“My mother would still be alive if you hadn’t stopped in Lacot,” Toulou growled. “She’s dead because of you.” Pepin stepped in front of them, grabbing their arm and shaking his head. “Get off me, Pep! How can you defend them?”
“You can’t blame Jacques and the others for her death,” Emelri argued. “That’s ridiculous!”
“Stay out of it,” they snapped, and their tone alone made her think twice about responding, but their expression was borderline frenzied. “Mom is dead, Pep, and it’s all because they brought her right to us.” The boy shook his head again, standing his ground. “No? Open your eyes. You’re such a child.”
His chest heaved in offense.
Adrian set down his bundle of blankets on the bed and stepped forward. “Toulou, you’re right to be upset,” he said softly. “Carnadine was there because of us, but we didn’t know it at the time. Believe me, there’s no one I respected more than your mother. We would never have meant for something like that to happen to her. It’s no one’s fault—”
“No one’s fault?” they snarled. “If Carnadine didn’t exist, it’d be no one’s fault. If she didn’t come through our town because of you, it’d be no one’s fault. If Pep hadn’t frozen up when mom was trapped—” They blinked a few times, mouth opening and closing, and Pepin stiffened.
“I...” His face paled, and his speech wavered terribly. “I... didn’t mean to.”
“Didn’t mean to?” They scoffed. “Doesn’t matter. You stood there and did nothing while she burned to death.”
Pepin shoved them harshly. “That’s not true!”
They shoved him back even harder. “Oh yes, it is.”
A crackle of green light flickered across his eyes. “Stop it!”
“What are you going to do? You’re such a crybaby.”
His face scrunched up as the tears fell down. “I hate you,” he sobbed. “I never wanted to go after Carnadine. Mom wouldn’t have wanted this. She wouldn’t like who you are now. She’d be disappointed if she saw you now.”
“What’d you say?” Emelri felt the magic this time as emerald energy pulsated from the unstable older sibling. The feeling was both enthralling and terrifying.
Pepin didn’t move an inch, scowling further as Toulou got closer.
“I’m pretty sure Mom didn’t plan on dying,” they spat. “Everything is gone because of that Spiller. So go ahead and be a little bitch about it but that’s not going to bring her back.”
Before Pepin could retaliate, they both found themselves on the ground after being shocked by something, or rather someone.
Jacques walked forward, hands on his hips. “Okay, enough. There’s no reason to use your magic.”
Zuri was on the bed again with their legs tucked up against their chest. “Fuck, I don’t know if I can handle three magic users in one house,” they hissed, arms over their knees.
As the teens slowly got to their feet, Jacques gave the older one a hard look, folding his arms. “Stop blaming everyone, Toulou. It’s not helpful. You know this isn’t your brother’s fault, so stop that guilt shit right now.”
They looked away shamefully, the rage from before petering out. “I never asked for this...” they said quietly.
“Of course, you didn’t,” Adrian intervened in a calmer voice. “You’re both hurting but yelling like this isn’t going to bring her back.”
Without looking at him, they mumbled, “What would you know? Bet you’ve lived a cushy life, former king.”
Jacques bristled at that but kept his cool when Adrian placed a calming hand on his shoulder. “You’re right. I have lived a privileged life, but my mother died when I was your age too and my father several months ago.” They blinked up at him in surprise. “I know you’re angry, but hurting the person you love won’t make you feel better.”
There was a pause. “I guess.” They sighed. “Sorry, Pep.” There was silence, so they looked over at their brother who stood with his arms around himself. “Pep? You’re not to blame for mom’s death.”
His eyes filled with tears right when they’d almost gotten dry again. “But it is my fault,” he whimpered. “If I had just done something instead of standing there... she might be... she might still be...” He put his face in his hands and sobbed.
In a second, Toulou had their arms around him. At their touch, Pepin gave a small whine and curled into them.
“It’s not your fault,” they said softly.
“Are you sure?” His voice cracked.
“Yes, I’m sure.” Pulling out of the hug, they wiped tears from Pepin’s face, their own expression unreadable. “It’s just you and me, Pep. It’ll be alright, as long as we have each other.”
His lip trembled, and he burrowed his head back into Toulou’s shoulder. “As long as we have each other,” he repeated in a whisper.
❀❀❀
Flickering candlelight snuck in through the crack under the door. Emelri stared at it from her bed.
She got up, her oversized nightgown sliding down past her knees. It was borrowed from Jacques since he was the closest in size to her of the four adults. Tiptoeing over to the door, she slipped outside. If she’d looked behind her at the other bed, she’d have seen that only one person was occupying it.
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Following the source of the light, she strolled through the long hallway. She stared at the artwork and decorations hanging on the walls then blinked up with mouth agape at the high ceiling. It was so clean and open. She’d never experienced a living space quite like it, and this was just a hallway.
Stepping into the furnished living room, her eyes went to the hanging chandelier, then to the head of curly black hair on one of the couches. Pepin spotted her movement and blinked up at her from over the chair.
Sitting down beside him, she whispered, “What are you doing up?”
He shrugged; his knees pulled up to his chest in his own massive nightgown. “Couldn’t sleep.”
“Yeah, me neither. Not knowing where we’re going to stay next is a bit...” She swallowed, looking down.
“Yeah. I know.”
“No, I’m not being ridiculous!” a muffled voice that was unmistakably Jacques’s sounded from a nearby room.
Pepin and Emelri both looked over at the door on the other side of the living room where the light was coming from. It was slightly ajar.
The rest of whatever conversation was happening over there was nothing more than muffled low-pitched murmurs. Wordlessly, Emelri got up and sneaked over, sitting in front of the door so she was concealed.
Through a crack between the frame and where the door was attached, she could see the shorter man pacing around a gorgeous master bedroom while Adrian stood with his arms folded, leaning his hip against the frame of a decadent king-sized bed. They were both still in their day clothes.
She jumped slightly when Pepin appeared next to her. She put a finger to her lips, and he nodded.
“I just don’t understand why’d you lie to them,” Adrian said sternly. “I know for a fact Carnadine was trapped on the other side of that portal with those Spillers. She’s definitely still alive.”
With hands on his hips, Jacques let out a small sigh. “I know. I just... they couldn’t know the truth. I’ve seen that kind of unbridled revenge in a kid that age before, and if Toulou knew she was still alive, they’d race to the portal as soon as fucking possible and go after her. I don’t want to send a kid to their death.”
“Toulou is older though. Don’t they have a right to know? I don’t like lying, especially to teenagers.”
Brown eyes searched blue. “I don’t think now is the right time, or maybe ever. They should be focusing on just growing up and having a life.”
“One that you won’t give them.” Jacques looked away guiltily. “Don’t we have a responsibility to Aveline’s kids? Isn’t it our fault Carnadine was there in Lacot in the first place?”
“Sweetheart, you can’t think like that. We had no idea she’d stowed away on the ship.”
“Yes, but the least we can do is take in her kids.”
“But it’s not just her kids, is it?”
He frowned. “Well, we certainly aren’t going to leave Emelri behind.”
Jacques turned away from him, exhaling quickly. “Adrian, no. I’m not taking them in. I told you opening that portal was a bad idea, and now we have someone from the other world here.” His fingers tangled into his ponytail stressfully. “This is such a mess.”
“You’re changing the subject, and Emelri wouldn’t be alive if we hadn’t opened that portal. You know things aren’t going well in the old world.”
“What happens over there isn’t our concern.”
He made a face, and Emelri found herself making a similar one. “Isn’t it? We already opened the portal, Jacques, and we already know what’s happening over there, so now it is our responsibility to protect the girl that came through, just like it’s our responsibility to take care of Aveline’s kids after we brought Carnadine there. Yes, we didn’t do it on purpose, but it would be wrong to just push all that aside and pretend we had nothing to do with it. How can you just abandon these kids?”
“I’m not!” he protested, whipping around. “Holy fuck, it’s always all or nothing with you. We’re not abandoning them. We’ll find them good homes.”
He narrowed his eyes. “You know of any?”
“No, but they can stay here until we find one.”
“Well, at least we agree on the staying part.”
Jacques considered him, then heaved a short sigh before walking over. “We’re not getting anywhere with this tonight. We’ll talk more about it tomorrow, okay?” He placed a gentle hand on Adrian’s upper arm. “It’s late.”
Blue eyes considered him. “What are we going to tell them tomorrow?”
“I’m not sure, but at least they’ll know they can stay here a bit longer.”
Adrian released his own sigh, blinking away. “Jacques...” He paused, licking his lips. “Maybe... maybe this can give us practice.”
“Practice?” Jacques searched his face, then realization seemed to dawn on him. Exhaling, he said more quietly, “I know you want kids, Adrian, but I don’t.”
He was closed off now. “I know, and I’d never force you to be a parent.”
“Any kids would be fucked up if I was their dad. That’s just a fact.”
Adrian looked at him, uncrossing his arms and taking Jacques’s hands in his own. “That’s not true. You don’t know that—”
“I do. I’m just not ready for something like that, nor will I ever be. I’m done talking about it.”
There was hurt behind his eyes. “Okay.”
“Hey...” Considering him for a moment, Jacques stood on his toes and kissed him on the mouth. “It has nothing to do with you. I just have issues.”
He let out a small laugh. “Yeah, you do, but so do I.” He slid his hands over the slim waist as Jacques wrapped his arms around his neck.
“I love you, okay?” Jacques said softly.
“I love you too.”
Emelri and Pepin both looked away as the couple locked lips, exchanging expressions of disgust.
“It’s been a long day,” Jacques hummed between kisses. “Let me help you out of those clothes, Hon.”
“Mm, please.”
The teens stared at each other wide-eyed, then bolted, leaving dust in their wake as they abandoned the living room at record speeds.
They ended up in the hallway outside their bedroom, sitting against the wall.
“Adults are so gross,” Emelri commented, and Pepin nodded sternly in agreement.
There was silence between them.
“So,” she said after a while, “we have to find a new home.” He nodded gravely. “It’ll be okay. Us three will be together at least.”
He nodded.
“Should we tell Toulou about Carnadine?”
“No way,” he said. “Jacques is right. They’d leave in the middle of the night and try to track her down until they see her dead.”
“Hm. Not to mention, opening the portal is extremely dangerous, especially after what I experienced. My village was practically in ruins when I left. They could accidentally bring a bunch of Spillers to Elderian.”
“Maybe this’ll be good for Toulou,” he said thoughtfully, “since they’ve been so obsessed with revenge. Maybe we could actually be happy.”
“We?”
He fidgeted with his hands. “I’m tired of moving around everywhere. I just want a home and somewhere where I can be happy, you know? Don’t you want that?”
“Oh… I don’t know.” She felt very self-conscious then. “The universe hasn’t exactly let me be happy in the past, so why would it now? I don’t know what a happy home even looks like. I just don’t think that kind of thing is meant for me.”
“You’ve never been happy?”
“I’m not sure. Certainly not while living with my mother.”
“Oh. I’m sorry. She sounds awful. Haven’t you felt happy with Toulou and I, though?”
“Yeah, I guess so.” Her corners turned upward.
She went to say more when the door to the bedroom swung open.
Toulou stood grumpily in the doorway with their arms folded, and both teens’ shoulders hiked up to their ears. “What the hell are you two jabbering so fucking loud about? Does this mean you’re talking again, Pep?”
The boy glanced to the side.
“Well, nevermind. I’m trying to sleep. You two should do the same.”
“Y-yeah, okay,” Emelri said, standing quickly.
She stole a glance Pepin’s way, and there was a silent understanding between them. Judging by Toulou’s reaction, they hadn’t heard anything; not anything important anyway.
They all tucked into bed, Pepin sharing with his sibling, and she picked through the conversation they’d just had. Pepin’s words resurfaced and she frowned into the darkness.
Was she allowed to be happy?