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End - Joyful, Touching, Time, and Eternity

From the other room, Gloria appeared in the hallway with Arjuma beside her. She gave me a limp, sleepy wave before leaning to rest. Gloria gave a wide smile and said, “Take care, Josh.”

I rose from the couch, adjusted my dress, still felt unused to standing like this, and told her firmly, “My name is not Josh…not even my nickname…My name…”

I paused. I could’ve picked a name which paid homage to one of the girls. Or I could’ve altered my given name. Ultimately, I’m not sure why I picked the name I did, but it was my choice and it was the name I wanted for myself.

“…My name is Karen.”

I knew it was a name that some made fun of but the delightful, joyfully silly puns possible for a catgirl outweighed whatever social, anxious pressure which might turn me away from it.

Gloria wiggled her eyebrows and told me, “In that case…take care, Karen.”

The spirit girl gave me a wistful smile as I looked back. “See ya later, Karen. Have a beautiful life…”

I nodded and walked to the front door. With a deep breath, I reached for it, turned the knob, and pulled it open wide.

“Josh! Holy crap! Are you okay?!” Allison’s face pressed first through the doorway, but they were all there with frantic looks of concern. A quick glance behind me revealed I was back in my own apartment. I was overwhelmed as they spilled into the room with murmurs and wide eyes. I winced at the cacophony in all four of my ears.

From the group, Allison pushed to the front. She held her hands in front of her, clutched together. I took a deep breath and slowly smiled at her as I answered, “I’m better now that you all are here.”

Light sounds of appreciation flowed together as Allison stepped aside to reveal Nathan standing behind her. She had on a dress similar to the clothes I first saw her in. Her cheeks were tinted red as she sniffled and said, “I’m sorry…I’m…”

I held up a hand, which made her take a quick step back. I cleared my throat and told her, “No. I’m the one at fault. I should’ve apologized for treating you like that. I should’ve done more. But I can’t do anything about what’s passed. I want the future to be different. I want to explain everything to you and do everything I can. I don’t know if I can turn you back though…”

Her eyes suddenly widened as she brushed against her arms. “Oh…actually. I’ve done some thinking. I’ve cooled down. Meeting with everyone helped…I still don’t know how I feel, for sure, but I’m better too.”

I nodded softly, stepped close, and told her, “I’m glad and I want to help you in whatever ways I can, Nathan. I’ve actually learned a lot since we last talked…and I want to share it with everyone. I don’t want to shut myself off from any of you. I don’t want to be who I was before we all met.” I turned to look at the others a moment with a quick smile. They whispered lightly to one another.

Nathan raised her bright eyebrows, but let herself smile as she asked, “Alright…I guess. So, where do we begin?”

I stood right next to her as I explained, “Where I should’ve when you introduced yourself to me…”

I stretched out my hand calmly with beckoning, curled fingers and told her, “Call me Karen. It’s nice to meet you, Nathan.” She dipped back slightly, and the girls all seemed to give a gasp. We shook hands with everyone watching. The touch was soft but also so vivid. I couldn’t stop smiling.

Questions came faster than any I’d asked Gloria’s friend (and my friend too). Despite my abode being poor to the task, I found a way to gather everyone around the main area.

I could think of no good places to start, so I just worked in order with running away. I reflected on all the darkness I’d felt then. It was bizarre. That something could feel so terrible and absolute in that moment. Looking at it now, all my nightmares seemed like silly cardboard cutouts. No one lashed out at me. They only surged through their spots in the room with questions following questions.

I went through it all and kept nothing hidden. I tried to use the same words my spirit friend did but it was a fumbling effort in expression which paled beside hers. I did my best.

Allison leaned against a counter Nina was clinging to and said, “That’s really out there. I wonder what happens to this world now? She blew it out like a bubble…do we float away…do we grow more, or do we pop?”

It was a question I hadn’t found a way to ask. I didn’t have an answer, but I had a feeling. “She said a lot about how I set the rules. Limitations and all sorts of self-imposed stuff. And she said what happens now is my decision. But I don’t want this world to be limited to me. I want us all to make it grow…”

Pressing her teeth into her lip, Allison raised her eyes and said the question that everyone else was holding inside their heads, “How do we do that?”

To which I could only say, “I have no idea. We…be catgirls. We keep having tea parties. We have a whole lot of fun. We embrace each other and whatever weird stuff happens. And…”

Allison chimed in, “Plot about converting everyone else in existence?...Well, you did say that everyone was handpicked as a secret cat-lover. Everyone. Even family.” She received notes of encouragement from the others with a little laughter.

This led into one of those typical tea club chats. Queries on the very nature of reality and whether anything mattered for real were tossed back and forth like a ball of string. Except for the missing tea and seats (although we had the sweets I’d gotten), it could’ve been any other tea night. I was terrified but still a little exhilarated. It was clear to me we would find no fast or easy answers.

Since I could now touch anyone, I took full advantage of that (so many beautiful hugs that they defied words) and so did the others. I received tickles which nearly made me have to go to the bathroom (and I wasn’t quite ready for that). I felt the overwhelming sensations of everyone.

Before long, existential questions slipped aside for questions of Nathan and myself as the newest catgirl members of the tea club. This nudged us together slowly. We still had tense, short words as we tried to feel one another out.

The lingering tension felt like needle pokes until Nathan said, “Just wanted to mention for when you get back to work…there are a lot of cat-lovers. They make more meows and purrs than I do. And I told them to stop calling me ‘Nyaathan’. And the knit things they’ve made me wear! I have photographic evidence…”

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I leaned close to look on her phone. Before long, we were talking about which of our co-workers was the most hardcore cat-lover. Since I’d never learned most of their names, I had to refer to them by how they typically dressed and looked. I made a promise to get to know everyone better when I went back to work.

With a chuckle, Nathan mentioned she felt like the main character in A Christmas Story (I reminded myself that Christmas was coming soon). Steve jumped in to say that was one of the movies she was thinking of offering for her movie night. Before long, Nathan and Steve were off and chatting about all kinds of movies. I slipped in occasionally with my takes, but I let the two of them go.

She laughed a lot and blushed occasionally but had opinions just as potent as the others did. Stepping back in, I asked about the dragon on her outfit and got overwhelmed by her joy for cute, cartoon ponies.

I will admit it was another of those things amongst the girls I didn’t quite understand. I told her as much upfront, but I listened curiously. Mira joined in too.

It wasn’t an official tea session, but it might as well have been with how Allison was already putting my kitchen and kettle to use, along with the ancient card table I’d bought when I first moved. It only worked in the barest sense (no pretty tablecloth) but I was delighted to host one of the meetings.

With the hot tea settling into our bellies, Allison leaned over, wrapped me in a long hug, and pronounced that I’d absolutely need more changes of clothes.

I ruffled the one outfit I had. Who knew how long I’d been wearing it from the perspective of the others. Of course, Allison was ready to literally drag me away, willing or not, to the same soft outfits she wrapped Nina in. I didn’t mind.

As the remaining tea began to cool, I wandered a bit. No broken shards in the bathroom. The mirror was unmarked. Considering my hand didn’t feel even the shadow of pain, it made sense. I touched my fingers to the cool glass, which held the detail of my fingerprints. I thought I caught a glimpse of dark, twinkling hair out of the corner of my eye. I smiled and returned to the girls.

They moved and talked and played and laughed and sung and joked. And so did I.

All moving, all changing. It would’ve been far too much a few weeks ago and the blink of an instant. I couldn’t quite appreciate the full splendor, same as I still couldn’t quite understand what it meant to be like them. But I took it all in and I wanted to be a part of it.

I comforted Nathan’s knit-outfits trauma. She mulled the fact that, like Steve, she hadn’t settled into a new name. She told me all about the cats she knew from family or friends. She held her tail and her eyes widened as she noted, almost to herself, “I wanted to cosplay at Bronycon next year. This is going to throw a wrinkle into that.”

I didn’t quite understand what that was, but I listened and waited and connected her meaning. I didn’t have the same feelings she did, but I told her I would be willing to check out whatever media she was willing to share. She delighted in her memories. I pitched a few ideas for cosplay alterations. I stayed with her the longest because I’d spent so little and such poor time with her up to this point. Our hugs reminded me of cherries.

Eventually, Mira got my attention. She’d been trying to figure out the Catnip Incident in a mountain of hearsay and wilder/tamer misinformation some of the others (mostly Allison) liked spreading. She admitted to trying out some catnip on her own with a strong reaction. Despite my knowledge of the Catnip Incident, I was curious about how I might respond now.

The smells around the apartment were more vivid than I remembered and made me want to clean everything as soon as possible. At least the extra stereo sound wasn’t too weird. However, the feel of everything was still jarring, especially stretching and relaxing my new hands and sensing the air currents.

Scott, still without a new name, stumbled over the edge of the couch getting up like she might be on a bit of catnip herself. She chuckled and settled against the edge of it to relax, stretching her feet out with a smile.

Carlos, who explained earlier that my sudden disappearance brought her for a visit out of concern (I told her I felt so embarrassed, but she assured me it was fine), posed her teacup and leaned back to peer at it. Alexis had given her some drawing paper from her pad and she was trying to make something.

Steve nearly got the attention of Scott, who was settling into a relaxed stupor as she chucked a bit of crinkle Allison had found high into the air and watched the shiny twinkle of it turn and tumble. Twisting and sparkling. One could probably grab it easily and pounce and…I had to blink and turn away. She was delighted.

Nina had climbed on and over the lip of my counter when Allison was making tea before peering and sniffing from behind that constant pile of books. She spent some time frozen in front of the mirror like she was having a staring contest with her reflection. And, as always, she seemed to hold that quiet amazement about how she looked from short toes to pointed ears. I could feel all that fresh.

Allison had been creeping to my ear with lists of clothes which would make good work and leisure outfits. I placated her by gently stroking her head. The sound she made was the closest to a purr I’d ever heard from her.

Alexis had mentioned her teaching work at the local university aside from her library job with a sigh of tiredness but was glad to get a break over the holidays. As I looked at her, I noticed she had her sketchbook up to her soft face, obscuring half of it from my view as she stared off. It was adorable.

Ashley was a ways from where I was sitting, but I could still hear her clearly talking about writing and ideas for transformation in fiction, like the mass-conversion of the rest of the volunteers around us. Bethany was listening to her but with a bleary expression and her nose almost dipping in her tea.

The girls all together.

Eventually, they each had to leave (but each got a hug from me before they left, no excuses), the numbers dwindling till I was just left with Allison, who’d made my apartment significantly nicer. It was the end of the evening but still barely the beginning of so much more.

I stood at the doorway to see her off and the only feeling in my stomach was a warm anticipation to see her and the others again soon.

~The End~