclops' back and out its chest. The cyclops yelled out in pain. It turned around and looked at Null. It happened so fast that Null couldn't avert his gaze in time.
'Damn. I can't move.'
The Cyclops was walking towards Null with a menacing look with its faint pink color eye glow, with a glowing purple iris. It was dragging its club along the ground. When the cyclops raised its club above its head about to smash it down, it finally succumbed to Null's poison and died. Null was lucky. If he'd had been any closer, he would've died.
'Holy shit! It's slow, but powerful, and has an annoying ability. I'm doomed if I have to fight more than one at the same time, which I will eventually have to do. Just great.'
Null went in deeper into the dungeon and saw two cyclopes this time.
'Okay. Only my crossbow can hurt them, and I can only use one at a time. Maybe I can throw a grenade towards their eyes and blind one of them.'
It didn't go as planned. He threw the grenade and it did blind them, and he did shoot the arrow, but the poison took a long time to work, and it only blinded them for a second. They looked at him, and Null was paralyzed. They hit him with his club several times, and he died.
He materialized back in Wakefield. He lost 2 levels and lost 5% proficiency in Throwing Knife Mastery and Bombing Mastery. Lucky for him, losing 5% in those particular skills didn't really do anything to him.
'Oh man, I died. How am I supposed to beat those cyclopes? They are so broken.'
Null spends 8 days to get to the dungeon, Cyclopes' Domain. It took him 2 weeks inside the dungeon to get to where the cyclopes were at. He had another plan to deal with the cyclopes.
'I will do what I did in the Deathroll cave. I will use the Art is Feeling skill to weaken them, then I'll take them out from behind one by one. I'll aim, look away, then shoot so I do not get caught by their annoying ability.'
When he found a group of cyclopes, he lured them out one by one and took care of them. He was doing well, until a finger tapped Null on his shoulder.
“Yes?” Null turned around, and there were 3 cyclopes there, with clubs in the air. WHAM! WHAM!WHAM! Null was instantly beaten to death.
He materialized back in Wakefield.
'What the hell was that? So they're trolls along with being cyclopes? They also respawn quickly. This dungeon is such a pain in the ass.'
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There's a reason the dungeon is D+ ranked, and not C or B ranked. Even though the cyclopes have such an unfair ability, they can only use it on one person at a time. They're also very slow, so 2 people of low level could beat a cyclops in time. If Null had come in with a group, he would've beaten the cyclopes easily, but Null would never work with other people.
This will be Null's 8th attempt at conquering the dungeon. He did everything he could, but none of his plans are working. He had lost 14 levels, but gained 6 of them back by hunting inside the dungeon. Null is at the start of the dungeon fighting the bats. Right now, they're not even a challenge for Null. Even though he's now at a lower level than them, he knows their movements all too well. He would just go into a narrow passage and shoot them all.
After defeating the bats, he goes down the corridor thinking, 'There has to be something I can do. What can I do? I know that the cyclopes' weakness is its eyes, but I can't exactly aim for it lest I want to become paralyzed. They also have a fast respawn time, so I can't deal with them one on one without being attacked from behind.
The bombs I have are not powerful enough to stop them, as their skin is extremely tough and they ignore most pain. The poison gas bombs work, but they take too much time to take effect. The poisoned crossbow arrows work, but they still take a while to take effect, and I can only shoot one at a time. Can I truly not beat this dungeon?'
Null sees another group of bats incoming, but since he is running out of ammo, he runs away. The bats, or the fucking annoying Zubats as Null likes to call them, kept finding him.
'Wait. The bats. They don't have to use their eyes to find me. They use echolocation. Well, my hearing is nowhere near that good to pick up subtleties like that. Hmmm... it's a start. I need to find a way to fight the cyclopes without seeing them. Fighting without seeing...
What techniques do I have to do that with? Information finder only works on books. I could use ingredient finder if I look for something specific like Cyclops' blood, but it wouldn't work that well with my eyes closed.
None of my other skills are gonna cut it. Well when in doubt, Essence of Mana. It's like the Swiss Army Knife of skills. What can I do with it? Echolocation with mana? Holy shit! That's a brilliant idea! I'll go even further than that.
The Essence of Mana book says that mana is everywhere. If I truly learn to sense mana enough to see it, I could see in all directions! The people who made Naruto are gonna sue my ass so hard, I can already feel the Rasengan on my back.'
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Author's Note: If bawowie ever becomes a thing, I will never forgive myself.