"Good doing business with you two." Ramon says as he counts out the last of the gold. Guy bites one of the gold pieces and grimaces in discomfort.

"Tasty?" I ask, rolling my eyes. Its not as if Guy can check every single gold piece in the time we have anyway. Ramon could easily slip in a few counterfeit coins in our payment if he really wanted to. At the end of the day, our business ran on trust, like pretty much any venture.

"Its as hard as rock." Guy comments while rubbing his jaw, "And that's a good thing."

"I have a question though." I ask, a scowl rapidly rising to my face.

"Which is?" Ramon asks, clearly trying to stifle a laugh. Guy looks away with a look of mock innocence on his face. No, the two of you are not doing this to me. Is this some kind of conspiracy?

"Why am I supposed to dress in a maid's uniform?" I snap, pointing at the jet black gown Ramon had dropped into my arms.

"Its pure silk. Really classy and comfortable." Ramon grins, "The maids at my family's estate wear the same outfit."

"That's not the point and you know it." I grumble, giving Ramon the stink eye. Guy gets up from his seat and walks over, taking the edge of the maid's gown between two fingers and rubbing the fabric.

"Wow. Its really soft and smooth." Guy exclaims, "Seriously Mac, you should try the gown on."

"Of course." Ramon beams, "Only the best for my friends, right?"

I toss the gown exasperatedly at Ramon's face and as the gown unfurls through the air, I note to some surprise that its not some pervy naughty maid outfit. The sleeves are long, the collar is extended to cover the wearer's neck and the skirt is incredibly modest. Fitted properly, you would only be able to see the wearer's face, hands and the tips of her shoes. The bundle of clothes hits Ramon with a soft thump, eliciting another gale of laughter from him.

"Its for your own good, Mac." Guy reprimands my outburst mildly, "We're thinking about you here."

"How in the world is cross dressing for my own good?" I demand before muttering, "At least its not some fetish outfit."

"Sometimes, showing less is more." Ramon licks his lips as his mind begins to wander, "The image of unattainable purity, the devoted, yet untouchable servant ..."

"I'm going to hit you." I announce flatly, rolling up my sleeves.

"Did you have some kind of crush on one of your family's servants as a child?" Guy suddenly asks, eyeing Ramon suspiciously.

"Uh, never mind about me!" Ramon blushes beet red as his attention returns to the present, "Mac needs to get into the gown before he leaves. Chop shop."

"Both of you are insane." I observe, folding my arms defiantly.

"You just caused a riot with your antics at the fighting pit." Guy explains patiently, "You think the Order will allow you to walk out of the district just like that?"

Oh. I actually had not thought about that actually.

"Things should have died down by now." I say defensively, "We've been hiding down here for, what, a few hours already?"

"The Order patrols the streets at night, Mac." Ramon answers patronizingly, "Just because Temple is a den on iniquity doesn't mean it is lawless, y'know?"

"All that just means I need a disguise," I snort, "a good one, not this nonsensical getup."

"He's got a point." Guy muses while scratching his hair, "I don't think Mac can pass as a woman. Not even an ugly one."

"That's my manliness at work there." I confirm with a grin.

"More like your ugly man face at work." Guy sniggers and I flip him the bird in response.

"Oh! That's right, I knew I had forgotten about something." Ramon exclaims and sets the gown aside on the sofa, before disappearing into the depths of his storeroom. There's a rummaging sound and the scuffle of boxes being moved about. Guy and I look at each other in silence for the few minutes it takes for Ramon to return.

"Tah dah!" Ramon announces as he strides back into the office, placing a wig of long jet black hair and a veil made out of midnight lace in my hands.

"I am deeply confused." I remark, thoroughly unimpressed.

"Aroused as well maybe?" Ramon hazards as he starts licking his lips again.

"No, just confused." I sigh, waving the pair of items about, "How is any of this crap supposed to help me escape Temple?"

"You wear it and walk out under the Order's noses?" Guy suggests.

"Yes, because the Order is apparently blind, as well as made out of morons." I grumble, "I might not like them very much, but the two of you are selling Order Knights very short."

This tale has been unlawfully lifted without the author's consent. Report any appearances on Amazon.

"You can take a boy out of his small town," Ramon shakes his head, "but you can't take the small town out of the boy."

"Hey! What's that supposed to mean?" I shoot a fierce glare at Ramon.

"It means that you're still as provincial as ever." Ramon grins, "You're not half as worldly as you pretend to be Mac. And I say this as a friend."

"Wandering about drunk makes a person worldly?" I rebut in annoyance.

"No, actually knowing stuff makes a person worldly." Ramon grins in triumph at having successfully needled me, "If you were worldly, you would know that rich people hire magic knights outside of the knightly houses."

"Of course I know that." I make an irritated noise, not mentioning that I was seriously thinking of jumping into private employment myself.

"Everyone knows that." Guy nods sagaciously, "But I suppose there's something else to the story?"

"Of course there is." Ramon smirks, "See, our friend here has never entered the home of the upper classes. So he doesn't know how the hiring is actually done."

"I see. I see." Guy strokes his trim mustache, looking serious.

"And what's this super secret information?" I ask, all protestations forgotten. This was actually important information that I wanted.

"Normal people, even nobility, can't hire magic knights directly." Ramon begins, "At least not officially. No matter how much money we flash around."

"The dignity of the profession." Guy agrees, "We're taught that in the Academy. Mages cannot lower themselves for base coin."

"Stupid shit spouted by overfed instructors." I scoff, "As if killing monsters at the behest of the nobles is not lowering ourselves."

"Killing is a heroic act." Guy chuckles, "Or so say the legends of the various heroes at least."

"Right, so rich people and magic knights need a way to get round all that nonsense, right?" Ramon asks rhetorically to noises of agreement from Guy and I.

"So, here's how its done." Ramon rubs his hands, warming to the topic, "We don't hire a magic knight. We hire a household servant. A suspiciously well paid household servant, but a servant nevertheless."

"I knew that already as well." I dismiss, recalling the mystery sword master Mills had playing guard dog at the dig site. The sword master would have blended in with the regular staff. Its only because of my ability to sense magic could I detect the presence of Mills's pet bodyguard.

"Oh." Ramon deflates visibly. Yeah, stop showing off Mr Man of the World. There's a sense of mounting irritation as I realize that Ramon's meandering was a huge waste of time.

"So, how does all of that tie into the maid uniform?" Guy quizzes, still interested in Ramon's babbling.

"Well, here's how its done!" Ramon perks up again, his good mood indefatigable, "You see, when hiring a bodyguard, especially for the young children, its generally preferable to get a woman. They're more gentle with children and won't scare them so easily."

"Is that personal experience talking?" I quip, my eyebrow raising a notch.

"Maybe?" Ramon coughs before getting back on point, "The silk gown is not a regular maid's gown either. Its of far better quality and not suitable for actual household chores. We give it to the magic knight as a show of respect and to establish her status among the other servants."

"Right. Because officially your bodyguard is just a maid." Guy affirms understandingly.

"All very interesting." I stare remorselessly at Ramon, "But it doesn't change the fact that I can't pass as a woman."

"That's where the wig and veil come in." Ramon continues, "The bodyguard I had wore her hair shoulder length, not tied up like a bun like the rest of the maids. The old man told me it was because she was not expected to do housework and to set her apart from the rest of the servants, like the gown."

"As for the veil," Ramon's expression clouds over briefly, "it comes back down to the dignity thing Guy was talking about just now. Being a child's bodyguard was beneath her dignity, so we were never allowed to see her face."

"Your family bought her service, but not her person?" Guy muses.

"Something like that?" Ramon shrugs helplessly, "The old man must know who she was obviously, but I never found out. It was always kept a secret, even from the rest of the family."

"Weird attitude, but I understand." I agree. Its not easy to set aside your pride, especially if you're a magic knight. Personally I think if you're willing to accept someone's money, you shouldn't be talking about the dignity of the job in the first place. But then again, I had long tired of the graces involved with the life of a magic knight. Whomever Ramon's family hired probably came from an orthodox knightly house and didn't want to cut ties.

"But its genius. This plan I mean." Guy claps his hands together, "Knights can sense each other through magic, meaning Mac can't hide once the Order gets close enough. But with the maid outfit -"

"They won't suspect a thing." I sigh in weary acceptance, "The veil can hide my face and most people would think twice about hassling a magic knight."

"Especially if the Order is on the look out for a man." Guy gives a thumbs up, "Got to admit Ramon, you really came through this time."

"Don't I always?" Ramon crows, "Well, what are you waiting for Mac? Try the gown on."

.....

"Its a tight fit." I gasp, "And the wig is itchy."

I don't mention how the veil makes it hard to see, but I suppose I'll have to get used to it. Just like getting used to moving about in the long skirt. It'll take a bit of work not to accidently trip myself up.

"You look ..." Ramon says slowly, "pretty ugly actually."

"Like a really mannish, flat chested woman." Guy helpfully fills in.

"Wow, thanks guys." I groan, "So much love and support here in this room."

"As long as you don't talk," Ramon follows up, "It should be fine. Probably. We can chalk up your build to all the training you do as a magic knight."

"Here, take this." Guy hands me a large laundry bag filled with my own clothes, "I've hidden your sword right at the bottom. So you can carry it out of Temple with you."

"Right." I grunt, psyching myself up, "So all I need to do is walk right out of Temple. Easy."

"Leave your horse where it is outside my house." Ramon says, "It'll give the impression that you're still in the area. I'll send it to you at the Robeur Keep in the morning."

Guy goes upstairs to the pub and beckons me to follow him. I mince forward, struggling not to scuff the long dress. I know its supposed to make the wearer look graceful and modest, but its such a pain to move about in.

"Good luck!" Ramon yells from his office.

The pub has closed by now and the interior is plunged into gloom and the overwhelming scent of stale beer. Guy and I grope our way toward the entrance of the building.

"Coast looks clear." Guy hums as he peeks through a window, "You go first. I'll follow around half an hour later. Sound good?"

"It'll do." I agree, opening the door and stepping out into the night. A thought suddenly hits me, making me pause in mid step.

"Hey," I turn, "why does Ramon have a copy of his childhood bodyguard's outfit on hand?"

"I don't know?" Guy looks equally mystified at my question.

"Do we want to know?" I press.

"No." Guy shakes his head firmly, "Absolutely not."

"Yeah." I raise a fist, "See you later."

And with that the door of the pub clicks shut in my face.