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Part 9 - Confidence, Tears, Community, and Contact

He stepped slowly through the threshold. My apartment wasn’t much to look at, despite the futile efforts of the others to make it slightly more presentable than usual. He introduced himself as Carlos and I resorted to the same as usual, which definitely earned a raised eyebrow from him.

I had some sense of what I looked like to him by now because of copious scanned and colored sketches from Alexis. My favorite was of blond catgirl me sitting on a swing. She often drew me blushing, which made me wonder if my catgirl-self blushed more often than I did.

I explained the illusion (or whatever it was) to him in much the same way I’d explained it to Steve, but with slightly more certainty. I spread my hands out and offered, “It might mean you’re destined to be transformed into a catgirl too.”

“I see”, was all he said, his hands clutched in his lap.

I pulled a chair around so I could sit and give him a comfortable, social distance while we talked.

He presented a unique opportunity. If it turned out certain that he wanted to become a catgirl, then I could test the rules of my touch. I didn’t want to touch any of the others for an accidental second time, but if I put on gloves and found the touch didn’t work then that would mean I could wear gloves (along with heavy clothes) and still do normal things with the others without being too afraid of making them super, nya-my-god-mew-mew-wow-level catgirls. I’d already pushed it a little by touching the same piece of paper at the same time as Carlos. I probably shouldn’t have done that.

I started by interviewing him. His interests were varied. I had a little more to offer than complete embarrassment about my fixation on catgirls. I’d gleaned better knowledge about gaming from the group and Steve had pointed out more of his favorite books than I had ever read in my entire life. I’d borrowed a few of them and they looked pleasant in a static pile on my kitchen table. That also went for the games I’d been gifted and loaned in another pile, somewhere. But I had seen movies aside from nights with Steve. A couple.

He had on a very polite smile and I tried to keep a pleasant look on my unseen catgirl face (probably with too much blush). All I could really determine was that he was a nice guy. I had Allison’s number set to speed dial number two and I probably could’ve passed him off to her at this point, but I kinda wanted to know more about him.

“Why did you come here?” I probably could’ve phrased the question better, but it was out there.

He sat up on the couch and cleared his throat. “Well, the ad. It was really cute. I think. And I was curious.”

I tried to ask the next, obvious question with more curiosity than accusation, “What did you think it would be?” I probably could’ve clarified, but my sessions with the girls had encouraged me not to dwell on what things I didn’t say. Sorta. I still thought about it, but I moved immediately to the next thing to fret about.

Scuffing his feet on the carpet, Carlos sighed through his nose and offered, “I wasn’t really sure. I was skeptical that it was literally…become a catgirl…but I wanted to check it out. Even if it was a long trip.”

I soon learned just how far Carlos had come. That raised my eyebrows and made me feel bad. Certainly further than I would’ve gone even for a live catgirl. I had to give him that and told him as much, remarking, “It must mean something to you to take all this effort.”

He nodded there and leaned back on the couch. “Yeah, I mean I was surprised to see it. I’m still surprised I’m here and everything. Just…really surprised.”

I teased my chin and asked, “Do you want to be a catgirl?” So blunt. I never would’ve been like this before. I mentally blamed Allison.

Before I could soften my question, he gave me an answer, “I don’t know…for sure. I still have many questions. The ad said there was a community?”

Now it was time to phone Allison. She picked up after just two rings. I didn’t need to say much to summon her to my apartment. She had a whole presentation ready.

“We’re all friends. We all have lots of fun. You can meet up as often as you like. There’s an online place I want to get going eventually too…” She described the others far better than I could’ve and in a fraction of the time. Slowly, Carlos started to open up more and smile more easily as she let him touch her ears and tail….

Of course....

I swallowed and kept on a careful smile as I excused myself from the room with the explanation that I wanted to get something to drink. I made sure neither of them turned my way as I left. I went past the kitchen and snuck into the bathroom.

I took a few careful breaths and batted away traces of leakage next to my eyes. I washed them dry with water and held my hands. I held one hand cupped in the other. I tried to think of it as something different. I tried to think of it as something special. I held in a whimper. I kicked the bottom of the counter till my foot hurt. Fucking shit...

I had no idea how I’d gotten to this point, standing there in front of the mirror and crying in the most pathetic way possible. It didn’t make me feel any better. I shouldn’t have given a shit, dammit! I didn’t have to touch anyone. I never wanted anyone to touch me anyway.

This should’ve been perfect. I make catgirls with the rarest of things I do: touching someone else. Then I enjoy seeing them from a distance. Why was I crying with such a frail, mournful whimper? I clasped my mouth closed until the worst of it passed. Dammit dammit dammit…

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I washed up a second time and rubbed until my hands felt scoured and dry. I went back to the kitchen with a cold drink and brought something for Carlos and Allison. She’d gotten in to talking about Alexis and was showing off a few of her compositions to Carlos via my computer. All the most risqué stuff had been shuffled onto the extra drives. Only the cute stuff was left. I gave them both the image of a happy, content blond catgirl, just as Alexis had rendered in my current wallpaper.

It didn’t quite work as Carlos turned around at one point and asked me with a little frown, “Are you okay?” I tensed up. I didn’t expect to be acknowledged, and I immediately tried to be conscious of every non-verbal sign I might be giving them. I muddled through telling them that I was just lost in thought, but Allison’s gaze lingered on me and she pronounced, “You’re sad!”

Before I could deflect it, she referenced all the recent times I’d frowned in the last week. I tried to tell her it was just because I was nervous about the online ad and everything and uhh…now that Carlos was here I was feeling trepidation because I was feeling nervous to do right by him and all that and that was all.

She stared a long moment at me, as though her gaze was some sort of penetrating laser beam. I didn’t look away, even though I really wanted to. After a moment, Allison sighed and told me, “There’s no reason to worry though. It’ll all be fine.” I nodded with her there in an effort of not making a big deal of it.

I changed the discussion to testing the extent of my touch with Carlos. He tensed up a little, but so did I. I was pushing him. Not good. Before I could change the discussion back, he took a breath, smiled, and told me, “Okay. I was thinking about it the whole way here, but now I’m…I think I’m ready…I want to be a catgirl…”

The first version I tested was several layers. I felt around him like I was wearing a spacesuit. To my relief, this gave no reaction no matter how many times I touched him. That said, I couldn’t feel much of him through the layers.

Each round, we subtracted some layers. By the time we got to gloves and coats, a sense of optimism I hadn’t felt before was trickling in. No matter how long a touch I held, Carlos didn’t change. Assuming this held true for anyone I touched, it meant I could wear gloves without fear. The limit was reached when I tried it with a thin layer of vinyl gloves Allison had provided and a small spark, like a minute static shock seemed to jump between our hands. It was enough.

Surprised and staring down, Carlos began to transform. Allison got out her camera as quickly as she could to document the event. I suspected a few details of the transformation at this point.

I watched as the ears flowed out from the top of his head, even if it was challenging to point to the moment when they actually emerged from him. Harder still was tracking the tail as it sprouted and arched behind him. While he…becoming she…didn’t have the most remarkable figure out of the group, she was still lovely to see as her clothes transitioned into a flowing outfit more like a robe.

Before I embarrassed myself about calling it that, Allison chirped up that it was a kimono. It suited her well. It was simple but nice and it prompted Allison to take as much video as her phone was able to.

The most striking change was the sharp color of Carlos’ hair and new features. Her tail was like a jade rope dancing behind her light-lime kimono. While her hair wasn’t as sharply green, it still held on to most of that tint. The longer fringes around her neck, which swelled softly, looked closest to her previous hair tone, but with the hint of a dye job. This made her hair look especially unique. The green was heavier at her roots and ears, implying she had naturally bright-green hair and had previously tried to dye it a ‘normal’ color.

It was not the sort of look I would’ve chosen for myself, but she seemed to admire it when Allison pointed her at the nearest mirror. In some way, it was more like Allison was the one who made her. I was just the facilitator. She was the one who could relay her experience and do all the other things I couldn’t really do.

That said, things weren’t finished until Allison forced me to hug Carlos with something approaching a biohazard suit, then she took a hug for herself. I never wanted to do that again and Allison spooked me with a contented “meow” before sticking out her tongue and saying, “See? It worked. You can touch without transformation!”

It was something. It was a touch, to some extent. Hug meetings were arranged for the future with me in that getup. Because Carlos (who was already pondering a new name for herself) lived so far away most of the time, Allison brainstormed about conventions and other instances for meet-ups (she toyed with a dream of an exclusive Neko Con). We exchanged a lot of information to keep in touch as Allison led Carlos off to meet the others. Before she left though, she turned back and stayed for a little while just with me.

She rubbed her soft hands against one another and inquired, “It was good today…wasn’t it?”

I was ready with a nod and an affirmation. She had her hands curled a little like paws, which didn’t really help my lingering nerves, as she asked, “And…you okay, seriously?”