Seeing the light under Pepin’s door, Emelri easily deduced where the young man had retreated to after his duel. Changed into a new shirt with fully intact sleeves, she hesitated a moment before knocking softly.
A few seconds passed before the door swung inward. Pepin perked up when he caught sight of her; the before lifeless face brightening. She noticed at once the glowing green stomach and the dark circles under his eyes.
“Pep, you look exhausted.”
He hummed a low note. “More involved healing takes a toll on me. I should probably eat something soon.”
“I was just about to head upstairs. Want me to bring you something?” He shook his head quickly. “It’s no trouble—”
“I’m fine, really.”
She put a hand on her hip. “You look like you’re about to fall over. Just stay put. I’ll be right back.”
“Wait.” He closed his bedroom door behind him. “I’ll come with you.”
Her heart lifted. “Alright.”
Sitting at the counter, Emelri watched as the young man seared thinly sliced disks of spicy sausage in a brass pan over the flame. All her things that Jacques had wanted her to clean up that morning were now in a bag at her feet. She assured herself she’d take it to her room later.
“How’s the wound?”
He kept his tired eyes on the pan, bringing a hand to his stomach. “Fine.”
“And you’re doing okay otherwise?”
He nodded.
There was a pause. “You’ve been competing with your sibling since I first met you. I know how much you compare yourself to them.”
Turning the sausage over to reveal a brown, crispy underside, Pepin silently poured a bowl of beaten eggs over the top, causing the pan to hiss. He brought a hand to his hip, salting the food with the other before finally uttering seriously, “I want to prove myself. I have to. I need to show Toulou and everyone I’m not that crybaby that can’t do anything; that I’m capable of taking care of myself.”
“And you are. No one here questions that.”
“You saw me today.”
“Yes, and? That didn’t count as a loss, not when it was just practice. You learn from it and keep going—”
“I know, I know,” he cut in irritably, then ran a hand through his hair, closing his eyes for a second before exhaling. “Emi, I don’t want to talk about this right now.”
She blinked. “Oh. Okay.”
There was silence. She watched as he came over to the counter and began slicing up some tomatoes and bell peppers. His eyes downcast, she found herself distracted by the long black lashes and the strong, clever hands. Her gaze then lingered on the green haze emanating from his stomach.
“Does it take less time to heal when a magic user is the one healing themselves?” she asked, and green eyes flicked upward.
“Yeah. My body is used to housing magic, so healing is far less traumatic for me than a non-user. The process still drains me though.”
“Yeah, I couldn’t tell.”
He shot her a small grin before returning to the pan. Parting the finished dish down the middle with a wooden spoon, he placed both pieces onto separate plates then added the raw vegetables on the side.
“What’s the second plate for?” She was surprised when the dish was presented to her. “Oh. For me?” He nodded. “You didn’t need to, Pep.”
He gave a small shrug and a smile before joining her at the counter.
The gestures along with the close proximity left her face feeling hot. “Well, thank you.”
He nodded before digging into the meal. She watched, her mouth watering as the food’s scent hit her, though she left her own untouched.
“It looks lovely, as always,” she said, putting her hands in her lap. “Isn’t this Zuri’s favorite?”
His nod was accompanied by a questioning look. “Aren’t you going to try it?”
A pit formed in her stomach. “Uh, i-in a moment. I might just eat tomorrow actually.”
“Emi.”
“Mm?”
“You haven’t been eating much again.”
She felt like she’d been caught. “A-again?”
“I know you skip meals. Sometimes you go an entire day without eating. Why?”
She bit her lip, unable to look at him. “Um, say, don’t you usually eat this dish with flatbread? Let me grab some—” She made to stand when he gently took her wrist to stop her.
“Hey.” There was so much concern in that voice, and looking over, she saw it in his eyes as well. “What’s going on? You can talk to me.”
Swallowing, she blinked back the sudden moisture in her eyes and took her hand back. “It’s really nothing. Um. Sometimes I eat regularly, and sometimes I don’t. That’s all.” There was a small pause. “It just… depends on how I’m doing that day. Toulou thinks I don’t eat because I’m always talking, but really, sometimes I just find I can’t bring myself to.”
“Why not?”
She hesitated, then shook her head. “Just something my mother would always say. That no matter what I did back then or now, no matter what choices I ever make, I’ll end up looking just like her. I’ll be… just like her.”
“What do you mean? What did she look like?”
“Oh… Ugly. Inside and out.” He blinked in surprise, and she glanced away. “It’s just, the last thing I want is to resemble her in any way, shape, or form; physically or anything else, so if I need to skip meals sometimes, then I don’t have to ever worry about her declaration coming true. You don’t understand. If I end up like her, Pep, then she wins. Then my greatest fears about myself become true. Ziluria, I must sound insane.” She bit down on her lip to keep it from trembling.
Love this novel? Read it on Royal Road to ensure the author gets credit.
“I didn’t know she still affected you like this, Emi,” he said softly, putting a hand on her shoulder. “You’re not like her, you know.”
“How would you know? You’ve never even met her.”
“From what you’ve told me, you are very nearly the opposite of her. You’re kind and brave and selfless.” She searched his face in surprise. “You’re in no way self-serving or cruel or judgmental, and from what I’ve learned about your mother, she is the epitome of that.”
“Yeah. She is. Thank you… for saying that.”
“‘Course.” He took his hand back. “Will you really not eat tonight?”
“I-I don’t know.”
“You really should if you want to keep those glorious muscles to wield Broyeur.”
The hearty laugh that left her mouth surprised both of them. “That’s a very good point.” She wiped her eyes. “You know me too well.”
He only grinned in response, and she at last brought herself to trying the thoughtfully prepared meal. The knot in her stomach loosened, and her taste buds were instantly rewarded.
“Oh my Ziluria...” She spoke with her mouth full. “It’s amazing.” His smile widened. “Maybe you should work at Andre’s. You’d boost his business alright, maybe even make the man jealous with your skills.”
He exhaled quickly. “No way. Andre is way more talented than I.”
“I don’t know...”
“How dare you insult him in this way.”
She chortled, covering her mouth to keep food from flying out. He giggled softly in response.
“Do you feel less tired now?” she asked after swallowing.
He nodded. “Much more alive.”
“You looked so pale when I was at your door, but hey, did you notice I knocked this time? You should be proud of me.” He snorted. “You don’t have to worry about me bursting in unannounced anymore.” Something flashed across his face and his smile melted. She stared at it. “What is it? What’d I say?”
His ears turned pink. “N-nothing. You said nothing wrong.”
“Oh. You sure? Doesn’t seem like nothing.”
He glanced to the side mutely.
“Pep?”
Opening then closing his mouth, he finally said in barely above a whisper, “Do you… still see me the same way after knowing?”
“After knowing what?”
He wouldn’t meet her gaze. “Um, that I bind.”
She was not expecting this answer. “Huh?”
“Am I still a man to you?”
“What do you mean?”
A soft exhale left his mouth. “Because of my body. Do you still see me as a man?”
She raised an eyebrow. “Yeah. Why wouldn’t I? I don’t quite understand your question. You’re worried that your body makes you less of a man?”
He nodded.
“I see. Well, you really shouldn’t feel that way. I’ve never thought that about you, not before I knew of your binding or after.”
He sat in stunned silence for a moment. “You weren’t even a bit horrified o-or shocked when you found out?”
“Well, I foolishly didn’t know beforehand about your body even though I really should have, but I wasn’t horrified, no. Not at all. It’s not exactly abnormal where I’m from.”
“Huh? What do you mean?”
“Uh, well, Alchemist culture recognizes three genders. Male, female, and a third called qivaz. The men and women are not known to present themselves in the same way they do here in Elderian, and in general, all of that is viewed so differently. Living here, it’s been quite confusing for me, figuring out how Elderian gender roles work.”
“There’s a recognized third gender in your culture?”
She examined the curious face and nodded. “That’s right. A qivaz can present themselves in many different ways. It’s difficult to explain in Venish, and in ancient Elden even, but back to your question, no, your body doesn’t change the fact that you are still a man. I’ve met many men and qivaz with similar body types, though none of them ‘bind’ as you do. There isn’t really ‘male’ or ‘female’ clothing either. The outer appearance has little to nothing to do with how Alchemists view gender. It really is hard to explain...”
“Woah. That’s... I kind of want to live in Yayma now.”
She laughed. “Yayma has other issues that Elderian does not.”
“Yes, but not having to bind and everyone still views me as a man... I can’t imagine.”
“I did think it was strange to see that garment on you, but of course, there’s nothing wrong with you wanting to wear it.”
His hand found the front of his chest. “I do like the way it makes me feel and how I look in it.” He paused, then a short laugh escaped his mouth. “I still can’t believe that’s how they view things there. I mean, I did notice how ancient Elden doesn’t have any sort of sexed pronouns which I always found interesting.”
“Yeah. Venish and Venwi pronouns are a bit odd to me. I never know what to call people sometimes.”
He hummed in response.
“Well anyway, there’s no need for you to worry, Pep. Nothing’s changed between us. You’re still you.”
The smile he gave her was far more vulnerable and heartwarming than she was prepared for. “Thanks. And… you’re still you, Emi.”
“Oh. Uh—”
“And who you are… is really great.” She opened and closed her mouth. “I hope you know that.”
Gratitude filled her insides, and she hoped it showed on her face as she smiled back. Exhaling good naturedly, she looked down, putting another portion of egg in her mouth, then sighed at it. “Mm oh, this really is good. I was a fool for turning it down earlier.”
“Glad you like it.”
“I should drag you out of your room more often if this is the outcome.” She took two more enthusiastic bites, and he giggled.
“I wouldn’t mind.”
“Me neither,” she admitted, nudging him with her elbow, and a weight lifted with each bite. “Wouldn’t mind at all.”
❀❀❀
“How did you and Adrian open the portal?” Emelri asked at the dining table. “You still have the gem key, right Jacques?”
The short man folded his arms with a frown. “Emi, don’t bombard me with questions when you still haven’t cleaned up your things from the counter.”
“What? I did already!”
He turned and pointed over to the kitchen where the bag from the night before still sat under the counter where she’d left it.
A sheepish expression crossed her face. “Oh, right. I may have forgotten again.”
“I want it gone.”
“Later. Answer my question first.”
“No, not later—”
“We’re eating right now. Just wait a bit, won’t you? Yeesh.” He fixed her with a glower. “Anyway, about the gem key... you still have it right?”
“Sure. In the chest like always. Why do you need to know so fucking bad all of a sudden?”
“Well, you never told us how you opened the portal, and you promised you’d tell us when we all became adults. Pepin is eighteen now and has been for quite some time, so we demand answers.”
“More like you do,” he grouched. Seeing her face, he sighed. “I did say that, didn’t I?”
“Sure did,” Toulou said distractedly while pouring over one of Adrian’s books at the table.
Exhaling an annoyed breath, Jacques placed a hand under his chin. “Well, we got the gem key from Mermortiva. It’s placed in the Totrium in Elden town at this ruined site. Adrian, why don’t you show them the... Adrian. Adrian.”
The blond looked up from his own book. “Huh?”
Jacques sighed. “And I wonder where these three get their bad table manners from…”
He closed the book. “Excuse me. I know more about table manners than any of you. I just choose to disregard them.”
“Uh huh. Can you grab that Alchemist journal with information on the Totrium? They want to know how we opened it.”
Blue eyes lit up. “Oh! Yes, of course. I know exactly which one it is too.” He stood. “Can’t believe you’re finally telling them.”
“It’s not because I want to,” he said loudly as his partner left the room.
“Jacques,” Pepin’s soft voice rang out, and the grumpy man looked over at him, “will you be teaching us more about absorbing lightning and using it to recharge at our next lesson?”
His face softened. “Of course. You were getting the hang of it this morning already. Just be careful you two, that you only accept lightning when you’re ready for it. Failing to accept it correctly whether because you’re caught off guard or for any other reason could result in deadly injuries.”
“Yeah, we know,” Toulou said, not looking up from their book. “Just don’t be foolish and you won’t be electrocuted, Pep.”
The younger brother wrinkled his nose. “The same goes for you.”
“I don’t need reminding. Unlike you, I don’t need extra lessons. Don’t expect to get the upper hand with lightning attacks from now on, because I will absorb them.”
“Not if I catch you by surprise first.”
“Yeah right—”
“I got it!” Adrian returned with the old notebook and spread it open in the middle of the table for everyone to see. “The gem key must be placed by a magic user after giving the following incantation.” He pointed to some scribbled writing on the side and read the ancient Elden words. “Once lit, the Totrium will take you to the sea pyramid and the portal to Yayma.”
“Oh, knowing about that Totrium would have been nice,” Emelri commented. “I walked from the sea pyramid all the way to Elden Town when I came through the portal.”
Pepin stared at the image of the gem key on the page, saying softly, “I can’t believe you figured out how to open it.”
“Yes, well,” Jacques cut in darkly, “we’re never doing that again. Not with the unrest happening over there and not to mention, the fact that we could accidentally let back in that bitch, Carna—” His words cut off, and realization flashed over his features.
There was dead silence.
Emelri stared at him wide-eyed in horror, and from her peripherals, she could see Pepin visibly stiffen beside her.
Toulou’s eyes flicked upward, their mouth agape. “What? Carna... were you about to say, Carnadine?”